The Universal Cynic

From last night's NHL Awards:



Good God -- even being gazed upon by Elisha Cuthbert looks like it requires a dose of amoxicillin immediately afterward.

P.S. We should probably get on a Deglaze, but we're waiting for the media to decide who the next coach is. If you keeping throwing out names and the Sens eventually pick one, it's still considered a scoop, right? Look out now -- Craig Hartsburg's a badass: Rub him the wrong way and he'll force you to sit on the floor. No word if he then proceeds to hold the plate of post-practice orange slices ever so tantalizingly out of reach.

More later.

In case you were questioning the validity of the Elisha Cuthbert-Dion Phaneuf rumours...I think this'll settle it:



Uh oh...someone's frolicking a bit too hard. Something's going on here -- either Dion's rehearsing for his next SportsCentre commercial where he brillantly imitates a sheet of particle board, or he's confessing his true feelings about Pierre McGuire. Regardless, 'Lish seems to be amused. And how about those shorts? Apparently Dion made a run to Zellers before jumping on the plane.



More photos from their Hawaii jaunt are available at Egotastic.com. [Credit to the always hilarious Dlisted for the link.]

P.S. Yes, the Deglaze is still coming.

Related: Elisha Cuthbert and Phaneuf?

The Calgary Sun says yes, as does this blog, which posted the news first.

(Thanks to Scott B. for the heads up.)

P.S. This isn't overly relevant, but I figured I'd pass it on -- my favourite description of Cuthbert came from someone who met her when she was running with Sean Avery: "She's very short, and very stupid."

Related:
Sens win (with tongue action)!
Goodnight Angelina, goodnight...

Here's Paul Devorski on the phone during the review of the Vermette goal. I kid you not -- this photo is completely unaltered, with the exception of miniscule adjustments made for clarity. Wassup?! (Sincerely, The year 2000.)

And here's Tom Preissing demonstrating how the Devils must feel after tonight's game:



Two out of three Hart Trophy candidates obliterated. You can't help but like that.

There really isn't much left to say about this series that hasn't already been stated -- there were more turnovers than a badly run small business, and no real hatred or drama which made for little buildup during the off-days. This of course, has led to a full-blown obsession with Elisha Cuthbert and her appearance at the SBP during Game 4. I was there but didn't see her. (I was in the auxillary portion of the Scott Norwood Section -- at one point, I almost took out Bob Cole while going to grab a club soda between periods. I think he may have come up to my chin.)

"Elisha Cuthbert is in the building!!!" "She has hair like Rue McClanahan!!!" "She's eating fries!!!" "Everyone says she's dating Mike Comrie!!!" "I heard they're doing it!!!"

Seriously? What the (expletive) is this -- Degrassi: The Next Generation?

Here's a picture of Elisha from the game that I found on some guy's blog:



Hey Comrie: "Thank you for being a friend..."

Apparently the readers found the Cuthbert media coverage to be quite hysterical and "stalker-ish", to use their term. Here's Mike C.'s take:

"It's a hot actress and all they notice is she's eating a greasy snack? I'm betting these are the only things sportswriters care about: Chicks in hockey arenas and food."

Normally Mike, I don't think it takes a woman of Cuthbert's attractiveness to get them worked up into such a state. I mean, if I threw a bouffant wig and a pillbox hat on Lou Lamoriello, making him look like a dreadful facsimile of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, I bet at least half the press box would attempt to flirt with that hot mess.

(Aside -- for future reference, please attempt not to go "Brad Lidge" in your e-mails. It's just too damned easy.)

You've got to wonder though -- if the Rangers are up next, are all the male sportswriters in the city going to be walking around with notebooks shielding the fly on their pants?

Maybe Ottawa will be spared. Maybe they'll play Buffalo in the Conference Finals. Hurrah! More cliches! Anton Volchenkov's nightmares about Mike Grier! Daniel Alfredsson's unfinished business with Jason Pominville! More free-associating fans from the opposition with massive chips on their shoulders! It's more excitement than you can stand, damnit!

More later.

P.S. One last pic for this photo-heavy post: I'm told this cake was allegedly sent last night from a hotel in Times Square to another in East Rutherford, NJ. You have to look closely (photo was taken with a cell phone), but the icing reads, "Ram (a.k.a. Roy Mlakar) loves Boo Boo (a.k.a. Bruce Garrioch)":



How was this "wildly inappropriate" photo leaked? I'm thinking a lot of time and resources should be spent to get to the bottom of this. I mean, a lot.

More later.

Let no one speak your name again until this June. Potentially next on the docket from Stuff Magazine's Hot 100: Elisha Cuthbert (the real one). We know who the media wants the Sens to face in the next round, and 10 to 1 says they all make feeble attempts to dress better if they catch wind of the frat-boy mag fave being within 100 km of the city -- you know, because they all have a shot at getting with her. Personally, I'm hoping for it as well -- simply due to the plethora of 24 references that'll inevitably come out. By the way Kim, tell your dad to feel free to lay out Silver Spoons. He's annoying as all hell.