The Universal Cynic

Don't mess with a man who wears his hair in mini-pigtails.

Instead of hanging out in Toronto at C'est What with Greg "Puck Daddy" Wyshynski and Dany Heatley Speedwagon (like I was supposed to), I was stuck in Ottawa last night watching this nonsense. I caught a couple of gems from Dean and Galley -- you know, before I got fed up and starting baking instead:

Dean (after Matt Carkner's 6-second fight with George Parros): "Matt Carkner is too valuable of a player defensively to be taking bad fights. I know he had to stand up for himself (against Parros) there, but..."

Galley (after Brian Elliott let in a brutal goal from just inside the red line): "That's not an easy save -- a puck that gets dumped down...it's gonna skip before it gets to you."

Alrighty then.

P.S.: The server at C'est What tending to Greg and DHS reportedly played with Carkner back in the day. I told them to ask him if the Ottawa defenceman ever spoke in full sentences. (Relax, it was a joke. Save me your bitchy Monday retorts.)

You never know what's going to happen on late-night Centre Ice. I caught this as it actually occurred at the end of the Tampa Bay-Anaheim game last night, so I can tell you that the YouTube footage doesn't do it justice -- there were serious punches being thrown. For the record, Scott Niedermayer was trying to give the stick to a female fan (yes I know, insert punchline here).

I realize he may not think it's his place, but Niedermayer went right to the post-game ice interview afterward, and in my opinion, should have said something while in front of the mic. Even a feeble request to squelch the behaviour because it's not cool/safe would have been a smart (and noticeable) move.

Footage of the skirmish is available here.

(Rack bump to @Kingscast over at Twitter for unearthing the footage.)

Here's a hint: He's orange. Hey, Bryan Murray...we know you're hitting SoCal on this road trip, but that's no reason to succumb to the Mystic Tan.

Some abbreviated and belated thoughts from Monday -- I'm under the weather, Blogger is acting up and I'm fading fast...

First of all...yes, I was one of those delinquents who stayed up to watch the Anaheim game -- keep in mind that traditional bedtime for the city is 9:30 pm...10 if they're feeling "naughty". This is a phenomenon The Driver and I refer to as "Large Vanilla Cone Syndrome". In short, when it comes to breaking out of their shell, Ottawans can't even do that right. It's like living amongst hundreds of thousands of Ned and Maude Flanders clones.

Anyway...about the game itself. Not a lot of surprises if you ask me, save for the score. I figured Ottawa would score one goal, but assumed the Ducks would garner 4 or 5. The only reason they didn't was due to The Manatee's relatively consistent play, and he deserves credit for that.

I kept hearing a lot of talk about how the Sens showed "so much emotion" during Monday's game. News flash: Frustration and fear are emotions, but they aren't the ones you want to be seeing during a game like this (or any game, for that matter). It's blatantly obvious that the Ducks are in their heads, and they aren't going away anytime soon. And keep in mind the latest victory was accomplished without Chris Pronger, after Lakehead boy Patrick Sharp disposed of him late last month with a hearty (but accidental) stick boosh to the jaw.

So what happened? The Sens got pushed around, and the fans subsequently freaked out over a lack of grit. Now all of sudden you've got people referring to Chris Neil as the second coming of Christ, and demanding that Brian McGrattan dress...or better yet, that the team call up Jeremy Yablonski from Binghamton. (That last suggestion kills me, by the way.) I even heard one radio host on the post-game show suggest that the Wild's recent attempt to turn into "Goonasota" was brought on Anaheim's physical dominance.

Look, Mensas: I know it may seem like semantics after the ridiculous officiating job on Monday, but there's a big difference between icing a bunch of scrappers who can't skate worth a damn for 6 minutes per game, and the Anaheim Ducks. Make no mistake: Anaheim is a dirty team, but it's their skill and balance over four lines that sets them apart. Yes, they do play "on the edge", but they're also willing to sacrifice their bodies to protect the puck, fight the battles along the boards, rock the trap and beat your ass in a foot race. I saw none of that from the Sens on Monday.

And for all this talk of how effective players like Phillips and Vermette (!) can be when they do choose to hit -- it's a bloody joke. When they "choose" to? Why are they choosing? Why aren't they simply doing? Here's your answer: They're soft. And personally, to say something like that about a player like Phillips bothers me, because given his size and decent speed, he'd be amazing as a physical blueliner. But dude doesn't have a mean streak, and it takes him far too long to get angry.

The Sens achieved post-season success by grinding down the opposition's defence. Anaheim takes that technique to another level -- throw in the trap, some balanced scoring and a fairly capable goaltender...it's over. Show me one team out of the Eastern conference that could handle that over a seven-game series. You think Pittsburgh won't have their snipers flattened? You think Hal Gill is going to save their ass? Montreal plays the Ducks on Sunday -- can't wait to see that.

One final note: I will say this about Anaheim -- their goal horn flat-out destroys. It's so powerful and resonant...just fantastic. Ottawa's goal horn reminds me of Ottawans themselves -- nasal and annoying. In fact, if Ottawa's goal horn were a person, it would sit right beside you in a restaurant when all other tables are vacant, then bitch to you about its rheumatoid arthritis without any prompting whatsoever.

More later (assuming that I'm semi-lucid).

First of all, I'll be out of the country tomorrow so I won't be here to share any more thoughts with you on Thursday. Secondly, there's always the column to worry about, so I unfortunately can't say everything I'm thinking right now -- but I will offer the following few thoughts in the short time allowed:

1) I'm already hearing on the post-game show that "people shouldn't be angry" over the end result. That's a bunch of garbage. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel -- I'm angry, and I'd certainly understand if others were as well. I'm angry because the Senators regressed into a team that we hadn't seen before in these playoffs. I'm angry that there was effort, but no sense of urgency. I'm angry at Heatley's disappearing act, Redden's complete inability to dominate anything relevant, Meszaros' incompetence and Emery's inconsistency. I'm angry that Anaheim never saw the Senators at their best. I'm angry that the road seemed paved after a failed 5-on-3 halfway through the first period in Game 1....which brings me to point No. 2...

2) Honestly, I'm less sad about this loss than I was after the Game 7 Conference Finals heartbreaker courtesy of Jeff Friesen against the Devils in 2003. The reason? The '03 Jersey series presented a true sense of a momentum shift -- desperation hockey, huge goals, the speech from Roger Neilson, the emergence of Jason Spezza...you felt like it was going to go the Sens' way. You were SURE it was going to go the Sens' way. I never got that feeling in this series -- not even when they won Game 3. I felt like we just biding our time, waiting for it to be over, and praying the team wasn't humiliated in the process.

3) Get ready for the "lack of character" crap to start again. Why the (expletive) am I still hearing Gary Roberts' name? The Senators didn't need him. They needed to beat him...and in case some media have forgotten, they did. Let it go for Christ's sake.

Finally, I'll leave you with some open-ended questions:

- How much did Emery's stock drop in the final series? At one point, you could sense he was getting ready to argue for Manatee-type money in the offseason. How much is he worth now -- putting the over/under at 2 million?

- Wade Redden: His time in Ottawa must come to a close -- yesterday. Where do you send him, and for who?

- Bryan Murray: Prime architect of your 2007 Stanley Cup winning franchise -- the Anaheim Ducks. He built it for them; shouldn't he build it for Ottawa? And if so, does he wear both hats?

- If you're Chris Phillips, how do you begin to recover from tonight?

More later. Please be good to your livers and to yourself. And remember, it's going to be an interesting and uncharacteristically short offseason...get ready.

1) Numbers rarely tell the full story. Ottawa won 33 of their faceoffs; Anaheim won 32. But watching the game, it was blatantly obvious that number should have been tipped in the Ducks' favour. If Ottawa did win a faceoff, they rarely won it cleanly. We'd also like to take this opportunity to remind you that John Muckler could've had notorious faceoff man Yanic Perreault for a song -- Perreault flapped in the breeze until Phoenix picked him up for the psychotically low price of $700,000 on October 29th.

2) Why bother to admit that the team has a good luck song if you're not going to play it? Idiotic.

3) Why are defensemen making 6.5 million per year pushing the forecheckers to the inside on breakaways? Idiotic.

4) Now the media gets to spend thousands of dollars sending their employees 3,000 miles to duck* around in SoCal for 48 hours to see Anaheim win at home, or worse still, the Ottawa faithful who have forked out for Game 6 run the risk of seeing the Ducks win at the SBP. Idiotic.

____________

* Bad pun on my part -- trust me, that's not the vowel I wanted to use.

I remember a friend long ago (read: April) stating the following: "I want (the Senators) to face some real adversity (in the playoffs) and beat it. Then I'll know this is for real."

Well, they just got the first part of their wish.

The underlying sense of emotion is not solely comprised of panic and frustration right now. Bubbling very close to the surface is a strong hint of deja vu. However, it doesn't date back to bad games or periods versus any of the Sens' playoff opponents this season. To put it bluntly: I feel like the Sens are playing the Leafs again.

Taking nothing away from Anaheim -- they've proven they have talent. But there was never any proof to demonstrate that the Ducks were the overwhelming favourite to win the Cup against Ottawa.

Until now.

Just like the days of yore, the Sens are being outplayed, outhustled and outchanced (a hockey word if ever there was one, but I can think of no other way to describe it right now). Say what you want about Pronger and Niedermayer -- both are immensely gifted. But like a lot of offensive defensemen, both are capable of erring in their own zone, and neither has yet to bring their 'A' game to this series. Regardless, the point is moot because they haven't been called upon to act as the thoroughbreds that they're known to be -- Anaheim is accomplishing enough in other areas to get the job done, and neither of them (paired together or separate) has yet to see any offensive aggression from Ottawa's top line.

Meanwhile on many occasions, it appeared as if Ottawa was attempting to maintain a lead that didn't exist. The Ducks were freely allowed into the Ottawa zone to set up chances, and whenever Ottawa regained possession of the puck, it was just long enough to barely send it out of the zone for a line change. Then the whole process would start over again.

But the biggest indicator of history revisited came during the actual goal, when Alfredsson completely bailed on Samuel Pahlsson in an apparent (and horrifically timed) demonstration of respect for his fellow countryman. Simultaneously, Corvo began to skate towards the net (?!?!) and at the last second, attempted to feebly push Pahlsson out of the way with his ass.

In short, it was a sickening display and a devastating result for Ray Emery, who after tonight, deserves a lifetime exemption from a bill at Morton's for whenever the team is in SoCal.

Frankly, you could see this coming a mile away -- shut down the big line, and there's going to be issues. These issues currently come in the form of The Other Brother and a guy named after a faucet. And putting someone like Neil out there instead of Alfredsson will accomplish nothing. Neil hasn't made room for anyone on the ice since the Pittsburgh series, and Heatley and Spezza are attached at the hip. Does anyone really think Spezza's going to gain control of the puck and hand it off to Neil without considering virtually any other option first -- including his traditional last resort *gasp* -- shooting? We've always known that secondary scoring was going to be an issue, but guys like Vermette, Kelly and Schaefer have been M.I.A. for ages. To be a legitimate two-way forward, you've got to put the puck in the net occasionally.

As for the Topic Du Jour -- the dump and chase (or lack thereof): The Sabres during their series were perpetually attempting to skate the puck in, with brutal results. Now the Sens have inexplicably decided to try it themselves. Rule No. 1: Don't mirror the plays of a defeated team, especially if you were the ones to give them the boot.

*sigh* Alright, that's enough negativity for one evening. You're looking for some positives, right? Here they are:

1) Although Anaheim drastically curbed their penalties last night (three in the first, one in the second and none in the third), they're still coughing up the puck with 22 giveaways in Game 2;

2) The fourth line once again deserves credit for their effort. Putting Saprykin back in was the right call. He controlled the puck, didn't shy away from contact and his speed is always a welcome addition;

3) Ottawa has yet to bring anything resembling a significant effort in this series. Despite that, they've lost both games by only one goal.

Here's the reality: If Ottawa loses the Stanley Cup by continuing to play in such a fashion, all their work in this postseason will have been for naught. The choker label will return with a vengeance, and the fans of Ottawa will not tolerate this kind of regression so late in the season. I'll give The Driver the parting shot:

"If you're going to lose, lose like men. Don't puss out and jerk with people, because if you were going to pull this garbage, why did you even bother with the effort to get this far in the first place?"

I concur.

One of the things we like to do when we're bored is head over to the iTunes store and explore the celebrity playlists. Maybe it's just me, but I think there's something kind of revealing about checking out a person's iPod selections. Anyway, a while back we noticed that the listings are pretty varied in regards to famous people -- in fact, there are several NHL players displayed. Here's Andrew Ference's list:

1) Waltz No. 2 -- Elliott Smith
2) Ooh La La -- Goldfrapp
3) American Jesus -- Bad Religion
4) Barroom Hero -- Dropkick Murphys
5) I Want -- Face To Face
6) Drunken Lullaby -- Flogging Molly
7) I Don't Wanna Hear It -- Minor Threat
8) We Are One -- The Offspring
9) Bro Hymn -- Pennywise
10) (But Then) She Spoke -- The Vandals
11) Ring Of Fire -- Johnny Cash
12) Traffic -- Tiesto
13) Thieves -- Ministry
14) Links 2 3 4 -- Rammstein

Comments for Tracks 3 and 9 respectively: "If I have to choose only one song from my favourite back, this is it. BR is the absolute best!" "I try to sneak this one on before the game in the room...if I do, automatic win!"

I can't justify the Rammstein, but the rest of that list definitely doesn't suck. Like I said, we like him now.

Here's Cam Ward's list:

1) Where The Streets Have No Name -- U2
2) Fix You -- Coldplay
3) Move Along -- The All-American Rejects
4) Everlong -- Foo Fighters
5) Neighbourhood #3 (Power Out) -- Arcade Fire
6) The Rising -- Bruce Springsteen
7) Galvanize -- The Chemical Brothers
8) The Hand That Feeds -- Nine Inch Nails

And here's Eric Staal's:

1) Alcohol -- Brad Paisley
2) Mud On The Tires -- Brad Paisley
3) Better Life -- Keith Urban
4) Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me -- Keith Urban
5) Fishin' In The Dark -- Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
6) I'm In A Hurry (And I Don't Know Why) -- Alabama
7) Hurt -- Johnny Cash
8) Dust On The Bottle -- David Lee Murphy
9) Billy's Got His Beer Goggles On -- Neil McCoy
10) Days Go By -- Keith Urban
11) Jeans On -- Keith Urban

We'll allow The Driver to take over at this point:

"'Fishin' In The Dark?' That's so Thunder Bay." (He then proceeded to sing it for the rest of the evening. Just for future reference -- being forced to listen to that song qualifies as a murder defense, right? I'm thinking we need to start a list for that around here. Much thanks to Eric Staal for acting as the catalyst of my misery on that night, by the way.)

More miscellaneous music bits...

· Big time golf claps to the Anaheim Ducks for coming correct and recognizing the usage of Pennywise's sacred song, Bro Hymn. I talked to Pennywise's Fletcher Dragge about the use of their song in NHL arenas during the band's visit to Ottawa in October. You can read it here. For the record, Ottawa is one of a number of franchises currently playing the song at home games.

· The Dropkick Murphys are getting some run from the strangest of sources -- the NCAA tournament. Their song, I'm Shipping Up To Boston has been heard several times as a bump leading into commercials. The song has most recently been featured on The Departed soundtrack, and for promotions for NBC's The Black Donnellys. If you want to hear a clip, go here and scroll down to sample No. 7.

P.S. I saw the band peform this song live last fall, which included a dozen local Highland dancers on stage. Very cool.

I spent Friday evening downtown at the Capital Music Hall interviewing Fletcher Dragge (far left in photo) -- guitarist from the Hermosa Beach, CA institution known as Pennywise. Pennywise is another one of those fantastic SoCal punk bands that I grew up listening to -- so imagine my surprise when the Ottawa Senators recently began spinning one of their tracks after a goal is scored.

The song is called "Bro Hymn", and the trend of hearing it played after goals didn't start in Ottawa -- it actually began in Anaheim during the Ducks' playoff run last year. Anaheim would play it religiously, and the fans eventually caught onto the catchy chorus. Here's a clip of the song as it's heard in both the Anaheim and Ottawa arenas:



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If a song is receiving regular exposure in the venues where a major sport is being played, you'd think the band would be thrilled, right? Not necessarily...because there's a lot more to "Bro Hymn" than just a great hook.

The song was written by Pennywise's former bassist, Jason Thirsk. During a leave of absence from the band in 1996 (a decision made to battle growing problems with alcoholism), Thirsk tragically died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Thirsk had originally written the song as a tribute to friends in his life who had passed on, but after their bassist's unexpected death, the band dedicated the song to him, closed every live show they have played since with it, and included Thirsk's name in the lyrics.

So what was Fletcher's take on their sacred song being used at NHL games?

"We're not upset, but it's not cool," Dragge said. "There's a deep meaning behind that song and it's weird for it to be used in such a fashion.

"I mean, we're not that upset, because it's a celebratory thing, and the song celebrates life. Jason loved sports. It all depends what it's being used for, right? I mean, if it were being played in a shampoo commercial, I'd be bummed."

The main issue currently irking the band seems to be the importance of the song getting lost in the shuffle.

"They're only hearing the chorus; they're not hearing any of the lyrics," Dragge pointed out. "They don't know any of the lyrics, but if they did, maybe they could relate better.

"We appreciate the recognition, but the importance of the song is being missed."

Pennywise's best-known song is also significant to its fans; the band regularly hears of it being played at funerals, and Fletcher even referenced a father and mother showing up at the Toronto show on Thursday, who had recently lost their 15-year-old son.

"They played (Bro Hymn) at the funeral, and they wanted to be at the show for their son. The most normal-looking people you'd ever see," Dragge said.

But the more traditional celebratory use of the song doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon. In fact, this isn't the first time it's been used at a sporting event.

"There's a Belgian soccer team that uses it -- you've got 70,000 people all at once singing it -- it's crazy," Dragge said. "We went over there, and no one knew who we were until we played the song. Then they went absolutely nuts."

No word of a mosh pit breaking out. Something tells me Thirsk would have loved to see that happen.

Bro Hymn lyrics

To our friend,
Present, past and beyond
Even though you weren't with us too long
Life is the most precious thing you can lose
While you were here the fun was never ending
Laugh a minute only the beginning
Jason Matthew Thirsk, this one's for you

Wooooaoooah Woooah Woooah Wooah

Ever get the feeling you can't go on
Just remember whose side it is that you're on
You've got friends with you till the end
If you're ever in a tough situation
We'll be there with no hesitation
Brotherhood's our rule we cannot bend

Wooooaoooah Woooah Woooah Wooah

When you're feeling too close to the bottom
You know who it is you can count on
Someone will pick you up again
we can conquer anything together
All of us are bonded forever
If you die I die, that's the way it is

Wooooaoooah Woooah Woooah Wooah

To all my friends,
Present, past and beyond
To all those who weren't with us too long
Life is the most precious thing that you can lose
While you were here the fun was never ending
Laugh a minute was only the beginning
Jason, my brother, this one's for you.