The Universal Cynic

...because it's been way too long. (Yeah, yeah...I know. I'm sorry.)

Last night I had a dream that the only way I was able to get proper NHL intel was to hide under a pile of coats at the GM's meeting.

Sadly, when it comes to obtaining information from the source, bloggers often come up on the short end of the stick. That said, being associated with traditional media doesn't always ensure open doors, as I taught you here.

So, imagine my surprise when I discovered I still had enough pull in my strength-of-dental-floss reputation to persuade former Ottawa Senators president Roy Mlakar to speak with me a few weeks ago.

Why are you only hearing about this now? Well, what started out as plans for an interview meant for Puck Daddy on Yahoo! became a very candid, no-holds-barred phone conversation which lasted nearly 90 minutes.

But, here's the rub: It was all off-the-record.

Ram, for all intents and purposes, has "gone dark" since his departure from the Senators organization nearly two years ago. And after talking to him at length, it became clear that he intends to keep it that way for the foreseeable future. Not that people haven't tried to get him to talk, even in situations similar to the one I found myself in that day. He told me that several networks have attempted to chat him up casually, and he shut them all down.

Why he chose to speak to me of all people, I'll never know. Maybe it's because he still thinks of me as that goofy 20-year-old girl on the radio. (The first thing he said to me was, "I miss hearing you on 'The Jim Rome Show.'" I guess you really can't escape your past.)

I knew 30 seconds into the conversation that what we would discuss couldn't repeated in a public forum, or used for any kind of story on Puck Daddy. I thought I would be upset; perhaps I would get angry after I hung up the phone. Surprisingly, that didn't happen. Roy was obviously guarded as our conversation began, but after a while he became candid and rather emotional as he spoke (which isn't necessarily surprising, as Mlakar was/is always a passionate guy).

I actually only had three questions planned - ones that I knew would require lengthy answers. But as we talked, the walls came down on either side. I took the opportunity to ask him everything I had been wondering about, and he answered with a remarkable amount of frankness that was, in short, phenomenal. I hung up the phone with a new perspective on the team that I hadn't had in a long time.

And what did I do about it? Nothing. I kept it that way because 1) I gave Roy my word and 2) it was the right thing to do.

Sometimes I worry that I go too easy on people that I interview - not necessarily in terms of questions, but in the overall set-up. I know that I'm a people-pleaser, so I want to make sure people are comfortable, and I end up explaining a lot of how the interview will ultimately appear to the reader. In one case, I actually went so far as to write up the piece and show it to the interviewee for their approval before filing it - a move that would probably make a J-school professor's head explode. It's likely due to these reasons that I get rave reviews from the subjects when the pieces come out. And, to be fair, when readers did compliment me on my writing, they almost always mentioned my ability to be diplomatic (this was work that had nothing to do with the blog, of course).

Now as I find myself on the outside looking in, I could have been a jerk about my talk with Ram. If you don't have a regular gig, what other way is there to get noticed, but to make a big splash? I could have betrayed his trust to do this. I would have outscooped a lot of people to do so. The cynical part of me who believes that the majority of bloggers out there still lack couth and decorum knows what they would have done. I don't buy the "it's them versus us" mentality in sportswriting - traditional or otherwise. It's very much every man and woman for themselves.

But that splash isn't worth burning a source. I know that from the few years I spent writing for a paper. No offense to the ones who know better, but it's something that your average blogger doesn't have a chance to learn. And speaking simply from a personal point of view, I know it's something that, morally, wouldn't sit right with me. (Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but that's another post for another time.)

I could've used this opportunity to get my name everywhere for a day - maybe longer. But then it would've been over. Would I gain prestige for it? Maybe. A gig? Nope. Roy's anger? Definitely. Give me my source, every time. Give me a chance for insight - a way to flesh out opinions that the run-of-the-mill blogger doesn't have access to. These are the things that make me actually want to keep writing, when more often that not, I find myself wanting to stop. In the meantime, my name can remain largely in the shadows for one day more.

A great read regarding Deadspin's constant need to attack ESPN -- Moderately Cerebral Bias

The lovely Meaghan of the OBC offers her thoughts on Matt Carkner -- Sens At Land's End

The always fantastic Michael Rand of the Minneapolis Star Tribune talks to Vikings punter Chris Kluwe about his rawk band, Tripping Icarus (bonus points for the First Avenue references) -- RandBall

Former Sens President Roy Mlakar is heading for Tahoe. I'm jealous -- Steve Warne

Remembering Ottawa Senators goaltender of yore, Damian Rhodes (no, really) -- The Strangest One Of All

A Leafs fan attempts to list the 50 greatest Blackhawks of all time. No Ted Bulley? Sacrilege. That's what happens when you let a Toronto honk do it -- HF Boards

This is why TUC HQ loves Prison Break: It's the one show where you can watch a reasonable facsimile of Martin Gerber physically threaten an extremely reasonable facsimile of Roy Mlakar.

(Confused? Read the second part of this post. Oh, and thanks for joining us.)

In other non-news, get ready to steel yourselves for additional drunken antics from the OBC via live blog this evening. Most of the crew (minus yours truly, who's currently tied up with other business) should be attending this Atlanta-related affair. Make your presence known at around 6:45 pm EST or so -- bring your dancing shoes, but prepare to duck SLC after he's had a couple. Dude's been known to get a little frisky.


Play nice, ladies. More later.

...because we concur with Greg Hetson's succinct take on Ottawa's MLS bid: "What the (expletive)?"

(Ed. note: Expect the regular Deglaze to move back to its traditional spot on Mondays -- Tuesday at the latest -- once the season gets underway.)


This is one of those stories that has been brewing for some time, but no one's really hit on it until now. News flash: Christoph Schubert wants to be a full-time defenceman. Here are the relevant quotes:

After three years as a swingman, Schubert is more adamant than ever that he wants to settle into a full-time job on the blue line and leave his left-wing playing days behind.

"I know he wants to be a defenceman but you know what, he wants to play in the NHL," said Hartsburg. "I think it's great a player like that can do both."

"I'm not going to say no," he said when asked about playing left wing. "But I said from the beginning, I want to be back there. That's what I'm fighting for right now. The coaches told me before camp ... focus on being on defence, and that's what I'm doing. (They said) it's not going to be back and forth anymore."

In regards to Schubert, Ottawa has pushed the versatility angle for some time. No. 5 has always dropped hints that he prefers to be working the blueline as opposed to left wing, but this is the first time (in recent memory) that he's been so blatant. Unfortunately for the German ginge*, he's not in a position to be making demands -- after all, he's not a top-4 defenceman. Schubert's grit has come in handy as a forward, but his offensive ability is limited and on most nights he falls into the over referenced category of "energy player". So now what? If Schubert truly becomes unhappy with the situation, he'd have to ask for a trade -- the 26-year-old won't be a UFA until 2010-'11. In short, the ball is in his court. If Schubert wants to be a permanent blueliner, he'll have to force the Sens staff to picture him that way -- a reliable, quality defenceman as opposed to a plug-the-holes hybrid.

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In the past, this blog has discussed The Driver's insistence that Prison Break's Dominic Purcell bears a striking resemblance to our No. 1 Manatee, Martin Gerber. Well, it's worth noting that the Fox drama has added another Senators-esque element to its repertoire. To be fair, The General (a.k.a The Padman) made his first appearance last season, but it wasn't until this year that we really got to know him. Take a look at that picture, and tell me he doesn't look like Senators' President and CEO Roy Mlakar. (Here's a link to the same picture in a smaller format, but with less shadow.) For the record, The General is the head of a shady group called "The Company" -- we don't quite know what they do yet...we just know they get extremely agitated if you cause them any grief. *twiddling thumbs*

***

A quick show of hands: Who's happy to see Brendan Bell being shipped to Bingo? "Ooh...hometown boy angle -- let's be sure to run that into the ground!" The damn kid couldn't hang in Toronto, but because he's from the 613, we'll talk him up like he's got a shot. Whaa? I know the defence is in dire straits, but come on now. In other news, the team heads for Sweden tomorrow and Cody Bass has stuck around. You may have noticed Bass getting a lot of run on some of the other Sens blogs -- trust us, there's a reason. Details to come...stay tuned.

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And finally, it wouldn't be a Deglaze without a media mention: Someone would like you to notice that he was right. Notice, damnit!

More later.

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*This seems like a lift from Dlisted, right?

-The following is a transcript taken from the first period intermission of last night's game -- these were Mike Milbury's thoughts on the coaching situation in Ottawa:

"Coaches are responsible for conditioning, discipline and motivation. When a team quits on a coach, they lose their motivation and their discipline. They lose their focus. They can't seem to listen. They don't focus on the details. Their line changes aren't good. They miss assignments on faceoffs and they're very easily discouraged. All of that looks like Ottawa Senators to me tonight."

Just to add to that: You have to get the feeling that Paddock's tough guy act became extremely old at a rapid rate. After all, what kind of legitimate repercussions existed for poor attitude or play? Ray was sent home once, and I remember Robitaille getting benched...that's about it. A three-year-old can figure out the "all bark, no bite" routine pretty quickly. Paddock reportedly screamed his lungs out at the team during an intermission last Saturday, and it was barely enough to get them over the hump against Pittsburgh. How does he kick it up a notch after back-to-back shutouts? Does he rip out his internal organs Itchy and Scratchy-style and hurl them at the defensive core? Does he have to tear out his uvula and stomp on it? (Aside: I think Jon Gruden did this during the halftime of Super Bowl XXXVII.)

Have you ever heard the saying, "where teaching ends, frustration takes over"? I think I first read it a dog training book, but it definitely applies here. In short, when you no longer have any tricks up your sleeve to deal with (and subsequently educate) your subject -- be it German Shepherd or NHL franchise -- patience evaporates and tempers dominate. I think Paddock is out of tricks, and all he has left is an angry voice...one that this team has long since tuned out. Or maybe I should've just listened to The Driver when he insisted that Paddock never had any tricks in the first place. Jets fans always seem to know what's up.

And just to put a nice bow on all of this...here's your mid-week chewable:

The last time the Senators went through any kind of coaching staff/front office-related grief, team president Roy Mlakar was everywhere and anywhere, pompoms at the ready. Where the hell is he now?

Don Brennan hit the nail on the head over at the Sun blog. Here's the post:

Riddle me this, Batman

Something about the whole Roy Mlakar contract extension thing just doesn't seem right.
Mostly, it's the handling of the announcement.
The Senators waited until 10:13 p.m. (by my blackberry) to inform the media that their CEO and president was going to keep his job for at least one more year. Now, you have to know the deal was agreed upon well before that. Maybe hours, maybe days, maybe even weeks.
Yet they held off on the news until just after a Thursday night game against Florida? When the newspapers would have room only for a short blurb, at best? When the TV and radio guys were also more focused on a slump-busting win in February?
Mlakar is supposed to be a major "player" in the organization. He's certainly not allergic to the spotlight. What an opportunity for the team to hold him high, to boast about the good job Mlakar and his staff have done in filling Scotiabank Place again this season.
They could have held a press conference after the morning skate, in the middle of the afternoon or even at 5:30 p.m., which would be just in time for it to make the evening news and guarantee better play in the papers.
And yet they handle his story with about as much fanfare given the demotion of Josh Hennessy to Binghamton.
Doesn't make sense. Or does it?
Most who follow the team on a regular basis have assumed this season was Mlakar's swan song. The thinking is he lost hand when John Muckler lost his power struggle with Bryan Murray. If Mlakar couldn't save his buddy's job, then he surely must not have the same clout as he once possessed, right? And what about his rosy relationship with Eugene Melnyk? Had it soured?
True or false, that's been the speculation, and the fact Mlakar has not been as visible around the rink to the media had only added fuel to the assumption he was on his way out.
Then, also curious is the fact that his extension is for only one year. A press conference, and more coverage, would have made a bigger issue out of that.
Why just one year? Why announce the length of the deal in the first place? They aren't telling us how much Mlakar will be paid, are they? Why not just say, as teams usually do, that terms of the agreement would not be released?
It just all seems kind of fishy. Like the fewer questions they have to field about the status of this prominent player, the better.

Text message exchange between myself and a friend last night:

"Jacques (Martin) just took a timeout...WTF?"

"I know. Weird."

"He never does that. Normally he just stares up at the clock and says to himself, 'f*ck me.'"

"Wonder what he's saying now (during the timeout)?"

"That's all he EVER says."

Interestingly enough, both Dean and Gord noticed that Jacques appeared to be silent during the timeout, essentially rendering it pointless. Maybe he realized his mistake after the fact.

We also reminisced about Jacques' über-awesome television commercial for the Orleans jewellery store, La Maison D'Or. If anyone has access to that, I swear...I will pony up for it.

Finally, a tidbit -- consider this your Friday chewable...

The Sun blog reported last night that Sens president Roy Mlakar signed a one-year extension with the team. Frankly, we were kind of surprised, especially after Mlakar's reaction during this -- it seemed like all signs pointing to him pulling the plug after this season. And yet, he re-ups...but for one year? What's the point of that?

The following is a transcript taken from a mid-intermission interview with Sens' president Roy Mlakar, during the Sens-Capitals game on Rogers 22 last night. This was the answer given when the issue of potential future free agents Dany Heatley and Jason Spezza (UFA and RFA respectively) came up:

"Quite frankly, I find it amusing that the media has continued to talk about what’s going to happen after this great year, because I think the fans want to see what’s going to happen (this year). We’ve kept the core of the team together -- (GM) Bryan (Murray’s) done a hell of a job getting most of the guys back into the fold. Getting (Mike) Fisher long-term is tremendous. Not too many people have done what Mike (Fisher) has done here. Getting Chris Phillips done and (Anton) Volchenkov done long-term and just coming back as a Stanley Cup (participating) team, I think the fans are really excited. They really don’t want to hear what’s going to go on a year from now."

So are we to assume if the media chose not to discuss the futures of Wade Redden, Dany Heatley, Chris Kelly, Jason Spezza etc., that the fans wouldn't do it on their own? We're led to believe that fans don't wish to contemplate the future, or readily admit that their beloved team may ultimately have one more serious kick at the can before the vultures begin counting down the days to Dany Heatley's first day of freedom in July '08? Perhaps I should forward some choice missives from my inbox to members of the Sens' front office, because when it comes to my readers at least, the future -- and its relevance -- is now. The ironic thing is, as a columnist, I've barely brought the issue up with the exception of two Mike Fisher-based columns in the span of three months. The e-mails I've been receiving of late are totally unsolicited, but nearly all have inquired about the futures of the Senators' UFAs and RFAs.

Ottawa fans aren't about to take the Scarlett O'Hara approach of, "I won't think about that today; I'll think about it tomorrow." The potential loss of a back-to-back 50 goal scorer is an ominous threat to any team, regardless of when it will occur (and keep in mind that No. 15 is only one of many issues). If Heatley doesn't produce, Ottawa will be bitter over their "last big chance" potentially being wasted. If he thrives, they'll eventually be heartbroken because they know he'll be impossible to keep. I know we all like to question the fans' intelligence, but they're more than capable of coming to these conclusions on their own while discussing them to a vast degree, despite what may happen this season. Fans will want to know what's going on, and more importantly, they're eager to learn about the future of Dany Heatley and others in this city (if any). Frankly, to suggest otherwise borders on a high level of naivete.

Ottawa Senators president Roy Mlakar's tone and expression at Monday's news conference to announce Bryan Murray as GM has made waves over the past 48 hours, both online and through traditional media.

Here's a quote from the Citizen's Wayne Scanlan:

In the end, Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk got his man.

It wasn't pretty, what with all that blood on the floor.

The ashen face of Senators president and chief executive officer Roy Mlakar spoke louder than his words.


And from the HF Boards:

I agree that Mlakar will stay the last year on his contract, but did his body english point to being upset at this decision?
I am just now wondering if he looked like he was not going to resign after this coming year (the last year of his contract).

I understand it is sheer conjecture, but it will be interesting. If he does not resign, then you can be sure that he did not agree with this move.

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Frankly, he looked very pissed off and uncomfortable during the whole thing.


We're mentioning this again because we recently conversed with someone who works for Eugene Melnyk, and apparently the Sens' owner is quite the stickler for appropriate body language -- our source said it's considered a "big deal" to him and he "does not take stuff like that lightly". One would have to assume that Melnyk would eventually see, or hear about the noticeable visual aspects of the news conference. We wonder what his reaction will be...

It's early, right -- or so Mlakar claims? I just thought I'd throw this out there:

Ottawa is currently at the 18-game mark, with a record of 7-10-1 -- 14th in the Eastern conference. Here are the teams with a sub .500 mark at the 18-game point last year. Their final position at the end of the regular season (within conference respectively) is included in parentheses.

Atlanta: 7-10-1 (10th)
Chicago: 7-11-0 (14th)
Columbus: 5-13-0 (13th)
Florida: 6-9-3 (11th)
Pittsburgh: 5-8-5 (15th)
St. Louis: 3-12-3 (15th)
Tampa Bay: 7-9-2 (8th)
Washington: 7-11-0 (14th)

You'll notice that out of those eight teams, only one barely made the post-season: Tampa Bay.

Is it fair to be comparing Ottawa to some of these perennial bottom-feeders? Probably not. But the fact remains that they have taken up residence beside them this year, and only a long, healthy streak of wins will help to dig them out of the hole they've created.