Fusspot rants, embarrassing photos of yourself and general correspondence go here: universalnicks@gmail.com

Exhibit A

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Hey Pittsburgh fans -- great news about those playoffs, and undoubtedly everyone, including the NHL, wants to see you in a matchup that'll draw huge ratings. Do you have a problem with my opinion?

Undoubtedly so.

Just to be clear about the posts...

Gets it:

I got a different take out of the article.

It seems to me that the NHL would love to see the Penguins play the Blueshirts in the first round. Versus and NBC would be, let's say, favorably disposed to showcasing Crosby & Company against the team from the preeminent television market in the world.

Ottawa could play the Devils, and the 1 million people in the Ottawa region would care passionately, and the 5,000 or so Devils fans might care a little bit.

Traditional big market teams such as Boston, Chicago and Philadelphia are not going to the playoffs. NBC doesn't like that.


Whaa?:

This ****** me off.

Our team goes through a painful rebuilding process, we go through a horrible 2005-2006 year full of misery and heart break, we nearly loose our team, then we get the new arena, our team make a dramatic playoff push and makes it for the first time since 2001. All we do now as fans is support the team and sell out the building AND NOW the league is showing FAVORITISM? ... there is no doubt Crosby is the face of the NHL but I don't think they are fixing the playoffs for us and showing a bias. We are just enjoying our success and its been a great story. I don't see how that makes us the NHL's pet.

If anything we tend to get picked on by a-holes like the guy who wrote this article.


Best In Show:

I just feel that article is ridiculous. He may have somewhat of a point but what it comes down to is the guy is probably just some jealous habs fan.

Not only am I repeatedly referred to as a dude*, but I'm also a fan of Les Habitants? Damn, that's a lot to take on in one day. Does this mean I can begin to repeatedly curse in French? As I've stated before, the only phrase I'm able to utter with sincerity is, "Go f*ck yourself with a handful of thumbtacks."

________________

* Love it. Want to know why? Read this.

Here's the deal: ESPN's SportsNation asked over 80,000 fans who their favourite team was, and how that respective franchise paid them back for all their support. Four organizations were included in the ratings: The MLB, NFL, NBA and the NHL.

Teams were given an ultimate rating, as well as a ranking in the following categories:

BNG (Bang for the Buck): Revenues directly from fans divided by wins in the past three years

FRL (Fan Relations): Ease of access to players, coaches & management

OWN (Ownership): Honesty; loyalty to players and city

AFF (Affordability): Price of tickets, parking and concessions

STD (Stadium Experience): Friendliness of environment; quality of game-day promotions

PLA (Players): Effort on the field; likability off it

CCH (Coach/Manager): Strong on-field leadership

TTR (Title Track): Titles already won or expected -- soon

And here's the formula ESPN used to obtain the ratings:

We created the Ultimate Standings in five steps.

First, Markitecture, a Norwalk, Conn., marketing consulting firm, conducted a poll of 1,000 fans across North America to determine what they want most in return for their emotional and financial investment in their favorite teams. The survey covered 21 topics, from "has strong leader as coach" to "provides avenues for fan feedback."

Second, through ESPN.com, we asked fans of MLB, NBA, NFL and NHL teams to rate their clubs in these 21 categories. We gathered more than 80,000 responses.

Third, we grouped those responses into seven categories.

Fourth, for an eighth category, Bang for the Buck, we examined how efficiently teams convert dollars from fans into on-field wins (regular and postseason). Fan costs were determined by researchers at the Warsaw Sports Marketing Center at the University of Oregon.

Fifth, we combined each team¹s scores (not its rankings) across all eight categories into one final, weighted score, taking into account, for example, that fans rated Affordability as about 50% more important than Stadium Experience.

The result: a ranking that combines the fan perspective with an objective measure of how well teams turn fan dollars into wins.


Got it? Good. Want to know how the Senators did? (The rating is out of 122 teams, and remember to consult the table and link above for more details.)

Ottawa Senators

Overall Rating: 34

Bang For The Buck: 30

Fan Relations: 31

Ownership: 36

Affordability: 53 (where will this number be after the 4.5% increase next season?)

Stadium Experience: 59 (this number is far higher than I expected)

Players (effort and likability): 62

Coach: 68

Title Track (won or imminent championships): 59


Other teams of interest:

Toronto Maple Leafs

Overall Rating: 99

Bang For The Buck: 74

Fan Relations: 80

Ownership: 67

Affordability: 122 (that's right -- dead last out of all four sports)

Stadium Experience: 78

Players (effort and likability): 80

Coach: 53

Title Track (won or imminent championships): 111 (a lot less parade planners than anticipated)


Montreal Canadiens


Overall Rating: 70

Bang For The Buck: 105

Fan Relations: 55

Ownership: 22

Affordability: 83

Stadium Experience: 45

Players (effort and likability): 97 (ouch)

Coach: 47

Title Track (won or imminent championships): 37


Calgary Flames

Overall Rating: 38

Bang For The Buck: 61

Fan Relations: 25

Ownership: 23

Affordability: 51

Stadium Experience: 76

Players (effort and likability): 52

Coach: 67

Title Track (won or imminent championships): 46


Edmonton Oilers

Overall Rating: 46

Bang For The Buck: 65

Fan Relations: 29

Ownership: 42

Affordability: 48

Stadium Experience: 94

Players (effort and likability): 54

Coach: 54

Title Track (won or imminent championships): 44


Vancouver Canucks


Overall Rating: 74

Bang For The Buck: 103

Fan Relations: 48

Ownership: 38

Affordability: 112

Stadium Experience: 61

Players (effort and likability): 66

Coach: 58

Title Track (won or imminent championships): 78


Toronto Raptors

Overall Rating: 45

Bang For The Buck: 75

Fan Relations: 28

Ownership: 55

Affordability: 69

Stadium Experience: 47

Players (effort and likability): 19

Coach: 65

Title Track (won or imminent championships): 69


Toronto Blue Jays

Overall Rating: 41

Bang For The Buck: 93

Fan Relations: 40

Ownership: 31

Affordability: 11

Stadium Experience: 88

Players (effort and likability): 41

Coach: 77

Title Track (won or imminent championships): 31

Other miscellaneous notes...

- There are seven NHL teams in the top 20: Anaheim (6th), Nashville (8th), Carolina (10th), Tampa Bay (17th), Detroit (18th), Dallas (20th) and...Buffalo (1st). That's right -- the Sabres placed first out of 122 franchises. Check out this accompanying piece detailing how the Sabres turned Buffalo into a land filled with hearts, rainbows and arrogant, brutish fans (okay, I added that last bit).

- Carolina fans must be confident in their ability to build a dynasty (or similar): They placed first in the Title Track category;

- The Dallas Mavericks placed first in the player and coach category;

- The Minnesota Wild came in first in the stadium category (I'll second that one -- fantastic building and good promos);

- No big surprise -- Penguins fans rated their stadium experience 117th.

If you want to see the entire list with all included rankings, check this link out.

Joel Kwiatkowski's a banger

Monday, March 26, 2007



You've got to love a guy that's willing to admit he's into hair bands. Check out this piece from the Penguins' website detailing the Kwiatkowski's summer tour alongside Poison and Cinderella.

(Aside: I can't believe Poison and Cinderella now have their own labels on the blog. What's next -- Ratt and Europe?)

Let me preface this by stating that I will feebly attempt to keep it from heading in a number of directions.

A conversation The Driver and I regularly have revolves around how 90% of sports media is incapable of holding our attention for extended periods. There are a lot of variables out there, and a great number of them get on our nerves (mine moreso than his): Poor structure, incessant rambling, "broadcaster behaviour" (i.e., delivering highlights in that snarky tone that's perceived to be hipper-than-thou), mind-numbing interviews, pathetic attempts at humour, Valley-laden hokeyness...trust me, I could go on for days. For the record, I know I'm not an aberration, because the readers perpetually register their feelings to me about this subject via email.

But honestly, here's my biggest issue: One of the largest problems with the NHL-covering media involves a blatant lack of balance. I find it falls into three main categories: 1) Media who know what they're talking about, but haven't quite grasped the lighter, hipper side of things; 2) Media who want be fresh and young, but allow substance to fall by the wayside and 3) Media who have no idea what they're talking about and completely lack any sense of comedic timing or flair.

I know what you're going to say -- "There's plenty of that sort of thing on the Internet." Oh really? There are very few and far between that can accomplish it. Some of the most revered NHL blogs that I'm aware of are also the driest. If you know of a site that you deem to be worthy, send me the link, and keep in mind I'm seeking out things that could give traditional media a run for their money.

In respect to television, I can understand what Sportsnet was thinking when they went for the massive makeover. The idea itself was good, but the execution was extremely poor. Now their highlight show has been reduced to fast-paced bits of fluff, and appears to be manned by eTalk's extra talent. The Inbox? What the hell is that all about? Thanks Sportsnet, but I'm well aware of how to operate YouTube.

(Aside: My favourite Inbox moment thus far: A woman by the name of Kylie Evans -- I'm not sure if she's secured Daru Dhillon's old job yet because she's not listed on the Sportsnet site -- did a bit last week on the most hated teams in sports. Some of the selections included the Leafs, the Yankees and "The University of Duke". Feel free to add that to the "Women are idiots and don't belong in sports media" ammo pile. Damn, that thing's getting huge.)

Personally, I think hockey-covering media is in a bit of a bind. On one hand, you have your hardcore stats guys, prickly historians and no-nonsense old-schoolers. They want the facts: Black and white. They want to know how many goals Marian Gaborik has scored on any Tuesday in January when there was at least 8.4 inches of snow outside of Xcel Energy Center. They want to talk about the 1972 Summit Series, and how the CBC had to audacity to whittle it down to only four hours for their miniseries. Anything outside of the game itself is irrelevant. That's for casual fans that don't really know or care about hockey.

(By the way, that's not an off-the-cuff insult. I've seen statements similar to that written on many a message board.)

On the other hand, you have a group of people that are interested in other dynamics of the game. They want to hear about the off-ice tales or interests, and about the inner workings of the team. But that isn't enough -- you have to take this information, and have it delivered by members of the media that have the ability to place a fresh spin on it. It can't be contrived, and it can't be forced. It's always been my opinion that this attribute can't be taught. You either have it or you don't. Frankly, there are a lot of people out there right now that are trying, and credit to them for their efforts...but they don't have it. Sites like Deadspin and Free Darko have this element down solid. But not everyone can accomplish this with such ease.

This second group of people (for the majority) have no issue with the "meat" of the game -- they want the league's news, highlights and stats just as much as anyone else -- but they'd also enjoy a little side dish of wit and fun...and what's really wrong with that?

Nothing...except that as of right now, there's truly not one place to obtain both elements presented in high quality. And I know that I can't be the only person that's desperate to find a little bit of balanced sports media, in the midst of dry deliveries and flat, predictable humour.

If you haven't seen this...

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Check it out -- it's one of Peyton Manning's best skits from SNL last night:

We like Andrew Ference now

Saturday, March 24, 2007

One of the things we like to do when we're bored is head over to the iTunes store and explore the celebrity playlists. Maybe it's just me, but I think there's something kind of revealing about checking out a person's iPod selections. Anyway, a while back we noticed that the listings are pretty varied in regards to famous people -- in fact, there are several NHL players displayed. Here's Andrew Ference's list:

1) Waltz No. 2 -- Elliott Smith
2) Ooh La La -- Goldfrapp
3) American Jesus -- Bad Religion
4) Barroom Hero -- Dropkick Murphys
5) I Want -- Face To Face
6) Drunken Lullaby -- Flogging Molly
7) I Don't Wanna Hear It -- Minor Threat
8) We Are One -- The Offspring
9) Bro Hymn -- Pennywise
10) (But Then) She Spoke -- The Vandals
11) Ring Of Fire -- Johnny Cash
12) Traffic -- Tiesto
13) Thieves -- Ministry
14) Links 2 3 4 -- Rammstein

Comments for Tracks 3 and 9 respectively: "If I have to choose only one song from my favourite back, this is it. BR is the absolute best!" "I try to sneak this one on before the game in the room...if I do, automatic win!"

I can't justify the Rammstein, but the rest of that list definitely doesn't suck. Like I said, we like him now.

Here's Cam Ward's list:

1) Where The Streets Have No Name -- U2
2) Fix You -- Coldplay
3) Move Along -- The All-American Rejects
4) Everlong -- Foo Fighters
5) Neighbourhood #3 (Power Out) -- Arcade Fire
6) The Rising -- Bruce Springsteen
7) Galvanize -- The Chemical Brothers
8) The Hand That Feeds -- Nine Inch Nails

And here's Eric Staal's:

1) Alcohol -- Brad Paisley
2) Mud On The Tires -- Brad Paisley
3) Better Life -- Keith Urban
4) Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me -- Keith Urban
5) Fishin' In The Dark -- Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
6) I'm In A Hurry (And I Don't Know Why) -- Alabama
7) Hurt -- Johnny Cash
8) Dust On The Bottle -- David Lee Murphy
9) Billy's Got His Beer Goggles On -- Neil McCoy
10) Days Go By -- Keith Urban
11) Jeans On -- Keith Urban

We'll allow The Driver to take over at this point:

"'Fishin' In The Dark?' That's so Thunder Bay." (He then proceeded to sing it for the rest of the evening. Just for future reference -- being forced to listen to that song qualifies as a murder defense, right? I'm thinking we need to start a list for that around here. Much thanks to Eric Staal for acting as the catalyst of my misery on that night, by the way.)

More miscellaneous music bits...

· Big time golf claps to the Anaheim Ducks for coming correct and recognizing the usage of Pennywise's sacred song, Bro Hymn. I talked to Pennywise's Fletcher Dragge about the use of their song in NHL arenas during the band's visit to Ottawa in October. You can read it here. For the record, Ottawa is one of a number of franchises currently playing the song at home games.

· The Dropkick Murphys are getting some run from the strangest of sources -- the NCAA tournament. Their song, I'm Shipping Up To Boston has been heard several times as a bump leading into commercials. The song has most recently been featured on The Departed soundtrack, and for promotions for NBC's The Black Donnellys. If you want to hear a clip, go here and scroll down to sample No. 7.

P.S. I saw the band peform this song live last fall, which included a dozen local Highland dancers on stage. Very cool.

Leftovers

Thursday, March 22, 2007



Obviously there isn't much to talk about if the media is still going on about incidents in St. Louis and Pittsburgh. By the way, my favourite part of the St. Louis game involved the constant shots of John Davidson furiously texting on his Blackberry (or similar), after the non-goal-but-really-was-a-goal. I'm guessing the correspondence looked like this:

To: garybettman@nhl.com
CC: stephenwalkom@nhl.com
From: johndavidson@stlouisblues.com

WTF!!!111 *pissed*

To: johndavidson@stlouisblues.com
CC: mickmcgeough@nhl.com
From: garybettman@nhl.com

LMAO! PWNED!!!! :)~

(Aside: You know that all NHL front office members send missives that appear to have been written by a 14-year-old, right? By the way, those aren't real email addresses, so don't even try.)

It's unbelievable to me that the most brutal ref in the league (it's a tight race to be sure) shares the same surnname (in pronunciation) as a legally blind cartoon character. Why isn't Deadspin on this?

________

At about 2:30 am on Wednesday morning, I went back to watch the Edmonton-Ottawa game from February 20th that I had saved on my PVR (one of the best games of the year, by the way). I did this because I remembered Martin Gerber had played in that game, and I wanted to compare his performances. There wasn't that much difference that I could see: His positioning is better, and he doesn't cower in the back of the net as much, so I'll give him credit for that. The biggest issues that still remain: 1) Loose pucks and rebounds; 2) Not knowing where the puck is and 3) Plodding overall movement that always seems to be half a second behind the play. During one attempted save in the St. Louis game, Gerber reached back and over his head with his trapper in a slow, sweeping gesture, long after the puck had flown past him. It reminded me a lot of the manatees The Driver and I swam with in Central Florida last month.

Wait a sec -- if manatees are methodically slow and gentle, and Gerber is methodically slow and gentle...

Looks like someone's got himself a new moniker.
___________



Just for the record, my NCAA bracket still lives. I went 26-6 in the first round, and a disappointing 9-7 in the second. Biggest troublemakers so far: UNLV, who haven't been relevant since I was in junior high (until now), Louisville and Winthrop (Cinderella team, my ass). I had them beating Notre Dame in the first round, and Oregon in the second. A long shot to be sure, but Oregon bugs me. Check that...their colours bug me.

(Now I'm starting to sound like Bill Simmons' wife, so I'll just stop there.)

Anyway, three of my final four are still alive, and I've got Georgetown beating Joakim Noah and his muumuu in the championship game.





___________

One thing I'm not looking forward to if the Sens play Pittsburgh in the postseason: Their oversensitive fans. (And yes, they are more sensitive than Sens fans -- trust me.) I guarantee if the two teams faced each other, and I wrote something like, "Sidney Crosby dives more than Greg Louganis", a number of Penguins fans would likely email and accuse me of being homophobic. On the plus side, they have amazing foreshadowing skills and kick ass at decoupage.

And finally, just out of curiosity, do you think this person still thinks Pittsburgh won't make the playoffs?

The joys of rehab

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Can these sorts of activities assist in head trauma recovery?

March 20, 2007 -- LINDSAY Lohan continued her New York party over the weekend. On Saturday night, she and her pals, deejay Samantha Ronson and p.r. powerhouse Lisette Sand-Freeman, hit the Beatrice Inn before going to The Box at 1 a.m. - where Lohan got up on the stage and sang while doing a "stripper dance" to thunderous applause. She got off easy - after her, New York Ranger Brendan Shanahan was blindfolded and ball-gagged as trannies danced around him.

[Credit: Page Six]

Question the answers

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

From the "They Said It So It Must Be True" category (regarding PPV):

"(Roy) Mlakar said the Senators get last choice of the games to show, but will try and spread the games out over the schedule a little better next year."

After all, it's easy to see why all networks would lack total interest in games versus Detroit, Pittsburgh and Toronto. There's absolutely no interest or potentially positive ratings for them to garner at all.

UPDATE:

Reader Mike writes in: "Listened to the interview and one thing that Stevenson didn't mention that JR followed with a question somewhat calling Mlakar on the BS, asking if he really thought that no one would pick up the Leafs game. Mlakar actually admitted that they specifically requested the Leafs and Wings games this year and that they weren't leftovers. Although they didn't follow up on it any more, at least JR called him on it for a moment.

Don't know if you heard the interview, but Mlakar also mentioned:

- the number of games will likely increase to somewhere between the
current number and the number offered by Vancouver

- there are plans for HD, but it likely won't be next year"

No, I didn't hear the interview, so thanks to Mike for that.

Just to confirm, there are 17 Canucks games on PPV this year -- $159.95 (!) for all, and $11.95 individually. They also receive a 30 minute pre-game show.

Just a query -- does anyone honestly think the idea of future PPVs in HD is plausible? I'm not saying personally that I don't want it, and I know there's a market it for it, but seriously...could it ever happen? Is this a feeble attempt to placate the disappointed masses with a carrot that'll perpetually be dangled just out of reach?

Monday afternoon deglaze

Monday, March 19, 2007



...because we can always use a reminder. (By the way, that photo came from the CBC's own broadcast of the Leafs-Habs game on Saturday.)

Alright, so we're 80% done with the PPV for the year -- last night's tilt was shot from the world's tallest ladder in Pittsburgh. Care to zoom that angle in any more? I think we could get the ice shots down to 1 sq. ft. if we just tried harder. But as long as we're not getting a choppy image or shots from MSG, we'll put up with it, right? Reader Steve writes:

"The picture quality for the Leafs game March 8 was unacceptable,
frequent freezing and pixelating of image. I complained to Rogers and
got a refund. Didn't get the Rangers game cuz I was out of town. (Fair
to mention, given others' complaints, that the 'regular view' Rangers
games from MSG have been of poor quality as well.) Quality of last
night's game was fine."

I'd accept this if the feeds on the 13th were MSG's, but they weren't. They were the Sens'. And may I remind all of you that there have been no visible improvements in any of the broadcasts thus far. Just because Rogers improved their feed (removing any chance of pixelating) doesn't justify the amount that the Sens are charging for what is, in essence, an A-Channel broadcast.

You don't have to settle for a subpar product. Nor should you.

Most of the emails last night (less than usual seeing as a lot of you refused to pony up), concentrated on the PPV's on-air talent -- amusing, but largely unprintable. I've taken to referring to the PPVs as "Prozac-Per-View", because I'm convinced the broadcast's foursome are being paid by the compliment. I'd really love to know what would happen if one of them dared to drop some constructive criticism. Personally, I'm getting visions of them being dragged off by the front office hierarchy, and put through the plastic bag over-the-head/I.V. routine that Paul McCrane received on 24 this year. Just imagine someone holding down Grant Ledyard while Roy Mlakar is screaming in the background, "4 cc's!" The sad thing is, I know a lot of people that would pony up the $10.95 to watch the above scenario play out. My readers are sick. Funny, but sick.

Grade for last night's broadcast: C-

Grade for PPV overall: C-

Next PPV: Tuesday, April 3rd

(Aside: ***POSSIBLE 24 SPOILER*** It seems pretty damned obvious to me that the moptop imbecile teenager that's supposed to be Jack's nephew, is actually his son. He has the I.Q. of margarine, just like Elisha Cuthbert's character. It would stand to reason that they'd be related -- but that would mean the lack of intelligence was coming from Jack. That can't be true, can it? I really don't know what the deal is with Audrey. Dead maybe? All I know is that if Jack hooks up with the teenage boy's mother (possibly again), I'm going to rage. I'm already bitter they killed off the Billy Van/Assad character, and made Aaron Pierce into a handmaid that goes fruit shopping for the mentally unstable ex-First Lady. Meanwhile, I'm expecting big things from Martin Gerber and Wentworth Miller on Prison Break after leading us on a bloody wild goose chase for 16 eps. Yes, I care about these things too much. What can I say? I love my shows.)

Finally, did you see on Saturday when they announced the winner of the Kraft Hockeyville competition? North Bay was the winner, and they had live cameras situated in a North Bay bar to capture some of the local reaction. I swear to God, when their city's name was announced, someone starting screaming and it sounded just like former U.S. Presidential candidate, Howard Dean. "And we're going to Abbotsford, and Moncton, and Yorkton, and Cochrane...and then we're goin' to North Bay for Kraft Hockeyville! YAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGH!"



Leftovers to come. More later.

We've got a few loose ends to tie up, so check back in Monday mid-aft (EDT) for a fresh Deglaze.

The vicious revolt

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Alright, first things first...

1) Best take from TUC HQ last night:

Me: "I'm bored."

The Driver: "Here, make your own fun." (proceeds to rewind the PVR five seconds to show Joe Corvo getting decked by Petr Prucha in slo-mo);

2) Thank you for exploding my inbox last night...much obliged;

3) To answer your most frequently-asked question...



No, I did not write this. Firstly, I never sign missives with both initials. Secondly, I know where I am -- and regardless of my location, 9 times out of 10 I will sign, "from Thunder Bay". I like to remind people that I don't consider myself an Ottawan.

(Aside: In regards to the question itself, and frankly I don't know why they aired it -- I'm always suspicious of fake emails read by the Ottawa media. Why? Because I was asked to "create" some in the past during a guest stint on Ottawa Sports Radio. Surely they must be receiving real ones from real people by now. I hope.)


Once again...here are (some of) your emails:

"Okay, that's it. I'm not putting up with this (expletive) anymore. I think they shot this from Central Park West. I know I'll never be able to make out the names on the sweaters, but now I can't see the numbers." -- William

"(First intermission after the "Hockey Talk" segment, I think it was Ledyard talking about some highlights) 'All that happens here is Wade gets beat off the boards once again.' Worth the $10.95 right there I'd say." -- Ryan

"Rob Brodie wrote this on his blog and I have a big problem with it:

'There have been suggestions that, in this market at least, the number of pay-per-view games will grow to some massive number in the future. They cite the 17 PPV games the Vancouver Canucks offer as an example. Here's the difference: I believe there were 16 Sens games not slated to be televised by any network this season (five of which wound up on PPV). That's certainly not the case in, say, Toronto or Montreal, where there's TV demand there for every game.'

Three out of those five games were against Toronto, Pittsburgh and Detroit. You tell me on what planet would those games normally go untelevised. You know networks wanted those games, but the Sens knowing that they had PPV on the horizon wouldn't give them up. They wanted them for themselves to pull the biggest numbers." -- Gary

"I love how I'm supposed to be eased into this. One PPV game in January and then 3 in 11 days. I chose to go game by game because I wasn't sure I'd like the format. Now I have to put over 30 dollars on one Rogers bill. I'm a regular working guy and I feel stuff like that." -- Jamie

(Ed. Note: I think this is an excellent point, BTW.)

"No broadcast improvement in 3 games. Three strikes and your (sic) out, Senators." -- Peter

"Erin, do you think that there's a market for PPV in HD?" -- J.P.

(Ed. note: Yes, I do. It's growing, and it's definitely vocal -- I've seen threads bringing up this issue in the Sportsnet forums, and on the HF Boards. Is it an option for the Sens? No. But the fact remains that people are used to watching high-quality broadcasts because they've become readily available. The Senators showing a subpar quality PPV only aggravates traditional HD viewers even further.)

"I'm counting on you to keep telling us about the PPVs from now on. I've given the Senators enough of my money." -- Rick

"WTF was up with that segment with (the Citizen's) Wayne Scanlan babbling on about the Stanley Cup? That could not have been anymore painful." -- Stephanie

(Ed. note: If anyone wants to know what segment Stephanie is talking about -- email me.)

"Whenever the Sens release those PPV numbers I'm not gonna believe them. I've heard people complain non-stop about how bad the broadcast looks. The purchases will drop after the first spike, which probably happened when we played the Leafs." -- Trevor

"That about does it for me. Count me out for good because I refuse to pay for that garbage." -- Ann

Alrighty then.

On the plus side (again) -- I actually did enjoy the segment featuring Dean Brown and MSG. Unfortunately, it's now become plainly obvious that the Senators have no intention of ever improving the quality/clarity of the overall broadcast. And based on the emails above, it's going to become an issue for them, if it hasn't already.

Grade for last night's PPV: C

Overall rating: C

Next PPV broadcast: Sunday, March 18th

Blogger decided to eat it right when I was getting ready to do last night's post. Sit tight, I'll get to it when I can.

It's Tuesday...

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

...which means it's time for another PPV.

Once more (and we wish we could put this 72-point, boldface font):

For the majority of begrudging viewers who are putting up with these broadcasts, it's not about the frills (i.e. the between-periods interviews, or pre-game rituals that we'd normally never see). It's about the broadcast quality itself. The game, and only the game. I don't know how I, or anyone else, can make that any more clear. The quality of the broadcast is subpar, and the price point ($10.95) only exacerbates that fact.


I'm inviting you to send your thoughts on the game to me again -- I'll post them on here later tonight. (Email address can be found in the profile.)

P.S. I've heard (and read) some suggestions from people to not buy the PPV altogether. Due to my position, that is not an option for me -- I have to see the games. That's why I won't let this issue drop.

Christmas with John Muckler

Monday, March 12, 2007



Consider this your Monday chewable...

Here's a clip from a piece in today's Sun regarding Anton Volchenkov and his busted beak:

It's believed Volchenkov was to have his nose straightened out yesterday to resolve the breathing issue and Muckler was optimistic Volchenkov would be able to play tomorrow night.

"I suspect so. They'll give him a (face) mask or something," said Muckler after Saturday's game. "(Losing Volchenkov), that really hurt us. He's our second-best guy and he gets a ton of ice time."


Chew on this:

1) If Volchenkov is the "second-best guy", who's the first? Wouldn't it stand to reason that it's Chris Phillips -- Anton's linemate and the guy that's entering unrestricted free agency on July 1st?

2) If Phillips and Volchenkov are Nos. 1 and 2 respectively, what does that make Wade Redden? No. 3?

3) If Volchenkov is up for RFA this year (and he is), how fast do you think his agent clipped that quote out of today's paper? Hell, if I were his agent, I'd save the whole paper, write "kindling for arbitration" on it, use it to wrap a bottle of Veuve Clicquot, and send it to Muckler himself. After all, it's not every day that someone helps his client break the 2.5 million dollar barrier, simply by making an off-the-cuff compliment.

Leftovers (reprise helping)

Saturday, March 10, 2007



A few questions to answer here regarding Thursday's PPV post, so let's get to it.

Q -- Do you have proof of the Leafs fan giving the alleged finger?
A -- You tell me. Check out what appears to be the man's daughter attempting to keep her father in check. Funny.

Q -- Where are you getting these photos of the broadcast from?
A -- I record the games via PVR, pause the PVR on something noteworthy, whip out my digital camera, and the results end up on the blog. Some will look better than others, and that largely has to do with the quality of the broadcast feed (hint, hint).

Q -- When Rob Brodie referenced your blog and wrote that you had included the printable comments, what did that mean? What didn't you include?
A -- That actually had to do with an email conversation I had with Brodie before that post was made. I mentioned to him that I had received feedback from the readers about the PPV, and that the printable comments were to appear on my blog. What didn't I include? Anything mean-spirited or lascivious, but a lot of it centred around the "suspicious questions" -- as one reader put it -- sent to Dean and Gord via email during the game. One query in particular, really rankled a lot of readers. I can't remember the exact wording, but to paraphrase -- it first complimented D & G on their ability to criticize the team, and then asked if they dealt with any negative attitudes from the team because of it. Obviously an unbelievable amount of irony comes into play here, considering that the duo are notoriously known for handling the Senators with kid gloves.

Q -- What were you doing watching the game at home on PPV when you have a seat in the press box?
A -- The Driver and I have a long-standing policy of not attending Leafs-Sens games. The crowd's multiple personality disorder puts both of us in a horrible mood. In addition, I wanted to see if any improvements had been made to the overall quality of the PPV broadcast, and wanted to do so without having to sit through 5 hours of hockey.

(Aside -- why did it take Sens fans this long to realize that they should be booing Mats Sundin in retaliation for the Leafs fans treatment of Daniel Alfredsson? Talk about taking the scenic route to one's cerebral cortex.)

More later...and once again, golf claps to the Sun's Rob Brodie for his mention of TUC on Remote Control.

John Inman (1935-2007)

Friday, March 09, 2007

I'm going to preface this post by stating that it has nothing to do with sports, entertainment, or anything within the traditional TUC realm. But I'm posting it because a lot of you have often asked who/what some of my major writing influences were, and this man was one of them.

I was pretty shocked to read online tonight that John Inman had passed away at the age of 71. Inman was the star of a 1970's British sitcom that I grew up on, called Are You Being Served? When I was 13, I started watching reruns of it on Detroit's PBS affiliate, and something about it just clicked with me. Keep in mind that most kids my age were watching The Simpsons or 90210 -- not a dated show featuring middle-aged actors from Great Britain.

Over time, the show and its players began to alter the way I approached language, comedic timing and general overall humour. My 9th grade English teachers didn't know where I was picking up words like "facetious", but they liked it. On the other hand, other habits weren't received with positive effects -- I got booted out of one class for reading D.H. Lawrence. Not aloud, mind you...just reading one of his novels. I couldn't help it -- if it was mentioned in the show, I had to know about it.

The show itself was innocent but camp; naughty yet sweet. Rife with haughtiness and double entendres, I couldn't help but absorb it, because my brain has this uncanny ability to record things I hear with remarkable accuracy. Even to this day, bits and pieces of the show's language and tone will seep out into things that I write or say. A perfect example would be one of the first calls I made to Jim Rome, where I referred to Jacques Martin as a toby jug. 21-year-old women don't say things like that. Guess where I got the idea?

Sometimes you really never know where your influences are going to come from. John Inman's Are You Being Served? was honestly one of my biggest.

If you want to read more about the show, check out this link.

Soupe du jour

Thursday, March 08, 2007



Gord Wilson eats up the dirt on Sens' coach Bryan Murray, during a between-periods interview on tonight's PPV

Yet another uneven offering from the Sens' pay-per-view department tonight, with little made in the way of visible improvement since their first attempt. Most aggravating (yet again) was the overall quality of the broadcast feed itself. It actually reminded me of the old UMD Bulldogs closed-circuit hockey feeds that I used to watch from Duluth, Minnesota in the early '80's. I also had some signal issues with my feed (I'm a Rogers customer) and other readers with Rogers service were also confirming signal glitches.

But before I receive any binary-encoded vitriol from the parties involved*, I think we should go to the email. That's right -- don't blame me...blame my readers. All names have been included to incriminate the truculent and impertinent.

"Since when did the A-Channel become pay-per-view?" - Josh

"This signal looks like hell. Please tell me more people are complaining about this." - Trevor

"I don't think it's too much to ask that they get the camera off the Leafs fan giving the finger." - Michelle

"Please...I'm begging you...go to commercial." - Gary

"Here's the thing about pay-per-view. If you're going to not take breaks, the personalities running the show have got to be entertaining/engaging/informative. Dean and Gord aren't those guys. The non-stop cheesy crap is too much to bear." - Pat

"Do you think Barbara Walters ever ate soup on camera during an interview?" - Dorothy

"If we pay for this can we vote to not have Gord Wilson?" - Josh

"'All aboard the A-Train, folks, all aboard'. I actually screamed when (Gord) Wilson dropped that bomb." - Ann

"How do the Senators spin this broadcast as being commercial free? There were two scrolls during the game of all the bars and restaurants that had bought the PPV and a list of all the movie houses. Total BS, not to mention that the scroll was totally distracting and bush league." - Michael

"Bottom line...if I'm paying more I expect more. I'm debating giving them another chance, but is this honestly going to get better? My instincts say no." - Tim

But don't worry guys, it's not all bad. I'll personally give you credit for the post-game locker room camera. Nice touch.


Tonight's broadcast grade: C

Overall PPV grade thus far: C-.

Next PPV game: Tuesday, March 13th.

_________________________

* One must understand something: If you're going to make an attempt to join the media (and for lack of a better term, that's what this is, as the Sens are producing their own broadcast), you have to be willing to accept the criticism that comes with it -- especially when customers are hardly enthralled with your choice of concept.

...this makes him virile, and not a promiscuous trollop. Just a reminder. Here's a question: Does anyone else think this whole saga is starting to sound like NBC's Friday Night Lights mixed with Degrassi: The Next Generation? Right now, Gisele is playing the Tyra/Manny character -- meanwhile, Bridget represents Julie Taylor cross-pollinated with Liberty. Yep, it's all coming together.



Reports suggest that Tom Brady's current girlfriend Gisele Bundchen may also be pregnant.

Someone seriously needs to stop telling Tom to go long. Dude, mix in an interception method.

Check out Rob Brodie giving advance shame warnings to the media regarding the whole Centre Ice vs. Pay Per View argument that we're sure to run into again. Here's a clip:

The Senators are on pay-per-view again Thursday night, and we can already hear the griping starting to build.
And, no doubt, this particular complaint will probably lead the bitch-fest once again: I pay for NHL Centre Ice. So I shouldn't have to pay extra for a Senators-Leafs game.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
And shame on anyone in the media who perpetuates this myth.
Just examine the fine print (hey, there's always fine print) about Centre Ice that you should have read before you called your cable operator or satellite provider to purchase it.
Very clearly, it states that Centre Ice is an “out-of-market” premium package. As in, for non-Senators games.


Anyway, when I wrote about this subject, I pointed out the troubles involving the exact situation Brodie is referencing, except I centred on the opposition's supporters here in Ottawa -- which is a legitimate issue. After all, not every Ottawan is a Sens fan.

Personally, I don't know why this is coming up now, but if someone is going to make an issue, here's my two cents: How would the Senators like it if I used my readily-available Centre Ice with its probable HD feeds and began to solely follow one of these "out-of-market" teams? Maybe I'll start attending that team's games as well -- Montreal, after all, is only two hours away (and remember that the majority of the games I see are spent as a regular patron, and not in the press box). Bryan Smolinski is in Vancouver now...maybe I should use Centre Ice to become a Canucks fan.

Yes, there's a heavy amount of sarcasm being used here, but within it lies a kernel of truth: Don't rankle fans that are notorious for turning on a dime when it comes to their highly lucrative support. You want to implement pay-per-view? There are two ways of doing it: 1) Lower the price point to justify the quality of the product you're trying to push or 2) Broadcast the games in high definition.

Finding neither choice to be a legitimate option? That's not your customers' problem. I, like the rest of them, can afford to be militant in this rare situation. After all, the customer is always right, and any successful business knows that rule is infallible.

Leftovers

Wednesday, March 07, 2007



- The Driver and I banter back and forth about a lot of topics -- for example, we couldn't agree on whether Danzig's Twist of Cain qualifies as a stripper song (I said yes, he said no). It was about two weeks ago when we came to a compromise, and decided that it could qualify as a first or third song in the traditional three song rotation, seeing as the second (top off) is traditionally a ballad.

(Aside -- I know way too much about strip clubs, considering that I'm basically a strip club neophyte. Don't question it...just go with it. Hands up how many of you are heading over to Limewire to download the song after you're done reading this. Yep, that's what I thought.)

Anyway, I'm getting way off topic. Our latest debate centres around whether Martin Gerber bears a close resemblance to Prison Break's Dominic Purcell (I say no, he says yes). Take a look at the photos above -- what do you think? I tried to find ones that would support The Driver's argument. Seriously -- it's just the stubble and hair, right?

- How many of you caught John Muckler's Upfront on OTR last night? My favourite part involved Muckler referring to the newly acquired No. 61 as "Spareekin". When did Don Cherry take over as GM of the Senators? You know the GM must've spent a good amount of time mulling over his impulse purchase if he's still unsure of his name. Meh -- why bother worrying about pronunciation now? It's not like the kid is staying.

- I know you might think based on my hometown heritage, that I am undoubtedly enamoured with curling and all its major competitions. Surely the day is coming when I'll regale you with tales of Al Hackner in the '80's at the Fort William Curling Club. Wrong. Curling drives me bloody bonkers, especially when it preempts my beloved PTI in its entirety. What the (expletive), TSN? Check it out: If a participant's weight is never an issue, it's not a sport. If you can do it after downing a bottle of cherry brandy, it's not a sport. If it resembles any type of household chore, it's not a sport. And yes, I know I came close to describing MLB there for a minute. Close, but no cigar. Down with the Brier...now where's my daily Dwayne Wade injury update?

- Here's one for the Elias Sports Bureau: What's the Sens' current record after experiencing a goalie change by the opposition? Something tells me it's not great.

- Do you think TSN's editing department has added Sidney Crosby to the payroll in the past fortnight? Honestly, when the Penguins now go into a shootout, 10 to 1 says someone hits the record/repeat button and walks out of the building for the night.

- More genius from inside TUC HQ: After Stuntman Stu announced Dany Heatley's 41st goal, The Driver deadpanned, "(Stu) sounds like he's falling off a cliff." It took me nearly five minutes to regain my composure.

More later.

Leftovers

Tuesday, March 06, 2007



- The Driver and I banter back and forth about a lot of topics -- for example, we couldn't agree on whether Danzig's Twist of Cain qualifies as a stripper song (I say yes, he says no). It was about two weeks ago when we came to a compromise, and decided that it could qualify as a first or third song in the traditional three song rotation, considering that the second (top off) is traditionally a ballad.

(Aside -- I know way too much about strip clubs, considering that I'm basically a strip club neophyte. Don't question it...just go with it. Hands up how many of you are heading over to Limewire to download the song after you're done reading this. Yep, that's what I thought.)

Anyway, I'm getting way off topic. Our latest debate centres around whether Martin Gerber bears a close resemblance to Prison Break's Dominic Purcell (I say no, he says yes). Take a look at the photos above -- what do you think? I tried to find ones that would support The Driver's argument. Seriously -- it's just the stubble and hair, right?

- How many of you caught John Muckler's Upfront on OTR last night? My favourite part involved Muckler referring to the newly acquired No. 61 as "Spareekin". When did Don Cherry take over as GM of the Senators? You know the GM must've spent a good amount of time mulling over his impulse purchase if he's still unsure of his name. Meh -- why bother worrying about pronunciation now? It's not like the kid is staying.

- I know you might think based on my hometown heritage, that I am undoubtedly enamoured with curling and all its major competitions. Surely the day is coming when I'll regale you with tales of Al Hackner in the '80's at the Fort William Curling Club. Wrong. Curling drives me bloody bonkers, especially when it preempts my beloved PTI in its entirety. What the (expletive), TSN? Check it out: If there are no weight restrictions, it's not a sport. If you can do it after downing a bottle of cherry brandy, it's not a sport. If it resembles any type of household chore, it's not a sport. And yes, I know I came close to describing MLB there for a minute. Close, but no cigar. Down with the Brier...now where's my daily Dwayne Wade injury update?

- Here's one for the Elias Sports Bureau: What's the Sens' current record after experiencing a goalie change by the opposition? Something tells me it's not great.

- Do you think TSN's editing department has added Sidney Crosby to the payroll in the past fortnight? Honestly, when the Penguins now go into a shootout, 10 to 1 says someone hits the record/repeat button and walks out of the building for the night.

- More genius from inside TUC HQ: After Stuntman Stu announced Dany Heatley's 41st goal, The Driver deadpanned, "(Stu) sounds like he's falling off a cliff." It took me nearly five minutes to regain my composure.

More later.

...which hasn't been difficult to do lately, since I've been battling some sort of mutant virus since February 24. I lost 10 pounds in 6 days...just like Martin Havlat! We're going to co-found a whacked-out weight loss center that'll receive no endorsement from the FDA, but'll work a treat. You heard it here first.

Uh, anyway...

Check this out -- I'm sorry I wasn't lucid enough to get to it sooner. Yes, it's coming from Ottawa, and as I understand it, the *cough* interviewer was auditioning for some contest for Rogers, which sees the winner host their own show on the network.

Levels of offensive behaviour -- let us count the ways:

1) Use of poor grammar;

2) Using a television spot to discuss the varying levels of pulchritude on an OHL team;

3) Propositioning a minor to co-ordinate a meetup for the purpose of consuming alcohol.

Stellar job.

Now I know that No. 3 is the most pressing issue -- an utterly disgusting event to be sure -- but something about this clip got under my skin, and it had nothing to do with the beer question.

I hate it when women in the media (regardless of position, medium or premise) feel the need to blatantly discuss the attractiveness of male athletes. It drives me freaking insane. Now I'm sure someone's going to attempt to call me on this, saying that I've referenced someone like Tom Brady in the past. I can assure you that if you go through the posts, it was a passing reference (if anything) and was likely done for the purpose of humour. Never, ever, EVER would you see me write something that described which athlete I would like to view in a state of undress, or go out on a date with.

Do you know why?

It serves absolutely no purpose. It has no relevance.

Yet, in spite of this, I've seen women argue online that as long as they maintain some sort sports intelligence, their outward views towards an athlete's attractiveness is fair game. That's lovely. Why don't you try running that viewpoint past an editor, program director or producer of traditional media, and see how many jobs you land?

Do you know why I chose this medium after dabbling in the others? The radio people told me they liked me, but that I had a "good look" for television. The television people liked me, but mentioned that I had a "hot voice". Normally I wouldn't reveal this information because I find it highly embarrassing even now, but you have to understand: As a woman who legitimately cared about what I was discussing, it was incredibly frustrating to be sexualized on a regular basis. I was never going to be taken seriously if people cared about my appearance. Writing made my gender the least relevant, out of all three mediums. Sure, my picture and name appeared, but if you didn't see them (and sometimes you couldn't), there was no way to determine if I was male or female. I was in control of how much femininity was revealed. And to me, that was empowering. It was a way to build credibility.

This is an extremely difficult business for a woman to be in. You've got your boys' clubs in the press box, and your 10+ units of testosterone sitting like the crowned heads of Europe for all the "NHL on TSN" commercials. I have fought like a psychotic dog to be taken seriously by my readers, and it's constantly like walking a tightrope. One false move and I'll be besieged with the obligatory, "Stupid bitch doesn't know what the (expletive) she's talking about."

That's why I hate it when women feel it necessary to make fluffed-out comments about an athlete's appearance. You're playing right into the naysayers' hands. They expect you to be dumb. They expect you to be bubbleheaded. They expect you to slip up. Don't believe me? Ask Deb Kaufman how many times TSN has replayed that footage of her getting caught in the Islanders' box. And you can make your arguments and spout all the impressive stats that you want to after you drop your bomb. It doesn't make a difference. You'll always be remembered by them as the chick who thought Mike Fisher was boyfriend material (or similar). Nothing you say after that will ever matter -- especially to an audience that's 98% male.

And ultimately, because people like to generalize, such behaviour becomes associated with a lot of women...making it that much more difficult to be taken seriously in this business.

It's something that I despise. And it's something I definitely don't appreciate.

One last note for any dissenting parties who still labour under the delusional belief that this type of behaviour would play in the traditional media: I ultimately secured the column by complaining to the Sun about a female "sportswriter" who was producing this type of garbage in their paper. I now have a weekly space in the Sun, and she is nowhere to be found. Just some food for thought.

[Credit: Loose Pucks]