The Universal Cynic

Place this one under the header of "Adventures in Creative Contest Marketing."

I found this on the website for Wild Wing" -- a chain of Canadian restaurants specializing in the flapping part of the chicken that serves as a general accompaniment to beer. Anyway, as I clicked onto the page, the header left me rather perplexed. A contest for a No. 87 jersey -- baby blue in colour, dangerously similar to the Pittsburgh throwbacks? Penguins championship slogans on the bottom? A bad Photoshop attempt at someone who's supposed to look like Sidney? (Ed. Note: You'll notice they forgot the lipstick.) Yet, there's no mention of Crosby, the NHL, or the Penguins proper anywhere in the advertisement. Funny that.

The rules and regulations state that the prize is a "Sidney Crosby signed heritage jersey ... This deluxe framed piece features a Sidney Crosby signed heritage jersey combined with a custom Wild Wing plaque."

Oooh, classy.

Apparently someone is trying to get out paying for the use of Crosby's image and NHL signage. Too bad the results are more than suspect (not to mention laughable).

The rewind version...

Poor, old (well, he's 34), slow Shean Donovan. It's apparently hard to give him love, which I discovered after the Penguins' Matt Cooke took out No. 10's knee for an extended period of time. Yes, the Senators eventually ended up winning that game quite handily against Pittsburgh. The thing was, the Pens ran out a D that was about as effective as a bunch of ex-ECHLers on a peach schnapps bender (yeah, you know it happens). I'm usually shy on sports betting when it comes to the NHL, but even I was tempted to get down on the home team that night.

So when I felt that the loss of Donovan was more relevant than an uneven matchup vs. Pittsburgh, I was rather surprised by the reaction of Senators fans. How dare I defend Shean Donovan, a player who, when he's in the lineup, saw the Sens go 8-3-1 during his 12 games played this season. "But he's been a healthy scratch," they insisted. Oh well, God freaking forbid we question a first-year coach on his decision-making skills. Here are your alternatives in that doomed-to-the-press-box troika: Jesse Winchester and Ryan Shannon. I'm not saying any NHL expert picks Donovan as MVP of the team, but he has played a far more responsible game than the others (Shannon in particular), and could have been viewed as an underrated piece for the club, especially considering his price tag.

Of course, when I pointed this out to the Donovan naysayers, no one could make a case for the other two as viable replacements for the old bugger. Chew on that.

Sens rookie LW Mike Hoffman after a 4-1 win vs. Pittsburgh last night:

"It was a good game; it was high tempo. We've got a lot of good players out here, and everyone's trying to make a spot, so they're just working their balls off. It was a good game and I was glad to be a part of it."

I know it was shown on Rogers 22, but...um...ew? I'd blame it on youthful exuberance/inexperience, but the entire delivery was traditional deadpanned Canadiana on a mic, which only added to the effect.

P.S.: A family emergency overnight has led to a delay of today's Deglaze. Apologies all around. Look for it sometime this afternoon, or at the very latest, this evening.

More later.

Yes, Jordan Staal really did take the Cup to the Hoito. Bless his heart. For more on the Cup's adventures in Thunder Bay, check out this piece from the Chronicle Journal.









(Much thanks to reader Scott B. for the photos.)

(I've been waiting far too long to post that photo.)

So it's been a while, right? Sorry about that. Let's get to it, and stay tuned for an important announcement at the end.

Do I Sound Like I Care?: The whole "Ooh...the Sens are looking for a head coach!" has turned into a big mess of indifference for me. Some of us (read: my loser friends and myself who care far too much about this) have been gunning for Pat Burns for a while now. The thing is, he was originally our second choice. Our first was Ken Hitchcock, who was only free for 21 days before Columbus scooped his ass up in November of '06. If you'll remember, the Sens were heading down the merry road of suck at that point, and a coaching change seemed imminent (regardless of insistence to the contrary). Sure, they eventually got to the Finals with Bryan Murray, but are you going to tell me Paul Bearer couldn't have done the same?

Anyway, back to Burns. The Senators need someone who can crack the whip and get this franchise back to a defensive mindset. It may only be a short-term solution for a couple of years (Burns' act can wear thin), but it's better than watching Bryan Murray wear two hats. He's currently the right choice, which obviously means the Senators won't get him. And don't talk to me about Bob Hartley, okay? I want a coach who knows about building a foundation -- I don't want a guy behind the bench who wears it. (Combine the over-gelled hair and the eerily smooth skin tone, and you've got a walking corpse running the team.)

Bob Cole Will Cut A Bitch: I was not happy at all to read that the current Stanley Cup Finals will be likely Bob Cole's last. Look, I don't really have a problem with the man. Sure, he messes up, but a) you almost always know what he means and b) it's hilarious. Even as a septuagenarian, he's still the best voice in the business and I love that he calls a straight game -- no cheese, with minimal back story. I don't need a synopsis about a kid's junior hockey career in the Q. Give it a freaking rest. And did you notice that no one ever attempts to get a word in edgewise when he's talking? Don't mess with a man who works with his pants undone. The idea of Jim Hughson taking over the post makes my stomach turn. "Grrrrreat save, Luongo!" 20 bucks to the first cynic who can snap a photo with Hughson while holding a box of Frosted Flakes.

Regardless of my (likely surprising) appreciation of Bob Cole, my favourite call of the playoffs thus far has come from Chris Cuthbert -- Game 5 of the San Jose-Dallas series. You can check it out here (the call begins at approximately 1:50).

The Finals? No Bandwagon Here: I'm sure it will come to the surprise of absolutely no one when I admit that I am pulling for Detroit, but this isn't a new-school affiliation. I'm not one of those Ottawa jackasses who just remembered that Steve Yzerman is from Nepean. I grew up as a Detroit fan after they became Thunder Bay's U.S. television affiliate in the late '80's. Flight 255, Coleman Young in his twilight years, Devil's Night, Bill Bonds doing Bonds On, as opposed to commercials for Gardner-White...I remember all of it. The coverage done by the local stations for the Red Wings at that time was nothing to sneeze at, and the club's incessant choking through most of the '90's served as a prerequisite for what I would eventually experience as a follower of the Sens.

I'm pretty certain Detroit can still pull this off. They've played on a different level than everyone else for the majority of the season, and if you'll recall, Anaheim had a flat game in the Finals as well. It didn't seem to hurt them too much in the long run. A couple of thoughts:

* When Malkin doesn't show up (listless play, buggering up passes, giveaways), he's the spitting image of Jason Spezza.

* I still can't condone the media's double standard when it comes to Crosby. In one breath they're goobering over his leg strength, as if he could asphyxiate a person with his thighs like Xenia Onatopp in James Bond's Goldeneye. But when an opponent makes contact and No. 87 mysteriously tumbles over, well..."he must have caught an edge". Woman, please.

(Aside: That'll be the last time I link to a YouTube clip with the phrase "Jungle Orgasm" in the title. Don't worry, it's PG.)

* Those responsible for audio at Mellon Arena deserve credit for playing Jawbox during a break in play. Just saying.

* If Marian Hossa fails to show up during the Finals (he has 2 assists so far), what purpose did he really serve if the Penguins can't pull this off?

* If this is the Penguins' time, they'd better get it done now. The idea of a window being open for several years is over, and holding onto your snipers while discarding other pieces isn't going to cut it.

And, Finally...The Announcement: Many have asked where the column has been (I've never taken two weeks off in a row). Well, after nearly four years, Sun Media and I have parted company. Details will remain few, but the thanks will be plenty:

- To the Canadian readers -- the ones who followed me here, and the ones who didn't. Thanks for always being appreciative of the different angles I attempted to provide.

- To the American readers -- funny, polite and astute. Loved you guys.

- To those in the business who took the time to write, "Hey...you don't suck" e-mails -- thanks to the ones at Sun Media, ESPN.com, The New York Times, CBC Newsworld, AOL Sports, The Globe And Mail, Sportsnet.com, TSN.com, The Hockey News, Slate.com, Deadspin, Yahoo! Sports, Rogers 22, all the European outlets...your support was always appreciated. Special thanks to the television outlets who never bristled when I constantly responded, "No, thank you -- I don't do tv."

- To the sources -- thank you for spilling, and for your trust.

- To my confidantes -- thank you for listening, and for always remaining supportive.

I can say with nearly unwavering certainty that my days with traditional media are over. However, I will soon have an announcement to make regarding my next move. What can I say? You can't keep the Scott Norwood Section down for long.

More later.

...because we're dedicating SNFU's "Black Cloud" to Wade Redden.

Alright, so I promised you Hockey Night in La Jolla, right? A little background: The last time The Driver and I went to San Diego, we found a skating rink plopped in the food court of an outdoor mall. There was some feebly arranged peewee hockey being played, and the goalies didn't even wear pads or masks. That being said, the parents and rest of the food court was totally into it, and I thought, "How cool is this?" I made sure to seek out the rink the next time we came down, in the hopes that I'd be able to catch some more hockey, however pathetic.

This time around it was beer league -- proper equipment, although just as brutal. I wasn't planning on staying long...that was, until I saw the guy on the left skate past (click to enlarge):

The name on the back of his jersey was "Spunt". Best. Freaking. Name. Ever. Unfortunately, the dude skated like Brian McGrattan on muscle relaxants, but somehow that made me love him even more. Maybe it was all the beach time or my slightly sunburnt forehead, but I went into puckbunny mode -- chasing back and forth with the camera attempting to get photos while Sephora and Victoria's Secret bags dangled from my wrists.

(Aside: Despite the blog, column and my false bravado, I am still a chick who cares far too much about uncomfortable underwear and overpriced makeup. This is also worth mentioning: The Driver came into VS with me, and spotted some hot pink and black lingerie on display. He pointed at it and stage whispered to me, "Hart Foundation!" I didn't know what to be more embarrassed about -- the statement itself, or the fact I knew exactly what he was talking about. )

Anyway, back to the game. We were facetiously speculating on the past of the guy in the Phantoms jersey, when all of a sudden he fell about six times in a two minute span (including backwards through the gate in a move that was reminiscent of Midori Ito). The whole thing was so atrociously bad, I couldn't have possibly enjoyed it more. If you're ever in San Diego, track down the University Town Center mall and see it for yourself. It's totally worth it.

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As for tonight...I don't know what to tell you, kids. Some of the things being said in the media have left me completely perplexed. Sarcastic or not, you can't encourage vicious injuries to the opposition. Furthermore, do you really want to see this team spend time in the box with three of its best PK men out with injuries? Shake yourself.

It's the defence that truly has me intrigued. The pairings are all over the map: 6-24, 4-44 and 14-55. It's the last one that really freaks me out -- if anything, Lee's got the calmer head of the two, but this is the playoffs and he's a neophyte.

Speaking of neophytes, can someone explain how Sidney Crosby gained a wealth of experience in five playoff games last year? "He's not green anymore! Look out!" I know his hockey intelligence is unsurpassed, but how's about we save these threats until he's played in the post-season for a few years?

Back to the D for a final thought: The blueline has got to step up their grit for this series -- it was an integral part of the team's success against Pittsburgh last year. I was talking to a friend about Phillips the other day and we both came to the same conclusion: Why doesn't this guy realize how effective he is when he plays with some toughness? Has he not been praised enough when he's done so? It's like dog training -- give the guy a ton of positive reinforcement when he hits someone. "Good boy, 4! Play that man!" Slap him on the ass, and send him out again. By the way, if Phillips were a dog, he'd be a St. Bernard. Yeah, don't tell me you can't see it.



Looks like Spunt needs a break, and frankly so do I. More later.

From the NHL's Public Relations department:

NHL STATEMENT

"Demonstrating once again that our fans are the most passionate in sports, more than 42,000 tickets to the AMP Energy NHL Winter Classic were sold in the first 30 minutes of availability this morning. Due to the overwhelming demand, plus our commitment to Sabres and Penguins season ticket holders, the Buffalo Bills and sponsors of the event, we are currently sold out. If additional tickets become available, we'll release the information at a later date."

(Worst Photoshop ever, but made me laugh, so it gets a pass. I found this over at The Book of Face -- anti-Angie groups encompass at least 60% of all found. My favourite one, simply based on title alone: Sidney Crosby Is An Advertisement Slut.)

Emails are still trickling in regarding Sunday's column. One the more interesting messages (when it wasn't chastizing us about Wayne Gretzky -- whaa?) had some thoughts regarding Crosby's perception if, say, he suddenly sported a different uniform. Here are the pertinent excerpts:

"Clearly you are not a fan of Sidney Crosby and the Pittsburgh Penguins. That's fine. You are entitled to feel however you wish. I am curious how much of it has to do with the fact that the Penguins are an American franchise and that is not one of the Original Six...If Crosby played for Ottawa or Toronto or Montreal the tune would sound a lot different."

Sigh.

The Original Six gaffe -- let's allow that to slide. What about this missive screams "American fan" to you? Oh, I don't know -- the idea that Ottawans would accept Sidney Crosby if he sported a Leafs or Habs sweater in the postseason (or at any time, for that matter)? You've got to be joking. Every Canadian that follows hockey, regardless of whether they care about them, is aware of the team rivalries in this country. And if the American media were doing their part, the U.S. fans would probably have a much better understanding of them. That being said, there are tons of sites, blogs etc., devoted to coverage of teams and specifically, Canadian rivalries -- may we present Exhibits A and B.

Here's what it boils down to: Putting Sidney Crosby in a Leafs or Habs uniform, and ultimately having him face the Sens in the playoffs would make the vocal displeasure from Games 1 and 2 look like a walk in the park. He would be despised. Vilified. Envision Darcy Tucker with a plethora of talent and pockets stuffed with Carmex. Oh, but he'll be in a Canadian uniform, so that'll make his North of the Border detractors love him? Yeah, we all care about those sorts of things so much these days.

A few leftovers from last night's game:

- About the Zamboni driver up there -- speculation is already beginning and some are wondering if Dany Heatley is dealing with an undisclosed injury. There's absolutely no jump to his game and he can't put anything away, even if it's gift-wrapped. His backhand specifically, is totally off the mark. It's gotten to the point where he's begun to hurt, more than help.

- Speaking of hurting more than helping: Barring a miracle, Wade Redden's time in Ottawa is undoubtedly drawing to a close. The turnovers, the lack of mobility combined with complete and utter weakness when faced with the likes of Gary Roberts -- this isn't working. Sporadic, well-played games will never justify a 6.5 million dollar salary. Is he leading off the ice? That's for the dressing room to know. What is known is if Redden were leading during play as-is, the series would be over by now...and tilted in the wrong direction.

- How did Mike Comrie go without a star last night? Another great performance from him.

- Let's just say it: Oleg Saprykin is as gritty as a triple-cream Brie, and rustier than a 1981 Honda Civic.

- Why is Gary Roberts allowed to bogart Emery's blue paint on a Penguins' PP without fear of reprisal? You know if it were the other way around, the old man would be cross-checking the Sens' player in the back, ad nauseam.

- Colby Armstrong won't be adored in this city anytime soon, but he gets points for this mature decision.

Hopefully today will be the last day where the media will incessantly remind us of who lost, rather than pointing out who won. Hopefully.

More later.

Yeah, go ahead and act like you weren't thinking it as well.

You can claim, a la Don Cherry, that Colby Armstrong had nowhere to go, but that still doesn't justify him flying in low, and bringing his shoulder into Patrick Eaves' head (who was having an above-average series before this, by the way). Fair hits aren't always acceptable hits. Claims of remorse were made, but Armstrong didn't seem to have any problem with running Ray Emery full-steam in Game 2 -- you know the guy is going to pull stuff like this. Retaliation by the Sens was measured tonight, but the meanness level still needs to be ratcheted up a notch -- without taking unnecessary penalties (like Christoph Schubert's late in the third).
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Dean McAmmond dropping the gloves last night was hysterical. Dangly arms, and didn't seem to react at all to Maxime Talbot's first punches. It reminded me of that episode of The Simpsons where Homer becomes a boxer, and allows his opponents to hit him until they tire themselves out. (Scroll to the :37 mark for a refresher -- this is worth watching just to hear the theme from The Contender again.)



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Yet another word on the PP -- what on Earth is the point of having a player like Dany Heatley down low? He won't fight to stay in position in front, and if he's standing to the side, he's useless unless the pass/rebound comes directly to him. If it's in his vicinity, he's inevitably beaten to the puck by a nearby Penguin, due to his incessant floating.

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Can we please acknowledge what a great playoff series Chris Kelly is having so far? He's always willing to do the dirty work, and I was so thrilled for him when he scored in Game 2 -- if the kid's got a knock, it's his woefully lead-filled hands. On the flip side of the coin: Memo to Dany Heatley -- the playoffs have started. You can begin scoring now.

________________

Not much negativity via the email regarding yesterday's column -- I had one missive which referred to me as "brain dead" that was also sent to the op-ed section, so I'm sure you'll be able to catch that in the paper in a couple of days. Good times. Strangely enough when I wrote the guy back, he wasn't able to come up with a reason why it's unacceptable to boo Crosby, yet taunting Marc-Fleury is considered fair game. Actually, none of Crosby's supporters in Ottawa have been able to explain how that works. Funny that. Where should we turn in times like these for a bit of common sense? Would you believe...a Leaf fan? From the TUC inbox:

Good morning Erin,

Great article today. I live in Ottawa but bleed Blue and White and I had
some buddies saying how classless of the Sens fans etc. But I agree with
you 100%. When you purchase a ticket you have the right to voice
whatever opinions you want. I don't think Sidney goes home and cries
afterwards. I think it's great to see the building so loud and into the
games because it seems to only happen when the Habs or Leafs are in town
and that's only because the fans are 50/50. No I don't have a rev up the
red shirt or Sens car flag but I guess if a Canadian team has to win
well.............I'll leave it at that.


Two words: Gets it.

P.S. Do you think anyone in the Ottawa media will have anything to say about the boos that were heard during O Canada last night? There was a boy in the building from Cole Harbour, NS last night -- good God, it's happening again! (In all seriousness -- a truly classless demonstration by those select Pens fans, and a proper demonstration for media members like Hugh Adami that provided the real definition of unsportsmanlike behaviour.)

First off, credit to Pittsburgh for coming away with a victory. Now onto the important stuff...

Mike Comrie has come into his own in this playoff series -- the effort is non-stop, combined with the feistiness of a little dude with a chip on his shoulder. Better still, if you were watching the telecast, you may have seen Comrie taking a leadership role during the PP, in an attempt to improve its effectiveness -- chirping at his teammates when they became sedentary. (More on this later.) Obviously, the Sens will not have salary cap room to retain Comrie in the offseason, but here's a question: How much money does the heir of The Brick fortune need? Comrie's salary likely resembles a slush fund to him -- 10 to 1 says he "invests" it in pimped out hot tubs and a truck like Jon Lieber's.

On to the PP, which obviously is still an issue. Alfredsson was able to put one away (displaying a large amount of joy and relief in the process), but some of the same problems from Game 1 still remain -- although there was some improvement with the play being brought down low. A new issue has arisen, and while it's been a known weakness for the Sens in the past, they likely thought it wouldn't rear its ugly head in this series: The dreaded faceoffs. Pittsburgh was relegated to the bottom of the barrel in faceoff wins during the regular season -- today was a different story. Maxime Talbot won 66 per cent of his (19-29) and Angie came away with 11 out of 14, or 79 per cent. On the other side of the coin, Mike Fisher went 6 for 19, Jason Spezza was 12 for 23 and Antoine Vermette ended up going 4 for 9. Adding to the frustrations were faceoffs that weren't won cleanly, making it difficult to get quick shots off while inside the offensive zone.

And finally, memo to Angie and Maxime Talbot: Were penalties deserved after you received respective shots to the throat and nose? Perhaps. But how's about you not fling your head back in a soap opera-worthy performance, followed by a blatant stare at the adjacent official in a feeble attempt to garner sympathy?

***DISCLAIMER -- PLEASE SCROLL TO BOTTOM***

Everyone will analyze and trip over this game to death -- I'll let the others handle the breakdowns, because it's not my cup of tea...in this series at least. I've purposely avoided 90% of all television media over the past 48 hours, because I couldn't handle the perpetual rehash and arguments over semantics. I watched the first four minutes of Off The Record yesterday evening where Pierre McGuire fawned over Gary Roberts, and my blood pressure shot up about 15 points.

That being said -- a couple of quick points:

I can't remember the last time, regular season or playoffs, when I saw the Sens play with such chemistry and utter effectiveness. Phenomenal work from the defense -- Chris Phillips was on fire, Anton Volchenkov was working the bodies and Joe Corvo (CORVO!) was totally dialed in. All pairings should be extremely happy with their performance on Wednesday night. Not only was the pseudo-Angelina Jolie* contained, they were rendered virtually ineffective.

Speaking of The Pretty One and their disallowed goal -- if that had happened to say, Ryan Malone, the goal would have counted. It takes supreme consciousness to actively kick the puck in such a situation. It's obvious that's what the NHL thought they were doing, because they're certainly aware of Angie's reactionary abilities. Anyone else, and it's undoubtedly considered to be a fluke. Every once in a while, it sucks to be a phenom.

As for the Sens crowd -- they must be Jennifer Aniston fans, because the boos rained down on Jolie all night. The jury's still out on the metallic pompoms -- they seemed like a good idea in theory (certainly better than the ThunderStix), but they don't make much of an impact on camera.

A couple of minor quibbles -- Emery has got to watch his rebounds. A large number of them were Manatee-esque. The PP also needs a major kick in the pants. Two 5-on-3s with no results? Ack. The Penguins were pushing the Sens to the outside with a great degree of effectiveness, and Alfredsson quickly ended up on vasectomy duty from the point. Something obviously needs to change, and getting noses dirty with battles down low would be a very nice start.

_________________

*We're not saying their name, because Pittsburgh readers trip out whenever I reference that player. I still get emails about the critical '05 piece from Penguins fans, and offering a blatant response indicating that my opinion has changed a fair amount, has yet to placate a single Pittsburgh supporter. Whatever. Angelina Jolie and said player are both revered and possess prominent cavitas oris. That'll do fine as a moniker. Now I'll just sit back and wait for the Pennyslvania-based emails to roll in, accusing me of referring to their assistant captain as a sexually confused, incestuous, spouse-pilfering whore. I love my job.

*** Greetings, overseas message boards for women -- This post has absolutely NOTHING to do with Angelina Jolie the actress, or any female that may resemble her. This is a sports blog, and this post pertains to the National Hockey League. Please do not approach tabloids with a supposed scoop, unless you consider The Hockey News a tabloid. Thank you.

(That photo has nothing to do with anything -- I just thought it was awesome. For the record, there is a real Paul Shaffer Drive in Thunder Bay, but no Curt Harnett Avenue. WTF?)

Alright, let's get on with it. Call it: Pittsburgh or New Jersey. Who would you rather see the Senators face? Right now, I'm picking the Devils. Now before you begin tripping out, hear me out:

1) Jersey's not the hot team -- Pittsburgh is, and you never want to face the hot team;

2) I'm thinking bigger picture here -- ultimately I think Jersey will be a more significant (and necessary) test for the team, because everyone knows the playoffs are ultimately about defense. You might rate the Devils' defense as average, whereas the Penguins' is subpar, but there's no contest in respect to goaltending. A series victory over Martin Brodeur is always worthy of attention and respect;

3) The longer the Devils stick around in the postseason, the stronger they get. Kill them off while you have the chance;

4) While a possible series victory over the Devils is noteworthy, the seven games or less it takes to accomplish it, is not. Ottawa only garners playoff interest based on their opponent, and everyone knows that the Devils' play won't attract large numbers. On the other hand, the idea of Evgeni Malkin, Jordan Staal and Sidney Crosby embarking on their postseason maiden voyage will have the media in a lather. Let another team play the passenger on that hype machine's wild ride;

5) A two-word built-in excuse: Gary Roberts. If Ottawa plays New Jersey, it's not an issue. If the Senators were to lose in the postseason to Pittsburgh, I'm staunchly certain that the local media would claim that one of the main reasons was due to Roberts playing for the opposition -- regardless of his relevance during the series. He's not in an Ottawa uniform, and there are some residents of this city that need to get over it, fast.

Obviously there are pros and cons to both teams -- either team has the potential to beat Ottawa, and I think that the Senators can beat either of these teams in the postseason. Some might say that after the issues that Ottawa's defense has faced over the course of the season, the ability to shut down a high-powered offense like Pittsburgh's would be a coup. I'd rather attempt to remain confident in the Sens' defense for the meantime, and see the offense take out another team that's notorious for shutting the opposition down. History has shown they're the types of teams that tend to go the furthest, and eliminating a franchise that plays in such a fashion seems more significant to me.

Other bits and pieces...

Reader Kathleen has offered up a blog for us to check out called Big Body Presence -- a bit of info, a bit of humour...my only quibble is that the site is quite new, so I'd like to see how they develop before I give a final ruling... but so far, not bad.

Did you know that Liam Maguire has a blog? Liam's so damned stellar -- I think the guy's hilarious, and his blog doesn't disappoint. He's been tackling the issues of the day in his typical manner, after what appeared to be a hiatus from posting. Let's hope he keeps it up. Oh, and by the way -- past is past. Give the man a radio show again.

And finally, I'm wondering how much longer we'll be privy to TGOR/Team 1200 vs. The Citizen's Hugh Adami. In case you missed it, here was the opening shot. Seriously, is there anything better than a pointless media war? Not that I've been in one myself, but I'm always warmed by the usual, "Aren't we in this together?" emails that come after I've tweaked someone's nose. Those kill me.

Hey Pittsburgh fans -- great news about those playoffs, and undoubtedly everyone, including the NHL, wants to see you in a matchup that'll draw huge ratings. Do you have a problem with my opinion?

Undoubtedly so.

Just to be clear about the posts...

Gets it:

I got a different take out of the article.

It seems to me that the NHL would love to see the Penguins play the Blueshirts in the first round. Versus and NBC would be, let's say, favorably disposed to showcasing Crosby & Company against the team from the preeminent television market in the world.

Ottawa could play the Devils, and the 1 million people in the Ottawa region would care passionately, and the 5,000 or so Devils fans might care a little bit.

Traditional big market teams such as Boston, Chicago and Philadelphia are not going to the playoffs. NBC doesn't like that.

Whaa?:

This ****** me off.

Our team goes through a painful rebuilding process, we go through a horrible 2005-2006 year full of misery and heart break, we nearly loose our team, then we get the new arena, our team make a dramatic playoff push and makes it for the first time since 2001. All we do now as fans is support the team and sell out the building AND NOW the league is showing FAVORITISM? ... there is no doubt Crosby is the face of the NHL but I don't think they are fixing the playoffs for us and showing a bias. We are just enjoying our success and its been a great story. I don't see how that makes us the NHL's pet.

If anything we tend to get picked on by a-holes like the guy who wrote this article.

Best In Show:

I just feel that article is ridiculous. He may have somewhat of a point but what it comes down to is the guy is probably just some jealous habs fan.

Not only am I repeatedly referred to as a dude*, but I'm also a fan of Les Habitants? Damn, that's a lot to take on in one day. Does this mean I can begin to repeatedly curse in French? As I've stated before, the only phrase I'm able to utter with sincerity is, "Go f*ck yourself with a handful of thumbtacks."

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* Love it. Want to know why? Read this.

You've got to love a guy that's willing to admit he's into hair bands. Check out this piece from the Penguins' website detailing the Kwiatkowski's summer tour alongside Poison and Cinderella.

(Aside: I can't believe Poison and Cinderella now have their own labels on the blog. What's next -- Ratt and Europe?)

Obviously there isn't much to talk about if the media is still going on about incidents in St. Louis and Pittsburgh. By the way, my favourite part of the St. Louis game involved the constant shots of John Davidson furiously texting on his Blackberry (or similar), after the non-goal-but-really-was-a-goal. I'm guessing the correspondence looked like this:

To: garybettman@nhl.com
CC: stephenwalkom@nhl.com
From: johndavidson@stlouisblues.com

WTF!!!111 *pissed*

To: johndavidson@stlouisblues.com
CC: mickmcgeough@nhl.com
From: garybettman@nhl.com

LMAO! PWNED!!!! :)~

(Aside: You know that all NHL front office members send missives that appear to have been written by a 14-year-old, right? By the way, those aren't real email addresses, so don't even try.)

It's unbelievable to me that the most brutal ref in the league (it's a tight race to be sure) shares the same surnname (in pronunciation) as a legally blind cartoon character. Why isn't Deadspin on this?

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At about 2:30 am on Wednesday morning, I went back to watch the Edmonton-Ottawa game from February 20th that I had saved on my PVR (one of the best games of the year, by the way). I did this because I remembered Martin Gerber had played in that game, and I wanted to compare his performances. There wasn't that much difference that I could see: His positioning is better, and he doesn't cower in the back of the net as much, so I'll give him credit for that. The biggest issues that still remain: 1) Loose pucks and rebounds; 2) Not knowing where the puck is and 3) Plodding overall movement that always seems to be half a second behind the play. During one attempted save in the St. Louis game, Gerber reached back and over his head with his trapper in a slow, sweeping gesture, long after the puck had flown past him. It reminded me a lot of the manatees The Driver and I swam with in Central Florida last month.

Wait a sec -- if manatees are methodically slow and gentle, and Gerber is methodically slow and gentle...

Looks like someone's got himself a new moniker.
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Just for the record, my NCAA bracket still lives. I went 26-6 in the first round, and a disappointing 9-7 in the second. Biggest troublemakers so far: UNLV, who haven't been relevant since I was in junior high (until now), Louisville and Winthrop (Cinderella team, my ass). I had them beating Notre Dame in the first round, and Oregon in the second. A long shot to be sure, but Oregon bugs me. Check that...their colours bug me.

(Now I'm starting to sound like Bill Simmons' wife, so I'll just stop there.)

Anyway, three of my final four are still alive, and I've got Georgetown beating Joakim Noah and his muumuu in the championship game.





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One thing I'm not looking forward to if the Sens play Pittsburgh in the postseason: Their oversensitive fans. (And yes, they are more sensitive than Sens fans -- trust me.) I guarantee if the two teams faced each other, and I wrote something like, "Sidney Crosby dives more than Greg Louganis", a number of Penguins fans would likely email and accuse me of being homophobic. On the plus side, they have amazing foreshadowing skills and kick ass at decoupage.

And finally, just out of curiosity, do you think this person still thinks Pittsburgh won't make the playoffs?

And I thought that building in Germany where they held last year's World Cup was freaky.

Kansas City entices the Penguins with free rent and brand new blinding building

[Credit: TSN]

P.S. Here's a comparison photo of the FIFA World Cup Stadium (in red mode):

Don't worry Penguins fans, I'm sure he's just there for the barbeque.

Lemieux meets with Kansas City officials

Mario Lemieux will meet with Kansas City officials Wednesday as part of the process of evaluating future options for the Pittsburgh Penguins.

[Credit: TSN]

Update: Penguins fans attempted to whine on this blog, claiming that TSN didn't mention that there will also be another meeting in Pittsburgh to discuss other options. I was forced to delete the comment because said commentator neglected to read this, which was easily found within the same link posted above:

The meeting comes ahead of a scheduled get together with state and local government officials in Pittsburgh, who are keen to discuss "Plan B" to try and keep the Penguins from leaving.

Once again: We ask you to read, THINK, and then post a comment. Not hard.

...because...well, just because. You've been around here long enough. Don't show your ignorance.



· One of the biggest stories from late last week/over the weekend involved Jim Balsillie's decision to pull his bid to buy the Pittsburgh Penguins off the table. Here's the most interesting part:

Representatives for both Balsillie and the NHL refused to comment on Balsillie's withdrawal, but sources tell TSN the deal started to fall apart a week ago today, when the $175 million transaction was supposed to officially close.

Sources say the NHL introduced a lengthy list of terms and conditions on the closing day that Balsillie would have to agree to if he were going to be approved as the new owner of the team. The sources added that those conditions included keeping the franchise in Pittsburgh under any circumstances and also provided for a scenario where the league could take control the franchise if it deemed it necessary.

Now, was it just me, or did it seem as if Balsillie had his eye on moving the Penguins franchise right from the get-go? Whether any city in question would be feasible or appropriate is not the issue. How can Gary Bettman not have seen, let alone sensed this? I realize there was only one legitimate bid on the table, but why not wait until gaming licenses are awarded this week before taking any offers seriously? (If there was a reason for this timetable that someone is aware of, please fill us in.)

Can you really blame Balsillie for wanting to move the franchise? During the week of the NHL meetings in early December, the Penguins drew an embarrassing 12,511 for a home game vs. Florida. And on the night where Crosby scored his eye-popping six points against the Flyers, only 14,150 fans bothered to appear.

Keep in mind these numbers are coming from the NHL, so they're liable to be on the generous side.

That's some showing for the so-called best player in the league.

The Penguins possess the building blocks to ice an entertaining and highly capable franchise, and if they continue to draft effectively, it's only a matter of time before they are able to legitimately compete in the playoffs. However, time seems to be running out on the idea of keeping the team in Pittsburgh. Would a new arena permanently solve the attendance issues, when the usual refrain from a dying franchise mainly revolves around a poor team, and not a poor building?

Some so-called members of the Pittsburgh media have reacted to Balsillie's decision with tasteless and juvenile remarks. But unless Bettman is blind, he should have been able to see that Balsillie wasn't interested in losing money in an indifferent city. If Isle of Capri is not awarded a gaming license, then it's time to seriously consider the idea of moving the team elsewhere.

Does relocation look good to those who choose to criticize the NHL? Of course not -- it's fodder for the cynical masses who are waiting for the NHL to falter. But right now, doesn't it look worse to have a plethora of empty seats in a building that houses one of the faces of the NHL?

But fear not, Penguins fans -- Frank D'Angelo will save you. Hopefully they'll enjoy becoming a cheap marketing ploy while viewing commercials featuring Ben Johnson, ad nauseam. It's exactly what the league needs right now.

Update: Mario Lemieux offers his two cents regarding the Balsillie pullout, via violin solo.

Meanwhile, thank goodness for the simulcast of Prime Time Sports on Rogers Sportsnet. Today's show blatantly displayed Bob McCown shaking his head in disbelief as potential Penguins buyer Frank D'Angelo attempted to justify his capability as an NHL owner.

· And finally, here's your blind item of the week: The Coyotes have their eye on a goaltender who's been achieving success as of late, and comes highly recommended by Phoenix goaltending coach, Grant Fuhr. But the Eastern Conference team whom possesses said backstopper, doesn't hold a lot of stock in some of their other 'tenders who are prone to injury. They're not giving him up, in spite of growing interest -- they might need him to bail them out down the stretch.