The Universal Cynic

I'm glad he's gone. He wasn't a bad player, but he was never going to be what fans and the club both wanted and needed. Initial reaction to the deal? Sure, that'll do. Talk to me after a) the picks develop or b) they're flipped for something more immediate (and no, while it may not happen this year, it's not out of the realm of possibility).

Anything left to say can be revisited in this post from October 2008. Not being a fan of Mike Fisher was highly taboo for the longest time. This was around the time when a few Senators fans finally started to get it.

Enjoy and have a good weekend.

____________

From "Monday morning Deglaze" - October 6, 2008

Sure, the regular season has started, but a lot of the talk has focused on players not hitting the ice -- case in point, Mike Fisher. No. 12 was recently thrust into the spotlight, due to the fact that his 6-million dollar groin (or "groan", as Rome would say) is acting up again. Fisher did not play in either game versus the Penguins in Sweden, and questions abound regarding the centre's off-season conditioning and overall durability.

It's a very curious thing to see fans suddenly question and criticize Mike Fisher. I say that because, well...privately, I've been doing it for years. To me, Mike Fisher is like There's Something About Mary. Remember when that movie came out? It was a fairly unassuming flick when it hit the theatres, but everyone seemingly went nuts over it. At the time, my friends were driving me crazy, telling me to go check it out. Here's what happened:

Friends: "So? What did you think? Wasn't it the best thing ever?"

Me: (looking at ground)

Friends: "Well?"

Me: "Uh...well...I don't get what the big deal is. I don't get it."

Friends: "WHAT?!? Best. Thing. Ever. What's wrong with you?"

Me: (getting defensive) "I dunno...I guess some parts of it were all right...I just don't understand why everyone loves it so much."

Friends: "Blaaargh!!! Rage...RAAAAAGE!"

Things get a bit hazy at this point. I think someone took off one of their Vans and threw it at me.

Eventually I just began to lie and said I liked it, because I was tired of having people freak out on me.

And that's what it's like to be a non-fan of Mike Fisher -- at least until recently. I had to to express my feelings covertly, during whispered conversations at the Starbucks on Hazeldean. I had to smile and nod my head in silent agreement when everyone insisted he should be the next captain of the team. I had to pretend to understand why every woman (and Don Cherry, apparently) fawns over his blue eyes and chiseled cheekbones.

I didn't get it. I never did. And now I'm mad at myself for not speaking up, because people are finally beginning to see things the way I always have.

Fisher was the one player I couldn't bring myself to properly torch in the column, and it made me bloody crazy. I'd pace in my office, willing myself to openly question his worth. He has yet to break the 50-point plateau, and he's 28 years old. Barring a miracle, it seems pretty obvious that he's peaked. The Senators paid him like a second-line centre (his front-loaded, 5-year, $21-million contract kicks in this season), but he's not capable of playing that role. A lot of that money is paying for the intangibles that No. 12 offers..and that's where the problem lies.

The good guy image. The heart. The grit. The never-say-die mentality. Sens fans have been flat-out obsessed with the qualities Fisher brings to the table, and that's what makes it so freaking hard to get on his case. Don't believe me? Consider this: In the four years that the column ran, I got flack from the Sens front office about my off-the-cuff criticism of one player. Guess who that player was? They never defended anyone else...and frankly, I leveled my guns at pretty much everyone on that team (including Daniel Alfredsson).

Here's the thing: I understand that he's a valuable player from a defensive standpoint. I respect his willingness to play hard. I get that he's a good person. I get that part, okay?

But he's not a deity, and he's not a second-line centre that will ever be worth 6-million dollars. He may not even be a captain -- that spare "A" was obviously emblazoned on Heatley's chest for a reason.

News flash: It's Mike Fisher. Stop looking for something that isn't there. He's physically fragile, offensively limited and his career has nowhere to go but down. Thank God people are finally beginning to understand that.

Check out this gem from Mike Fisher's future wife on the NHL's available awards (starts at 1:38). Can Bettman start handing out a wreath this June, because that might be sweet. Also, I hope their new home has plenty of room for the "plaques." Please tell me there's a "Mike Fisher -- Participant" among them. Love those.

P.S.: Obvious joke: "She was talking about trophies for the Senators, dumbass!" Yes, you're all very funny.

Generations of Kings fans across the street from Staples Center, at L.A. Live. I also saw some extremely novice skaters texting on a packed rink. If that's not SoCal, I don't know what is.

Welcome to 2010, Cynics. This month marks the fourth anniversary of the blog (ack). If you're old-school, thanks for sticking around. Neophytes, continue to come around and make your presence known. There's a lot to cover, so let's go quick hit style, shall we?

* Mike Fisher's impending nuptials to Carrie Underwood got absolutely no play on ESPN -- interpret how you wish. However, Brett Favre's brouhaha with Brad Childress regarding his attempted removal during the Carolina game? 5 goddamned days of coverage -- and none of it new. Also, no one at ESPN is allowed to express any opinion about the NFL without deferring to Adam Schefter first. Imagine Bob MacKenzie sitting on the set of TSN while wearing a papal mitre. That's what it was like.

* More on the mighty No. 12: If you're a Senators fan who's upset about him not making the cut for the Olympics, you should shake yourself. Remember what happened to a certain Czech goaltender of yore when he played for Ottawa? Fisher is one of the club's biggest offensive threats right now (Christ, I can't believe I'm typing that) and any additional play -- regardless of importance -- only affords more chances for injury. It's not like he's prone to getting hurt, right? Right?

* News flash: At this point in time, L.A. Kings fans are better than the vast majority of Senators fans. Why? Oh, I don't know -- it's the little things. Things like everyone standing up and cheering when a goal is scored, and having people stay to watch when the good guys are a goal behind in the third (as opposed to running for their cars). Last time I checked, Los Angeles traffic was far worse than anything coming out of Kanata.

* I don't know what Kings fans are going to think of this (I was hesitant to bring it up to Hetson when I saw him) but Jonathan Quick sometimes reminds me of the Manatee, Martin Gerber. His positioning isn't always the greatest, and he's fluid as opposed to maintaining sharp movement. However, he makes up for it by having a strong glove hand and some of the best flexibility I've seen since Dominik Hasek. It also doesn't hurt that he's got some young, mobile defence in front of him. I was so pumped to hear that Drew Doughty made the Olympic team -- the kid truly is something special, and his finesse with the puck continues to improve. He's going to have an amazing career in front of him.

* On the WJC front: Why is everyone so surprised by the disappointing play of Senators prospect D Jared Cowen? Sure, the kid started off the season well, but he's been unbelievably subpar for the Spokane Chiefs in the past few months -- poor mobility (as has been stated in Saskatoon) and he's become the master of bonehead penalties. Pay attention to your own, kids, regardless of where they are right now. It doesn't begin and end with the O and Q. (And yes, I know there's still plenty of time for him to repair his game. That wasn't the point of this rant.)

* Watching Switzerland goaltender Benjamin Conz is hilarious. The kid gets so deep in the net, his ass is practically touching the back of the cage. Perhaps playing so far inward wasn't just a Gerber thing -- maybe it's a Swiss thing.

Anyway, there's more on the way, including my detailed thoughts on what's really going wrong at SBP. But for right now, I'll leave you with two musical interludes. First, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones' Hardcore Medley (tracks 2,3 and 4) which pairs nicely with a 90 mph jaunt down the 405 through Orange County. Bringing up the rear is Fugazi's KYEO -- a song I tend to sing (and bugger the hell out of) when I'm lit up. Happy New Year, everyone. More to come -- stay tuned....

P.S.: As promised, I'm back on Twitter, so feel free to bug me over there as well.

* After sending a text to Bad Religion's Greg Hetson, warning him that Ottawa could put him to sleep at the Staples Center: "Thanks -- I'll bring a book." (Ed. Note: The game was actually better than expected.)

* Gord Miller: "Remember, Ottawa no longer has their swingman in Christoph Schubert."
Pierre: "Excellent point, Gord. Schubert was very valuable as their swingman."

The Driver: "Pfft...valuable at swinging the door open to the press box."

A bit muddled, but the point was made.

* Chris Phillips isn't going to win any awards for his acting skills. What a brutal dive by the veteran in the second half of the third.

* Pierre on Brian Elliott's frustration after the sixth goal: "Whenever you start hitting inanimate objects with your stick, that's a whole lot of ugly."

The Driver: "If that's the case, (Elliott) should've hit (Matt) Carkner."

For the record, The Driver has been on Wayne Simmonds's bandwagon for some time. I think a team with Fisher (with country/American-Idol-hybrid-music-offensive-firepower) and Simmonds would send him into a seizure. You know -- the good kind.

P.S.: So amusing to see the east coast crowd stand up and take notice that the Kings are a fun team to watch, and they're actually talented. Thanks for joining us in 2009, Mensas. Consider springing for Centre Ice sometime -- it's a lovely tonic to boost you out of the Eastern Conference coma.

Here's Carrie Underwood's high school-esque reaction after being spotted at the Sens-Preds game last night. Apparently she failed to see the irony in the move, because her reaction is currently making the rounds all over the place.

Leafs fans are going to have a field day with this. TUC's friend Alanah from Kukla's Korner has unearthed some serious gems from Ray Emery's Facebook page (a person with access to Ray's listing was kind enough to forward them to her). These appear to have been taken last season during a party where a hypnotist was present (although that still doesn't justify seeing Alfredsson in a getup similar to the dress that Gwyneth Paltrow wore during her Oscar win).




We were able to make out Furbligno in the 'banger gear -- is that Phillips in the red? Feel free to take a stab at it in the comments.

Want more (including Mike Fisher as Andy Warhol)? Go here.

Worth passing on: The Driver insists that Nick Foligno looks like a Furby. Over-under on when the blog begins referring to him only as "Furbligno"? 48 hours. Get your action down now.

Two players, each with seven goals a piece. One is being paid 6-million dollars this year; the other will be getting $850,000. The difference goes towards heart, PK time, churchiness and tabloid titillation.

(Aside: Please don't give me a headache by turning this into something it's not. I know they're not the same player. I just find it hilarious that they have equal goal totals right now.)





Look at those odds. All that hard-fought tanking, and for what? Suck harder, damnit! (Yeah, yeah...I know. That line will be filming outdoors on a bare mattress in the San Fernando Valley this weekend. Come one, come all. OK, I'll just stop it here. Gimme a break -- it's Friday.)





The Toby Jug or the Cup of Demons? This picture was taken during the recent Florida-Toronto game. Now you know how Jacques has been weaseling his way into the playoff race: He's gone pure evil.

(Ed. Note: Thanks to Jason for the photo.)

Other miscellaneous crap...

- Interesting to watch the Senators play last night as if they actually gave a damn (emphasis on the first word of the sentence). And yes, I know Brian Elliott made some choice saves -- including in the shootout -- but mark my words: He is not the guy. He cowers too far in the back of the net, the positioning is questionable...and that's just for starters. For the record, you can put Sens goaltending coach Eli Wilson in the same category as Greg Carvel. Can someone explain why he's still here?

- Oh, check this out: Furbligno (hope you got your bets down in time) moved his feet on the PP, and good things happened. 15, you might want to take that down for future reference. Just saying.

- Finally, you can consider the following as your weekend Chewable...here, let me get the photo up so it feels official:



There we go.

Olympic champion Michael Phelps' recent public rendezvous with the bong has resulted in at least one sponsor cutting ties with him. Kellogg's announced yesterday that they were not renewing their contract with the swimmer.

Now I'm just hypothesizing here based on what I've heard, but isn't cereal one of the ultimate stoner foods? Sure, people might have a bad trip and put gravy on it instead of milk*, but along with Doritos and Cool Whip, I thought it was right up there. And just for the record, Kellogg's isn't trying to kill your buzz by only producing cereals like All-Bran and Corn Flakes. Did you know they're the ones behind Froot Loops? That cereal virtually screams, "burnout". They also make something called "Mini Swirlz". I don't know what those are, but they sound trippy. Do those go better with E? Do people still do E? I'll shut up now. Long story short: If I'm Phelps' PR man, I march into Kellogg's tomorrow to tell them that his client was attempting to identify with some of their loyal consumers.

Have a good weekend, cynics. More later.

__________

*I know what you're thinking. No, definitely not. But in high school, my best friend got kind of messed up one night and proceeded to jam a miniature statue of St. Jude up her nose (just the head) -- but that's only when she wasn't eating Miracle Whip straight out of the jar with her hands. Kids, don't do drugs.

Welcome to your first post for 2009. It almost didn't happen because, frankly, I was a bit burnt out on the whole idea. But then, two things happened:

1) I had to fire the old girl up last night to help someone obtain a bit of information that I knew I had kept on here, and I got a bit sentimental about it;

2) You bloody people wouldn't leave me alone.

"Erin, what's wrong with the blog? Why can't I see the blog? When's the blog coming back? Why don't you love me anymore? Do these pants make my ass look big?"

(Okay, only a couple of you included the last sentence in your missives, but you get my drift.)

I couldn't answer every e-mail, but the point is -- I was on a break. Now I'm back. Breathe...it'll be okay. Thank you for your patience, and as always, your commitment to my sports-related insanity via deciphered binary code.

Let's catch up, shall we? Here's what went down while I was gone:

1) The Driver and I did quite a lot of the World Junior thing -- I thought the Swedes were the mad hotness for most of the tournament, and watching them throw up all over themselves in the final was pretty brutal. (Hurrah for the homeland and all that good stuff. Uh, I guess.) I'm in solid agreement with most that Erik Karlsson definitely is on the right track, and will likely be in a Senators uniform sooner rather than later. His play gets a bit too pretty at times, but that can be remedied with the correct grooming. I think he's further along in his development than Brian Lee was during his stints at the WJC (keep in mind at that time, the U.S. defence was quite deep and Lee's contributions were minimal at best -- the Swedes also brought a detailed blueline core, and many agree that Karlsson was at the forefront of the group).

(Aside: Thanks to JB for all his hook-ups during the tournament. Dude, I owe you a couple of beers or a trip to California. I'll let you pick which one.)

2) US Weekly approached me to dig up dirt on Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwood. Seriously. For the record, I didn't do it. Check it out: This is me being nice in 2009.

3) I've received an offer to go fishing with the Hanson Brothers this summer. Seriously (reprise). I'm still mulling it over because I'm paranoid I'd fall out of the boat. That being said, it would've made for one hell of a column, if Sun Media hadn't allocated my salary towards hot air balloon repairs. Stay tuned on this one.

4) Regarding The Manatee: Sigh. In the end, I put him in the same category as Joe Corvo -- it didn't work out, but let's get real: He never should've been brought here in the first place, and a lot of the expectations could be connected to the fact that he was overpaid. That's not his fault. Gerber was a good teammate who never rocked the boat, and handled so much of the unnecessary drama in Ottawa with an unbelievable amount of class. Swim on, Sea Cow. Best of luck to you.

5) I was in Vegas recently and witnessed the AFC and NFC championships from the MGM Grand's sports book. Good times, bad smoke. To say there was an unbelievable amount of action on the Cardinals would be the understatement of the century. (By the way, I kept looking for a line on how many times Kurt Warner would thank Jesus after the big win. There were none. Lunacy.) Anyway, The Driver is pleased as all hell because The Buzzsaw is his 1a team, after the Chargers. (Just to clear things up: I am not dating Will Leitch. There was another dude who liked the Cardinals before all this happened. I just happen to live with him.)

I know, I know. "What does this have to do with hockey?!?" Calm down, chickadees. I'm getting to that.



Here were the odds to win the Stanley Cup this year for all 30 teams, as of January 12th. Your degenerate gamblers call these "futures bets". And yes, you're reading that correctly: The Senators -- after starting the year at 12/1 -- were an 80/1 bet as of mid-January. The freaking Kings had better odds than that. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Mr. Eugene. (More on him in the next post, by the way.)

Anyway, I wasn't in Vegas to bet on football or scrutinize the hockey odds -- I went down to see Pennywise and the Circle Jerks (then Pennywise again with Pulley the next night) at the House of Blues. Here's a clip from the show, which includes footage of the biggest man I ever interviewed. And don't bitch to me about how this has nothing to do with sports. My blog, my rules. Next you'll be expecting me to turn into some lankster who plays bass guitar on the side. Wait...what?



Yeah hey, says I. It's good to be back. More later.

P.S.: You'll also notice for the first time in years (literally) we're giving the peanut gallery a trial run. Media and professional franchises, govern yourselves accordingly -- anonymous comments are difficult to pull off when the joint is rigged with site meters. Just saying.

Apologies for the lack of a Deglaze -- I've temporarily been placed on the IR and it's taken up more time than I had planned. Let's press forward with a couple of quick hits, shall we?

* Tonight's win against Buffalo was a nice first step, but I'll reserve judgment (ahem) until a proper turnaround occurs. And I know the last big U-turn two seasons ago began with the exact same opponent, but that was then, and this is now. I will give the Sens credit for showing some hustle, and watching Auld flash the leather a few times was great to see. By the way, how about that "Battle of The Nice Guys" in Auld vs. Lalime? I love the calm that both have brought to the dressing room during their time here, but they hardly give off the vibe of vicious competitors. They seem like they'd be more at home sitting at centre ice, sharing a plate of orange slices (of course, Alex would bring the Persians because he's good like that).

* For the record, the Cynic in me is convinced the team decided to show up tonight because they know they have to face The Man tomorrow. Does Giggles deserve a pony ride for his two goals this evening? Bank says he gets on the damned thing backwards. And by the way, a win did nothing to slow the "nuke 18 and 45" text messages on my cell phone tonight.

* Good to see that Mike Fisher is taking some online, but Antoine Vermette continues to skate (and not much else). What gives? I was told Mike Eastwood was giving it to him on the Team 1200 recently -- hopefully the knives don't take too long to come out. I've always been one of Vermette's strongest supporters, because I appreciated the speed and two-way finesse game he brought. Yes, he's soft, but how many freaking non-scoring "energy" guys does one team need? Problem is, he's been unable to find the back of the net, and for a team lacking in secondary scoring for some time now, that just won't do. People can talk about trading Mike Fisher all they want, but his no-movement clause runs through 2010-11. Furthermore, who wants to pick up a non-scoring, injury prone player with a lengthy contract? Vermette's issues can be excused, simply by implementing a "change in environment". Long story short -- if you dangle anyone, he's the guy. Except...

* After all the moves Bryan Murray has made lately, do you trust him to do the right thing?

* Finally, The Quality Moment Of The Evening: The Driver and I were heading home during the first period -- Dean and Gord were doing the call. I didn't hear who he was talking about (pretty positive it was a Buffalo player), but all of a sudden Dean said something to the effect of, "...and he looks like he just took an off-season course in equine artificial insemination...", when the feed abruptly went dead. That morning show gets away with murder, but Dean makes a crack about impregnating horses, and he gets taken out with the big white cane.*

More later.

_________________

*Dude, I know it was one hell of a coincidence. Damn funny one, though.

(Ed. Note: A Chewable is taking the place of the Deglaze this week -- The Driver's mother is at TUC HQ and she thinks our office is the doorway to Hell. Can't spend any more time in here than necessary.)

Want to take a guess how many Senators players have more points than Antoine Vermette and Mike Fisher (1 and zero points respectively)? Go ahead and take a crack at it. I'll wait.

Ten.

Kuba, Spezza, Heatley, Alfie, Donovan, Foligno, Ruutu, Kelly, Volchenkov and Picard all have more points than the two players the team is counting on to produce the bulk of their secondary scoring.

***

And because it's Monday, here's a bonus bit...

Still think there's nothing to the idea that the majority of young defencemen require additional grooming and polish in the minors? Perhaps you haven't noticed Brian Lee lately. Lee impressed in the pre-season, but has appeared panic-stricken on multiple occasions since the regular season began. His teammates have already begun to pick up on this, as it's become obvious (particularly during the last two games) that they were avoiding him during play, choosing instead to pass off to someone else. The Sens wanted Lee to be their finesse blueliner of the future -- calm nerves are a prerequisite for that position. Don't get me wrong: I understand the hesitancy that comes with youth. But don't forget that Lee played in four playoff games with the team last year. He's already seen far more stressful situations than the current one.

More later.

...because we're having a Me Mom and Morgentaler moment.

Sure, the regular season has started, but a lot of the talk has focused on players not hitting the ice -- case in point, Mike Fisher. No. 12 was recently thrust into the spotlight, due to the fact that his 6-million dollar groin (or "groan", as Rome would say) is acting up again. Fisher did not play in either game versus Pittsburgh in Sweden, and questions abound regarding the centre's off-season conditioning and overall durability.

It's a very curious thing to see fans suddenly question and criticize Mike Fisher. I say that because, well...privately, I've been doing it for years. To me, Mike Fisher is like There's Something About Mary. Remember when that movie came out? It was a fairly unassuming flick when it hit the theatres, but everyone seemingly went nuts over it. At the time, my friends were driving me crazy, telling me to go check it out. Here's what happened:

Friends: "So? What did you think? Wasn't it the best thing ever?"

Me: (looking at ground)

Friends: "Well?"

Me: "Uh...well...I don't get what the big deal is. I don't get it."

Friends: "WHAT?!? Best. Thing. Ever. What's wrong with you?"

Me: (getting defensive) "I dunno...I guess some parts of it were all right...I just don't understand why everyone loves it so much."

Friends: "Blaaargh!!! Rage...RAAAAAGE!"

Things get a bit hazy at this point. I think someone took off one of their Vans and threw it at me.

Eventually I just began to lie and said I liked it, because I was tired of having people freak out on me.

And that's what it's like to be a non-fan of Mike Fisher -- at least until recently. I had to to express my feelings covertly, during whispered conversations at the Starbucks on Hazeldean. I had to smile and nod my head in silent agreement when everyone insisted he should be the next captain of the team. I had to pretend to understand why every woman (and Don Cherry, apparently) fawns over his blue eyes and chiseled cheekbones.

I didn't get it. I never did. And now I'm mad at myself for not speaking up, because people are finally beginning to see things the way I always have.

Fisher was the one player I couldn't bring myself to properly torch in the column, and it made me bloody crazy. I'd pace in my office, willing myself to openly question his worth. He has yet to break the 50-point plateau, and he's 28 years old. Barring a miracle, it seems pretty obvious that he's peaked. The Senators paid him like a second-line centre (his front-loaded, 5-year, $21-million contract kicks in this season), but he's not capable of playing that role. A lot of that money is paying for the intangibles that No. 12 offers..and that's where the problem lies.

The good guy image. The heart. The grit. The never-say-die mentality. Sens fans have been flat-out obsessed with the qualities Fisher brings to the table, and that's what makes it so freaking hard to get on his case. Don't believe me? Consider this: In the four years that the column ran, I got flack from the Sens front office about my off-the-cuff criticism of one player. Guess who that player was? They never defended anyone else...and frankly, I leveled my guns at pretty much everyone on that team (including Daniel Alfredsson).

Here's the thing: I understand that he's a valuable player from a defensive standpoint. I respect his willingness to play hard. I get that he's a good person. I get that part, okay?

But he's not a deity, and he's not a second-line centre that will ever be worth 6-million dollars. He may not even be a captain -- that spare "A" was obviously emblazoned on Heatley's chest for a reason.

News flash: It's Mike Fisher. Stop looking for something that isn't there. He's physically fragile, offensively limited and his career has nowhere to go but down. Thank God people are finally beginning to understand that.

_____________

Here's an interesting tidbit from the HFBoards: Fans who attended pre-season games reported that the Sens were coming onto the ice to Europe's The Final Countdown as opposed to the traditional team theme song. When questioned, the team claimed that it was just a pre-season switch-up, but that the regular theme would be "used less frequently" (again, this is according to the board). If this is true, someone from the Sens audio department should have their head examined. The theme resonates with pure cheesy goodness that can't be replaced with an overused 80's anthem. Furthermore, it's tradition -- something that this relatively young franchise doesn't have a lot of. It's original, it's fabulous and it should be used during every home game. End of story.

More later.

From the Senators-Penguins pre-game on CBC this aft:

Ron MacLean: "So you're intimating that (Mike) Fisher is more of a third-line/checking centre than a second-line player?"

Mike Milbury: "I think he'd be a great third-line player, but to just push him into a second-line situation is a bit of a stretch."

We're dealing with some family issues over here at TUC HQ, so this post will be brief.

If the Sun's report is indeed correct (TSN is reporting that terms weren't disclosed), then credit to the Sens for the steal. $2.525 million for next season and $3 million for '09-10 is more than an acceptable deal for a player like Vermette. Out of all the players from the Sens' general "core" (minus the big three), No. 20 is the most likely candidate to eventually remain in the top six forward group -- the ability is there...we're just waiting for the consistency to show up. This contract pays to demonstrate Vermette's current skill set, which is why it's so palatable. Keep in mind that a player like Mike Fisher -- who will never find a permanent home on the second line -- is being paid 6 million dollars next season (for the record, that's $534,603 more than Daniel Alfredsson will be receiving in the same year). Mark-to-market much?

Is Vermette gritty? Nope, he's soft as butter, but you can't have everything for cap hit of $2.7625 million, kids. Vermette does bring speed, scoring, PK and faceoff ability, and can be used in the shootout. The deal is very fair, and we're glad it's finally done.

Some additional thoughts regarding the long-term lockup of Mike Fisher:

Although I wasn't able to fit it into the column (see previous post), one thought that stuck out in my mind pre-signing was the perception of Fisher if he were to, for lack of a better term, go to war with the Senators over a paycheque. Fisher's aura in Ottawa is so massive and sparkling that the idea of it taking a hit for the sake of coin seems practically unfathomable. I wonder if this issue was brought up during his personal negotiations, and if Fisher and Todd Reynolds (his agent) deemed it best to finish the deal a) to avoid any distractions and b) help to protect the centre's image as the eternal good guy -- particularly when you've got Dany Heatley already imposing major restrictions on negotiations.

Fisher's signing already seems to have earned him major brownie points with fans -- as if it were humanly possible to possess any more -- and thanks to Scott Hartnell's similar salary (which I also wrote about in late June but am unable to unearth the link, so you'll have to trust me), a five-year $21 million deal seems like great value. Here's how it'll shake out:

'08-09 $6 million (includes a 1 million dollar signing bonus)

'09-10 $4 million

10-11 $4 million

11-12 $4 million

12-13 $3 million

And remember, it was reported that the first three years included a no-trade clause, according to Chris Stevenson.

So what does this mean? Let's break it down:

1) It seems blatantly obvious that the Sens are looking to keep Alfredsson and Fisher in the red, black and white for life. Fisher will have one more boatload contract after the five years is up (barring catastrophe), and then it will be a smooth ride into the twilight of his career. Ottawa knows Fisher is their golden child, and they'd happily kick sand in the faces of all teams who were looking to seduce No. 12, come July '08. Both sides walk away from the table looking good -- it was a total win-win. For now.

2) This pretty much signals the death knell for Wade Redden's career in Ottawa -- but to be fair, you should have heard that bell ring when Brian Lee's name was called in this city two years ago at the Draft. They knew this was coming. We all knew this was coming. Redden's salary (both present and upcoming) has become increasingly difficult to justify, and the awkwardness of this summer's attempted trade will not be easy to squelch.

3) $6 million dollars next season for a player who will be considered the No. 2 centre this year -- a situation largely due to Paddock currently running low on options. Does Fisher need to begin scoring? You bet your demi-deity-worshipping ass he does -- and it has to start yesterday. 48 points for 1.5 million dollars seemed like a good deal on paper. But you can count me as one of the few who has always insisted that the 27-year-old needed to find the back of the net more often, which is a difficult sentiment to express in a city that is so enamoured with one player. And you can trust that despite all the love, if he is unable to put points on the board for whatever reason...you WILL begin to hear about it eventually, especially if both Redden and Heatley are lost to free agency.

Here's my column from yesterday.

Here's the news:

From TSN.ca:

It looks as though Mike Fisher won't be going anywhere for a while.

Fisher has signed a five-year, $21 million extension with the Ottawa Senators.

Fisher scored 22 goals and dished out 26 assists in 68 games with the Senators last year. In 384 career NHL games Fisher has totals of 92 goals and 100 assists and a +49 rating.

The 27-year-old centre was slated to become an unrestricted free agent following the 2007-08 season. Dany Heatley, Wade Redden and Chris Kelly will also be unrestricted after the season.

Thank you. Oh yeah...and the signing? That's some nice work. Some thoughts on getting Fisher locked up coming later today.

UPDATE: Chris Stevenson is reporting that the first three years of Fisher's new contract feature a no-trade clause.

...because everyone's seemingly desperate for something to talk about.

· Hello, Media? Sanity here. Since when is the half-baked idea of throwing Jason Spezza to the wolves considered to be new? Who are all these fans that are proclaiming that there's no place for Spezza in a complete lineup? I love how in the time that this kettle went from a simmer to a full boil, the media made it sound as if fans were burning Spezza effigies at the SBP, and placing homemade placards around Kanata condemning him (this has happened to other members of the organization in the past). I was seeking at least some of these signs -- similar to when people were calling for Jacques Martin's head. None of them were to be found.

Eventually I asked a friend where all this so-called Spezza hatred was coming from. The answer? The radio. Now I should explain that I don't listen to much of the Team these days. If anything, I may catch a bit of J.R. and Galley in the late aft, but even that tends to be sporadic. Listening to radio personalities finding hilarity in viewing women sporting Chad Johnson and Reggie Bush jerseys qualifies as a murder defense.

Anyway, I'm getting off track. Back to Spezza...

Let me get this straight: No 1. centre gets injured, team plays well without him, radio talk begins regarding player's worth, and the media reacts like this?

I get that they're desperate for something to talk about -- don't misconstrue that as sympathy, but I do understand to a degree. How does a little chatter go from restless discussion to the insinuation that Jason Spezza will be "understandably" driven to the trade-demanding diva route?

I hope others can give the kid a bit more credit than that.

Spezza knows what's expected of him. Undoubtedly he will be on a short leash when he returns, and the events of the past week have amplified his expectations and shortcomings to the nth degree. No one's debating that he needs to remain consistent, become defensively responsible and grow into a leader of the franchise. But he's also a playmaker who's 23 years old. He's going to (expletive) up, and there are plenty of other teams that are willing to have him do so in their respective uniforms.

The kid is staying -- deal with it. In the meantime, please stop fanning the flames of stupidity.

· Last Friday, I was out with The Driver running some errands, and stopped into Pesto's on Hazeldean.

(Aside: Pesto's, for those from The Land of Staalapalooza, has become my Nucci's/Maltese's replacement, although they lack a bakery. In spite of this, their gnocchi and various sauces still rate a full five Boo Boo avatars. I can't explain my joy at finding them, because I was convinced for nearly a decade that Ottawans wouldn't know an Italian deli if it smacked them upside the arse.)

Anyway, Pesto's is known in Kanata as one of those "spot the Senators" hotspots. In the near four years that I've lived out here, I have yet to see a player in the deli... until last week.

So why is a so-called media member making a big deal about seeing a player out and about?

Here's why: I didn't say a word to Fisher. In fact, I never talk to the players if I can at all help it.

For the record, he was not wearing his "Full Contact Fishing" hat. Do you think it's advisable for someone as injury-prone as No. 12 to engage in "full contact fishing"? I'd hope he'd mix in a life jacket before considering it.

Anyway, back to the story... I don't talk to the players, because it has never been essential to the column. The premise has always been to write from the fans' perspective -- fans view from afar. Generally, I'm not a fan of interviews, and rarely do I enjoy reading them -- especially those pertaining to hockey. And even when you make the effort to engage the subject in a different subject, they still can spit out the same cliches. There have been exceptions for me. Some of the most notable were the American-born players that attended the 2005 Entry Draft. Players like Jack Skille, Jack Johnson, Ryan Stoa, and yes, even Brian Lee gave wonderfully articulate and well-thought answers to my questions. I was incredibly impressed with them.

I remember reading Bill Simmons once stating that he didn't like doing interviews because it ruined the mystique -- you have one impression of a player in your head, and if you talk to them, and they let you down, it completely messes with your perception. I agree with that to a point. Unfortunately in this business, you still manage to discover things about players that disappoint you -- even without speaking a word to them -- and it alters the way you previously thought of the players.

How does everyone feel about player interviews? Is there something you'd like to know about someone that has yet to have been asked?

And finally -- who noticed during the Pats-Colts game that Phil Simms was advising the Colts that "Change is good, but bad for (Indy)" and "(Peyton Manning) must play the same, but different"? What exactly resides in that oversized melon of his? Helium? Sawdust?

More later.

(These girls look like they know their way around the steam settings. For an explanation, keep reading.)

Okay, sorry...we've caught up with stuff and it's been kind of quiet around here. But we'll be back with a fresh Deglaze on...Tuesday. Yeah, Tuesday sounds decent. We'll engage in media torching, Mike Fisher sightings and the likelihood that Phil Simms has turned into Yogi Berra (probability: extremely high).

Before we split, we need to pass this on -- one of our friends attended the Team 1200's Super Bowl Getaway Party on Sunday. He declared it to be highly snooze-worthy, but he did text us this little gem: Apparently blonde women (we're assuming they were Bud Girls) were handing out iron-on patches, and he actually roped one of them into searching the party for a usable iron. Pulchritude and pant ironing? What more could you want from a Super Bowl bash?

See you Tuesday.