The Universal Cynic

(Ed. Note: The following photos are large files, intended to give you a much closer look if you click on them.)

Seeing as that some teams aren't worth discussing right now, the time seems about right for TUC's breakdown of our trip to SoCal.

As stated earlier, The Driver and I took in a game at Staples Center -- Stars v. Kings. It was an afternoon game, which was fine by us as we were coming in from San Diego and didn't want to deal with traffic.



This was around the "front" of the arena. *snicker*



It seems like everything inside the building is purple, or purple-hued, which must make the Clippers feel like crap (sorry, the AFL and WNBA aren't worth referencing).


The arena itself is difficult to describe -- it's a tall building, but the sections of seats don't seem that big (this might have to do with the fact that there are three levels of suites going around the middle of the place like a very expensive belt). I took a peek around various points of the ice and the sightlines were fantastic. You'll also note that the retired jerseys are not hung from different spots on the roof, but instead are displayed all on one side of the ice.







During the St. Louis game here in Ottawa, The Driver and I were complaining about the quality of SBP's scoreboard (which has already been "improved" since the building opened). You can't make out anything on it -- basically it's like watching A-Channel. Now take a look at the pics below (by the way, I was making a similar face after discovering the score of the Sens-Bruins game):





I was sitting on a level called "Premier" -- if you've been to see the Wild play, it's similar to their Club Level. It's a restricted area with restaurants, a carpeted concourse, bigger bathrooms, etc. It's a great setup, although to be fair, the regular concourse itself was pretty fabulous -- with a monstrous team shop that blew Sensations out of the water (both in selection and prices). I wanted to take a photo of the store, but it was a madhouse in there. Our seats were situated just above the 100 level. There were only two seats to each row (excellent idea) and included in-seat food and beverage service (yes, sushi was on the menu). Here's some views from where we were sitting:






Here's a shot of the little signs that the ushers hold up during the game. No, I'm not kidding.




Now here's where it really becomes apparent that Senators fans are getting the short end of the stick -- let's talk about food selection. Here's what 23 USD (including tax) gets you at Staples Center:



We picked up these sandwiches at the Buss Stop (an eatery which may have been named by a Sun Media editor -- just a guess*). The Driver got a turkey and swiss sandwich; I went with a vegetable one on a croissant. Everything is prepped in front of you -- fresh, generous and surprisingly delicious. I hesitate to call hot (real) turkey fast food, but if you're going to eat on the quick at a game, this is the way to do it. And to top it all off? Plenty of tables and chairs to relax in. No hovering over counters and condiment kiosks here.

As for the game itself -- I won't lie, it wasn't a lot to write home about. As I was telling some of you earlier today, the Senators currently resemble the Kings in a lot of ways: The disorganized defence, the lack of shots on goal (it took L.A. nearly 15 minutes to get a SOG in the second period), the overpaid "elite" defenceman collecting his cash and playing out the string, the overcommitment by the goaltenders (Ersberg got yanked)...do I need to go on? High point of the game came when Marc Crawford made the utterly baffling decision to put Raitis Ivanans out during a power play, apparently to fight Steve Ott. Methinks it's about time Paulie Walnuts was put out to pasture. All that being said, the fans that were there definitely gave a (expletive) about the game -- a very high percentage were wearing Kings gear as well.

And here's a side note: You can add Kings mascot Bailey the lion to the list of NHL names beginning with "B" that I've nearly bowled over (other members of the club include Commissioner Gary Bettman and CBC announcer Bob Cole). We were in the process of opening an entrance to the main concourse when all of a sudden Bailey came barreling through it (he was on his way to the ice in an apparent hurry). It's the first time I've seen a mascot do a double take. He definitely wasn't expecting anyone to be behind that door.



Oh, and in case you were curious:

Tickets: $130 (included parking)
Food: $23
Two t-shirts (one chick-style longsleeve): $40 (seriously)
In-seat snacks and drinks: ~$20
Number of times Trooper was played: 0

In short, it was the best hockey experience I've had in 3 years...and the one before that came in Minnesota when we saw the Wild play Phoenix.

So what does that tell you?

Next up: Hockey Night in La Jolla.

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*That's a joke, Ottawa. Calm yourselves.

Quick question for all the Mensas who think putting Ray Emery in net is going to solve matters (the same way losing Joe Corvo was going to fix things...or firing John Paddock...or waiting for Chris Neil to get healthy again...or breaking up/reuniting the top line...): Exactly how many goals can Emery score?

A ridiculous question? Perhaps, but it's worth mentioning when the team has been shutout twice in a row (for the second time this season).

The idea of leaving happy, sunny SoCal and returning to the land of passive-aggressive, malicious Ottawans does not sit well with TUC's crew. But alas, to the capital we must return on Monday night. Sigh. We took in some great beer league hockey in La Jolla this afternoon (more on that when we get back) as well as the Kings game from Saturday that'll come with plenty of photos. Our synopsis from the L.A. game: Contrary to popular belief, SoCals know how to do hockey...and they do it with far more panache than any Sens fan has experienced.

An interesting tidbit from Saturday: We were listening to the Kings post-game show (yes, they have one) and the subject of defence came up. The hosts were very hot on Wade Redden -- referring to him as a blue-chip UFA and an elite superstar...basically they think he's a pseudo-deity with chiseled cheekbones. Another interesting side note: Kings fans are jacked up about the draft -- and they know plenty about Steven Stamkos. There's a surprisingly positive vibe around this team despite its current woes, and it's really nice to see.

Unfortunately, that's it for us from California. We'll see you back in Ottawa late Tuesday (Wednesday if our punk ass is jet-lagged).

People with too much time on their hands in Boston's hotels for the well-heeled apparently can't take a hint -- don't you have a franchise to salvage? Aren't you on deadline?

On the docket today: Stars-Kings at Staples Center. I'm so amped up to watch a live game that has absolutely nothing to do with the Eastern Conference or the Senators.

More later.

Greetings from Del Mar, California.

Last night on ESPN's SportsCentER, I think I caught a split second glimpse of The Manatee. Honest to God, it was so fast I couldn't quite tell if it was him. The only mention of Sabres-Sens game came over the ticker. On the other hand, I saw Bobby Knight in a pastel pink sweater (no, really) giving his thoughts on NCAA upsets this weekend at least four times.

More later.

Just a heads-up: This space will be rather quiet over the next few days. The Driver and I are flying out to Los Angeles tonight for some downtime on the West Coast (where the hockey is relevant from a post-season perspective, and the people are much nicer). There may be a few bits and blurbs, but failing that, we'll see you back here around next Tuesday or so.

Behave yourselves.

Yeah hey,

TUC

From the "No, no, no!" files:

Wade Redden hasn’t ruled out a return to the lineup tomorrow.
The Senators defenceman, who left Monday’s 7-5 loss to the Montreal Canadiens with a knee injury, was on the ice this morning at Scotiabank Place and could play tomorrow against the Buffalo Sabres.

While Redden wasn’t in the lineup for the club’s 6-3 victory over the Sabres Tuesday at the HSBC Arena, he was still feeling some soreness after practice today.

He’ll take part in the club’s optional morning skate and then make a decision. If he does play, it’s possible that veteran Luke Richardson could come out of the lineup.

“It was a little stiff,” said Redden this morning. “There’s a chance. We’ll assess it tomorrow and see how it feels. It felt better overnight. We’ll see how it goes tomorrow.”

Hands up: Did you really miss Redden while he was gone last night?

Meanwhile, posters at the HFBoards are giving all kinds of love to Babyface Lee. It's a knee-jerk reaction after one game, but to be fair, the kid didn't do too badly for himself out there. Also interesting to see reaction to his post-game interview. Personally, I didn't find it that surprising -- most of the American prospects I've interviewed react and speak that way. They bounce back very few clichés, and take the time to give you a thoughtful answer.

More later.

Apologies for the lack of attention paid to last night's game -- things are a bit busy around TUC HQ. A win's a win, even if I wasn't overly convinced. Is it just me, or did the tandem of Meszaros and Commodore lead to involuntary muscle twitching for all viewers? No matter...let's give credit for the win to Sherry's new mascot and Brian Lee's overgrown haircut.

While we're on the subject of pets -- I know some of you have noticed an addition to the "About Me" section in the top right-hand corner. I guess it's about time she makes her debut:



The beagle shown here is Miss Eleanor Southworth Ewing -- better known as Miss Ellie. She's named after Barbara Bel Geddes' epic matriarchal character on Dallas, and appears to be fitting in nicely at TUC's household. She's a bit of a tomboy, so we imagine she could eventually take after Kent and offer her own take on the entry draft.

TUC is a firm believer in helping out animals in trouble -- Miss Ellie was discovered at a shelter in Almonte through Petfinder, but going directly to the various chapters of the Humane Society is also an excellent choice for anyone looking for a pet. Please check out any rescue options first before considering a breeder or pet store -- stray animals need homes too.

Thanks for listening. More later.

How hilarious to hear the incessant trumpeting from fans and local media prior to last night's game. "Boston is Montreal's bitch, but the Habs are owned by the Sens!" Okay, so I'm paraphrasing, but that was the obvious implication. Woman, please. First off, if you're going to have a bitch in this league, Montreal wouldn't be your top choice. Being speedy and skilled up front may help in the short term, but don't forget about their lack of size. Even if Montreal is fortunate enough to come out of the East -- and bank says they don't -- someone in the West is going to clobber the living crap out of them.

Again, it was late night viewing for me, but my cell phone was going off like crazy during the game itself. I'm hearing the same thing from friends and colleagues alike: They hate the way the Sens are performing, but part of them secretly enjoys the team's agony. Why? Well, it largely has to do with the way the franchise behaved after their Stanley Cup run last year. A lot of toffee-nosed behaviour turned people off -- both media and fans. Many (at least the ones who write me) deem this to be a hearty dose of humility for everyone involved...from the front office, right on down. Not only do I wholeheartedly concur, but I would encourage these bitchslaps from opponents to continue. You know what they say -- sometimes things need to get a lot worse before they can get better.

More later.

Don't quite know what's prompting it, but lately TUC has been receiving a lot of searches on Sens' prospect Ben Blood. In case you missed it the first time around, here's my interview with him from July '07. Enjoy.

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Blood on the ice may help Sens

After a heartbreaking loss to the Anaheim Ducks in the Stanley Cup final last month, newly minted GM Bryan Murray decided he wanted the Senators to become bigger and tougher.

What better place to begin than at the 2007 NHL entry draft, where the foundations for teams are created?

In the fourth round, the Senators selected Ben Blood, a 6-foot-3, 212-lb. Minnesotan blueliner from Shattuck-St. Mary's in Faribault. Shattuck has been at the forefront of producing some of the most anticipated prospects in the last few years -- Sidney Crosby's road to greatness went through SSM. Los Angeles defenceman Jack Johnson attended Shattuck, as did Blackhawks centre Jonathan Toews.

With a surname that immediately conjures up images of a skull-crunching scrapper, you assume the young defenceman's moniker will add to Murray's vision of the future Senators.

But there has to be more to a player than a name, especially one that encourages preconceived notions. Blood, all smiles after his first few drills at the Senators' developmental camp this week, had something to say about that.

"I'm used to it. People see the name and think I must be a tough guy. But I can play tough, and I can also make a play if we need a goal," Blood insisted.

But what about that leap in penalty minutes from 32 in 2005-06 to 144 last season?

"I like to battle hard in front of the net," Blood said, with a sheepish grin. "A lot of them were probably roughing calls."

Blood still yearns to be seen as more than his name implies. Off the ice, he is articulate and poised -- likely the result of a 3.8 GPA achieved in school this year.

On the ice, he demonstrates offensive potential with soft hands that were displayed in statistics (36 points in 63 games last season) and during this week's camp.

However, the 18-year-old took away other valuable lessons from his time at Shattuck.

"The hockey's great and obviously my education as well, but being able to mature was so important," Blood said.

"Playing for (coach) Tom Ward -- he makes men at Shattuck. I went there and I was a little immature when I arrived. But I've grown a lot since then."

Blood has accepted an offer to play for the University of North Dakota in the near future.

"(North Dakota) has a remarkable program and so many of their players have gone on to play in the NHL," he said. "I thought it was the best place to help me reach my own goal of playing in the National Hockey League."

But with an overstock of Fighting Sioux blueliners currently at UND, Blood will be sharpening his skills with the USHL's Des Moines Buccaneers next season.

"I wanted to play a year of junior just to get better; to become an impact player and carry more of a role when I get to UND," he said.

The young prospect followed his new team through the majority of the playoffs. While admittedly a fan of the New York Rangers, he insists he cheered for Ottawa after the Blueshirts were knocked out.

"I like (Patrick) Eaves a lot. (Eaves) played at Shattuck as well," noted Blood -- ever loyal to his alma mater.

The Minnesota native aims to model his game after Matt Smaby, a Tampa Bay prospect with the Springfield Falcons.

"He's a big guy who plays physical but can also move the puck," Blood said.

Surely the Senators could benefit from such a presence in their system.

In the meantime, Blood will continue to polish his game while taking pride in the fact that he's now part of a top NHL franchise.

"It's really fun being here. And getting that call, telling me I was drafted (by the Senators) -- it made my year."

This week's column has sparked a discussion over on the HF Boards regarding fan behaviour at SBP. Thoughts?

Remember when everyone was talking about Colgate University forward Jesse Winchester? Well, Garrioch says the college kid is on his way to Ottawa:

"The Senators are expected to announce the signing of college prospect Jesse Winchester as early as today....There's a strong belief that Winchester has a chance to play in the NHL, however, he might need some time in the AHL to get adjusted to the pro level."

You can read more at the above links.

Update: According to the Sens' website, Winchester is now an Ottawa Senator.

Happy belated Easter. Now then...

The blog has experienced an influx of oversexed puck bunnies who are all aflutter over the Phaneuf-Cuthbert post. I refuse to link to the site because the vulgarity and childish antics are a bit much. I just felt the need to mention their presence, lest they foolishly assume I am one of them.

I haven't posted anything in a bit because I came away from the Thursday home game with a lot of material that subsequently ended up in this week's column (these things happen when there isn't a lot to go on). If you want to check it out, click on the column index link on the right-hand side. And as for all the readers who felt the need to point out the misspelling in the title...all I can tell you is that I'm not responsible for that part of the column. Like it matters though, right? My freaking name's all over it (sigh).

As for the Toronto game, I won't lie to you: I recorded it because I was too caught up in March Madness. But when I did get around to watching it, I felt like projectile vomiting. People can bag on the Toby Jug all they want -- yes, his tenure here was ultimately unsuccessful, but dude knew how to implement a defensive system. The disorganization at the blueline makes me want to throw things. They're too busy chasing the puck around and forget to play the man. They swap sides for no apparent reason. Their physicality is completely inconsistent, and to top it all off you've got guys like Phillips attempting to direct the play because everyone's scrambling, but no one will listen to him. It's an unprecedented cluster(expletive). You barely beat St. Louis and can't keep it together to kill off the Leafs? Who in their right mind sees this team coming out of the first round?

I've been saying this privately for some time, but I'll say it publicly now: I'm so over it. Call me when free agency starts -- let's wipe the slate clean of all the scrubs and start fresh next year (unfortunately, Fisher will have to be the overpaid third-line mistake they're forced to live with -- he'll never be a second-liner, no matter how much you pay him). Wish they'd hurry up, though. Alfredsson isn't getting any younger.

Finally, I just wanted to mention this -- I'm not big on self-pimping, but I did see this over the weekend and thought it was a really nice thing to say -- especially on a board that's known for its vitriol towards the writers. I know a lot of you send me similar sentiments via e-mail, and your support is always appreciated. Thanks again.

More later.

Sorry for the lack of posts -- I'm caught up in a bit of bracket madness. Only I would take two weekends to sort this out (one to decide which sites I'm signing up for and the other to actually fill out the brackets themselves). The whole thing is kind of ironic because I'm a total "Miss Chalk", as Michael Wilbon would say. Have I mentioned how much I love March Madness? The nonstop action...the one and done...the ability to get down...the cinderella stories...the ability to get down...

(I totally should be in Vegas right now.)

On a semi-related topic, did you read The Sports Gal's column on the NCAA? I want to be friends with Bill Simmons' wife. Here's a sampling:

Tennessee (2) over Butler (7): Bill was watching Memphis play Tennessee recently and said they were the two best teams, so I remember that one. He doesn't think I pay attention, but I do. Unless he's having an annoying sports call with his friends. Then I start slamming cabinets and thinking of ways to make the dogs bark.

Take note: This is how you play the dumb chick role in sports for the purpose of humour. The only thing is, I don't think she's joking.

In other news, I'll be hitting up the St. Louis game tonight (and am fully relieved by the news that The Manatee will be starting -- it'll prevent me from heckling during the starting lineup announcements). Seeing as that I've been blogging a lot more lately, I fully expect a franchise rep to track me down and throw me out of the building.

(That's a joke, OSHC lurkers. Just because you don't have a sense of humour doesn't mean the rest of us must follow suit.)

A couple more things...

Surely you must have heard about this by now. Two questions: 1) How many kicks at the can does the CFL need in Ottawa and 2) Why is this city so hellbent on repeatedly humiliating itself?

And finally...for all those who cry, "What does this have to do with hockey?!?" whenever lighter fare is presented, may I present the following statistic: The post currently with the highest hits for searches and views on TUC is this one. No hypocrisy there, I'm sure.

More later.

The Calgary Sun says yes, as does this blog, which posted the news first.

(Thanks to Scott B. for the heads up.)

P.S. This isn't overly relevant, but I figured I'd pass it on -- my favourite description of Cuthbert came from someone who met her when she was running with Sean Avery: "She's very short, and very stupid."

Related:
Sens win (with tongue action)!
Goodnight Angelina, goodnight...

Joe Corvo to Ottawa media: "Eat it"

(Okay, he didn't say that -- but his play sure as hell did.)

The Driver was cheering for a hat trick, and I have to admit -- part of me was as well. I've made my stance on Corvo quite clear: I don't think he should have been a Senator to begin with, but I didn't condone the way he was treated. Is everyone through obsessing over the former No. 7, and can we put a stop to the juvenile name calling by the mainstream media? It's about time people grow up and let it go. Corvo's got scoreboard. Allow the guy have his day in the sun for Christ's sakes. He deserves it.

You want to throw a defenceman under the bus who's still with the team? I nominate Andrej Meszaros and Wade Redden for starters. The former might cause more blatant errors on a regular basis, but the latter makes me (expletive) bonkers. What the hell is Redden's damage, anyway? His words said he wanted to stay, but his play indicates anything but. His game is utterly passionless; he looks like he's barely going through the motions. This may seem harsh, but to me Redden personifies every negative sentiment that this team has been subjected to -- the soft, passive choking losers that naysayers expect the club to turn into come playoff time. I can't say that about other veterans on this team: Phillips always cranks it up in the post-season, and we all know what Alfie has done to redeem himself (and then some). I'm sure Redden must care, but damned if I can see it -- it doesn't look like he gives a (expletive) about his play for this team, but he has to realize it's going to have an effect on his future contract. Shouldn't he take that into consideration?

A couple more things for tonight...

How killer is that Carolina crowd? They used to get all kinds of crap for not showing any enthusiasm. They make the fans in SBP look like a joke -- granted, that isn't difficult to do. And by the way, their Howard Finkel kicks Stuntman Stu's ass.

The Manatee reserves the right to trip every Sens player boarding the plane home with his flippers. They hung him out to dry in Raleigh. And for the record, I've spoken for everyone and said that the fans love Gerber. Love him, damnit!

Did you get a look at Patrick Eaves' new shoulder pads? (I meant to take a pic but The Driver deleted the recording before I could get to it.) I'm surprised he doesn't get stuck in doorways with those things -- at one point, he was sitting on the bench and he looked like he was waiting to audition for a part in Dynasty.

More later.

P.S. Memo to the North Carolina readers being sent this way: I wasn't at the game yesterday -- the television coverage provided more than enough evidence in regards to your crowd. And while you're here, you also might want to check the pronoun usage in the "About Me" section in the top-right hand corner of the blog. Much obliged.

I'm bothered whenever people bark at my refusal to refer to the Sens as a "young" team. I'm not insinuating that they're all headed for a midlife crisis, but the way some talk, you'd think the average age of the team was along the lines of a university senior.

Tim Wharnsby's post over at the Globe On Hockey blog proves otherwise. Take this down for future reference: Currently, the youngest team (by average age) is Phoenix (26.5 years). The oldest is Detroit (32.0). And Ottawa...is 22nd on that list (29.0).

For the record, you can see how little age has to do with effectiveness as a team (which is Wharnsby's point).

Sportsnet's Ian Mendes during tonight's post-game interview:

Mendes: "That's Daniel Alfredsson of the Ottawa Senators -- they win three straight games for the first time since the first week of January."

Alfie (just as the camera turns off): "That long?"

TUC's friend (and charter member of Butterknife Row's Scott Norwood section) Patrick Williams has been busy making his mark in the big leagues -- check out this feature piece he did on Kings prospect Teddy Purcell for The Hockey News.

Patrick also has a blog over at THN -- you can find it here (and his SLAM! blog is still available at the links on the right).

Seeing a respected publication like The Hockey News pick up quality young writers pumps me up -- the industry covering this sport is in desperate need of some new blood.

Just a couple of random bits and pieces...



Can we squash the idea of Sean Avery coming to Ottawa as a UFA next season? I've seen the media float this out there once or twice, and my reaction is always, "Woman, please." It's not that I would have a problem with it-- the idea is, as they say, "good on paper". However, did anyone stop to consider that Ottawa probably doesn't have all the attributes that someone like Sean may be looking for?

Too vague for you? Well then, let me put it bluntly:

The women from Ottawa are not hot enough for Avery to drop the hammer on.

There, I said it. (And I can say it because I'm not from here. Not that I'm saying I'm attractive enough to...wait...what was my point again? Eject! Eject!)

And here's a little Avery non-sequitur for you Northwestern Ontario types: Did you know his dad played for Lakehead University? Chris Pronger's dad, Jim, is also a Norwester alumnus. Maybe the Crystal or Bare Point water buggered with their DNA, thereby allowing them to eventually produce such notorious (expletive)-disturbers. 'Bay rage!

If you want to know more, here's a nice piece about Lakehead fathers who suited up for the Norwesters (George Letowski, Henry Staal etc.) and their NHL-playing sons.

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Quick question: Hands up if you think the Sens need to do away with Glenn Frey's "The Heat Is On" as Dany Heatley's goal song? Frey's "hit" came out in '85 -- Dany Heatley was 4 at the time. I dunno...maybe we could find something that's a bit more recent and a billion times less cringe-inducing? Heatley looks like he wants to hide every time they break that out. Maybe I'm expecting too much. After all, they played Kris Kross ("Jump") for Nick Foligno as opposed to House of Pain ("Jump Around"). And don't even get me started on their incessant need to play "Alley Cat" on the organ -- I feel like I'm watching games from the old Montreal Forum.

(If you need a refresher to experience the hell that is "Alley Cat", search the song's title along with "The Emeralds" in iTunes. I'd rather watch Jay Onrait and Dan O'Toole on a continuous 48-hour loop.)


More later.

Apparently profanity has been allowed to invade the commentary on mainstream media blogs? Classy.

(Don't read too much into the title -- it's an inside joke.)

From Don Brennan's column today:

CREASE CROSSINGS: The sun was not shining in Ray Emery's world yesterday. He barely flinched at shots during a morning skate he was too quick to leave, especially for a guy who would be serving as his team's backup goalie that night. He didn't utter a word to one media member who said hello to him, and this particular greeting came from a scribe who often defends or deflects some of the heat from him. He was bashed on radio programs all day, which was amusing, really, given the more pressing issues facing the struggling team for which he plays. Which brings us to the saddest truth of the matter -- if this Senators' season ends in wthe messy wreck it appears targeted to become, the majority of the blame will no doubt be placed on the shoulders of an immature goalie who couldn't deal with his fall from grace. Emery will be the sacrificial lamb, as many other culprits will get a pass they do not deserve. Really, though, if this team's slide has so much to do with Emery showing up late for practice and admitting to motivational problems, it wasn't of championship calibre to begin with.

Quick question: Who's going to forget about the fact that the majority of the defence has been utterly subpar, and will require a major retooling in the offseason? Who's going to let Mike Fisher's repeated disappointments slip from their memory? Don't you think people will notice that Dany Heatley will be finishing with less than 50 goals -- fans will recall the injury, but they should also remember the way his stick became allergic to the puck during certain points of the season. And what about the regression of tandem two-way players Antoine Vermette and Chris Kelly, or the vanishing act of Dean McAmmond?

These names represent barely a handful of examples, because there's more than enough blame to go around -- and yes, some of it deserves to fall upon Ray. If people choose to throw the spotlight upon him, how can you blame them? After all, which Hummer-driving, dressing room-splintering, water bottle-chucking, oversleeping backup does the media choose to cover with breathless abandon? They were the ones who constantly referenced Emery whenever things went sour. Hell, they often found ways to bring him up even when the team was treading water.

Thanks to the media's incessant coverage of Ray Emery, the fans have been encouraged to strike at him first. That being said, there are plenty of targets to choose from, and I think people realize that -- however, you can't blame them for wishing to criticize in a particular order.

Good God, is he still here? Ray shows remorse...or whatever. Money quote:

"I was upset, I felt bad because I felt like I kind of affected someone else's life or job or whatever," Emery said yesterday, speaking out for the first time since Paddock was fired on Feb. 27.

Did he give this clip with his head down, shoulders slumped and sneakers shuffling on the floor? Did he wish he could just get this over with and get back to playing "Guitar Hero"? Did he roll his eyes and sigh? For Christ's sakes, he's four years younger than I am, and his vocabulary makes me feel like an octogenarian.

And whom, pray tell, is this directed towards?

P.S. Don't misunderstand me -- that swipe wasn't meant for the author.

...because don't you want to be friends with this guy? (In case you were wondering -- yes, he is holding a little pink purse. It all stemmed from this story.)

· You have to be intrigued by the stories appearing today regarding The Manatee's status as the No. 1 guy (here's TSN's, here's the Citizen's and here's the Sun's.) I guess most felt the need to to hold back on "making a call" after what's been going on in net this year, but as someone who watched all games of the West Coast swing, I'll tell you that it seemed pretty bloody obvious after the San Jose game. Gerber is doing things right again -- he's not cowering in the back of the net, and he's also positioning himself to cut off the angles with greater success. However, this time around, there's been one additional "improvement": He's freezing more pucks. I know normally you wouldn't want to encourage that type of behaviour, but it's like someone (I dunno...Ray's boy, perhaps?) said to him: "Look, dude...if you can't control the rebound, just stop the damned thing for now and we'll take our chances on the faceoff." Jason Spezza and Antoine Vermette are currently 12th and 17th respectively in faceoffs won overall. Obviously No. 29 has to still deal with subpar play in his own zone, but I'm guessing he somewhat feels he has a leg (or flipper) up on the situation when the puck is dropped -- hence the plan of hanging onto the rubber for the meantime.

One more thing on Gerber: I've been noticing how the media likes to point out that he plays best when he's not being pushed by someone else. Look at it this way: How would you feel if your job was constantly being threatened by a disinterested layabout (a.k.a. Ray Emery), because the staff figured he deserved multiple grabs at the brass ring (which was only due to past performances Emery has yet to replicate, and a salary that can't be explained away)? This isn't last year, where Emery was the hot young hand and a swap was justifiable. This season was about two goalies with problems: One was willing to put in the work; the other was not. And the one who busted his ass wasn't allowed to redeem himself, thanks to Paddock's "win and you're in" system. It wasn't about the pushing, kids. It was about the circumstances surrounding it, and frankly, I think any netminder in the league would have a problem with it if they were in The Manatee's skates.

_________________

When things are going wrong with a team, you naturally want to look back to when things were right -- thankfully, I kept a PVR clip from the Ottawa-Buffalo conference final last season. Going back to look at the recording is like night and day. Their passing is effortless, whereas recently it's become so laboured and inconsistent. They were fighting along the boards. They won the puck battles. They played a physical game. And most importantly, they charged the freaking net. We're talking run-of-the-mill hockey basics, all of which have mysteriously fallen by the wayside this year. It's the first time I've watched that clip and felt truly sad.

More later.

From the "I Couldn't Make This Up If I Tried" department:

Al Jourgensen, the lead singer from Ministry, is a huge Blackhawks fan and wanted to do something to help build momentum for the team's young stars. His idea: Create a new sports anthem for the franchise. The song is entitled, "Keys To The City" -- it debuted on Wednesday during a home game versus the Ducks. Here's a clip from the Blackhawks site:

Though containing trademark intensity and guitar riffs, "Keys to the City" is less a traditional Ministry song, but more a classic sports anthem in structure. Built around a drum/bass line that recalls Garry (sic) Glitter's "Rock n' Roll Pt 2," the song is a rallying cry for Blackhawk fans. Name checking the past Hawk greats like Hull, Mikita, Esposito and Savard, the song celebrates the resurgence of the Blackhawks and the quest to bring home the Stanley Cup to Chicago. It is already popular among the young Blackhawks players upon which the team is building its future championships.

Alarm bells should be going off in your head over the idea of lifting from Gary Glitter, right? Just wait -- it gets much worse. Here are the lyrics:

Let's Go Blackhawks! (3x)
Want to rock! Want to rock! Want to rock! (3x)

If you're a Blackhawk you skate with pride
So many legends have played for our side
Mikita! Hull! Esposito! Savard!
To name a few, that's why we play so hard

Want to rock! Want to rock! Want to rock! (3x)

We're gonna get the Keys To The City
Gonna give it all in every name
We're gonna get the Keys To The City
I want to hear you scream our name

"Let's Go! Blackhawks!"
"Let's Go! Blackhawks!"

Out players bleed red, white and black
We play for the crest, and not the name on the back
The best fans in the NHL
United Center -- it's time to raise hell!

We're gonna get the Keys To The City
Win the Cup and have a big parade
We're gonna get the Keys To The City
Show them all how real hockey is played...real hockey is played

"Let's Go! Blackhawks!" Fighta Fighta Fighta
"Let's Go! Blackhawks!" Skate-a Skate-a Skate-a


Sweet merciful crap, that's unbelievable. If you want to read more about the song, click here. Heads up: At the top of that page, there's a 30-second preview you can click on from iTunes. I suggest you have something nearby to bite on if you choose to do so.

P.S. I know this was posted on Deadspin yesterday. I'm sick, so it's taking me longer to get to things. Bugger off.

The Manatee returns for his fifth straight start tomorrow night in Phoenix.

"He has just been terrific. He has been outstanding," said (Bryan) Murray.

Nice praise. Too bad he's the only member of the team who deserves it.

With a game against L.A. tonight, it's as good a time as any to relive Bryan Murray's meltdown on Kings colour man, Jim Fox. Get ready to bust out the umbrellas. (Warning: Audio NSFW)

There's a sigh of relief over the fact that your team won't be facing Jason Labarbera in net tonight.

Heads up: The Manatee will be getting the start tonight in L.A., according to the Sun.

Here's a hint: He's orange. Hey, Bryan Murray...we know you're hitting SoCal on this road trip, but that's no reason to succumb to the Mystic Tan.

Some abbreviated and belated thoughts from Monday -- I'm under the weather, Blogger is acting up and I'm fading fast...

First of all...yes, I was one of those delinquents who stayed up to watch the Anaheim game -- keep in mind that traditional bedtime for the city is 9:30 pm...10 if they're feeling "naughty". This is a phenomenon The Driver and I refer to as "Large Vanilla Cone Syndrome". In short, when it comes to breaking out of their shell, Ottawans can't even do that right. It's like living amongst hundreds of thousands of Ned and Maude Flanders clones.

Anyway...about the game itself. Not a lot of surprises if you ask me, save for the score. I figured Ottawa would score one goal, but assumed the Ducks would garner 4 or 5. The only reason they didn't was due to The Manatee's relatively consistent play, and he deserves credit for that.

I kept hearing a lot of talk about how the Sens showed "so much emotion" during Monday's game. News flash: Frustration and fear are emotions, but they aren't the ones you want to be seeing during a game like this (or any game, for that matter). It's blatantly obvious that the Ducks are in their heads, and they aren't going away anytime soon. And keep in mind the latest victory was accomplished without Chris Pronger, after Lakehead boy Patrick Sharp disposed of him late last month with a hearty (but accidental) stick boosh to the jaw.

So what happened? The Sens got pushed around, and the fans subsequently freaked out over a lack of grit. Now all of sudden you've got people referring to Chris Neil as the second coming of Christ, and demanding that Brian McGrattan dress...or better yet, that the team call up Jeremy Yablonski from Binghamton. (That last suggestion kills me, by the way.) I even heard one radio host on the post-game show suggest that the Wild's recent attempt to turn into "Goonasota" was brought on Anaheim's physical dominance.

Look, Mensas: I know it may seem like semantics after the ridiculous officiating job on Monday, but there's a big difference between icing a bunch of scrappers who can't skate worth a damn for 6 minutes per game, and the Anaheim Ducks. Make no mistake: Anaheim is a dirty team, but it's their skill and balance over four lines that sets them apart. Yes, they do play "on the edge", but they're also willing to sacrifice their bodies to protect the puck, fight the battles along the boards, rock the trap and beat your ass in a foot race. I saw none of that from the Sens on Monday.

And for all this talk of how effective players like Phillips and Vermette (!) can be when they do choose to hit -- it's a bloody joke. When they "choose" to? Why are they choosing? Why aren't they simply doing? Here's your answer: They're soft. And personally, to say something like that about a player like Phillips bothers me, because given his size and decent speed, he'd be amazing as a physical blueliner. But dude doesn't have a mean streak, and it takes him far too long to get angry.

The Sens achieved post-season success by grinding down the opposition's defence. Anaheim takes that technique to another level -- throw in the trap, some balanced scoring and a fairly capable goaltender...it's over. Show me one team out of the Eastern conference that could handle that over a seven-game series. You think Pittsburgh won't have their snipers flattened? You think Hal Gill is going to save their ass? Montreal plays the Ducks on Sunday -- can't wait to see that.

One final note: I will say this about Anaheim -- their goal horn flat-out destroys. It's so powerful and resonant...just fantastic. Ottawa's goal horn reminds me of Ottawans themselves -- nasal and annoying. In fact, if Ottawa's goal horn were a person, it would sit right beside you in a restaurant when all other tables are vacant, then bitch to you about its rheumatoid arthritis without any prompting whatsoever.

More later (assuming that I'm semi-lucid).

Sorry...have been tied up with other duties. My belated (yet still relevant) thoughts regarding the Monday night game should come later on today...maybe. I'll tell you this much: My happiest moment came when The Manatee raged on The Faucet. Don't (expletive) with the Swiss Sea Cow, kids.

More later.

Paddock is done. Assistant coach Ron Low also gets the boot, but goaltending coach Eli Wilson remains on staff. Figure that one out.

P.S. Favourite comment so far on TSN.ca: "YESSSSSSSSSS!!! OR YESH! Finally, the man is back in charge!!"

UPDATE: From The Team 1200 -- Paddock has been offered another position with the franchise, but no specifics were given and no word yet if the former coach has accepted.

UPDATE #2: During his press conference, Murray mentioned a possible scouting position for Paddock. He also stated that he went to team owner Eugene Melnyk with his intentions -- in other words, this decision came from the GM and not the Barbados boss (as many suspected it may have).

-The following is a transcript taken from the first period intermission of last night's game -- these were Mike Milbury's thoughts on the coaching situation in Ottawa:

"Coaches are responsible for conditioning, discipline and motivation. When a team quits on a coach, they lose their motivation and their discipline. They lose their focus. They can't seem to listen. They don't focus on the details. Their line changes aren't good. They miss assignments on faceoffs and they're very easily discouraged. All of that looks like Ottawa Senators to me tonight."

Just to add to that: You have to get the feeling that Paddock's tough guy act became extremely old at a rapid rate. After all, what kind of legitimate repercussions existed for poor attitude or play? Ray was sent home once, and I remember Robitaille getting benched...that's about it. A three-year-old can figure out the "all bark, no bite" routine pretty quickly. Paddock reportedly screamed his lungs out at the team during an intermission last Saturday, and it was barely enough to get them over the hump against Pittsburgh. How does he kick it up a notch after back-to-back shutouts? Does he rip out his internal organs Itchy and Scratchy-style and hurl them at the defensive core? Does he have to tear out his uvula and stomp on it? (Aside: I think Jon Gruden did this during the halftime of Super Bowl XXXVII.)

Have you ever heard the saying, "where teaching ends, frustration takes over"? I think I first read it a dog training book, but it definitely applies here. In short, when you no longer have any tricks up your sleeve to deal with (and subsequently educate) your subject -- be it German Shepherd or NHL franchise -- patience evaporates and tempers dominate. I think Paddock is out of tricks, and all he has left is an angry voice...one that this team has long since tuned out. Or maybe I should've just listened to The Driver when he insisted that Paddock never had any tricks in the first place. Jets fans always seem to know what's up.

And just to put a nice bow on all of this...here's your mid-week chewable:

The last time the Senators went through any kind of coaching staff/front office-related grief, team president Roy Mlakar was everywhere and anywhere, pompoms at the ready. Where the hell is he now?

Question asked by James Duthie to Martin Lapointe during a phone interview earlier in the day:

"Can a bad dressing room or a bad situation be saved by one person?"

Hmm...you think Dwight Howard still has that Superman cape?

- Brian Campbell was a priority; Darcy Regier wanted to look elsewhere (Ed. Note: Understandable, but this hurts)

- had "good talks" with a team regarding a goaltender but "money got in the way" (Khabibulin?)

- threw one player's name out to the masses and was contacted by fifteen teams

- in regards to exploring other options if things don't improve: "I won't commit to anything at this point."

Just when I get closer, I can feel it slipping away
Just when I feel better, that's when everything starts to change
No chance to be, no chance to see what's left to say
Just when I get closer, that's when it all slips away

-- Closer (Pennywise)


What do you want me to tell you? What do you want me to talk about? Do any of you wish to discuss inferior perimeter hockey that this team is bound and determined to play because it's their "system"? Do you want to chat about how they refuse to attack the net and instead obsess about shots from the point while aiming (read: praying) for a deflection?

Do you want to talk about predictability -- like the way Fisher always goes to the outside when he's driving down the right side? Add that to the pile, along with Alfie's circling back and Neil's "unanticipated" toe drag. Woman, please.

Do you want to discuss how Emery gives off frighteningly queasy memories of Roman Cechmanek? (Aside: That sounds like a marinade you can buy at Loblaws.) He's totally got the half-assed crouch move locked up. The media can obsess about weakness on his stick side until they're blue in the face -- why hasn't anyone picked up on the fact that Emery has the reflexes of Bob Cole on muscle relaxants chased with Stolichnaya?


Most importantly, do you any of you wish to ponder aloud about the possible events of today, and how they will change nothing for this team, regardless of what does (or does not) happen?

Yeah, that's what I figured.

Finally, here's some food for thought:

Current records for the Sens and Leafs respectively:

36-21-6
27-28-9

The first 19 games:

Ottawa
16-3-0

Toronto
7-7-5

In the games since then:

Ottawa
20-18-6

Toronto
20-21-4

Since January 1st:

Ottawa
11-12-2

Toronto
12-12-1

P.S. Was Garry Galley at an Oscar party Sunday night? Dude was so hoarse during the broadcast, I thought Demi Moore was doing the colour.

We just got word from a friend of ours in Tampa that Lightning fans (the ones that care anyway) are flipping out over the idea of losing Brad Richards -- the drama can be heard on WDAE 620 The Sports Animal. Heads up: Access is only available if your IP address is U.S. based. Bush league, says I.

This is the type of trade deadline coverage we live for -- it comes from a media blog (guess which one?):

"Checking on Forsberg. I'm told he's either coming back or not coming back."

If there's such a thing as Post of the Year, that's in the running.

As for Cotton Hill Forsberg, we have our answer: He's going to Colorado.

Yeah, go ahead and act like you don't see it. Feel free to add it to the pile.

Speculation is already mounting after yesterday's revelation that John Paddock would be starting Emery over the Manatee against Philly tonight -- thereby abandoning his wildly successful* "win and you're in" strategy. The timing is worthy of note: There are four games left until the trade deadline next Tuesday (Flyers, Blue Jackets, Bruins and Leafs). Could this be an attempt to showcase Emery in the hopes of pawning him off on some unfortunate buyer? (And if he's going to give it up again a la the second Jersey goal on Saturday, what the [expletive] is the point?)

More later...including some interesting fallout from the Corvo column this week.

________________

* That's sarcasm, Mensas. Do I really have to explain this here?

Me (to The Driver): Hey, Brian Lee got into a fight tonight.

The Driver (not missing a beat): What -- did someone swipe one of his Hot Wheels?

UPDATE: Here are the details from the bout:

As more than one person pointed out, B-Sens rookie defenseman Brian Lee certainly can't be accused of picking his spots in choosing to drop the gloves with Crunch right wing Derek Dorsett for his first professional fight Friday night in Syracuse.

"I think it's great. I think it's a good experience for him," B-Sens coach Cory Clouston said afterward. "He picked a guy that I'm very familiar with in the WHL. He's a smaller guy, but he was one of the best middleweights in the WHL. So he tangled with a real tough competitor and I thought he did a good job."

Lee and Dorsett fought at the 16:12 mark of the first period, with Lee controlling the fight early on. Dorsett was the one who landed a few punches toward the end, and Lee appeared frustrated with the linesmen that he got punched again after he was already down and the fight was being broken up.

"We were just talking back and forth," Lee said afterward, "and it led to a fight."

Asked if this was something he wanted to get a part of, Lee said: "I wanted to get one fight on the year. ... Just kind of get one under my belt."

Dorsett spent part of his junior hockey career with the WHL's Medicine Hat Tigers. Clouston's brother, Shaun, is an associate coach with Medicine Hat.

From the Citizen's Hockey Capital blog:


SAY IT AIN’T SO, JOE

While both Mike Commodore and Cory Stillman expressed excitement at being the newest members of the Senators, it appears Joe Corvo couldn’t wait to get out of town. Corvo, an Illinois native, told reporters at the News & Observer in Raleigh that he found there was too much attention paid to team and his family didn’t like the living in Ottawa.

Corvo, who often found himself as the target of fan fury over abundant defensive lapses, told the newspaper that, although his family wanted to return to the U.S., his interest in departing “had more to do the small-town attitude that surrounded the team and the nature of the criticism.”

“It’s hard to understand if you haven’t played in Canada,” Corvo is quoted as saying. “The media here at times can be completely ridiculous, the way they can take some of the stories that are nothing and make something out of them.”

You may have seen the Chris Berman videos making the rounds -- this one has a uniquely Canadian twist. 222s? How retro. By the way, this is our first "Canadian meds" tag.

[Credit to Awful Announcing for the find.]

P.S. Just a quick story here...when I wrote my very first column, I took some shot at Chris Berman and was told to consider pulling it because, "people like Chris Berman" (that was the reason I was given). I think I did -- hell, it was my maiden voyage. Quick question: Did anyone really like him, even before these videos began surfacing?

ESPN has since demanded that YouTube remove the videos, but you can catch them all here. The applicable Canadian clip is the first one displayed.

Today on Team 1200, GM Bryan Murray referenced chasing a "young free agent" (see previous post). Well, the Sun blog seems to think it's this guy: Jesse Winchester. Murray apparently paid a visit to the college player this weekend in Canton, NY when the kid's team was playing St. Lawrence.

Winchester is a 24-year-old forward currently playing for Colgate University in Hamilton, NY. Through 28 games with the Raiders he has 8 goals and 21 assists on 115 shots, in addition to a plus-11 rating (he's tied for first in plus-minus and leads the team in points).

Other various stats...

- has a .524 winning percentage on faceoffs (6th best on the team)

- 30 blocked shots

- 35 PIM

You can find a breakdown of his year and other stats here.

- looking for another tough d-man, even if short term

- still interested in tending to right side of Fisher line

- wants to leave rest of current roster alone, if possible (read: trades may come, but will be prospects/draft picks)

- is talking to a "young free agent" -- attempting to convince him to come to Ottawa (claims it is NOT Fabian Brunnstrom). (Ed. note: J.R. asked about him -- I don't know if he was addressing it as a deadline move, which wouldn't make sense.)

- said that Corvo likely needed to get back into an American city, away from the scrutiny of the media

The speculation has already begun that Corvo gone + 2 potential UFAs = making space for Peter "Cotton Hill" Forsberg. Your move, Philly.

The general consensus (far as I can tell) is that the move was a positive one. The D needed some jam, badly. The blueline is far too soft, and bringing in Commodore brings some of that so-called grit that's required. Losing Eaves is upsetting some people, but to be fair -- Patrick's game has suffered due to repeated injuries, and he isn't a top six player. There's something to be said for waiting for someone to develop, but many were growing impatient. Stillman represents that top six winger that the Sens currently require (although to be honest, his lack of defensive prowess worries me).

So, where does this leave rumoured trade bait, Antoine Vermette? Right now, my gut says he might be staying.

P.S. Thank your various deities that Commodore is a right-handed defenseman (in essence, a one-for-one, as Corvo was a righty as well). This team has far too many southpaws on the blueline.

From TSN:

The Ottawa Senators have shuffled the deck in a big way by completing a four-player transaction with the Carolina Hurricanes.

Sources say the Senators have acquired defenceman Mike Commodore and forward Cory Stillman in exchange for defenceman Joe Corvo and forward Patrick Eaves.

Commodore and Stillman are scheduled to become unrestricted free agents on July 1. Stillman had to agree to waive his no-trade clause to go to Ottawa.

Eaves is a restricted free agent at the end of this season. Corvo has two years remaining on his contract, paying him $2.75 million per year but with a salary cap hit of $2.625 million.


Stillman is enjoying a very productive season with Carolina as he has 21 goals and 25 assists in 55 games. He has cooled considerably after a hot start to the season as he has only seven points in the 2008 calendar year.



He enjoyed his best season in 2003-04 with the Lightning when he scored 25 goals and added 55 assists. In 815 career games the 34-year old Stillman has scored 231 times while handing out 352 assists.

He is a two time Stanley Cup winner in 2004 with Tampa Bay and in 2006 with the Hurricanes.

Meanwhile Commodore has three goals and nine assists and 74 penalty minutes in 41 games. He was also a member of the 2006 Stanley Cup winning Hurricanes.

In 51 games with the Senators this season the 30-year old Corvo has six goals and 21 assists while sporting a +13 +/- rating. He has also been playing on the Senators top power play unit and will likely be asked to quarterback the Hurricanes struggling PP unit which is 17th in the league. In 330 career games he has 41 goals and 100 assists.

While struggling to overcome a shoulder injury this season, the 23-year old Eaves has four goals and six assists.

The Senators play host to the Buffalo Sabres Tuesday while the Hurricanes face the Bruins. It is unknown if the players will be in the lineup for their new teams at this time.

When they say "nightclub", we're thinking they meant "Ybor City strip club"... and when they say "purse", they probably meant "$150 Chinese Louis Vuitton knockoff".

From TSN.ca:

The Tampa Tribune is reporting that Montreal Canadiens defensemen Ryan O'Byrne and forward Tom Kostopoulos were arrested outside of Tampa nightclub early Monday morning.

O'Byrne is accused of stealing a women's purse, while Kostopoulos is accused of resisting an officer.

The incident began when a woman notified the bar's security officers that her purse was missing. The security officers noticed O'Byrne holding the purse and the women's cellphone outside the bar.

According to the report, O'Byrne told the officers that the purse belonged to his girlfriend, but police determined it belonged to the woman.

"Several associates, who were identified as National Hockey League players/members, crowded around the officers and police car," the police report states. "They were told numerous times to get away from the police car and not to interfere."



O'Byrne was charged with grand theft and Kostopoulos was charged with resisting the officers.

O'Byrne's bail was set at $2,000 and Kostopoulos' was set at $500 - both have been released.

The Canadiens are scheduled to play the Tampa Bay Lightning Tuesday night.

William Houston's take on Hockey Day in Canada:

Hockey Day in Canada goes heavy on schmaltz

If you woke up with a tummy ache yesterday, well, it's understandable. When the entrée consists of sugar and syrup over 13½ hours, it can happen.

And if you had a bad dream about outdoor rinks and small-town arenas closing in you, that's hardly a surprise, either.

The feel-good programming of Hockey Day in Canada on Saturday accomplished everything it set out to do, but it was also repetitive and, at times, tedious.

After a while, you wanted to yell: "Enough. I'm tired of the smiling faces and happy accounts, and here-we-are-and-isn't-this-wonderful message."

Was there nothing else to say?

Here's how one journalist, who is hockey fan, put it in an e-mail message: "Anyone landing here from another planet seeing this would think we were a nation of 32 million, each and every one of us living in a small town, volunteering all day long, loving our fathers and able only to say, 'This is what it's all about.' "

Ron MacLean did yeoman's service as the host of the day-long show. The features were inspiring, moving and slick. And there were no technical problems that we noticed.

But this was the idealization of grassroots hockey, a game without issues or problems, aside from perhaps the decrepit condition of an outdoor rink in Montreal. A piece on the Boston Bruins' Glen Metropolit, who grew up in the Toronto neighbourhood of Regent Park, touched on the challenges confronting urban poor kids, but just barely.

The CBC needs to balance the Hockey Day fluff with journalism. Or is everything in the game, as Hockey Canada and the establishment media would have us believe, so perfect there is no need to ask questions or criticize?

From the CBC's perspective, Hockey Day primarily serves as a promotional vehicle for hockey, for which the network has, starting next season, about $100-million a year invested in NHL rights.

It is therefore important for the CBC to sell the game as important to the country. And to make the case that hockey is part of our soul and embodies all good things.

But, perhaps, during the network's homage, there is room for a report that doesn't invoke a happy face. Surely, there are subjects worth looking into, whether it is bodychecking for kids, shots to the head starting in minor hockey up to professional hockey or the steep dropoff in participation after the ages of 12 and 13. Are eight-year-olds still playing too many games and receiving too little instruction?

The CBC would argue Hockey Day is about telling the good news stories. It is the one day of the year set aside to celebrate the game.

But when do the other stories get told? Certainly not on the parent show of Hockey Day, Hockey Night in Canada, which airs features consisting almost exclusively of profiles and human interest stories. Issues, assuming the establishment is wrong and there are some, are rarely if ever reported in a serious way.

The point that should be important to the Hockey Day producers is that strong journalism will enhance rather than diminish the telecast. Good news by itself, after all, is a pretty bland offering.

With the Vancouver Olympics two years away, it might have been interesting to hear some analysis, aside from the usual excuse making, of what went wrong with the men's team at the Turin Games in 2006 and what to expect in 2010.

Doom and gloom shouldn't prevail on Hockey Day, but a dose of reality would be a welcome counter to the image of the game, largely mythologized, that Hockey Day presents.

1) Only a myopic fool would be placated by the Sens' victory this evening. One-dimensional teams don't win Stanley Cups.

2) From the "Wrong Yet Accurate" Department: Dick Irvin looks like the librarian from The Hilarious House of Frightenstein (you probably need to be of a certain vintage to understand this). Full disclosure: Old people scare me.

3) I enjoyed the Joe Juneau segment today, and yeah...that's about it.


Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to cleanse my palate with some basketball and Frasier reruns, because that was far too much saccharine for one day.

Don Brennan hit the nail on the head over at the Sun blog. Here's the post:

Riddle me this, Batman

Something about the whole Roy Mlakar contract extension thing just doesn't seem right.
Mostly, it's the handling of the announcement.
The Senators waited until 10:13 p.m. (by my blackberry) to inform the media that their CEO and president was going to keep his job for at least one more year. Now, you have to know the deal was agreed upon well before that. Maybe hours, maybe days, maybe even weeks.
Yet they held off on the news until just after a Thursday night game against Florida? When the newspapers would have room only for a short blurb, at best? When the TV and radio guys were also more focused on a slump-busting win in February?
Mlakar is supposed to be a major "player" in the organization. He's certainly not allergic to the spotlight. What an opportunity for the team to hold him high, to boast about the good job Mlakar and his staff have done in filling Scotiabank Place again this season.
They could have held a press conference after the morning skate, in the middle of the afternoon or even at 5:30 p.m., which would be just in time for it to make the evening news and guarantee better play in the papers.
And yet they handle his story with about as much fanfare given the demotion of Josh Hennessy to Binghamton.
Doesn't make sense. Or does it?
Most who follow the team on a regular basis have assumed this season was Mlakar's swan song. The thinking is he lost hand when John Muckler lost his power struggle with Bryan Murray. If Mlakar couldn't save his buddy's job, then he surely must not have the same clout as he once possessed, right? And what about his rosy relationship with Eugene Melnyk? Had it soured?
True or false, that's been the speculation, and the fact Mlakar has not been as visible around the rink to the media had only added fuel to the assumption he was on his way out.
Then, also curious is the fact that his extension is for only one year. A press conference, and more coverage, would have made a bigger issue out of that.
Why just one year? Why announce the length of the deal in the first place? They aren't telling us how much Mlakar will be paid, are they? Why not just say, as teams usually do, that terms of the agreement would not be released?
It just all seems kind of fishy. Like the fewer questions they have to field about the status of this prominent player, the better.

Text message exchange between myself and a friend last night:

"Jacques (Martin) just took a timeout...WTF?"

"I know. Weird."

"He never does that. Normally he just stares up at the clock and says to himself, 'f*ck me.'"

"Wonder what he's saying now (during the timeout)?"

"That's all he EVER says."

Interestingly enough, both Dean and Gord noticed that Jacques appeared to be silent during the timeout, essentially rendering it pointless. Maybe he realized his mistake after the fact.

We also reminisced about Jacques' über-awesome television commercial for the Orleans jewellery store, La Maison D'Or. If anyone has access to that, I swear...I will pony up for it.

Finally, a tidbit -- consider this your Friday chewable...

The Sun blog reported last night that Sens president Roy Mlakar signed a one-year extension with the team. Frankly, we were kind of surprised, especially after Mlakar's reaction during this -- it seemed like all signs pointing to him pulling the plug after this season. And yet, he re-ups...but for one year? What's the point of that?

(That's Mr. Chi Pig from SNFU. Around 1997 or '98, he appeared on TSN's Off The Record and it was blatantly apparent that he scared the living hell out of Michael Landsberg and the other three guests. Towards the end of the show, Chi whips out his pig mask, puts it on, and begins climbing all over the furniture -- I'm not making this up...I have it on tape. Most underrated OTR episode ever.)

Alright, so I was in the middle of some late-night template tinkering when my Internet took a nosedive. Thankfully I keep a stored copy of the HTML, otherwise the blog would've been toast (and I'm sure a lot people would've had a problem with that -- that's sarcasm, kids).

Anyway, I'm back. Resume your regularly scheduled National Capital NHL free-fall. Weee!

P.S. Senators + Panthers + A-Channel Broadcast = Cruel and unusual punishment.

P.P.S. Stop asking why I didn't call during Rome's Old School Hour on Tuesday. I didn't know I was supposed to.

These are your leftovers:


Due to the insanity from the past week (more on that in a minute), I came across a German-based NHL message board that's a total riot to read. My German isn't the greatest -- I can catch the jist of some things -- but I figured for the hell of it, I'd run some posts through an online translator for all of you. Here's an unaltered sampling:


"Bist du des Wahnsinns knusprige Beute, 7 Punkte von Alfie letzte Nacht."

Translation:

"You are the insanity crisp prey, 7 points night last by Alfie."

(Come back soon, Alfie -- the team is in dire need of your crispy insanity.)

***

"vielleicht schafft es Alfie ja auch noch, seinen alten kumpel Mats zum erzrivalen zu locken...
das wär der deal schlechthin für die provinz Ontario!
Ottawa hat eine reihe von jungen talenten, nach denen die Leafs sich die finger lecken würden (Vermette u.a.) und mit Spezza und Sundin als 1-2 punch kann Fisher hauptsächlich gegen die topreihe des gegners spielen, dort ist er wohl am effektivsten für sein team. damit wären die Sens im osten de fakto der anwärter nummer 1 auf eine erneute teilnahme am cup finale."


Translation:

"Perhaps it creates Alfie also yet to attract its old buddy rents to the archrival... The wär the deal simply for the province Ontario! Ottawa has would line up one of young talents, after which the Leafs would lick itself the fingers, (Vermette among other things) and with Spezza and Sundin as 1-2 punch can Fisher mainly against the topreihe of the opponent play, is would be participate there he probably most effectively for its team. therewith the Sens in the East de fakto of the applicants number 1 on a renewed in the cup finale."

(I always knew the Leafs were a bunch of finger-lickers. Are they trying to say that Vermette is the equivalent of a bucket of chicken?)

***

Ja Rayzor scheint nicht nur abgehoben zu sein, der liebe Herrgott hat im wohl auch nicht mit allzu viel Intelligenz gesegnet. Ich sage es hier und jetzt: Ottawa ist nicht wegen Emery in den SC-Final gekommen, sondern eher trotz ihm. Das er eine Solche Aroganz entwickelt nach einer erfolgreichen Season ist schon bedenklich. Elliot hat in seinem bisherigen einzigen Spiel überzeugt, der scheint kein schlechter zu sein.

Schöner Sieg gegen die NYI, aber Corvo könnte echt mal mit seinen Fehlpässen im eigenen Drittel aufhören....


Translation:

"Yes Rayzor seems not only removed to be, that dear gentleman God blessed has in that probably also not with all too much intelligence. I say it here and now: Ottawa did not come because of Emery in the SC-Final, but rather sooner in spite of it. That it such an Aroganz developed is already doubtful after a successful Season. Elliot convinced in its previous only game, no bad seems that to be.

Beautiful victory against the NYI, but Corvo could really once with its Fehlpässen in the own third stop ..."

(Fehlpässen? Is that Corvo's problem? Someone needs to tell him they make a cream for that.)

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Now then...about last week. I know when the blog went dark, a lot of assumptions were made. None of them were true. I had some business to attend to, and wasn't able to keep up with the demands being made due to Tuesday's post. Please note (and I only wish to state this once, so pay attention): If the blog goes subscription-only, no posts are being made. You're not missing anything. I will bring it back online when I can.

Frankly, I wasn't expecting the type of reaction that I received from Tuesday's post. People took the ball and ran with it, which is their prerogative. Thank you to those who chose to link and discuss it with some semblance of seriousness -- particularly if you were able to do so without playing the Allen Iverson card. It's called "fresh material", kids. Look into it.

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As for the latest on the drama-doomed troika (Gerber-Paddock-Emery), it appears that Paddock's most recent scheme ("win and you're in") is destined for failure, and once again demonstrates the head coach's lack of decisiveness. Granted, neither goaltender was a standout in either game (The Manatee vs. Boston and Ray in Toronto tonight). But both have yet to receive proper defensive support (for the record, Meszaros deserves to fly home in the cargo hold this evening). Can't he at least let one of them ride for a couple games, to at least work through some issues and build a smidge of confidence?

This is the analogy I've been throwing out to friends for a couple of months: Paddock is Archie, Gerber is Betty and Emery is Veronica. The Manatee is like Betty because everyone likes him (he's a favourite in the dressing room), he's low-key, doesn't rock the boat -- almost to the point of becoming a doormat (remember how often Betty would help Archie with his homework?) -- but wants to be No. 1 in Archie's world.

Emery is Veronica to a t -- the diva and the bling-lover (Aside: Did I just write "bling"? I want to hurt myself.) She bitches and throws temper tantrums, and Archie totally takes it because he remembers how hot she can be. The thing is, I don't remember Veronica eating a cockroach on a bet for tattoo money. Granted, that might've been in a Double Digest I missed. In the comics, Ron would just swipe a credit card from her father's wallet while he napped in his office (Mr. Lodge would be played by Bryan Murray...oh, and Binghamton prospect Brian Elliott would be played by Midge -- the girl everyone forgets about until she starts acting like a saucy minx).

I totally need to flesh this out some more, don't I?

__________

A couple more things...

This is driving me crazy. Two elite athletes: Tom Brady and Sidney Crosby. Both diagnosed with high ankle sprains. Afterward, Brady goes around to NYC nightclubs with Gisele Bundchen. Crosby goes around making a face like he got into a Jacuzzi too quickly and scorched his genitalia.

(Aside: When it comes to comedic gold, this is The Driver's Fort Knox, despite the trauma it caused. He honed this bit during the years when we had gym memberships at the O.A.C. -- he was unable to avoid the sight of octogenarians who immersed their naked bodies into the men's hot tub, only to retract lightning-fast while cupping their private parts and making a sucking noise through their teeth. The Driver's imitation of this -- fully clothed, naturally -- is absolutely priceless, and the face he makes is identical to the one Crosby is demonstrating in the photo.)

And finally, just a heads-up: Tomorrow's column is Super Bowl-based. It's too difficult to write about the Sens in that space with any level of passion -- they might as well replace their Roman soldier logo with an Ambien tablet.

More later.