The Universal Cynic

The media has already begun to ponder Cory Clouston's odds in the Jack Adams race at the end of the season. The latest coach of the Senators has seen some success during this season, working with a hodge-podge of a club that at the moment, is in the playoff hunt (although the likelihood of any post-season triumphs is obviously questionable).

Take your chewable in small bites this week: 1) Will Cory Clouston get a shot at the Jack Adams if the Sens make the playoffs; 2) Regardless of whether he has a chance to win it or not, expectations for the young coach are bound to rise, and fan support is still at a very fragile stage (see ticket sales). Can he continue to handle the pressure?

More later.

Which high-ranked player has decided that he's worthy of superstar treatment before he reaches the NHL?

Oh, those junior boys. When they show a spark, the grateful masses are willing to kowtow to them, and perhaps even break the law. You'd think said players would show a little low-key gratitude. Think again.

Nothing really new under the sun here. A local bar is looking the other way while this underage shining star (and his teammates) enjoy a few cocktails. After all, when the flashbulbs go off around this kid in June, the joint can say they knew him when. Let's just hope they don't say it to a police officer.

Anyway, our young friend was recently spotted at his watering hole of choice, and apparently he wasn't in the mood for a quiet night. When he asked a busy employee who was not tending the bar for drinks, he was politely instructed to ask the bartender (who was in the immediate vicinity) for help. Well, that reply didn't sit well at all.

"Do you know who I am? I am the biggest mother(expletive) in here. If I want alcohol I will go behind the bar and take it myself," the player said. The employee once again explained the situation. No dice. "Seriously, man, I will knock you out," the player replied. Hmmm -- perhaps he was going to take a page from a recent teammate of his who's been in the news lately?

The employee quickly removed himself from the situation, but our boy wasn't done with him for the night.

Last call at the establishment came and went -- the star decided he needed more booze. He demanded that the employee serve him a beer. He's denied. The place has been emptied out of its alcohol for that night. The employee is reminded by the player of his status and adds that "(he) doesn't even pay for drinks (here)." It's worth mentioning that he felt the need to get in the employee's face to relay this information. Once again, he's turned away.

"I know for a fact there's booze back there," the player shouted -- and he was off. He shoved his way into a staff area where he managed to get his hands on a 26 oz. bottle of vodka. He was determined to flee with it, but was pulled back by his friends and out of the bar...sans liquor. As for the bar, they're likely to keep playing dumb. Why would they stop now?

Like I said -- nothing new under the sun, especially on this side of the border. We've all heard these tales, yet many continue to be swept under the rug. Why? Because the media loves to the sell the image of squeaky-clean, bright-eyed boys entering the NHL, filled with awe, innocence and humility. Don't you believe it. It's just a little something to remember, when you see many cameras focusing in on this kid -- and countless others -- at the 2010 Entry Draft.

More later.

An injured girl lies on the side of the road, as she is attended to after an earthquake hit Port-au-Prince, Haiti. (AP Photo/Ricardo Arduengo)

Last night, Montreal Canadiens enforcer Georges Laraque dedicated his first goal as a Hab "to all the Haitians who are looking for (family and friends)."

Your question of the day: Do you think this little girl in the photo -- or any others searching within the mass devastation of Haiti right now -- give a damn?

To backtrack a bit: Laraque is of Haitian descent. His parents were born there, and he still has relatives who reside on the island. One would correctly assume that he would be extremely concerned about the ongoing rescue efforts. And naturally, sports media, who live to tie their trite existence to something with far more gravitas, grabbed ahold of this story with both hands. In short: Georges scored a big goal, and that should make everyone feel a bit better about a monumental disaster that's likely killed thousands of people. Of course, the press ate it up. From Elliotte Friedman's Twitter feed:

"That goal by Laraque was his first as a Canadien -- and his first shot on goal all year. After Haitian earthquake, it's a nice moment."

And from La Presse's Marc Antoine Godin:

"HABS WIN 5-3: George Laraque scores his first goal as a Canadien. 'With all that happens in Haiti, it couldn't happen at a better time.'"

(Stevenson's tie-in story in its entirety can be found at the first link above.)

Hey boys, you know what was a nice moment that couldn't have happened at a better time? The NHL's decision to donate $100,000 to UNICEF for Haitian relief.

I don't want to crack on Laraque too much, because I don't know if he's planning any additional efforts or fundraising on his own. But last night's post-game events -- particularly the media's fawning and their aggravating attempts at a tie-in -- really rubbed me the wrong way. Scoring a goal may have lifted Laraque's heart, but it did nothing for the emotions or the massive burden of the Haitian people. I know it's a stupid thing to ask of sports, but please -- try and keep it in perspective.

More later.

Do you require a figurative wallop to your genitalia in order to close out the week? This might do it.

These futures lines were taken from the MGM Grand in Vegas by yours truly, on the 18th of January, 2009. I'd like to believe (and The Driver would tell you) that the Chargers at 10-1 look mighty tasty right now. But I don't know -- it's hard for me to trust a head coach who wears an octogenarian's knee-highs around his neck (and let's not get into his challenge/time management issues).

Can anyone tell me why this is acceptable:

DON BRENNAN: Speaking of being on the road, I'm on my way to Frisby tires on just 3O of them. Excuse me a second. "HEY LADY. DON'T LEAN ON YOUR HORN AND SCOWL AT ME. THERE'S A REASON I'M DRIVING SLOWLY, YOU B---H." I don't see the Spezza and Alfredsson injuries slowing the local heroes down too much. They can plod along well enough to stay in the thick of things playing the Little General's system.

Just thought I'd ask.

Generations of Kings fans across the street from Staples Center, at L.A. Live. I also saw some extremely novice skaters texting on a packed rink. If that's not SoCal, I don't know what is.

Welcome to 2010, Cynics. This month marks the fourth anniversary of the blog (ack). If you're old-school, thanks for sticking around. Neophytes, continue to come around and make your presence known. There's a lot to cover, so let's go quick hit style, shall we?

* Mike Fisher's impending nuptials to Carrie Underwood got absolutely no play on ESPN -- interpret how you wish. However, Brett Favre's brouhaha with Brad Childress regarding his attempted removal during the Carolina game? 5 goddamned days of coverage -- and none of it new. Also, no one at ESPN is allowed to express any opinion about the NFL without deferring to Adam Schefter first. Imagine Bob MacKenzie sitting on the set of TSN while wearing a papal mitre. That's what it was like.

* More on the mighty No. 12: If you're a Senators fan who's upset about him not making the cut for the Olympics, you should shake yourself. Remember what happened to a certain Czech goaltender of yore when he played for Ottawa? Fisher is one of the club's biggest offensive threats right now (Christ, I can't believe I'm typing that) and any additional play -- regardless of importance -- only affords more chances for injury. It's not like he's prone to getting hurt, right? Right?

* News flash: At this point in time, L.A. Kings fans are better than the vast majority of Senators fans. Why? Oh, I don't know -- it's the little things. Things like everyone standing up and cheering when a goal is scored, and having people stay to watch when the good guys are a goal behind in the third (as opposed to running for their cars). Last time I checked, Los Angeles traffic was far worse than anything coming out of Kanata.

* I don't know what Kings fans are going to think of this (I was hesitant to bring it up to Hetson when I saw him) but Jonathan Quick sometimes reminds me of the Manatee, Martin Gerber. His positioning isn't always the greatest, and he's fluid as opposed to maintaining sharp movement. However, he makes up for it by having a strong glove hand and some of the best flexibility I've seen since Dominik Hasek. It also doesn't hurt that he's got some young, mobile defence in front of him. I was so pumped to hear that Drew Doughty made the Olympic team -- the kid truly is something special, and his finesse with the puck continues to improve. He's going to have an amazing career in front of him.

* On the WJC front: Why is everyone so surprised by the disappointing play of Senators prospect D Jared Cowen? Sure, the kid started off the season well, but he's been unbelievably subpar for the Spokane Chiefs in the past few months -- poor mobility (as has been stated in Saskatoon) and he's become the master of bonehead penalties. Pay attention to your own, kids, regardless of where they are right now. It doesn't begin and end with the O and Q. (And yes, I know there's still plenty of time for him to repair his game. That wasn't the point of this rant.)

* Watching Switzerland goaltender Benjamin Conz is hilarious. The kid gets so deep in the net, his ass is practically touching the back of the cage. Perhaps playing so far inward wasn't just a Gerber thing -- maybe it's a Swiss thing.

Anyway, there's more on the way, including my detailed thoughts on what's really going wrong at SBP. But for right now, I'll leave you with two musical interludes. First, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones' Hardcore Medley (tracks 2,3 and 4) which pairs nicely with a 90 mph jaunt down the 405 through Orange County. Bringing up the rear is Fugazi's KYEO -- a song I tend to sing (and bugger the hell out of) when I'm lit up. Happy New Year, everyone. More to come -- stay tuned....

P.S.: As promised, I'm back on Twitter, so feel free to bug me over there as well.

The following was sent this morning to myself, several bloggers (including Scarlett Ice and Puck Daddy) and the majority of local media. Commentary is open, so feel free to chime in:

***

RSA: REAL SENS ARMY
(REF: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=photos&gid=18029289557#/group.php?v=wall&gid=18029289557 )

When I read about the RSA on online forums and discussion boards, the comment made most by online critics is that there is nothing wrong with the atmosphere at Scotiabank Place, that they’ve never been made to feel uncomfortable nor have they ever been told to be quiet by the staff at SBP. I beg to differ...

On December 12th, the RSA had its biggest and most successful gathering to date. 40+ RSA members gathered in section 303 for the Carolina Hurricanes game with the intentions of being “Loud & Proud” as the official “SENS ARMY” would put it. With all the issues concerning attendance this year, you would think that the Ottawa Senators organization would’ve been delighted to see us! But, this couldn’t be any further from the truth...

From before they even dropped the puck, SBP ushers were eye-balling us from every post. We assumed they had never seen Sens fans as dedicated as us before and didn't think much of it (remember, this is Ottawa – home of some of the worst fans in Canada). But that was short-lived as the ushers began asking anyone near us “Are they too loud? Are they bothering you?” – Everyone simply answered “No, they’re fine”. Shortly after, 2 security guards showed up to tell us to deflate a beach ball one member had brought to the game – apparently due to safety reasons. Strange seeing as good’ole Spartacat himself launches hot dog missiles into the crowd at every game.... None the less, we complied, deflated the ball and continued to enjoy the game. This is when SBP staff stepped up their efforts and began random ID checks within our group only. I’d never seen this at a game before and didn’t understand seeing as the average age within the group was 25-35 and that we all provided identification when we purchased our beers. (I'd like to see them try doing random ID checks in the 100 level!) It was becoming painfully obvious that they really didn’t want us there! Not long after, one RSA member threw a handful of popcorn at one of his friends, which proved to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Before we knew it, our section was surrounded by 8 police officers in full uniform. Our 2 friends were asked to leave and weren’t given any explanation. All of this happened before the half way mark of the 2nd period! And for the rest of the game people around us were continuously asked by ushers if we were bothering them, and the answer continued to be “NO!”.

This truly was one of the saddest things I have ever seen at Scotiabank Place (apart from Patrick Lalime’s post-season play). All we wanted to do was cheer on the home team to the best of our abilities, but instead of being encouraged, we were repeatedly harassed and demoralized by a rude and unprofessional staff who wanted nothing more than to kick us all out. I always knew how unfriendly and unwelcoming the staff at SBP could be, but never did I think it was this bad!

This is going way too far – we are sick and tired of going to our own arena simply to be made to feel unwelcome. We were the most supportive and vocal fans out of the mere 16000 that showed up. But instead of being praised we were treated like dirt. Treating customers this way isn’t good practice in any business, nevermind one that's struggling to keep it's customers returning. This must end, and until it does, you can expect to see us at games, still cheering our loudest and being supportive of the team despite what any usher might say.

GO SENS GO
RSA

Upsetting reports coming from overseas regarding former Ottawa Senators goaltender, Martin Gerber. From Greg Wyshynski and Russianhockeyfans.com:

Troubling news from the Kontinental Hockey League, as former NHL goalie Martin Gerber suffered a neck injury while playing for Atlant Moscow -- one that's going to keep him hospitalized for months, according to Russian media reports.

***
According to Russian site lifesports.ru, during the second period a Vityaz forward ran into Gerber. As a result Gerber ended up lying on the ice. After being tested by the team's doctors Gerber was put on a wheel stretcher and taken off the ice. He was sent to a Podolsk municipal hospital where he was diagnosed with a compression fracture of the third cervical vertebra.

Gerber was apparently motionless for some time before being taken off the ice. Horrible stuff. Here's hoping the Manatee can make a full recovery.

Wouldn't you like to know what the Sens are thinking when they advertise that there are less than 4,000 tickets available for tonight's game against Carolina? Oh sure, they have to get the word out. But does anything over 500 imply any kind of urgency that it might sell out? Doesn't it do exactly the opposite? I don't know about you, but when I see numbers like these, I'd be going right past Capital Tickets, and directly to a scalper. You know their asses are desperate during these nights. You know, if I were to go at all.

Go ahead and chew on that.

The media: To blab or not to blab -- and at what cost?

I caught a bit of Bob McCown's show yesterday, and there was a discussion regarding the media coverage of Tiger Woods' alleged indiscretions.

You'll notice that all of these "breaking news stories" and "exclusives" have fallen under two unbrellas: Magazine tabloids and the Internet. Traditional media was a non-factor, and largely served as an regurgitator.

McCown stated that the decision to shy away from these stories -- be it marital issues, drug problems or anything else that would be considered a secondary issue beyond the sport -- was not due to journalistic morals or ethics.

Apparently journalists don't fear appearing unseemly (and yes, that was meant to be tongue-in-cheek). But they do quake at the idea of being sued for libel.

Potentially understandable, right? Well, let's crack this open a little further.

How do tabloids and sites like TMZ get away with it? Having a crack team of expensive lawyers on retainer surely doesn't hurt. We hear of gossip magazines being sued all the time. Sure, the plaintiff in question wins on occasion, but more often than not, we never hear any more about it. If suits are being settled, obviously cash isn't an issue. Have you seen what's going on in the journalism industry lately? Newsrooms barely have the funds to heat their offices, let alone something as large as a lawsuit. And that brings us to question No. 2...

How are tabloids and Internet sites getting to the sources, making the likelihood of libel a lesser issue? Two words: Chequebook Journalism. 24-year-old Jaimee Grubbs was reportedly paid $150,000 for her interview with US Weekly (Grubbs was the one to receive the now-infamous voicemail from Tiger Woods, asking her to remove her name from her greeting message, in case his wife tried to call).

The idea of paying a source for information is, again, a financial hardship that a newspaper would be unable to cope with. More importantly, it's one of the last big taboos still standing in traditional media. Enough of these scandals have come to pass that expectant players in the drama already know the score: If someone wants their story, they're going to have to pay for it. Why would they give their information to a newspaper for free? Tabloids ensure a payday and 15 minutes of fame. It's a win-win for them in their eyes.

Is libel the only thing that the media fears in these situations? Come on now. Yeah, I didn't completely buy that either, and it comes from personal experience. For example, if you're dealing with a story that involves something like drug use, there could be others involved who would make life generally frightening and dangerous for you. And let's just say if an off-duty cop is warning you about this, because the police themselves are extremely wary of said persons, it does make you think twice. You could have all the proof you needed -- up to and including incriminating photographs, but people like this don't really give a damn. They just want to cause trouble. Generally, I don't scare easily, but it made me reconsider. Furthermore, based on the way the industry was headed, I didn't see it doing much for me in the long run. A lot of grief, with little purpose, I suppose. Oh, and I probably would have lost my press pass. The horrah (tongue-in-cheek reprise).

Many people continue to have problems seeing these stories mixed with traditional sports reporting, but the fact of the matter is, it sells. Big time. And anyone who thinks that isn't an issue for traditional media outlets -- they need to check themselves. It may not be right, but it pays. That's the bottom line these days.

More later.

I figured I'd address this here, seeing as so many of you are e-mailing about it.

Yes, my Twitter page is gone. No, I'm not currently tweeting anywhere else. I decided sometime ago that I was going to take a hiatus from the application until 2010. That might mean the beginning of January, but maybe later, depending on how I feel. Why on Earth would I do such a thing? Well, there are a few reasons. Want to know what they are? Too damn bad -- go eat a banana and skip this part, if you must.

1) I only really gave a crap about 8 or 9 of the people that I followed. That means I created a separate column in my TweetDeck for them (everyone does that, right?) and pretty much all others fell by the wayside, depending on my reading frequency. Go ahead and assume that your feed was in there, if it makes you happy. I will confirm that both Bill Simmons and his wife were part of this group. (Aside: Simmons's is the only account I have ever bookmarked and he's the only person to tweet something I cheered at -- the announcement of a podcast with Dave Jacoby, featuring a one-hour discussion on MTV's Jersey Shore. I wish the Simmons family would adopt me -- they're easily my favourite strangers on the planet. I'm also scared to admit that I may have a bit of a crush on JackO. I think we were meant to drink socially together on a regular basis.)

Uhh...moving on...

2) The media can eff off and like it. There are exceptions of course -- my buddies PW, P-King, Jason, Neate, Greg and Michael Rand at the Minneapolis Star-Tribune (whose work I especially adore). There are others, naturally...my brain is fogging at the moment. That being said, I got particularly peeved whenever I saw press pull this stunt on Twitter:

"Hey, I'm interviewing (player name) tomorrow. What should I ask them?"

Here's an idea, Mensa -- why don't you do your own goddamn work?

Granted, I'm no J-school grad, but this is the way I tend to operate when prepping for an interview:

* Strike all questions that can answered with yes or no;

* Strike all questions that begin with, "tell me/talk about...";

* If you're 95% sure you're already know the answer to a question, strike that as well.

See what's left? That's your list. Hop to it (then pay someone to transcribe, of course).

For the record, this is also the reason why 95% of interviews generally blow. Zero effort.

3) The incessant retweet. Brent Wallace is reporting that Chris Phillips will be eating oatmeal after practice -- let's all spread the word! Don't we all follow the same media/larger bloggers? Knock that crap off.

4) Women are annoying and share too much useless information. A lot of chicks proclaiming an interest in sports/hockey on Twitter can probably account for 1% of their tweets to be relevant. The other 99% of the time, you're getting stuff like, "I have a migraine" or "I can't sleep!" Here's an idea: Take some Advil and an Ambien, then belt up. (Alternatively, go have crazy drugged-out sex like Tiger Woods -- allegedly. I don't give a damn either way.)

5) Live-game tweeting. I understand chiming in here and there, because we all do it. But unless it's a big event, or you're actually present, no one needs minute by minute updates of Ottawa v. Tampa Bay or similar.

Those are the top five, and I'm sure there are more, but that'll do for now. Part of me is missing it -- The Driver's been on point with some legitimate smack-running, and I've been performing menial tasks while sporting a sequined eyemask. The photos are bank. But the majority of the hockey bits likely will end up here, so you'll just have to deal with it for the meantime.

I won't lie, though -- it's nice to be missed. Thank you very much. I'll see you back over there next year.

Don't mess with a man who wears his hair in mini-pigtails.

Instead of hanging out in Toronto at C'est What with Greg "Puck Daddy" Wyshynski and Dany Heatley Speedwagon (like I was supposed to), I was stuck in Ottawa last night watching this nonsense. I caught a couple of gems from Dean and Galley -- you know, before I got fed up and starting baking instead:

Dean (after Matt Carkner's 6-second fight with George Parros): "Matt Carkner is too valuable of a player defensively to be taking bad fights. I know he had to stand up for himself (against Parros) there, but..."

Galley (after Brian Elliott let in a brutal goal from just inside the red line): "That's not an easy save -- a puck that gets dumped down...it's gonna skip before it gets to you."

Alrighty then.

P.S.: The server at C'est What tending to Greg and DHS reportedly played with Carkner back in the day. I told them to ask him if the Ottawa defenceman ever spoke in full sentences. (Relax, it was a joke. Save me your bitchy Monday retorts.)

"For every gorgeous girl out there, there's some (dumbass narcissist with too much money and obviously not enough brains in his melon) who's tired of f*cking her."

-- Author Unknown

My friend JB first said this to me and I never forgot it -- but the additional bit in parentheses is mine.

Here's hoping that Elin sticks it out for the bare minimum, collects her cash and re-emerges as some effed-up death metal/burlesque star who only wants to be known as "Lady Lingonberry." Come on, you know that would kick serious ass.

* After sending a text to Bad Religion's Greg Hetson, warning him that Ottawa could put him to sleep at the Staples Center: "Thanks -- I'll bring a book." (Ed. Note: The game was actually better than expected.)

* Gord Miller: "Remember, Ottawa no longer has their swingman in Christoph Schubert."
Pierre: "Excellent point, Gord. Schubert was very valuable as their swingman."

The Driver: "Pfft...valuable at swinging the door open to the press box."

A bit muddled, but the point was made.

* Chris Phillips isn't going to win any awards for his acting skills. What a brutal dive by the veteran in the second half of the third.

* Pierre on Brian Elliott's frustration after the sixth goal: "Whenever you start hitting inanimate objects with your stick, that's a whole lot of ugly."

The Driver: "If that's the case, (Elliott) should've hit (Matt) Carkner."

For the record, The Driver has been on Wayne Simmonds's bandwagon for some time. I think a team with Fisher (with country/American-Idol-hybrid-music-offensive-firepower) and Simmonds would send him into a seizure. You know -- the good kind.

P.S.: So amusing to see the east coast crowd stand up and take notice that the Kings are a fun team to watch, and they're actually talented. Thanks for joining us in 2009, Mensas. Consider springing for Centre Ice sometime -- it's a lovely tonic to boost you out of the Eastern Conference coma.

In case you missed it last night...

Here's my favourite babyface coach (sorry Clouston) losing it on my beloved Denver Broncos after they failed to score two TDs in the first quarter. The icing on the cake: This segment was played as a taped bit. It wasn't live. (Warning: Audio isn't overly loud, but is still NSFW.)

There certainly are some interesting issues facing Ottawa Senators head coach Cory Clouston these days, but thanks to some lineup changes (yet again), it might be time to deal with the latest pink elephant in the room.

On the recent "embarrassment of riches" front, Clouston seemed pleased with the performance of his rotating bench-warmers. From Ken Warren of the Citizen:

While Ryan Shannon, Peter Regin and Jesse Winchester have taken turns sitting out through much of the season, all three were flying in Monday’s 4-3 overtime win over Washington. Together, they produced Regin’s first- period goal.

In the third period, Shannon and Regin served as wingers for Mike Fisher on a line that dominated. That trio played together at practice Tuesday before the team left for Newark.

“They played with a lot more intensity, they were stronger on the puck, and that’s one of the biggest things,” Clouston said of Shannon and Regin. “Neither one of them is a big, strong, physical guy, so if they don’t have an intensity around the puck, they get pushed off. For the most part, it looked like they wanted it more than the guys they were going against. They have to continue to do that.”

Then Warren punctuates it all by stating what we've all been thinking -- the following sentence is brought to you by Marcus Allen (CBS Sports):

Based on performance Monday, Jonathan Cheechoo, who continues to struggle, should have been the odd man out.

You can understand to a degree why Cheechoo has yet to ride the pine: 1) He was part of one of the biggest trades in recent team history and there's a immediate negative perception if you're blatantly admitting one of your pieces isn't working out; 2) He's a former 56-goal scorer and 3) He carries a cap hit of 3 million USD.

Too bad there's a legitimate argument for all three of these reasons.

While Cheechoo may sport the red, white and gold these days, he was a less-than-desired player within the trade. His name was consistently brought up during the rumour-mongering, and Murray always seemed to refuse. It was only after the dangling of Milan Michalek that Ottawa acquiesced. Furthermore, Murray immediately talked down expectations of No. 41 in the capital, most notably during preseason radio interviews where he viewed Jonathan's monster season of yore as an aberration, and not the norm (based on his history of injuries alone, you can understand why he took that tone).

The third reason is always the hardest for people to justify -- the paycheque.

It's always easier to watch a player making less than a million take a seat in the press box. They're usually the faces in the crowd -- no-name pieces to the rest of the league's observers, and perhaps even on a two-way contract. However, in Cheechoo's case, his benching would cause the media to sit up and take notice -- regardless of the fact that he's been relegated to fourth-line duties on a regular basis. The news outlets would report it, and it "doesn't look good."

News flash: Neither does Cheechoo's play, and people have noticed.

Memo to the Senators -- take the media heat for 5 minutes and try something new. Bench Jonathan Cheechoo for a game. You've given him time to show you what he can (or rather, can't) do. It's time to take a stand and sit him. After all, you've tried everything else. What harm could it do?

More later.

Place this one under the header of "Adventures in Creative Contest Marketing."

I found this on the website for Wild Wing" -- a chain of Canadian restaurants specializing in the flapping part of the chicken that serves as a general accompaniment to beer. Anyway, as I clicked onto the page, the header left me rather perplexed. A contest for a No. 87 jersey -- baby blue in colour, dangerously similar to the Pittsburgh throwbacks? Penguins championship slogans on the bottom? A bad Photoshop attempt at someone who's supposed to look like Sidney? (Ed. Note: You'll notice they forgot the lipstick.) Yet, there's no mention of Crosby, the NHL, or the Penguins proper anywhere in the advertisement. Funny that.

The rules and regulations state that the prize is a "Sidney Crosby signed heritage jersey ... This deluxe framed piece features a Sidney Crosby signed heritage jersey combined with a custom Wild Wing plaque."

Oooh, classy.

Apparently someone is trying to get out paying for the use of Crosby's image and NHL signage. Too bad the results are more than suspect (not to mention laughable).

The rewind version...

Poor, old (well, he's 34), slow Shean Donovan. It's apparently hard to give him love, which I discovered after the Penguins' Matt Cooke took out No. 10's knee for an extended period of time. Yes, the Senators eventually ended up winning that game quite handily against Pittsburgh. The thing was, the Pens ran out a D that was about as effective as a bunch of ex-ECHLers on a peach schnapps bender (yeah, you know it happens). I'm usually shy on sports betting when it comes to the NHL, but even I was tempted to get down on the home team that night.

So when I felt that the loss of Donovan was more relevant than an uneven matchup vs. Pittsburgh, I was rather surprised by the reaction of Senators fans. How dare I defend Shean Donovan, a player who, when he's in the lineup, saw the Sens go 8-3-1 during his 12 games played this season. "But he's been a healthy scratch," they insisted. Oh well, God freaking forbid we question a first-year coach on his decision-making skills. Here are your alternatives in that doomed-to-the-press-box troika: Jesse Winchester and Ryan Shannon. I'm not saying any NHL expert picks Donovan as MVP of the team, but he has played a far more responsible game than the others (Shannon in particular), and could have been viewed as an underrated piece for the club, especially considering his price tag.

Of course, when I pointed this out to the Donovan naysayers, no one could make a case for the other two as viable replacements for the old bugger. Chew on that.

You never know what's going to happen on late-night Centre Ice. I caught this as it actually occurred at the end of the Tampa Bay-Anaheim game last night, so I can tell you that the YouTube footage doesn't do it justice -- there were serious punches being thrown. For the record, Scott Niedermayer was trying to give the stick to a female fan (yes I know, insert punchline here).

I realize he may not think it's his place, but Niedermayer went right to the post-game ice interview afterward, and in my opinion, should have said something while in front of the mic. Even a feeble request to squelch the behaviour because it's not cool/safe would have been a smart (and noticeable) move.

Footage of the skirmish is available here.

(Rack bump to @Kingscast over at Twitter for unearthing the footage.)

The Kings' Rob Scuderi must've decided it was Nadia Comaneci Night at Staples Center. First to experience the Pretzel Test: Jason Chimera of the Columbus Blue Jackets. Here are some stills from Scuderi's low hit (Warning: somewhat cringe-worthy). FYI: No penalty was assessed on the hit, and Chimera received a 10-minute misconduct (and a fair amount of stitches due to extreme ice exfoliation).