The Universal Cynic

Via Twitter, from super blogger, The 6th Sens:

"Is this how The Driver feels being a Chargers fan? Want (the) team to lose (so ownership has no choice but to) gut the braintrust?"

In a word, yes. He doesn't want his team to lose, per se, but he knows it's the only way to get things to change. Plus he's totally sick of looking at the slouchy knee-high stocking around Norv's neck. It's the exact same thing with the Senators - he's felt that way for three years, and is pleased that people are, as he says, "catching up."



P.S.: In case you missed it, Torontoist has the transcription of Don Cherry's introduction of newly appointed Toronto mayor Rob Ford in all its hideous glory. Did you know that when Cherry was nominated for CBC's "The Greatest Canadian", Bret Hart was his celebrity advocate? Bret wore pink in the then-WWF with the Hart Foundation! Now we're through the looking glass, people!

Do you require a figurative wallop to your genitalia in order to close out the week? This might do it.

These futures lines were taken from the MGM Grand in Vegas by yours truly, on the 18th of January, 2009. I'd like to believe (and The Driver would tell you) that the Chargers at 10-1 look mighty tasty right now. But I don't know -- it's hard for me to trust a head coach who wears an octogenarian's knee-highs around his neck (and let's not get into his challenge/time management issues).

Just a couple of bits and pieces to round out the week...

If we're treated to one more piece of Sundin-related news, we'll gouge out our eyes and jam them into our ears (thanks to The Driver for that disturbing description). We've enjoyed the reaction to the local spin thus far -- although it's interesting that fans are making a fair amount of reference to Sundin's age. To act as if Gangrel would be the sole cause of greying up the team is rather funny -- apparently the misconception that Ottawa continues to ice a club of zygotes continues unabated. Remember when this interesting factoid made news last season? And yes, the roster has changed significantly since then. But for the record -- notable off-season pickups Jason Smith, Jarkko Ruutu and Filip Kuba are all over the age of 30 (34, 33 and 31 respectively). Are they as old as Mats? No. But they're not young pups, either. People need to remember this team isn't built on the babyfaces of yore.

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Meanwhile, over at Scarlett Ice, Sherry is doing her part to remind the Sens that Cody Bass deserves consideration for the big club this year. Okay, so the Ottawa bloggers might have their own motives for wanting to see Bass at SBP this year. Poly-cotton blend, anyone?

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This weekend is setting up to be an interesting one at TUC HQ. The Driver's craptastic San Diego Chargers are facing our beloved Broncos in the first notable AFC West game of the season. (Monday night, although fabulous, didn't really count. Oakland is a joke.) The Driver is in a weird place right now -- he and the Senators haven't seen eye to eye in some time, and things with the Chargers aren't going the way he had hoped. First came the devastating injury to Shawn Merriman, then the unexpected loss in Week 1 to Carolina...in short, he's been pouting a lot. That being said, we did get him to admit that Chargers QB Philip Rivers is a fussy bitch, which was a totally epic moment for yours truly. And our boy can play it down because he's good like that, but for the record -- if Rivers attempts a repeat of that jawing crap he pulled on Denver QB Jay Cutler last year, we'd fully encourage No. 6 to stab Rivers in the ass with an insulin needle on the sideline.*

(Aside: If you're ever in the mood to relive the magic and insanity that was "Dress Up Jake Plummer", go here.)

Finally, a quick message of love and support to our old-school friends in Texas who are prepping to battle Hurricane Ike. We're thinking of you...be safe.

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*That's a joke, ladies. Calm yourselves.

Two events I'm relieved are over: The Sens' pre-season and The Presidents Cup (a.k.a. Canadian golf Jesus v. American golf Jesus...at least on Sunday). One should not be listening to putter talk from Montreal in the afternoon on Team 1200, only to come home at night and watch Sens games on Rogers 22. Blech.

The pre-season is incapable of holding my interest for extended periods, but this Manatee storyline has the potential to get interesting with Ray Emery not ready for game play just yet. Contrary to popular belief, there are many persons of interest pulling for Gerber to succeed, and it has little to do with earning his keep. Emery may be considered the better goaltender in the city, but the issues he creates -- both publicly and privately -- do not strike the correct cohesive balance for this team (and we have provided the controversial reasons why in the past, albeit in an extremely roundabout manner).

Meanwhile, you have to think the one guy who might be getting anxious about the Dany Heatley negotiations (or lack thereof) is Daniel Alfredsson. Alfie committed to Ottawa for a lengthy period with a contract that now looks like a relatively frugal investment. He'll be making $5.451 million this season, and provides a salary cap hit of only $4.339 (according to NHLnumbers.com). His option years begin in 09/10, and the team's makeup could look drastically different by then -- particularly if the worst occurs and the team loses both Jason Spezza and Dany Heatley.

Speaking of future team makeup, the shortsightedness of some local media never ceases to amaze me. According to one talking head, Ottawa, over the course of the season, will gear up to trade Andrej Meszaros and Joe Corvo for forward building blocks while letting Wade Redden walk at the end of the season. How many quality offensive defensemen do they think the Sens will be hoarding in Binghamton? Are they going to clone Brian Lee? (Oh Jesus, I can't believe I said that.)


And finally, you know the normally placid LoCal fans in San Diego must be getting restless if they start chanting "Marty" in the fourth quarter. With the Bolts currently sitting at 1-3 (last in the division!), The Driver is in disbelief and has ceased wearing his Chargers hat out in public (he's gearing up to pull a hamstring, jumping off the bandwagon that fast). I know people are calling for Norv's head*, but the head coach midseason firing is something of a rarity in the NFL. Regardless, it's going to get oogly...can't wait. (I can say this now, before Denver goes 2-3 next week after the D inevitably throws up all over itself once more. O John Lynch, where art thou? Oh, and guess who they're playing in Week 5? LT can chew it.)

More later.

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* About Norv's head: Back in the day when he was coaching Washington, if you called Rome and referred to Turner as a "pineapple", Jim would hang up on you (funny as it was). Not to be insensitive, but I think it's less about the face, and more about the neck -- it almost looks like an octogenerian's knee-high stocking when it gets bunched around their ankle.