The Universal Cynic

As if the Ottawa Senators needed to find new ways to embarrass themselves -- get ready, because here comes "Flickgate."

You are probably aware that Matt Carkner is not my favourite player on the team. But personal dislike has nothing to do with this. As the video shows, Carkner wipes his forehead post-scrap, and flicks his fingers as he skates by the Rangers bench.

Whether it was sweat, blood or a combination of both, it really doesn't matter. This is vile, disrespectful and undisciplined behaviour, and I sincerely hope the league cracks down. Furthermore, Matt Carkner needs to cease with the ridiculous excuses, man up and apologize. Immediately.

Don't mess with a man who wears his hair in mini-pigtails.

Instead of hanging out in Toronto at C'est What with Greg "Puck Daddy" Wyshynski and Dany Heatley Speedwagon (like I was supposed to), I was stuck in Ottawa last night watching this nonsense. I caught a couple of gems from Dean and Galley -- you know, before I got fed up and starting baking instead:

Dean (after Matt Carkner's 6-second fight with George Parros): "Matt Carkner is too valuable of a player defensively to be taking bad fights. I know he had to stand up for himself (against Parros) there, but..."

Galley (after Brian Elliott let in a brutal goal from just inside the red line): "That's not an easy save -- a puck that gets dumped down...it's gonna skip before it gets to you."

Alrighty then.

P.S.: The server at C'est What tending to Greg and DHS reportedly played with Carkner back in the day. I told them to ask him if the Ottawa defenceman ever spoke in full sentences. (Relax, it was a joke. Save me your bitchy Monday retorts.)

A great read regarding Deadspin's constant need to attack ESPN -- Moderately Cerebral Bias

The lovely Meaghan of the OBC offers her thoughts on Matt Carkner -- Sens At Land's End

The always fantastic Michael Rand of the Minneapolis Star Tribune talks to Vikings punter Chris Kluwe about his rawk band, Tripping Icarus (bonus points for the First Avenue references) -- RandBall

Former Sens President Roy Mlakar is heading for Tahoe. I'm jealous -- Steve Warne

Remembering Ottawa Senators goaltender of yore, Damian Rhodes (no, really) -- The Strangest One Of All

A Leafs fan attempts to list the 50 greatest Blackhawks of all time. No Ted Bulley? Sacrilege. That's what happens when you let a Toronto honk do it -- HF Boards

"I'm a Sens fan, dammit! I'm inexperienced at viewing the middle ground of an opinion I don't understand, and am upset easily! Erin obviously hates Matt Carkner because she thinks he was destined for a career in the AHL! When you question a player's talent, that means you hate them! Well, that was before Bryan Murray paid him 1.4 million over 2 years! Hahaha! Stupid effing bitch, he showed you, didn't he? Bryan Murray has never made a bad signing in his career! He is a genius! Bryan Murray knows how to handle a ton of one-way contract defencemen that wouldn't be considered NHL-worthy on quality teams! He rewards his homeboys! Go Winchester (and Jesse Winchester, 'cause he destroys, too)! There was a rush, you know -- Carkner's family was living in a freaking hotel! These things can't wait! Room service gets really boring and flavourless! Matt's wife hates clean white towels! Bryan Murray knows that other teams were busting down the door to get at Matty, so he had to sign him after seven games...oh yeah, plus the pre-season! It's about the grit! Grit, grit, grit! As long as we have grit, that means the defence is COMPLETE! It's about time the back end got locked up, because the offensive portion has been nails for years and we never have to worry about it! Karlsson is the master of the first-line pass and Kuba is good for 50-60 points! No, really! I am beyond content with the offensive lineup at the blueline! Doesn't it kick ass? That's why we sent Brian Lee back to Bingo! It's an embarrassment of riches! It's really too bad that Matt is not eligible for the Calder Trophy due to his age! He had that thing WRAPPED UP! Hey John Tavares, stop snickering, you effing a-hole! Matt Carkner for Mayor! Matt Carkner for substitute Jesus!"

And...scene.


P.S.: If you thought I was going to leave the comments open to observe the attempts to understand extreme sarcasm, you're high. I've said my piece -- the subject is closed. Goodnight now.