The Universal Cynic

(Derek Roy, getting in a few preliminary rounds before the 2008 Olympic Team is selected. He'll also be competing in the 3 metre springboard.)

It's late and I'm exhausted from yelling and doing the "Keep It Out" dance, so only a few points tonight:

- Memo to Don Van 'Mensa'hoven: Not calling interference after Chris Kelly was blatantly hit from behind by Brian Campbell was a mistake. Calling interference on Joe Corvo in OT for not knowing what to do with the puck was a mistake. In short, please brush up on your knowledge of the interference rule. Much obliged.

- How about that fourth line for Ottawa tonight? Huge respect to them, especially during those sequences mid-way through the third period where they refused to give up the puck deep in the Buffalo zone. As for Triple Cream Brie -- the guy who Muckler was so hot on that during a taping of OTR in March, he referred to him as "Spareekin" -- dude's got confidence for days. He's so sure of himself when he handles the puck. It's great to watch.

- Did you notice Murray playing the Corvo-Preissing pairing with Heatley, Spezza and Alfredsson after a while? It wasn't happening all the time, but one wonders if the coach was trying to protect his shakiest defensive pairing by matching them up with the big line, in the hopes that the forwards would keep the puck in deep and away from 7 and 42.

- I'm dying to see how the media deals with "Corvo The Hero". It's obvious the guy tries hard, and he's one of the team's best interviews -- I'll be irked if disparaging monikers are referenced this morning after his great moment last night. Ease up for God's sakes and give the guy his due. He sure as hell deserves it today.

- And finally -- speaking of the media, how about that love-fest in the first segment of the Satellite Hotstove? Watching the media being forced aboard the Senators bandwagon is beyond hilarious. It must drive some of them absolutely crazy to go without at least one negative dig to use against Ottawa.

[Photo Credit: The Book Of Face]

(Worst Photoshop ever, but made me laugh, so it gets a pass. I found this over at The Book of Face -- anti-Angie groups encompass at least 60% of all found. My favourite one, simply based on title alone: Sidney Crosby Is An Advertisement Slut.)

Emails are still trickling in regarding Sunday's column. One the more interesting messages (when it wasn't chastizing us about Wayne Gretzky -- whaa?) had some thoughts regarding Crosby's perception if, say, he suddenly sported a different uniform. Here are the pertinent excerpts:

"Clearly you are not a fan of Sidney Crosby and the Pittsburgh Penguins. That's fine. You are entitled to feel however you wish. I am curious how much of it has to do with the fact that the Penguins are an American franchise and that is not one of the Original Six...If Crosby played for Ottawa or Toronto or Montreal the tune would sound a lot different."

Sigh.

The Original Six gaffe -- let's allow that to slide. What about this missive screams "American fan" to you? Oh, I don't know -- the idea that Ottawans would accept Sidney Crosby if he sported a Leafs or Habs sweater in the postseason (or at any time, for that matter)? You've got to be joking. Every Canadian that follows hockey, regardless of whether they care about them, is aware of the team rivalries in this country. And if the American media were doing their part, the U.S. fans would probably have a much better understanding of them. That being said, there are tons of sites, blogs etc., devoted to coverage of teams and specifically, Canadian rivalries -- may we present Exhibits A and B.

Here's what it boils down to: Putting Sidney Crosby in a Leafs or Habs uniform, and ultimately having him face the Sens in the playoffs would make the vocal displeasure from Games 1 and 2 look like a walk in the park. He would be despised. Vilified. Envision Darcy Tucker with a plethora of talent and pockets stuffed with Carmex. Oh, but he'll be in a Canadian uniform, so that'll make his North of the Border detractors love him? Yeah, we all care about those sorts of things so much these days.

A few leftovers from last night's game:

- About the Zamboni driver up there -- speculation is already beginning and some are wondering if Dany Heatley is dealing with an undisclosed injury. There's absolutely no jump to his game and he can't put anything away, even if it's gift-wrapped. His backhand specifically, is totally off the mark. It's gotten to the point where he's begun to hurt, more than help.

- Speaking of hurting more than helping: Barring a miracle, Wade Redden's time in Ottawa is undoubtedly drawing to a close. The turnovers, the lack of mobility combined with complete and utter weakness when faced with the likes of Gary Roberts -- this isn't working. Sporadic, well-played games will never justify a 6.5 million dollar salary. Is he leading off the ice? That's for the dressing room to know. What is known is if Redden were leading during play as-is, the series would be over by now...and tilted in the wrong direction.

- How did Mike Comrie go without a star last night? Another great performance from him.

- Let's just say it: Oleg Saprykin is as gritty as a triple-cream Brie, and rustier than a 1981 Honda Civic.

- Why is Gary Roberts allowed to bogart Emery's blue paint on a Penguins' PP without fear of reprisal? You know if it were the other way around, the old man would be cross-checking the Sens' player in the back, ad nauseam.

- Colby Armstrong won't be adored in this city anytime soon, but he gets points for this mature decision.

Hopefully today will be the last day where the media will incessantly remind us of who lost, rather than pointing out who won. Hopefully.

More later.

- The Driver and I banter back and forth about a lot of topics -- for example, we couldn't agree on whether Danzig's Twist of Cain qualifies as a stripper song (I said yes, he said no). It was about two weeks ago when we came to a compromise, and decided that it could qualify as a first or third song in the traditional three song rotation, seeing as the second (top off) is traditionally a ballad.

(Aside -- I know way too much about strip clubs, considering that I'm basically a strip club neophyte. Don't question it...just go with it. Hands up how many of you are heading over to Limewire to download the song after you're done reading this. Yep, that's what I thought.)

Anyway, I'm getting way off topic. Our latest debate centres around whether Martin Gerber bears a close resemblance to Prison Break's Dominic Purcell (I say no, he says yes). Take a look at the photos above -- what do you think? I tried to find ones that would support The Driver's argument. Seriously -- it's just the stubble and hair, right?

- How many of you caught John Muckler's Upfront on OTR last night? My favourite part involved Muckler referring to the newly acquired No. 61 as "Spareekin". When did Don Cherry take over as GM of the Senators? You know the GM must've spent a good amount of time mulling over his impulse purchase if he's still unsure of his name. Meh -- why bother worrying about pronunciation now? It's not like the kid is staying.

- I know you might think based on my hometown heritage, that I am undoubtedly enamoured with curling and all its major competitions. Surely the day is coming when I'll regale you with tales of Al Hackner in the '80's at the Fort William Curling Club. Wrong. Curling drives me bloody bonkers, especially when it preempts my beloved PTI in its entirety. What the (expletive), TSN? Check it out: If a participant's weight is never an issue, it's not a sport. If you can do it after downing a bottle of cherry brandy, it's not a sport. If it resembles any type of household chore, it's not a sport. And yes, I know I came close to describing MLB there for a minute. Close, but no cigar. Down with the Brier...now where's my daily Dwayne Wade injury update?

- Here's one for the Elias Sports Bureau: What's the Sens' current record after experiencing a goalie change by the opposition? Something tells me it's not great.

- Do you think TSN's editing department has added Sidney Crosby to the payroll in the past fortnight? Honestly, when the Penguins now go into a shootout, 10 to 1 says someone hits the record/repeat button and walks out of the building for the night.

- More genius from inside TUC HQ: After Stuntman Stu announced Dany Heatley's 41st goal, The Driver deadpanned, "(Stu) sounds like he's falling off a cliff." It took me nearly five minutes to regain my composure.

More later.

- The Driver and I banter back and forth about a lot of topics -- for example, we couldn't agree on whether Danzig's Twist of Cain qualifies as a stripper song (I say yes, he says no). It was about two weeks ago when we came to a compromise, and decided that it could qualify as a first or third song in the traditional three song rotation, considering that the second (top off) is traditionally a ballad.

(Aside -- I know way too much about strip clubs, considering that I'm basically a strip club neophyte. Don't question it...just go with it. Hands up how many of you are heading over to Limewire to download the song after you're done reading this. Yep, that's what I thought.)

Anyway, I'm getting way off topic. Our latest debate centres around whether Martin Gerber bears a close resemblance to Prison Break's Dominic Purcell (I say no, he says yes). Take a look at the photos above -- what do you think? I tried to find ones that would support The Driver's argument. Seriously -- it's just the stubble and hair, right?

- How many of you caught John Muckler's Upfront on OTR last night? My favourite part involved Muckler referring to the newly acquired No. 61 as "Spareekin". When did Don Cherry take over as GM of the Senators? You know the GM must've spent a good amount of time mulling over his impulse purchase if he's still unsure of his name. Meh -- why bother worrying about pronunciation now? It's not like the kid is staying.

- I know you might think based on my hometown heritage, that I am undoubtedly enamoured with curling and all its major competitions. Surely the day is coming when I'll regale you with tales of Al Hackner in the '80's at the Fort William Curling Club. Wrong. Curling drives me bloody bonkers, especially when it preempts my beloved PTI in its entirety. What the (expletive), TSN? Check it out: If there are no weight restrictions, it's not a sport. If you can do it after downing a bottle of cherry brandy, it's not a sport. If it resembles any type of household chore, it's not a sport. And yes, I know I came close to describing MLB there for a minute. Close, but no cigar. Down with the Brier...now where's my daily Dwayne Wade injury update?

- Here's one for the Elias Sports Bureau: What's the Sens' current record after experiencing a goalie change by the opposition? Something tells me it's not great.

- Do you think TSN's editing department has added Sidney Crosby to the payroll in the past fortnight? Honestly, when the Penguins now go into a shootout, 10 to 1 says someone hits the record/repeat button and walks out of the building for the night.

- More genius from inside TUC HQ: After Stuntman Stu announced Dany Heatley's 41st goal, The Driver deadpanned, "(Stu) sounds like he's falling off a cliff." It took me nearly five minutes to regain my composure.

More later.

Let's just put this out there...

Don't you find it odd that Pittsburgh was able to land Gary Roberts for a song named Noah Welch? We were all told that Jacques had every intention of raping Ottawa -- all the variables were in place. 1) Roberts allegedly had only two teams in mind that he wished to join (Ottawa and Toronto); 2) Local buzz and talk from the team indicated that interest in Roberts was very strong and 3) Jacques, being the previous long-time coach of the team, knows the roster well and likely had a good idea who he wanted (i.e. Antoine Vermette or Patrick Eaves).

Now, if Pittsburgh had given up something larger for Roberts, we could assume that Muckler had decided that the cost was too high, and opted to bow out. But come now -- Jacques is currently talking up Noah Welch, but the kid has been sent down to Wilkes-Barre/Scranton five times, not to mention that he's coming from the Penguins, and we know that their D is weak.

If Jacques was willing to settle for this, you're left to wonder if he ever had any intention of dealing with Ottawa at all -- which also explain why we settled for Oleg Saprykin instead of making a bid for Martin Gelinas*.

_______________

* I know Saprykin and Gelinas are both LW, and the major need for the Sens is on the blueline. However, if you're going to make a move, Gelinas would bring the type of leadership experience that the team seemingly can't produce, whereas Saprykin could flake on us, i.e. Tyler Arnason-style. Saprykin was a total impulse purchase -- the equivalent of purchasing something from the clearance section of Old Navy while out shopping with your friends. You don't buy something just because everyone else is.

P.S. More math that doesn't add up: I just saw a clip of Muckler on TSN, talking about Gary Roberts and what the asking price was. Muckler claims that he received a call, "last night at...I dunno...five to twelve or something like that, and we elected to pass". That's funny, considering that TSN had reported that Martin had found an acceptable trade partner on Monday MORNING for Roberts, and was simply waiting for the veteran to waive his no-trade clause. Why would Jacques call Muckler at midnight when he had already made a deal? And why would Muckler be waiting for a call, when he was the one supposedly pursuing Roberts? Wouldn't he be the one on the phone to Florida?