The Universal Cynic

Paris Hilton visited Toronto on Sunday for the MuchMusic Video Awards, and appears to have caught hockey fever in the process.

Hilton was spotted with Jose Theodore, the Colorado Avalanche's No. 1 goaltender. The couple appeared close and were photographed holding hands.

The two left Club Ultra on Queen Street West and headed for Paris' hotel. Hilton exited first, and waited for Theodore in the lobby. The goaltender followed shortly afterward.

Not to go completely op-ed, but it should be noted that Paris has dabbled in other sports as well -- the heiress has been spotted with Chicago Bears LB Brian Urlacher, and USC pseudo-stud (now Arizona Cardinal) Matt Leinart. We're just wondering which league right now is worthy of the trifecta: Arena or CFL?

Tabernac! What's Jose thinking? Will he fondle her with his glove and blocker on? Will Paris be bitter because his chest equipment is bigger than hers? Right now we're just hoping that Paris washed off the Eau de Buzzsaw before she donned her skates.

Good luck, Jose, and happy skanking. We'd say it in your native language, but unfortuately, the only Québécois phrase we know is, "Go f*ck yourself with a handful of thumbtacks." (And yes, that's a direct translation.) Keep that one in your back pocket if the tramp gives you anything that requires penicillin afterward.

P.S. For the record, Theodore had a daughter with girlfriend Stéphanie Cloutier in March of this year, and the couple were expected to marry eventually. Specifics on their current relationship are unclear at this time (granted, from the photos, it doesn't look promising). Details to follow.

[Story and Photo Credit: TMZ.com]