The Universal Cynic

Apparently some Sens fans became irked with me during Saturday night's opening game vs. Rangers, because I refused to get my non-existent pompoms up for the fourth line. This line, consisting of Jarkko Ruutu, Chris Kelly and Chris Neil, takes a bite out of the Ottawa cap to the tune of $5.425 million. Mmm...tasty.

But the money, while revelant, merely points to a simple fact: These guys have been paid said amount, because the club expected more out of them -- say as third-liners, for starters. When they perpetually disappoint at that level, it takes a demotion to the last step before their asses get kicked out the door, for them to be seen as quality? Are you (expletive) kidding me? And yes, I know some have bounced in between the third and fourth last season. That point is highly tempered by the fact that we were just talking about the possibility of a trade regarding some of these line members. Combine that with the revelation of being forced to start the season on the last line -- that says a lot.

Of course, everyone seemed to fall off the bandwagon during the last minute of the second period, when the line's brutal positioning gave Michael Del Zotto some prime real estate in Pascal Leclaire's backyard.

The lines have since been shaken up somewhat as Ryan Shannon nurses some bruises, but I fully expect to see this troika scraping the bottom of the barrel as the season continues. News flash: It's nothing to celebrate, and that includes the rare moments of effectiveness.

On another note, allow me to make one thing clear: The days of me rooting for this team are all but over. I don't bemoan their losses, and I don't applaud their wins. I observe them, but I won't actively cheer for them. In the future, if anyone wishes to have a civilized conversation with me about the Ottawa Senators, they had better remove their rose-coloured glasses first. Don't get uppity with me because you can't handle a less-than-stellar review of your team. That's your problem, not mine. And if you can't stomach an objective option, I highly suggest that you head on out of here, and begin reading one of the many fan-based blogs, because this isn't one of them.

End scene. More later.

...because the draft had an overabundance of moustache representation, and to my knowledge, we were nowhere near a gay bar.

By now you've probably heard about the enormous cluster(expletive) which occurred when the NHL hung our Internet access at this year's Entry Draft out to dry. We weren't hooked up again until late into Day 2 -- by that time, the Scott Norwood Section (representing for Kukla's Korner) felt as overhyped and ineffective as a Wade Redden-Andrej Meszaros pairing. Explanations, updates and apologies were very few and far between (it's worth noting that the online access was also down for Day 1 of last year's draft in Columbus). This inconvenience left a fair amount of time for fuming, gossiping and general observation of a bizarre nature. Although it pales in comparison to the scope of the event, one of The Other TSN's favourite moments occurred when a local writer (who's been under the gun lately) went running past while exclaiming, "This is so exciting!" All that was missing was a starched pinafore, balled fists and a Shirley Temple wig. Oh, and in case you were wondering: The real secret behind Detroit's front office success? Pistachios. Lots of them.

Speaking of Detroit, it was entertaining to see which teams were following their line of thinking at the draft. It's part of the new NHL -- "Success According To (current Cup champions)." Now to be fair, the Red Wings are the only team capable of laying any type of claim to the word "dynasty" right now. But for teams playing catch-up, the situation becomes more interesting...particularly when you're talking about the backpedaling that's involved.

Take, for example, James Duthie's interview with Senators GM Bryan Murray, post-No.1 pick. In the first round, Ottawa took Swedish defenceman Erik Karlsson, and traded up in the draft to do so. The blueliner is listed as being 5' 11" and 165 lbs (apparently the scouting reports left out the "soaking wet" part). Karlsson is labeled as a two-way defenceman with great mobility and passing skills, which allegedly makes up for his lack of size.

The Sens' first-round picks in last two years were Jim O'Brien ('07) and Nick Foligno ('06). Both are at least 6 feet, and Foligno, who was present during draft proceedings, has noticeably bulked up during the off-season. Duthie asked Murray point-blank about his sudden about-face. "You sat with me here last year, and said that big, strong players win championships." Pea Soup's response was unremarkable -- something to the effect of going after the best players available -- but you can't help but think Murray was suddenly willing to change his mindset, after witnessing what Detroit accomplished with mobile defencemen that didn't share DNA with a California Redwood.

All teams will try to mimic the moves of a Cup champion to some degree, but the Senators' feeble attempts seem far more blatant. It's like following fashion -- right now, Detroit's haute couture (bank says that's the first time that sentence has been written). Ottawa is like the chick in Des Moines with a scrunchie in her hair, flipping through a March '99 issue of Cosmopolitian. The Sens lack an identity of their own, but they're also behind on the trends and incapable of figuring out what works for them.

Oh, and about that Chris Kelly signing? Sure, it's nice to retain the speed and PK ability, but what's up with paying above the position? Now Ottawa is paying Mike Fisher as if he's a No. 2 centre, and Kelly as if he's a No. 3 -- yet neither puts up the offensive totals required (47 and 30 points respectively last season) to hold those roles on a permanent basis. But that doesn't mean we won't see both of them in said spots next year, right? Good times!

More later.

P.S. Something that definitely wasn't expected -- TUC received a lot of praise from various media (who will remain anonymous) for this controversial post. It was bizarre, but very nice to know that the effort was appreciated.

(Don't read too much into the title -- it's an inside joke.)

From Don Brennan's column today:

CREASE CROSSINGS: The sun was not shining in Ray Emery's world yesterday. He barely flinched at shots during a morning skate he was too quick to leave, especially for a guy who would be serving as his team's backup goalie that night. He didn't utter a word to one media member who said hello to him, and this particular greeting came from a scribe who often defends or deflects some of the heat from him. He was bashed on radio programs all day, which was amusing, really, given the more pressing issues facing the struggling team for which he plays. Which brings us to the saddest truth of the matter -- if this Senators' season ends in wthe messy wreck it appears targeted to become, the majority of the blame will no doubt be placed on the shoulders of an immature goalie who couldn't deal with his fall from grace. Emery will be the sacrificial lamb, as many other culprits will get a pass they do not deserve. Really, though, if this team's slide has so much to do with Emery showing up late for practice and admitting to motivational problems, it wasn't of championship calibre to begin with.

Quick question: Who's going to forget about the fact that the majority of the defence has been utterly subpar, and will require a major retooling in the offseason? Who's going to let Mike Fisher's repeated disappointments slip from their memory? Don't you think people will notice that Dany Heatley will be finishing with less than 50 goals -- fans will recall the injury, but they should also remember the way his stick became allergic to the puck during certain points of the season. And what about the regression of tandem two-way players Antoine Vermette and Chris Kelly, or the vanishing act of Dean McAmmond?

These names represent barely a handful of examples, because there's more than enough blame to go around -- and yes, some of it deserves to fall upon Ray. If people choose to throw the spotlight upon him, how can you blame them? After all, which Hummer-driving, dressing room-splintering, water bottle-chucking, oversleeping backup does the media choose to cover with breathless abandon? They were the ones who constantly referenced Emery whenever things went sour. Hell, they often found ways to bring him up even when the team was treading water.

Thanks to the media's incessant coverage of Ray Emery, the fans have been encouraged to strike at him first. That being said, there are plenty of targets to choose from, and I think people realize that -- however, you can't blame them for wishing to criticize in a particular order.

The following is a transcript taken from a mid-intermission interview with Sens' president Roy Mlakar, during the Sens-Capitals game on Rogers 22 last night. This was the answer given when the issue of potential future free agents Dany Heatley and Jason Spezza (UFA and RFA respectively) came up:

"Quite frankly, I find it amusing that the media has continued to talk about what’s going to happen after this great year, because I think the fans want to see what’s going to happen (this year). We’ve kept the core of the team together -- (GM) Bryan (Murray’s) done a hell of a job getting most of the guys back into the fold. Getting (Mike) Fisher long-term is tremendous. Not too many people have done what Mike (Fisher) has done here. Getting Chris Phillips done and (Anton) Volchenkov done long-term and just coming back as a Stanley Cup (participating) team, I think the fans are really excited. They really don’t want to hear what’s going to go on a year from now."

So are we to assume if the media chose not to discuss the futures of Wade Redden, Dany Heatley, Chris Kelly, Jason Spezza etc., that the fans wouldn't do it on their own? We're led to believe that fans don't wish to contemplate the future, or readily admit that their beloved team may ultimately have one more serious kick at the can before the vultures begin counting down the days to Dany Heatley's first day of freedom in July '08? Perhaps I should forward some choice missives from my inbox to members of the Sens' front office, because when it comes to my readers at least, the future -- and its relevance -- is now. The ironic thing is, as a columnist, I've barely brought the issue up with the exception of two Mike Fisher-based columns in the span of three months. The e-mails I've been receiving of late are totally unsolicited, but nearly all have inquired about the futures of the Senators' UFAs and RFAs.

Ottawa fans aren't about to take the Scarlett O'Hara approach of, "I won't think about that today; I'll think about it tomorrow." The potential loss of a back-to-back 50 goal scorer is an ominous threat to any team, regardless of when it will occur (and keep in mind that No. 15 is only one of many issues). If Heatley doesn't produce, Ottawa will be bitter over their "last big chance" potentially being wasted. If he thrives, they'll eventually be heartbroken because they know he'll be impossible to keep. I know we all like to question the fans' intelligence, but they're more than capable of coming to these conclusions on their own while discussing them to a vast degree, despite what may happen this season. Fans will want to know what's going on, and more importantly, they're eager to learn about the future of Dany Heatley and others in this city (if any). Frankly, to suggest otherwise borders on a high level of naivete.

Just a question -- is the opposition's team located in Buffalo or Beachy Head? One hopes they don't hurt themselves jumping off the bandwagon en masse.

It was hardly a memorable performance from Ottawa last night -- the Preissing-Corvo pairing was completely off-kilter, appearing to function as a panicky mess for the majority of the evening. On the Afinogenov goal, Corvo charged out to the point in some sort of misguided attempt to cover Kalinin but stopped short, which left Preissing all alone on the wrong side. And of course, Corvo was a major part of the atrocious sequence in the third (along with Schubert) that saw Ottawa fail to get the puck out of the zone on five or six attempts. Jason Spezza's skating left a lot to be desired (he was barely moving his legs) and Alfie, who continues to work hard, seemed to struggle a bit with timing -- particularly during pass reception.

On the plus side (besides the obvious win) -- a wonderful performance from Mike Fisher. There were also two notables who rarely get mentioned these days: Antoine Vermette and Chris Kelly. Kelly busts his ass every shift, and his role on the PK is so integral to the defensive success that the Sens' forwards have achieved thus far. You could also mention Vermette in the same breath, but it should be pointed out that he had a beautiful sequence vs. Afinogenov mid-way through the 3rd where he continued to pressure the Russian off the puck. That's the way you need to deal with this player (especially when he's clicking, and last night was one of those nights). The Vanek-Roy-Afinogenov trio seemed to be the line obtaining the most chances -- I loved Vermette's demonstration that Afinogenov could be contained. One note on "Jack White" Briere: He was a non-factor last night, but so was Gary Roberts in the first game vs. Pittsburgh, and Ottawa saw how that changed. Maybe he's hurt, but I'll postpone judgment for the meantime. And how about "Triple Cream Brie" Saprykin registering his first playoff goal as a Senator? It's about as unexpected as having two players wearing No. 61 in a series.

The next 48 hours should be interesting. I imagine Buffalo supporters will be regrouping their smack. After all, when some Sabres fans aren't referring to Dany Heatley as "a murderer", they've been keeping busy acting as the Sens' alarm clock. How very Super Bowl of them.

(Hmmm...there's that card to play as well, isn't there?)

More later.

[Photo Credit: The Book Of Face]

Yeah, go ahead and act like you weren't thinking it as well.

You can claim, a la Don Cherry, that Colby Armstrong had nowhere to go, but that still doesn't justify him flying in low, and bringing his shoulder into Patrick Eaves' head (who was having an above-average series before this, by the way). Fair hits aren't always acceptable hits. Claims of remorse were made, but Armstrong didn't seem to have any problem with running Ray Emery full-steam in Game 2 -- you know the guy is going to pull stuff like this. Retaliation by the Sens was measured tonight, but the meanness level still needs to be ratcheted up a notch -- without taking unnecessary penalties (like Christoph Schubert's late in the third).
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Dean McAmmond dropping the gloves last night was hysterical. Dangly arms, and didn't seem to react at all to Maxime Talbot's first punches. It reminded me of that episode of The Simpsons where Homer becomes a boxer, and allows his opponents to hit him until they tire themselves out. (Scroll to the :37 mark for a refresher -- this is worth watching just to hear the theme from The Contender again.)



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Yet another word on the PP -- what on Earth is the point of having a player like Dany Heatley down low? He won't fight to stay in position in front, and if he's standing to the side, he's useless unless the pass/rebound comes directly to him. If it's in his vicinity, he's inevitably beaten to the puck by a nearby Penguin, due to his incessant floating.

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Can we please acknowledge what a great playoff series Chris Kelly is having so far? He's always willing to do the dirty work, and I was so thrilled for him when he scored in Game 2 -- if the kid's got a knock, it's his woefully lead-filled hands. On the flip side of the coin: Memo to Dany Heatley -- the playoffs have started. You can begin scoring now.

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Not much negativity via the email regarding yesterday's column -- I had one missive which referred to me as "brain dead" that was also sent to the op-ed section, so I'm sure you'll be able to catch that in the paper in a couple of days. Good times. Strangely enough when I wrote the guy back, he wasn't able to come up with a reason why it's unacceptable to boo Crosby, yet taunting Marc-Fleury is considered fair game. Actually, none of Crosby's supporters in Ottawa have been able to explain how that works. Funny that. Where should we turn in times like these for a bit of common sense? Would you believe...a Leaf fan? From the TUC inbox:

Good morning Erin,

Great article today. I live in Ottawa but bleed Blue and White and I had
some buddies saying how classless of the Sens fans etc. But I agree with
you 100%. When you purchase a ticket you have the right to voice
whatever opinions you want. I don't think Sidney goes home and cries
afterwards. I think it's great to see the building so loud and into the
games because it seems to only happen when the Habs or Leafs are in town
and that's only because the fans are 50/50. No I don't have a rev up the
red shirt or Sens car flag but I guess if a Canadian team has to win
well.............I'll leave it at that.


Two words: Gets it.

P.S. Do you think anyone in the Ottawa media will have anything to say about the boos that were heard during O Canada last night? There was a boy in the building from Cole Harbour, NS last night -- good God, it's happening again! (In all seriousness -- a truly classless demonstration by those select Pens fans, and a proper demonstration for media members like Hugh Adami that provided the real definition of unsportsmanlike behaviour.)