The Universal Cynic

Upsetting reports coming from overseas regarding former Ottawa Senators goaltender, Martin Gerber. From Greg Wyshynski and Russianhockeyfans.com:

Troubling news from the Kontinental Hockey League, as former NHL goalie Martin Gerber suffered a neck injury while playing for Atlant Moscow -- one that's going to keep him hospitalized for months, according to Russian media reports.

***
According to Russian site lifesports.ru, during the second period a Vityaz forward ran into Gerber. As a result Gerber ended up lying on the ice. After being tested by the team's doctors Gerber was put on a wheel stretcher and taken off the ice. He was sent to a Podolsk municipal hospital where he was diagnosed with a compression fracture of the third cervical vertebra.

Gerber was apparently motionless for some time before being taken off the ice. Horrible stuff. Here's hoping the Manatee can make a full recovery.

From Garrioch at OTP:

Wilson claims to not care about the media and then says he thinks the media in Ottawa is looking for mock Gerber.

Fans would be intrigued to see how Gerber does. It's no wonder attendance is slipping in the NHL. Guys like this genius behind the Toronto bench don't get it. They don't get it all. When there are empty seats in buildings around the league a genius like Wilson might understand selling the game. It's the story everybody wants to see.

Mock? I don't know how effective they'd be at it, but bank says some barbs would be thrown. As for Gerber being the selling point behind a Battle of Ontario match-up -- good God. Isn't the tradition and majesty of hatred enough?

Hmm...I guess not. Capital Tickets is reporting "fewer than 2,500 tickets remaining" for tonight's game. Rock that walk-up crowd, Ottawa!

This is why TUC HQ loves Prison Break: It's the one show where you can watch a reasonable facsimile of Martin Gerber physically threaten an extremely reasonable facsimile of Roy Mlakar.

(Confused? Read the second part of this post. Oh, and thanks for joining us.)

In other non-news, get ready to steel yourselves for additional drunken antics from the OBC via live blog this evening. Most of the crew (minus yours truly, who's currently tied up with other business) should be attending this Atlanta-related affair. Make your presence known at around 6:45 pm EST or so -- bring your dancing shoes, but prepare to duck SLC after he's had a couple. Dude's been known to get a little frisky.


Play nice, ladies. More later.

Joe Corvo to Ottawa media: "Eat it"

(Okay, he didn't say that -- but his play sure as hell did.)

The Driver was cheering for a hat trick, and I have to admit -- part of me was as well. I've made my stance on Corvo quite clear: I don't think he should have been a Senator to begin with, but I didn't condone the way he was treated. Is everyone through obsessing over the former No. 7, and can we put a stop to the juvenile name calling by the mainstream media? It's about time people grow up and let it go. Corvo's got scoreboard. Allow the guy have his day in the sun for Christ's sakes. He deserves it.

You want to throw a defenceman under the bus who's still with the team? I nominate Andrej Meszaros and Wade Redden for starters. The former might cause more blatant errors on a regular basis, but the latter makes me (expletive) bonkers. What the hell is Redden's damage, anyway? His words said he wanted to stay, but his play indicates anything but. His game is utterly passionless; he looks like he's barely going through the motions. This may seem harsh, but to me Redden personifies every negative sentiment that this team has been subjected to -- the soft, passive choking losers that naysayers expect the club to turn into come playoff time. I can't say that about other veterans on this team: Phillips always cranks it up in the post-season, and we all know what Alfie has done to redeem himself (and then some). I'm sure Redden must care, but damned if I can see it -- it doesn't look like he gives a (expletive) about his play for this team, but he has to realize it's going to have an effect on his future contract. Shouldn't he take that into consideration?

A couple more things for tonight...

How killer is that Carolina crowd? They used to get all kinds of crap for not showing any enthusiasm. They make the fans in SBP look like a joke -- granted, that isn't difficult to do. And by the way, their Howard Finkel kicks Stuntman Stu's ass.

The Manatee reserves the right to trip every Sens player boarding the plane home with his flippers. They hung him out to dry in Raleigh. And for the record, I've spoken for everyone and said that the fans love Gerber. Love him, damnit!

Did you get a look at Patrick Eaves' new shoulder pads? (I meant to take a pic but The Driver deleted the recording before I could get to it.) I'm surprised he doesn't get stuck in doorways with those things -- at one point, he was sitting on the bench and he looked like he was waiting to audition for a part in Dynasty.

More later.

P.S. Memo to the North Carolina readers being sent this way: I wasn't at the game yesterday -- the television coverage provided more than enough evidence in regards to your crowd. And while you're here, you also might want to check the pronoun usage in the "About Me" section in the top-right hand corner of the blog. Much obliged.

...because don't you want to be friends with this guy? (In case you were wondering -- yes, he is holding a little pink purse. It all stemmed from this story.)

· You have to be intrigued by the stories appearing today regarding The Manatee's status as the No. 1 guy (here's TSN's, here's the Citizen's and here's the Sun's.) I guess most felt the need to to hold back on "making a call" after what's been going on in net this year, but as someone who watched all games of the West Coast swing, I'll tell you that it seemed pretty bloody obvious after the San Jose game. Gerber is doing things right again -- he's not cowering in the back of the net, and he's also positioning himself to cut off the angles with greater success. However, this time around, there's been one additional "improvement": He's freezing more pucks. I know normally you wouldn't want to encourage that type of behaviour, but it's like someone (I dunno...Ray's boy, perhaps?) said to him: "Look, dude...if you can't control the rebound, just stop the damned thing for now and we'll take our chances on the faceoff." Jason Spezza and Antoine Vermette are currently 12th and 17th respectively in faceoffs won overall. Obviously No. 29 has to still deal with subpar play in his own zone, but I'm guessing he somewhat feels he has a leg (or flipper) up on the situation when the puck is dropped -- hence the plan of hanging onto the rubber for the meantime.

One more thing on Gerber: I've been noticing how the media likes to point out that he plays best when he's not being pushed by someone else. Look at it this way: How would you feel if your job was constantly being threatened by a disinterested layabout (a.k.a. Ray Emery), because the staff figured he deserved multiple grabs at the brass ring (which was only due to past performances Emery has yet to replicate, and a salary that can't be explained away)? This isn't last year, where Emery was the hot young hand and a swap was justifiable. This season was about two goalies with problems: One was willing to put in the work; the other was not. And the one who busted his ass wasn't allowed to redeem himself, thanks to Paddock's "win and you're in" system. It wasn't about the pushing, kids. It was about the circumstances surrounding it, and frankly, I think any netminder in the league would have a problem with it if they were in The Manatee's skates.

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When things are going wrong with a team, you naturally want to look back to when things were right -- thankfully, I kept a PVR clip from the Ottawa-Buffalo conference final last season. Going back to look at the recording is like night and day. Their passing is effortless, whereas recently it's become so laboured and inconsistent. They were fighting along the boards. They won the puck battles. They played a physical game. And most importantly, they charged the freaking net. We're talking run-of-the-mill hockey basics, all of which have mysteriously fallen by the wayside this year. It's the first time I've watched that clip and felt truly sad.

More later.

The Manatee returns for his fifth straight start tomorrow night in Phoenix.

"He has just been terrific. He has been outstanding," said (Bryan) Murray.

Nice praise. Too bad he's the only member of the team who deserves it.

Heads up: The Manatee will be getting the start tonight in L.A., according to the Sun.

Sorry...have been tied up with other duties. My belated (yet still relevant) thoughts regarding the Monday night game should come later on today...maybe. I'll tell you this much: My happiest moment came when The Manatee raged on The Faucet. Don't (expletive) with the Swiss Sea Cow, kids.

More later.

This episode of Leftovers is coming to you live from the Scott Norwood Section of Butterknife Row...yes, it's that time again. Check out tonight's quote of the night at the bottom of the post.

We were intrigued by the reaction of media outside of the nation’s capital yesterday, after Dany Heatley’s 6-year, 45 million dollar (all terms US) was announced. Inevitably, when the signing of one occurs, the questions surrounding another begin – in this case the player being referenced was Wade Redden. What? I think local media thankfully possesses enough scruples not to make the same inquiry. Reason being? The general aura around Wade Redden has changed in Ottawa. Fans were left nonplussed after his subpar season last year, particularly after his pockets were lined with 6.5 million dollars’ worth of money from the franchise. Combine that with the uncomfortable events of this summer regarding No. 6’s status with the team, and you can certain that fans had not only understood that Redden’s days were numbered with the team, but were in preference with that general mode of thinking. Furthermore, why was Heatley’s contract considered to be the catalyst for these observations? Couldn’t they see the writing on the wall after the signing of Mike Fisher?

Re: Wednesday’s game vs. Toronto – apparently, the more things change, the more they stay the same. The Sens can’t capitalize on a 5-on-3, Chris Kelly can’t bury a breakaway if his life depended on it, and the ACC’s organist likes to break out Toto’s Hold The Line when it’s appropriate…wait…what? While we weren’t impressed on the whole (and apparently neither was Alvin), the Manatee definitely deserves some acknowledgment, because there’s been an obvious shift in his play. His movements are far crisper, his positioning has improved greatly (he’s no longer cowering in the back of the net), and his glove has been working overtime with great results. Long live the Seacow’s renaissance.

Finally, you may have heard some players grumbling over the new sweaters and their inability to allow their equipment to dry properly. While the new jerseys are undoubtedly here to stay, we were rather perplexed by Eric Duhatschek’s take on the issue last week. The Globe And Mail writer wondered aloud if the new sweaters would go the way of the NBA’s synthetic ball from last season. The difference is that the new sweaters included new designs (and in some cases, new logos) for all 30 teams – in short, it amounted to a massive marketing campaign for the NHL. The jerseys weren’t simply relevant to the players; they had to work for the fans as well. It isn’t as if the NBA began selling basketballs in the shape of a trapezoid by the boatload to their fans – their alteration was far more subtle, and never involved the consumer of their product.

Quote Of The Night (overheard on Butterknife Row): "This game's like a banana...it starts high, then goes down low." What the (expletive) does that mean? By the way, take this down for future reference: TUC is one head taller than Leafs' GM John Ferguson Jr., and nearly two heads taller than CBC play-by-play man Bob Cole...who might be a fan of the Mystic Tan. Just saying.

And just for the hell of it, here's your Toto refresher for the evening (which means we get to have a Toto tag...whee!):

Two events I'm relieved are over: The Sens' pre-season and The Presidents Cup (a.k.a. Canadian golf Jesus v. American golf Jesus...at least on Sunday). One should not be listening to putter talk from Montreal in the afternoon on Team 1200, only to come home at night and watch Sens games on Rogers 22. Blech.

The pre-season is incapable of holding my interest for extended periods, but this Manatee storyline has the potential to get interesting with Ray Emery not ready for game play just yet. Contrary to popular belief, there are many persons of interest pulling for Gerber to succeed, and it has little to do with earning his keep. Emery may be considered the better goaltender in the city, but the issues he creates -- both publicly and privately -- do not strike the correct cohesive balance for this team (and we have provided the controversial reasons why in the past, albeit in an extremely roundabout manner).

Meanwhile, you have to think the one guy who might be getting anxious about the Dany Heatley negotiations (or lack thereof) is Daniel Alfredsson. Alfie committed to Ottawa for a lengthy period with a contract that now looks like a relatively frugal investment. He'll be making $5.451 million this season, and provides a salary cap hit of only $4.339 (according to NHLnumbers.com). His option years begin in 09/10, and the team's makeup could look drastically different by then -- particularly if the worst occurs and the team loses both Jason Spezza and Dany Heatley.

Speaking of future team makeup, the shortsightedness of some local media never ceases to amaze me. According to one talking head, Ottawa, over the course of the season, will gear up to trade Andrej Meszaros and Joe Corvo for forward building blocks while letting Wade Redden walk at the end of the season. How many quality offensive defensemen do they think the Sens will be hoarding in Binghamton? Are they going to clone Brian Lee? (Oh Jesus, I can't believe I said that.)


And finally, you know the normally placid LoCal fans in San Diego must be getting restless if they start chanting "Marty" in the fourth quarter. With the Bolts currently sitting at 1-3 (last in the division!), The Driver is in disbelief and has ceased wearing his Chargers hat out in public (he's gearing up to pull a hamstring, jumping off the bandwagon that fast). I know people are calling for Norv's head*, but the head coach midseason firing is something of a rarity in the NFL. Regardless, it's going to get oogly...can't wait. (I can say this now, before Denver goes 2-3 next week after the D inevitably throws up all over itself once more. O John Lynch, where art thou? Oh, and guess who they're playing in Week 5? LT can chew it.)

More later.

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* About Norv's head: Back in the day when he was coaching Washington, if you called Rome and referred to Turner as a "pineapple", Jim would hang up on you (funny as it was). Not to be insensitive, but I think it's less about the face, and more about the neck -- it almost looks like an octogenerian's knee-high stocking when it gets bunched around their ankle.

We call him The Manatee. The Driver refers to him as Dominic Purcell. Whatever you want to call him, the Sens No. 2 goalie began making his case last night with an eye-popping 52 saves vs. the Flyers in London, ON last night. And yes, we know it's preseason, but it should be noted that Gerber's positioning, which has often been called into question, was spot on Tuesday night. There were rebounds aplenty, but he always seemed to know where they were going. This is what we were hoping for. We've got our fingers crossed that he keeps it up.

P.S. Dean Brown got a smirk out of me when he referenced Brian Lee giving the "hairy eyeball" to Steve Downie, then said that if Lee actually possessed a hairy eyeball (literally), it would be his only body part to ever require shaving. Gord then piped up to claim that Lee "looks like a ten-year-old".

I think I can fully consider myself a Manatee convert these days -- the guy plays dressup, line dances and then drops this yesterday:

Goalie Martin Gerber has worn a black mask void of any Senators logos when he's skated with teammates at the Bell Sensplex.

...

So, as some have suggested, is the blank mask a silent statement of Gerber's desire for a trade, like the plain white one Martin Biron wore in Buffalo last year (he was finally moved at the trade deadline)?

"That's B.S.," said Gerber, who has been getting ready for Ottawa's training camp, which begins today.

"I'm trying the newest model from Itech. We're just working on this one and the one for games should be ready by now. This was just to try it out and see if it works.

9.8 out of 10. .2 deduction for offering an explanation.

P.S. To learn of the origins of the Manatee moniker -- click on the March '07 archives and scroll down to the March 22 post entitled, "Leftovers".

Which side are you more likely to fall on? This one from yesterday, or the one that appeared today? We think it's pointless conversation, and therefore the second piece seems far more along the lines of our thinking on this subject.

P.S. When is everyone going to stop looking at Martin Gerber as a bank account that the team is not allowed to draw on? Hello -- you would need someone to replace him before you could make a trade. Not to be an a-hole about it, but I hope he torches Emery in camp just to make things interesting.

...but if you won't, his overseas Swiss fan club will. How can such a feat be accomplished? Well, by dressing up like an 1890's goldrush Klondike pimp and line dancing, of course. Peter Schaefer would've been so jealous of this get-up, it's not even funny. And no, I'm not mixing prescription meds -- just see for yourself. Count me in as pro-Manatee from this moment forward, because this is one of the most messed up things I've ever seen. Here's the Swiss-German explanation from Gerber's authorized fansite:

Am vergangenen Sonntag, 8. Juli 2007 fand in der Westernstadt "Fraumatt-City" in Dürrenroth das Fanfest für die Mitglieder des Fanclubs "Let's go Tinu" mit Tinu Gerber statt.

Trotz einiger Regentropfen gab es viele zufriedene Coboys und Cowgirls und natürlich einige waschechte Indianer.

I love this. Someone get me "Let's Go Tinu" on a t-shirt.

(Want more pics? Go here.)

It's been a deathly quiet week for the Senators thus far, and info's been extremely hard to come by -- with the exception of Ray Emery's growing RFA price. Seriously, what are we up to? Throw out a number and it allegedly becomes fact (as we pointed out two weeks ago). We started at 2 million, then 4, now we're discussing if the amount is less than 4.5? Why don't we just make it a nice, even number...like 7? And let's also assume Ray will be tendered 10 offer sheets. We said it, so it's got to be true! This whole episode is beginning to feel very Stephen Colbert-ish.

Obviously GM Bryan Murray's (God, that still feels odd) first big move will set the tone for his tenure as general manager. There's mounting circumstantial evidence to suggest it could involve the previously referenced goaltender, which may come out of left field for some. Where would that leave the maligned Swiss Manatee? Well, if one must go, someone's got to stay. Is this the big move Murray wishes to begin his GM phase with? It'd definitely create some talk, that's for sure.

Meanwhile, we'll likely be attending the Senators' Developmental Camp tomorrow (we love events like these). It's a good chance to see how the prospects are growing and maturing. Ben Blood is going to be there, so needless to say The Driver's pleased. Here's the full list of attendees:

GOALTENDERS
30 *Brian Elliott
35 *Ryan Daniels

DEFENCEMEN
51 Derek Smith
55 *Brian Lee
57 *Mattias Karlsson
59 *Tomas Kudelka
61 *Eric Gryba
66 *Pierre-Luc Lessard
70 Ben Blood

FORWARDS
36 Josh Hennessy
48 *Danny Bois
50 *Shawn Weller
52 *Colin Greening
53 Ilja Zubov
56 Kaspar Daugavins
58 *Cody Bass
62 Jim O’Brien
63 *Jim McKenzie
64 *Matthew McIlvane
67 Louie Caporusso
68 *Erik Condra
71 *Nick Foligno

The event's open to the public and runs through to the 4th, so go check it out if you have a chance.

Obviously there isn't much to talk about if the media is still going on about incidents in St. Louis and Pittsburgh. By the way, my favourite part of the St. Louis game involved the constant shots of John Davidson furiously texting on his Blackberry (or similar), after the non-goal-but-really-was-a-goal. I'm guessing the correspondence looked like this:

To: garybettman@nhl.com
CC: stephenwalkom@nhl.com
From: johndavidson@stlouisblues.com

WTF!!!111 *pissed*

To: johndavidson@stlouisblues.com
CC: mickmcgeough@nhl.com
From: garybettman@nhl.com

LMAO! PWNED!!!! :)~

(Aside: You know that all NHL front office members send missives that appear to have been written by a 14-year-old, right? By the way, those aren't real email addresses, so don't even try.)

It's unbelievable to me that the most brutal ref in the league (it's a tight race to be sure) shares the same surnname (in pronunciation) as a legally blind cartoon character. Why isn't Deadspin on this?

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At about 2:30 am on Wednesday morning, I went back to watch the Edmonton-Ottawa game from February 20th that I had saved on my PVR (one of the best games of the year, by the way). I did this because I remembered Martin Gerber had played in that game, and I wanted to compare his performances. There wasn't that much difference that I could see: His positioning is better, and he doesn't cower in the back of the net as much, so I'll give him credit for that. The biggest issues that still remain: 1) Loose pucks and rebounds; 2) Not knowing where the puck is and 3) Plodding overall movement that always seems to be half a second behind the play. During one attempted save in the St. Louis game, Gerber reached back and over his head with his trapper in a slow, sweeping gesture, long after the puck had flown past him. It reminded me a lot of the manatees The Driver and I swam with in Central Florida last month.

Wait a sec -- if manatees are methodically slow and gentle, and Gerber is methodically slow and gentle...

Looks like someone's got himself a new moniker.
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Just for the record, my NCAA bracket still lives. I went 26-6 in the first round, and a disappointing 9-7 in the second. Biggest troublemakers so far: UNLV, who haven't been relevant since I was in junior high (until now), Louisville and Winthrop (Cinderella team, my ass). I had them beating Notre Dame in the first round, and Oregon in the second. A long shot to be sure, but Oregon bugs me. Check that...their colours bug me.

(Now I'm starting to sound like Bill Simmons' wife, so I'll just stop there.)

Anyway, three of my final four are still alive, and I've got Georgetown beating Joakim Noah and his muumuu in the championship game.





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One thing I'm not looking forward to if the Sens play Pittsburgh in the postseason: Their oversensitive fans. (And yes, they are more sensitive than Sens fans -- trust me.) I guarantee if the two teams faced each other, and I wrote something like, "Sidney Crosby dives more than Greg Louganis", a number of Penguins fans would likely email and accuse me of being homophobic. On the plus side, they have amazing foreshadowing skills and kick ass at decoupage.

And finally, just out of curiosity, do you think this person still thinks Pittsburgh won't make the playoffs?

- The Driver and I banter back and forth about a lot of topics -- for example, we couldn't agree on whether Danzig's Twist of Cain qualifies as a stripper song (I said yes, he said no). It was about two weeks ago when we came to a compromise, and decided that it could qualify as a first or third song in the traditional three song rotation, seeing as the second (top off) is traditionally a ballad.

(Aside -- I know way too much about strip clubs, considering that I'm basically a strip club neophyte. Don't question it...just go with it. Hands up how many of you are heading over to Limewire to download the song after you're done reading this. Yep, that's what I thought.)

Anyway, I'm getting way off topic. Our latest debate centres around whether Martin Gerber bears a close resemblance to Prison Break's Dominic Purcell (I say no, he says yes). Take a look at the photos above -- what do you think? I tried to find ones that would support The Driver's argument. Seriously -- it's just the stubble and hair, right?

- How many of you caught John Muckler's Upfront on OTR last night? My favourite part involved Muckler referring to the newly acquired No. 61 as "Spareekin". When did Don Cherry take over as GM of the Senators? You know the GM must've spent a good amount of time mulling over his impulse purchase if he's still unsure of his name. Meh -- why bother worrying about pronunciation now? It's not like the kid is staying.

- I know you might think based on my hometown heritage, that I am undoubtedly enamoured with curling and all its major competitions. Surely the day is coming when I'll regale you with tales of Al Hackner in the '80's at the Fort William Curling Club. Wrong. Curling drives me bloody bonkers, especially when it preempts my beloved PTI in its entirety. What the (expletive), TSN? Check it out: If a participant's weight is never an issue, it's not a sport. If you can do it after downing a bottle of cherry brandy, it's not a sport. If it resembles any type of household chore, it's not a sport. And yes, I know I came close to describing MLB there for a minute. Close, but no cigar. Down with the Brier...now where's my daily Dwayne Wade injury update?

- Here's one for the Elias Sports Bureau: What's the Sens' current record after experiencing a goalie change by the opposition? Something tells me it's not great.

- Do you think TSN's editing department has added Sidney Crosby to the payroll in the past fortnight? Honestly, when the Penguins now go into a shootout, 10 to 1 says someone hits the record/repeat button and walks out of the building for the night.

- More genius from inside TUC HQ: After Stuntman Stu announced Dany Heatley's 41st goal, The Driver deadpanned, "(Stu) sounds like he's falling off a cliff." It took me nearly five minutes to regain my composure.

More later.

- The Driver and I banter back and forth about a lot of topics -- for example, we couldn't agree on whether Danzig's Twist of Cain qualifies as a stripper song (I say yes, he says no). It was about two weeks ago when we came to a compromise, and decided that it could qualify as a first or third song in the traditional three song rotation, considering that the second (top off) is traditionally a ballad.

(Aside -- I know way too much about strip clubs, considering that I'm basically a strip club neophyte. Don't question it...just go with it. Hands up how many of you are heading over to Limewire to download the song after you're done reading this. Yep, that's what I thought.)

Anyway, I'm getting way off topic. Our latest debate centres around whether Martin Gerber bears a close resemblance to Prison Break's Dominic Purcell (I say no, he says yes). Take a look at the photos above -- what do you think? I tried to find ones that would support The Driver's argument. Seriously -- it's just the stubble and hair, right?

- How many of you caught John Muckler's Upfront on OTR last night? My favourite part involved Muckler referring to the newly acquired No. 61 as "Spareekin". When did Don Cherry take over as GM of the Senators? You know the GM must've spent a good amount of time mulling over his impulse purchase if he's still unsure of his name. Meh -- why bother worrying about pronunciation now? It's not like the kid is staying.

- I know you might think based on my hometown heritage, that I am undoubtedly enamoured with curling and all its major competitions. Surely the day is coming when I'll regale you with tales of Al Hackner in the '80's at the Fort William Curling Club. Wrong. Curling drives me bloody bonkers, especially when it preempts my beloved PTI in its entirety. What the (expletive), TSN? Check it out: If there are no weight restrictions, it's not a sport. If you can do it after downing a bottle of cherry brandy, it's not a sport. If it resembles any type of household chore, it's not a sport. And yes, I know I came close to describing MLB there for a minute. Close, but no cigar. Down with the Brier...now where's my daily Dwayne Wade injury update?

- Here's one for the Elias Sports Bureau: What's the Sens' current record after experiencing a goalie change by the opposition? Something tells me it's not great.

- Do you think TSN's editing department has added Sidney Crosby to the payroll in the past fortnight? Honestly, when the Penguins now go into a shootout, 10 to 1 says someone hits the record/repeat button and walks out of the building for the night.

- More genius from inside TUC HQ: After Stuntman Stu announced Dany Heatley's 41st goal, The Driver deadpanned, "(Stu) sounds like he's falling off a cliff." It took me nearly five minutes to regain my composure.

More later.

About tonight...

- I loved the Armed Forces Recognition Night – the television media wearing the yellow ribbon pins, the shots of the military members and their families in the seats…very nice and extremely respectful.

- Credit where credit is due – his positioning was sometimes shaky and his play on the rebounds was questionable, but Gerber got it done. Swiss golf claps to him (of the unassuming and neutral type). Also nice to see him get lots of congrats from the rest of the team.

- I was screaming, “skate!” at Heatley on a short-handed chance – what the hell was I thinking? Obviously I should have been saying, “glide”, or rather, “float”.

- Since Saturday, we’ve had games on the CBC, A-Channel, and Sportsnet. Dean Brown called all three. Say it with me: JAM PLAY! The lack of variation (and repeated use of catch phrases) is apparently getting to The Driver. Here was the exchange at TUC HQ:

Me: “How much would you pay me to silently place a jar of Smuckers in front of Dean Brown the next time I’m in the press box?”

The Driver: “Just push all of his papers to one side (gesturing with his hands)…’JAM PLAY! JAM PLAY!’ Then knock off his headphones. Or gather all his papers in a pile (gestures suggest making a large mess) – ‘SCRAMMMBBBLE!’”

"Scrammmbbble"? How retro. I think Dean Brown has legitimately affected The Driver's sanity this week. I'll be sending any invoices I receive from the Royal Ottawa to the Team 1200 if it comes to that.

- Garry Galley referenced Alex Ovechkin’s tinted visor, and how there’s a desire for it not to go darker a) due to safety reasons and b) because fans want to see his face, as he’s a marketable member of the league. Uh, I don’t think NFL has ever experienced the latter issue with premier RB LaDainian Tomlinson, and his visor is practically opaque. Tomlinson apparently receives special permission from the league to wear the visor due to eye sensitivity and migraine issues (although this is difficult to formally verify). If that's the case, why isn't he seen sporting sunglasses on the sidelines? San Diego isn't the cloudiest of cities.

- About the hooking issue: The non-call discussions are getting to the point where you begin to wonder if some want to see legitimate hooking, in order to justify the penalties. How utterly nonsensical. The current situation isn’t ideal, but if all involved are forced to tolerate it, why don’t we have everyone keep their sticks on the ice and call it a day?

- I liked Dany Heatley admitting that he was keeping tabs on the scoring race during an intermission interview. So often it’s, “Oh, I don’t pay attention to that type of thing…I’m just trying to play my game.” Whatever. As usual, the truth sounds better and is far more interesting.