The Universal Cynic

Welcome to your first post for 2009. It almost didn't happen because, frankly, I was a bit burnt out on the whole idea. But then, two things happened:

1) I had to fire the old girl up last night to help someone obtain a bit of information that I knew I had kept on here, and I got a bit sentimental about it;

2) You bloody people wouldn't leave me alone.

"Erin, what's wrong with the blog? Why can't I see the blog? When's the blog coming back? Why don't you love me anymore? Do these pants make my ass look big?"

(Okay, only a couple of you included the last sentence in your missives, but you get my drift.)

I couldn't answer every e-mail, but the point is -- I was on a break. Now I'm back. Breathe...it'll be okay. Thank you for your patience, and as always, your commitment to my sports-related insanity via deciphered binary code.

Let's catch up, shall we? Here's what went down while I was gone:

1) The Driver and I did quite a lot of the World Junior thing -- I thought the Swedes were the mad hotness for most of the tournament, and watching them throw up all over themselves in the final was pretty brutal. (Hurrah for the homeland and all that good stuff. Uh, I guess.) I'm in solid agreement with most that Erik Karlsson definitely is on the right track, and will likely be in a Senators uniform sooner rather than later. His play gets a bit too pretty at times, but that can be remedied with the correct grooming. I think he's further along in his development than Brian Lee was during his stints at the WJC (keep in mind at that time, the U.S. defence was quite deep and Lee's contributions were minimal at best -- the Swedes also brought a detailed blueline core, and many agree that Karlsson was at the forefront of the group).

(Aside: Thanks to JB for all his hook-ups during the tournament. Dude, I owe you a couple of beers or a trip to California. I'll let you pick which one.)

2) US Weekly approached me to dig up dirt on Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwood. Seriously. For the record, I didn't do it. Check it out: This is me being nice in 2009.

3) I've received an offer to go fishing with the Hanson Brothers this summer. Seriously (reprise). I'm still mulling it over because I'm paranoid I'd fall out of the boat. That being said, it would've made for one hell of a column, if Sun Media hadn't allocated my salary towards hot air balloon repairs. Stay tuned on this one.

4) Regarding The Manatee: Sigh. In the end, I put him in the same category as Joe Corvo -- it didn't work out, but let's get real: He never should've been brought here in the first place, and a lot of the expectations could be connected to the fact that he was overpaid. That's not his fault. Gerber was a good teammate who never rocked the boat, and handled so much of the unnecessary drama in Ottawa with an unbelievable amount of class. Swim on, Sea Cow. Best of luck to you.

5) I was in Vegas recently and witnessed the AFC and NFC championships from the MGM Grand's sports book. Good times, bad smoke. To say there was an unbelievable amount of action on the Cardinals would be the understatement of the century. (By the way, I kept looking for a line on how many times Kurt Warner would thank Jesus after the big win. There were none. Lunacy.) Anyway, The Driver is pleased as all hell because The Buzzsaw is his 1a team, after the Chargers. (Just to clear things up: I am not dating Will Leitch. There was another dude who liked the Cardinals before all this happened. I just happen to live with him.)

I know, I know. "What does this have to do with hockey?!?" Calm down, chickadees. I'm getting to that.



Here were the odds to win the Stanley Cup this year for all 30 teams, as of January 12th. Your degenerate gamblers call these "futures bets". And yes, you're reading that correctly: The Senators -- after starting the year at 12/1 -- were an 80/1 bet as of mid-January. The freaking Kings had better odds than that. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Mr. Eugene. (More on him in the next post, by the way.)

Anyway, I wasn't in Vegas to bet on football or scrutinize the hockey odds -- I went down to see Pennywise and the Circle Jerks (then Pennywise again with Pulley the next night) at the House of Blues. Here's a clip from the show, which includes footage of the biggest man I ever interviewed. And don't bitch to me about how this has nothing to do with sports. My blog, my rules. Next you'll be expecting me to turn into some lankster who plays bass guitar on the side. Wait...what?



Yeah hey, says I. It's good to be back. More later.

P.S.: You'll also notice for the first time in years (literally) we're giving the peanut gallery a trial run. Media and professional franchises, govern yourselves accordingly -- anonymous comments are difficult to pull off when the joint is rigged with site meters. Just saying.

One of the things we like to do when we're bored is head over to the iTunes store and explore the celebrity playlists. Maybe it's just me, but I think there's something kind of revealing about checking out a person's iPod selections. Anyway, a while back we noticed that the listings are pretty varied in regards to famous people -- in fact, there are several NHL players displayed. Here's Andrew Ference's list:

1) Waltz No. 2 -- Elliott Smith
2) Ooh La La -- Goldfrapp
3) American Jesus -- Bad Religion
4) Barroom Hero -- Dropkick Murphys
5) I Want -- Face To Face
6) Drunken Lullaby -- Flogging Molly
7) I Don't Wanna Hear It -- Minor Threat
8) We Are One -- The Offspring
9) Bro Hymn -- Pennywise
10) (But Then) She Spoke -- The Vandals
11) Ring Of Fire -- Johnny Cash
12) Traffic -- Tiesto
13) Thieves -- Ministry
14) Links 2 3 4 -- Rammstein

Comments for Tracks 3 and 9 respectively: "If I have to choose only one song from my favourite back, this is it. BR is the absolute best!" "I try to sneak this one on before the game in the room...if I do, automatic win!"

I can't justify the Rammstein, but the rest of that list definitely doesn't suck. Like I said, we like him now.

Here's Cam Ward's list:

1) Where The Streets Have No Name -- U2
2) Fix You -- Coldplay
3) Move Along -- The All-American Rejects
4) Everlong -- Foo Fighters
5) Neighbourhood #3 (Power Out) -- Arcade Fire
6) The Rising -- Bruce Springsteen
7) Galvanize -- The Chemical Brothers
8) The Hand That Feeds -- Nine Inch Nails

And here's Eric Staal's:

1) Alcohol -- Brad Paisley
2) Mud On The Tires -- Brad Paisley
3) Better Life -- Keith Urban
4) Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me -- Keith Urban
5) Fishin' In The Dark -- Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
6) I'm In A Hurry (And I Don't Know Why) -- Alabama
7) Hurt -- Johnny Cash
8) Dust On The Bottle -- David Lee Murphy
9) Billy's Got His Beer Goggles On -- Neil McCoy
10) Days Go By -- Keith Urban
11) Jeans On -- Keith Urban

We'll allow The Driver to take over at this point:

"'Fishin' In The Dark?' That's so Thunder Bay." (He then proceeded to sing it for the rest of the evening. Just for future reference -- being forced to listen to that song qualifies as a murder defense, right? I'm thinking we need to start a list for that around here. Much thanks to Eric Staal for acting as the catalyst of my misery on that night, by the way.)

More miscellaneous music bits...

· Big time golf claps to the Anaheim Ducks for coming correct and recognizing the usage of Pennywise's sacred song, Bro Hymn. I talked to Pennywise's Fletcher Dragge about the use of their song in NHL arenas during the band's visit to Ottawa in October. You can read it here. For the record, Ottawa is one of a number of franchises currently playing the song at home games.

· The Dropkick Murphys are getting some run from the strangest of sources -- the NCAA tournament. Their song, I'm Shipping Up To Boston has been heard several times as a bump leading into commercials. The song has most recently been featured on The Departed soundtrack, and for promotions for NBC's The Black Donnellys. If you want to hear a clip, go here and scroll down to sample No. 7.

P.S. I saw the band peform this song live last fall, which included a dozen local Highland dancers on stage. Very cool.

I spent Friday evening downtown at the Capital Music Hall interviewing Fletcher Dragge (far left in photo) -- guitarist from the Hermosa Beach, CA institution known as Pennywise. Pennywise is another one of those fantastic SoCal punk bands that I grew up listening to -- so imagine my surprise when the Ottawa Senators recently began spinning one of their tracks after a goal is scored.

The song is called "Bro Hymn", and the trend of hearing it played after goals didn't start in Ottawa -- it actually began in Anaheim during the Ducks' playoff run last year. Anaheim would play it religiously, and the fans eventually caught onto the catchy chorus. Here's a clip of the song as it's heard in both the Anaheim and Ottawa arenas:



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If a song is receiving regular exposure in the venues where a major sport is being played, you'd think the band would be thrilled, right? Not necessarily...because there's a lot more to "Bro Hymn" than just a great hook.

The song was written by Pennywise's former bassist, Jason Thirsk. During a leave of absence from the band in 1996 (a decision made to battle growing problems with alcoholism), Thirsk tragically died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Thirsk had originally written the song as a tribute to friends in his life who had passed on, but after their bassist's unexpected death, the band dedicated the song to him, closed every live show they have played since with it, and included Thirsk's name in the lyrics.

So what was Fletcher's take on their sacred song being used at NHL games?

"We're not upset, but it's not cool," Dragge said. "There's a deep meaning behind that song and it's weird for it to be used in such a fashion.

"I mean, we're not that upset, because it's a celebratory thing, and the song celebrates life. Jason loved sports. It all depends what it's being used for, right? I mean, if it were being played in a shampoo commercial, I'd be bummed."

The main issue currently irking the band seems to be the importance of the song getting lost in the shuffle.

"They're only hearing the chorus; they're not hearing any of the lyrics," Dragge pointed out. "They don't know any of the lyrics, but if they did, maybe they could relate better.

"We appreciate the recognition, but the importance of the song is being missed."

Pennywise's best-known song is also significant to its fans; the band regularly hears of it being played at funerals, and Fletcher even referenced a father and mother showing up at the Toronto show on Thursday, who had recently lost their 15-year-old son.

"They played (Bro Hymn) at the funeral, and they wanted to be at the show for their son. The most normal-looking people you'd ever see," Dragge said.

But the more traditional celebratory use of the song doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon. In fact, this isn't the first time it's been used at a sporting event.

"There's a Belgian soccer team that uses it -- you've got 70,000 people all at once singing it -- it's crazy," Dragge said. "We went over there, and no one knew who we were until we played the song. Then they went absolutely nuts."

No word of a mosh pit breaking out. Something tells me Thirsk would have loved to see that happen.

Bro Hymn lyrics

To our friend,
Present, past and beyond
Even though you weren't with us too long
Life is the most precious thing you can lose
While you were here the fun was never ending
Laugh a minute only the beginning
Jason Matthew Thirsk, this one's for you

Wooooaoooah Woooah Woooah Wooah

Ever get the feeling you can't go on
Just remember whose side it is that you're on
You've got friends with you till the end
If you're ever in a tough situation
We'll be there with no hesitation
Brotherhood's our rule we cannot bend

Wooooaoooah Woooah Woooah Wooah

When you're feeling too close to the bottom
You know who it is you can count on
Someone will pick you up again
we can conquer anything together
All of us are bonded forever
If you die I die, that's the way it is

Wooooaoooah Woooah Woooah Wooah

To all my friends,
Present, past and beyond
To all those who weren't with us too long
Life is the most precious thing that you can lose
While you were here the fun was never ending
Laugh a minute was only the beginning
Jason, my brother, this one's for you.