The Universal Cynic

"Marshmallow" is one of those words I can never spell correctly, which always pisses me off. Marshmallows also once pissed off Claude Julien, coach of the Stanley Cup champion Boston Bruins last summer, but for an entirely different reason.

Julien was playing in a charity golf tournament, and ahead of him was a foursome with a tendency to play practical jokes. After they putted out, they would leave a single large marshmallow on the green, knowing that Julien was teeing off first and would therefore think that the "ball" was his. They pulled this stunt at least three times during the round before Claude yelled at them, "Are you guys out of f*cking marshmallows yet?" Naturally the only way one of the culprits could respond was by pulling another full bag out of his bag for Julien to see. Being a good sport, he couldn't help but laugh. I imagine it probably looked something like this:




More later.

All those rumours claiming that former Habs and Devils head coach Claude Julien was in the running for the Ottawa job held no weight. Sources tell TUC that Julien was never contacted by the Senators.

However, Julien was contacted by two bottom-feeding teams (one in each conference) -- both with coaches currently in place.

Guesses?

(Scaroi!)

With a handful of games left, New Jersey assumes that lightning can strike twice -- they've fired head coach Claude Julien, and "Segmented Eyes" Lamoriello will be taking over behind the bench.

Can we see a show of hands of who's willing to take this job when it opens up again? You work towards something for ages, only to have it snatched away at the last second -- and the Devils have done it more than once. It's like a guy getting a chance to copulate with Jessica Alba, only to come down with a case of PE. So close, and yet...so far.

- You may have heard some complaining that the Stanley Cup was not present at last night's *cough* celebration and ceremony for the 1967 Leafs -- the last Toronto team to win the Cup. Screw Stanley -- it looks like Dave Keon could've used a pimp chalice instead. Note the red lining, and the matching gait of the dude walking behind him. Who is that dude? His expression seems to indicate that he's never been prouder or more comfortable with his sexuality at this very moment. "Hell yes, I'm walking with Dave Keon who's wearing a 3/4 length fur coat with red lining! Jealous much?" 10 to 1 says these two split a bottle of Remy Martin in the ACC's basement after the game.

- Re: The afternoon game's between-period commentary -- if you're going to have two guys named Kitchen and Galley working together, may I suggest that the CBC put them both in chef's aprons and refer to them the as Redundant Duo.

- I caught a portion of Friday's Penguins-Devils game on TSN. Claude Julien's horseshoe was overdue for a trim, and well, it wasn't hard to make this correlation:



Don't blame me for being harsh -- it was The Driver who pointed it out.

Anyway, I know it's not customary for me to do Leftovers before a Deglaze, but we're having some issues with our roof over here at TUC HQ, and it's been taking up all of my time. I'm still receiving your emails re: the restricted access -- I'm shocked by the amount of interest, and I want to thank all of you for your continued support. If I haven't responded to your request yet, rest assured that all of your addresses will be saved in case we go private again.

More later...yeah hey,

E