I know I've been scarce as it is, but this is just a note to say that TUC is on hiatus while I attend to some personal business. Hopefully I will be able to return, sooner rather than later.
Talk soon and yeah hey,
E
You're wondering what happened to the 100th column, right?
Well, when news came out that the father of Pretty Boy Jesse Palmer was willing to pay Horn Chen $100,000 for the rights to the Rough Riders' name and logo, I pretty much snapped. Bill Palmer, if you'll remember, is part of the U.S. investment group that's looking to bring back football to Ottawa. And being the glutton for punishment that Palmer is, he thinks that traditional sentiment and pop culture mockery are more important than wiping the slate clean.
The Citizen reported that Chen will be selling the "R" logo, along with the name. But I don't see how he couldn't throw in the Lanny McDonald emblem as a freebie. I mean, if you're going to bugger things up right from the get-go, you might as well make it somewhat amusing.
All right, I promised you a list to coincide with my 100th column. A bit of history, a ton of non-sequiturs and other little tidbits I have picked up in these past two years.
Firstly, a bit of background for those of you who don't know how I got here...
When I was 19 or 20 (so long ago now that I can't remember), The Driver and I were out, and he had turned on what was then known as OSR 1200 (currently The Team). Someone was being interviewed, and it was a person I was familiar with. His name was Greg Hetson -- a guitarist for Bad Religion. As the interview concluded, Fugazi began to play, and then the program went to commercial.
I was pleased as all hell, because I thought I had discovered a punk radio program. But it wasn't. It was Jim Rome. That's how I found him. From there began several years of me calling his program and dabbling in some other forms of media, including radio and television (both of which weren't for me).
In early 2004, the Sun had taken on a female "writer" whom I took issue with, because it was obvious that she was employed due to her pulchritude, which was highly ironic given the medium she chose. I had no issue with her using her assets, but this wasn't the place for it. I wrote the editor and expressed my displeasure. He remembered me from the radio. Long story short, he gave me a job, and I've spent the last two years trying to piss people off every Sunday.
(Aside: Greg Hetson and I have since met several times -- he's always good for some choice L.A. Kings dirt whenever we cross paths.)
Which brings me to my first point:
- I knew before I entered this business that some of the bands I loved were close friends with NHL players. These bands are a plethora of interesting info, and love to talk. Some of my best sources for elite players in the league are in punk rock bands.
- It seems silly, but the thing I like most about this business is coming up with ideas in the most inane, private moments of my everyday life. I could be having a shower at 2 am and think to myself, "The Leafs should trade Mats Sundin." Then I sit in my office, write it all out (100% of the time in pajamas), and a couple of days later, I'm getting emails from all over the globe about it. It's very cool to me.
- The things I like the least: Off-topic readers (a piece about Antoine Vermette suddenly turns into a pro-Leafs rant in my inbox), plagiarism and the press box.
- About the press box (a.k.a. Butterknife Row): Yes, it's a free seat. It's also high school revisited. But they do have hot chocolate...with marshmallows. I'll always make one before an overtime starts.
- The Driver does the best freaking Patricia Boal imitation ever. I'd rate it 5 Boo Boo avatars.
- My two favourite entry draft moments from last year: 1) Coming out of the washroom and nearly running Gary Bettman over. I wasn't wearing heels, and I towered over him. 2) Having a good chat with Marc Staal at a media meet-and-greet, only to be interrupted by one of the most respected insiders at TSN. Anyone else would've been thrilled to talk to this person. Staal looked completely crestfallen.
- I yell over top of TSN's The Reporters like Bill O'Reilly. Every facet of that show makes me want to peel off my skin and throw it against a wall.
- I don't really tend to read too many blogs, even now. When your content and word count is unrestricted, it becomes a bit much for me. A lot of them are WAY too detailed for my tastes. Usually I'll just check them out when I'm looking for quick hits.
- I also don't read a great deal of other opinion work. I like to check out what others are saying, but there's only a handful of media that can truly captivate me on a regular basis -- all of whom are American.
- No matter what anyone says, I will continue to support the Lynx for as long as they are here. Ray Pecor is a quality owner with the patience of a saint.
- Sometimes I regret what I said about Sidney Crosby; sometimes I don't. I'd just like for him to mature, which would allow my opinion to change.
- The most neglected feeder league into the NHL from a Canadian media standpoint right now is in my opinion, the NCAA. As more and more American players are drafted from U.S. colleges, it seems extremely obvious to me that the coverage should increase, beyond the weekly blurbs and monthly interviews. This is a bandwagon that I want to get on, ASAP.
- Harsh or not, it's my belief that listening to the majority of Ottawa sports radio could qualify as a murder defense.
- We all come down so hard on hockey players for giving inane interviews. Marcus Allen-esque news flash: If you actually put some time and effort into creating interesting questions, even the most stoic NHLers will open up. Any beat writer/journalist/media hack that opens up their questioning with, "Talk about..." should have their credentials revoked. This must be taught in J-School somewhere, because I sure as hell would never consider doing it.
There's more, but it's hypocritical for me to complain about word counts, only to go off on a Larry King-type tangent. More later? We'll see.
From the AHL website:
"The Milwaukee Admirals unveiled their new logo, home and road jerseys, and a new color scheme featuring black, silver, and ice blue today at a party at the Potawatomi Bingo Casino Stage on the Summerfest Grounds.
“We are extremely excited to reveal our new look,” said Admirals owner and CEO Harris Turer. “This is a new era for the Milwaukee Admirals and we want to start it off in a tremendous way on the 1st. We are thrilled to share this big night with all of our fans and sponsors.”
The logo, which was designed by Joe Locker of YES MEN, a Milwaukee ad agency, features an Admiral of a ghost ship with the tag line, “Never Say Die.” The logo and slogan come with quite an interesting story that traces the origin of the new logo, which, as it turns out isn’t new at all.
The Admirals (sic) new logo is actually an aged version of the team’s logo from the late 1970’s, a short young lad who was lost in the waters of Lake Michigan back after the 1981 season and was recently found. The only thing that managed to keep him alive all these years was his fighting spirit. In fact, after one of his legs fell off, he used it as a hockey stick to hone his skills.
After over 25 years of being underwater, the red white and blue uniform had faded to the black, silver, and ice blue, and had turned his fresh young face into a skull. Despite all of his changes, his fighting spirit never wavered and that relentless spirit and tireless work ethic have given us our new battle cry: Never Say Die!"
(Aside -- this is the most amusing magazine cover I've seen in a while.)
This upcoming Sunday will be my 100th column. (Yes I know, a hundred too many.) Anyway, I was thinking of doing something different for it. Maybe a list format, maybe something else? I know I'll definitely try and do a list on the blog of things I've learned/encountered in the past two years.
So what do you guys think?
Rock that spin, Detroit.
Perhaps you heard Detroit television personality Ken Daniels on the Team 1200 this aft, discussing the Red Wings' decision to sign Dominik Hasek (and his towel) to a one-year-deal.
Daniels claims (and I'm paraphrasing) that the Wings had a strong interest in Martin Gerber. However, when the Sens snagged the Swiss backstopper, Detroit was left in a bind due to salary cap restraints. Also, in spite of their desire for Gerber, there was "lingering doubt" regarding "playoff capability", and they had been "burned recently in that respect" (see: Manny Legace). That's where the decision to pick up Hasek arose from.
A nice little jab there, from someone who appears to think (or is telling himself) that Detroit scooped up and rescued Hasek from under Muckler's nose, after Mucks thieved their original choice. Strangely enough, the last time I checked, major injuries fell under the banner of "playoff capability".
Just remember, it's all slings and arrows until someone tears a groin muscle.
Just a little something to chew on for the weekend...
Think about all the teams that have been hell-bent on keeping their collective salaries at the lower spectrum of the cap. The floor figure for last year was 21.5 million. Think about Buffalo, who likes to have a ceiling below the actual 44-million dollar cap, and the frustrations they've been dealing with involving RFAs. Think about Boston -- with a collective salary of approximately 32 million last year, and notoriously stingy. Suddenly they're shelling out for Zdeno Chara.
How are these smaller-market teams, and teams that have difficulty drawing going to be able to justify spending this money? The cap demands it now -- you've got to keep up or you'll be left by the wayside, and more and more teams are pushing the limit. Toronto and Detroit have always spent big -- they could afford to, and their ticket prices reflected that fact.
Other teams who had smaller wallets previously attempted to tread water. The CBA's salary cap gives them a chance to hook some of the bigger fishes of free agency, but some still have to get used to the idea of spending $44 million on a collective salary.
It's great if the fans show up, and can offset some of the costs. But what if they don't? The fact remains that even if they do, a number of these markets will likely be raising ticket prices again.
Tour de France winner Floyd Landis fails drug test -- well, there goes that happy story. Obviously the "Tour de Lance" moniker is still applicable for this race.
I rented ESPN's Codebreakers and watched it last night -- it's a docu-drama about the 1951 scholastic cheating scandal that saw 83 cadets dismissed from West Point, but began as a covert group of cribbers from Army's extremely successful football team. A number of players were accused and dismissed, including the head coach's son, who was the QB for the team. It's a decent movie (filmed in Toronto) and a good way to waste 90 minutes.
Speaking of timewasters, if anyone's willing to tolerate my obsession with Rockstar: Supernova, they can do so over at the message board. The Driver's mother was back at TUC HQ last night, and Tommy Lee freaked her out something terrible. I feel the same way about Jason Newsted's recent haircut.
That statement feels like it should be accompanied by metal horns.
Uh, anyway... the 41-year-old facemaker known as Ed Belfour signed a one-year-deal with Florida today, thereby booshing Lakehead boy Alex Auld into shared duties for the backstopping position.
We'll predict that Mike Keenan will be afflicted with buyer's remorse by the two month mark. Just a hunch.
(Credit to Wardo for sending us the awesome photo.)
<----- Dances in time to Metallica's cover of Breadfan by Budgie (even the slow bridge). Don't ask me how I was able to figure this out.
Well...rejoice and so forth. By the way, if I'm posting dancing milk .gifs, can TUC's infamous Boo Boo avatars be far off? I'll hold out a bit longer. I've got to keep you fools maintaining some reason for constantly coming back here.
The sad truth is, there isn't a whole hell of a lot to talk about -- which is blatantly evident if you've visited some of the regular blogs as of late.
I've been keeping busy by listening to Good Riddance circa '96 and going to Lynx games -- it's fantastic to see their offense finally being able to produce regularly, and surely that some players will be called up very soon with Baltimore basically bottoming out. First guesses would be C Eli Whiteside and OF Keith Reed (who's been phenomenal lately -- just yesterday against Norfolk he went 4-for-5 with 2 RBI and 3 runs scored). Also, P Hayden Penn will be heading back with his rehab stint all but finished before his next scheduled start. I finally made it out to see him on the 19th, and he didn't disappoint -- he maintained a no-hitter through the 5th inning. I'm so glad I got on that kid's bandwagon early.
The team's heading out on another road trip (Syracuse and Scranton Wilkes-Barre) but will be back on August 3. If you haven't been to a game this year, go soon before the Orioles pick the roster clean.
Other stuff...
I know hockey's in its dormant season when Slam! leaves the column up in the main hockey digest for the entire day. Normally they don't do that unless I've written something pretty controversial -- you know, like this. But there was one part of the column this week that people reacted to, and I'm pleased that they did, because I wanted to be the first to verbalize it:
"Sometimes, the desire isn’t even related to a hometown — just a favourite team. Have you ever noticed the euphoric expression on Sidney Crosby’s face whenever the Montreal Canadiens are mentioned? If I’m Penguins GM Ray Shero, I’m doing everything possible to promote Pittsburgh to the young phenom for the next six years."
Which of course, encourages emails like this:
Erin,
Don't you mean Ray Shero should be doing everything to
sell Sidney Crosby on Hamilton? ;)
"C'mon, Sid.... it's only a short drive to the
Fallsview Casino."
For the record, I can tell you from experience that what I said is true -- I've witnessed it myself. Crosby's demeanour alters completely whenever anyone mentions Montreal in his presence. He positively glows. It doesn't matter where that team goes, because he's going to have his day in a Canadiens uniform eventually. The talented always get what they want. Hell, in this NHL, even the not-as-talented are able to get it.
And speaking of the not-as-talented, do you think Mike York is going to kick back some of that new $2.85 million to Dave Tallon and the Blackhawks? After all, it was Martin Havlat's contract that began all this mess with the RFAs. You're welcome too, Buffalo. Enjoy!
More later.
It's one thing to be displeased with the moves your new GM has made in free agency. But how to do you justify replacing him with Garth freaking Snow?
Question of the day: Which Michael Peca will the Leafs receive? The integral puzzle piece or the frustrating disappointment? Keep in mind that Peca hasn't scored more than 60 points since 2001-02. The leadership and faceoff ability are fantastic, however, it's safe to say this isn't the man to rely upon to bag the points. And you need those points to win the games that'll get you to the playoffs -- the playoffs where Mike Peca has the potential to shine.
Thoughts?
To any delusional Leafs fans who hold steadfast to the belief that any of the 700+ NHL players would sacrifice their salaries and sanity to play in Toronto given the divine opportunity, may I present Exhibit A:
Eric Lindros.
And the man has had multiple concussions. Don't you love the irony?
Lindros is expected to sign with the Stars today, penning an incentive-laden deal rumoured to be around the $2 million mark. The Leafs have offered the 33-year-old a one-year, $750,000 contract, according to Toronto media.
This isn't about Lindros' worth - he's a high-risk player with a lot of baggage, similar to Dominik Hasek. When he's on, you're loving it. When he gets injured, you're kicking yourself for being so gullible.
Eric Lindros is one of those players that everyone knew was going to end up in Toronto eventually. It was the hometown dream that refused to die. And regardless of whether a player grows up there, we all know there are many who express an open desire to play for the Leafs. Toronto fans revel in it. "Out of all the teams, they want to be here. They want to play for us." Naturally, such an outpouring of desire would be extremely cool, and quite the ego boost, I'm sure. And again, Lindros has been at the forefront of the "I wanna be a Leaf" movement for some time.
So you're telling me after 33 games -- not even half a season -- that Lindros has been sated by his time in Toronto, and is ready to move on? If he wanted to be a Leaf so badly (and up until now, all signs indicated that to be true), then why isn't he taking the $750,000?
What's the deal, Leafs fans? There's got to more to this story, right? Maybe he's greedy. Maybe he doesn't like Buster. Because no one on Earth would say no to the Leafs. If anything, Lindros should've been paying them for the opportunity to wear the blue and white.
(Now that's sarcasm.)
...because having houseguests chews it when you want to update the blog.
The NHL's 2006-07 schedule came out this week, and in my opinion it bit in a big way. I'm convinced that the league is going to see the repercussions of this eventually. I understand that Leafs and Habs fans like to see their teams in the city, and Zdeno Chara's first visit back will be a big deal. But the novelty wears off fast, especially if you attend a lot of games as I do. Combine this with the Senators' selective pricing program (of which Leafs and Habs games are sold at a premium), and it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
This trend has produced another curious factor that we have recently seen in free agency -- player ignorance. Not from the league, but from the fans. How many times did you hear during a signing or trade in the last few weeks, "I don't know much about this player"? What were the odds that they were coming to your team from the other conference? Pretty high, I suspect. If you don't see the teams, you can't learn about other players' idiosyncrasies with any kind of regularity unless you have the Centre Ice package. Not everyone can afford that luxury.
I understand why the league made the schedule this way: It reduces travel wear on the players, and it's a feeble attempt to produce rivalries (an intangible that can't be forced). But you can shove the Northeast division down my throat only so far before I'm going to revolt. I say that as a non-paying fan with a seat in the press box, and as someone that chooses to shell out for tickets regularly so I can cut loose. Given the choice between the third Leafs, Habs, Bruins or Sabres game at Scotiabank Place, I am more likely to select the Sharks at home -- via remote.
Speaking of the press box, one of the biggest unannounced signings to the Senators will directly be affecting that aspect of the team and arena's experience. The team is bringing in Brian Morris as a member of media relations -- he used to perform the same task with the Lynx for several years. I have privately said in the past to anyone who would listen that the Lynx had the best media relations reps in the city. They were always courteous, appreciative and willing to help out the little (wo)man on the totem pole. Brian was a huge part of that, and I am thrilled that he's joining the Sens, because they could really benefit from his finesse and genuine manner. The Senators' press box is not the friendliest place on the planet. Having someone like Brian in there will make my life a lot easier.
(Aside -- one of the most honest documentations about life in the press box can be found here. I couldn't resist commenting on the post -- you can find my thoughts located three-quarters of the way down the page).
Finally, a column preview: This week my editor asked me to write about the absence of the Renegades, now that the CFL season is under way. I asked if I would receive extra pay for character work, because it was a strain for me to feign interest in Canadian football. Then I told him I was joking. (I wasn't.)
I went out to Frank Clair Stadium, accompanied by The Driver and a Sun photographer. The Driver eventually found an open door, so we decided to explore (read: trespass).
What a horribly depressing place, not to mention hot as hell, given the weather yesterday. After I had concluded my work, all three of us went to leave when we made the unfortunate discovery that the door had been locked.
We were trapped inside. Now there's a marketing technique that Lonie never thought to use.
The rusted chain link, the concrete and the hot sun with no shade for refuge. It was like freaking Guantanamo North. Luckily I tracked down a number for security and someone arrived to release us. Apparently the door had been opened to allow a former 'Gade to come by and pick up some equipment he had left behind. (He couldn't get a replacement? God, being a CFL player must suck.) Needless to say, it provided a convenient excuse to give my editor when I was late for deadline.
More later. Have a decent weekend, Cynics.
This is a media release that the Lynx sent me yesterday, and I think it's a really fantastic promo. I thought I would share it here.
LYNX TO HOST TRIBUTE TO JACKIE ROBINSON ON JULY 23RD
Former Teammates Of Legendary Baseball Star To Be On Hand For Pre-Game Ceremony
OTTAWA - The Ottawa Lynx announced today that on Sunday, July 23rd they will be holding a special tribute to Jackie Robinson as part of their 1:05 pm game against the Norfolk Tides.
The Lynx, in partnership with the National Capital Amateur Athletic Association will host a 60th anniversary tribute to Jackie Robinson's first season in professional baseball when he played for the Montreal Royals of the International League. The 1946 season was a special part of Robinson's career, as he helped to lead the Royals to the Govenors' Cup title with Montreal as they defeated the Louisville Colonels four games to two.
Following Robinson's season in Montreal, he would go on to be the first African American in Major League Baseball history when he suited up for the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1947. The trailblazer went on to a Hall of Fame career that featured six All-Star teams, six World Series appearances, a Rookie of the Year award (1947) and a National League MVP (1949).
Starting at 12:00 pm on July 23rd, the Lynx will hold a pre-game ceremony with two former teammates of Robinson and International League President Randy Mobley present. Part of the ceremony will be the retirement of Jackie Robinson's number 42 on the outfield wall at Lynx Stadium.
The two teammates of Robinson that will be present include:
George "Shotgun" Shuba - Outfielder. Shuba is known for his handshake with Jackie Robinson at home plate in 1946 after Robinson's first career homer with Montreal. The photo taken of this moment has been known through history as the "Handshake of the Century"; it is considered the first known photograph of a an African American player and a Caucasian player shaking hands on the field of play. Shuba currently resides in Pittsburgh, PA.
Jean-Pierre Roy - Pitcher. Roy was another member of the 1946 Montreal Royals and a teammate of Robinson's during his first season of professional baseball. He currently resides in Trois-Rivieres, QC.
The Ottawa Lynx team will be wearing replica jerseys and caps from the 1946 Montreal Royals, with the jerseys being auctioned off in a silent auction format during the game on July 23rd. Proceeds of the auction will go to benefit local children's charities.
In a move that few of us saw coming (in spite of Martin Havlat's days being numbered in Ottawa), the Czech winger was sent to Chicago along with Bryan Smolinski in a three-way deal that also involved San Jose.
Chicago sent Mark Bell to the San Jose Sharks in exchange for Tom Priessing and Josh Hennessy, who the Blackhawks added to a package to land Havlat and Smolinski.
Along with Preissing and Hennessy, the Blackhawks sent prospect Michal Barinka and a 2008 second-round draft pick to Ottawa in exchange for Havlat and Smolinski.
Did you get all that? Okay. Let's concentrate on what matters.
Obviously after Havlat's demands, it was expected that he'd be on the move. Frankly I'm surprised that Muckler was able to get anything that could be used in the present (read: something other than draft picks and baby-faced prospects), because Havlat was insisting on a one-year deal.
Which brings us to that "present day" piece: Tom Priessing. Obviously after the loss of Zdeno Chara, the Senators needed to continue their search for defensive pieces. It was highly unlikely that Ottawa would ever find an equivalent replacement, but the addition of Priessing seems to have quelled the masses somewhat. The Minnesota native is considered to be a power-play specialist, and is also a right-handed shot -- a helpful trait on a defense that's notoriously loaded with left-handed blueliners.
Along with the former San Jose defenseman comes two prospects and a draft pick. They may pan out. They may not. Regardless, they will not help the immediate bottom line.
For the record, here's the bottom line: As of right now, the Senators are down a left wing, and a second/third center. And regardless of what critics may have said about Bryan Smolinski -- the player I called "Binkie" (here's the reason why) -- he was still a body that the team doesn't have an immediate replacement for.
Salary dump? Duh. But whom are you going to plug in there? If you're to believe the deluded masses over at the HFboards, it would be Alexei Kaigorodov -- the Russian prospect who's been playing for Metallurg Magnitogorsk -- a kid with no physicality to his game, that has yet to experience the North American style of play, let alone become acclimatized to it. But according to them, you can stick Kaig right in there.
Alrighty then. Rock that spin, Armchair GM. Note to Muckler: No naps until you find someone.
As for the left wing, if you wanted to stick Christoph Schubert on forward, it would work on paper. Schubert played up front several times last year, and made for a feisty combination of speed and fierce hitting. Good on paper, but the reality is that Schubert is still very young and will require grooming. Besides, if you move him ahead of the blueline, you're down to six defensemen (again).
You could believe that Muckler was going to make an effort to fill these holes -- you could believe that, or you could realize that this salary dump was necessitated by the four players left on the team who are going to arbitration (Chris Kelly, Chris Neil, Antoine Vermette and Peter Schaefer).
In short, the dreams that some have of seeing Michael Peca in Ottawa are just that. Dreams.
More later? From John Muckler, hopefully.
P.S. Discuss this trade and Havlat's unsubstantiated new salary on the message board.
Check the links section -- TUC now has a message board.
Discuss, complain, rant...do it all there. This will give you the place to veer off-topic and talk about subjects not related to the posts.
Enjoy and yeah hey.
The Chara piece and interview that appeared in today's Sun left me with mixed feelings. I believe Zdeno when he says that he wanted to stay, but obviously there's the question of not taking the alleged $6 million paycheque which was offered by the Senators.
I'm torn about the entire event after reading the interview, and there's no way to fully shut down an argument one way or the other, because I can see both sides, with so much of it being speculative.
Other stuff...
I spoke with Fred Brathwaite today, who was recently signed by the Thrashers after spending the last two years with Ak-Bars Kazan. Freddie has been waiting for his chance to make it back into the NHL, and knew that so many teams would be looking for goaltenders after July 1st. There were other teams interested in him (two Western conference and one Eastern), but Atlanta maintained the most interest. Brathwaite sounded really upbeat and ready to challenge Johan Hedberg for the No. 2 position with the team. The interview will appear in its entirety in this Sunday's column.
Jason Spezza. 2 years. $9 million.
That's bad math. Here's the real equation of concern:
Current committed salary: ~$35.3 million
Available salary (going right to the cap): ~$8.6 million
Eugene Melnyk's "imposed cap": $40 million
Never mind that the Sens still haven't a top defenseman to replace Chara, but there are still the RFA contracts of Peter Schaefer, Antoine Vermette, Chris Neil and Ray Emery to deal with (I have not included Martin Havlat in that list, remaining under the assumption that he will eventually be traded).
I understand that Jason Spezza falls into the category of being the franchise's new face, but this can't be justified. Not at such a critical stage. And for the life of me, I can't figure out what John Muckler is building for -- the present or the future -- because in my estimation, the Sens will be facing some major hurdles, both in the short and long term.
More later.
This picture may reach the dizzying heights of the drunk Sundin-Belfour photo for TUC. Seriously. Why doesn't she look like that in any of the SI swimsuit photos?
Anyway, yesterday started out as a quiet day for us -- that is, until The Driver decided to turn on the Sharapova fourth-round match at Wimbledon. Listening to the Russian starlet dominate the baseline makes me feel like I should be paying by the minute. Female tennis players' careers have the lifespan of a medfly, but based on Sharapova's screaming wails, I'm sure she'll experience a fine renaissance in the 1-900 industry.
The former Wimbledon's champ's opponent on Monday was a 24-year-old Italian named Flavia Pennetta, whom we immediately dubbed, "Flava Flav". I was highly disappointed that she wasn't able to complete a comeback on Maria -- her continued play would have made for some sweet column material.
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