(These girls look like they know their way around the steam settings. For an explanation, keep reading.)
Okay, sorry...we've caught up with stuff and it's been kind of quiet around here. But we'll be back with a fresh Deglaze on...Tuesday. Yeah, Tuesday sounds decent. We'll engage in media torching, Mike Fisher sightings and the likelihood that Phil Simms has turned into Yogi Berra (probability: extremely high).
Before we split, we need to pass this on -- one of our friends attended the Team 1200's Super Bowl Getaway Party on Sunday. He declared it to be highly snooze-worthy, but he did text us this little gem: Apparently blonde women (we're assuming they were Bud Girls) were handing out iron-on patches, and he actually roped one of them into searching the party for a usable iron. Pulchritude and pant ironing? What more could you want from a Super Bowl bash?
Roy is the coach and owner of the Quebec City Remparts, of the QMJHL. He is accused of hitting an opposing team's owner following a game that took place in Chicoutimi.
Want to guess who New England Patriots' QB Tom Brady has rebounded with? Scoreboard, Dimpled Chin. The only way Bridget Moynahan is going to top this is with a Brangelina threesome. One thing though: If this is true, why the hell is Gisele mounting Peyton's alabaster mascot (in the nude, no less)? The least she could do is smack its ass a few times, just to show she means business. Bloody turncoat trollop. We only wish the Patriots were playing Denver this week, because we'd be bleeding the Elway jokes for all they were worth.
I was listening the pre-game show in the car, and the round table was discussing Daniel Alfredsson's skate problems (and solutions), as documented in the Sun today. Garry Galley then said that "(he didn't) understand why those in the NHL wouldn't bend both sides of China to get what was required for Alfredsson."
"Bend both sides of China"? Is this one of those buggered Eastern Ontario euphemisms I have yet to come across until now? On the plus side, in the 15 or so minutes I listened, no one dropped a "real good" or "folks".
Well, not quite. If you're watching 24 (what the hell's wrong with you if you aren't?), you may have noticed a familiar face. One of the terrorists (the bomb assembler) was being played by Shaun Majumder, who's known for his work on This Hour Has 22 Minutes. Majumder's character Raj Binder did a comical interview with the Sens last year. Use this link and scroll down to February 3, 2006 for a refresher.
And am I the only person who thinks that the Assad character's delivery is reminiscent of the late Billy Van? I think The Driver saw it too.
Hey, it's our first anniversary and we're not feeling self-serving! Pull up a chair, watch some Bad Religion (it kicks into high gear at 1:17) and prep the metal horns, because we have some thank yous to dish out.
To the New York Times, Slate, Deadspin, The Globe and Mail and the rest that we know we're forgetting -- thanks for the expected and unexpected publicity. A number of you helped make Dress Up Jake the world's most popular non-animated running serial involving a NFL figurine (seriously)! We couldn't have done it without you.
To the countless blogs who give us love -- there's no way I could include all of you. You're awesome.
We can't neglect to mention the following people/groups/sites:
The Sun -- they let people think I'm a member of the media (which may be true, but after nearly two years is still hard to comprehend);
The Hater Nation for helping me understand that Butterknife Row is like dealing with The Bish times a thousand, and for getting the ball rolling on the CFL cheerleading fiasco, which was our most popular post of the year;
(the apparently and sadly defunct) Hockey Country for providing us with quality Sens analysis;
Scarlett Ice for being a female blogger and getting it. Easier said than done.
To the NHL franchises who visit us: Thanks for stopping by -- now get away from the USC Song Girl video.
To the media who drop in: Thanks for your interest. Aren't you on deadline?
To my lovely sources, who should be playing shows, bagging on STOC or naming their unborn sons, "Bart". Don't worry, they'll never find you.
And last, but not least, to The Driver, who helps me ponder the mysteries of the universe -- like why Eric Duhatschek tilts his head during his Satellite Hotstove segment. (Does he demand to be filmed from only one side, like Barbra Streisand?)
Basically over the past year, I've attempted to have this space represent me as closely as possible -- that's why it's named after a Bad Religion B-side, and not a Trooper album (the column's name is Hot Shots, which coming from Thunder Bay, is slightly appropriate and incredibly funny). The band was the reason why I found Jim Rome, which eventually led to the Sun. They're still my greatest influence (you can't go wrong with punks that are NHL fans and Ph.Ds -- okay, one Ph.D), even when they're trying to get me to put "Impeach Bettman" stickers on my laptop. I owe a lot to them.
In closing...
Thank you to everyone that reads the blog, the column, either or, or both. I don't know what's meant for me, but I can only hope to climb to the lofty heights of previous Thunder Bay-born female Ottawa Sun sports columnists -- perhaps like this one, who went topless in Hollow Man 2. (Warning: slightly NSFW)
(Didn't see that one coming, did ya?)
Remember, it's okay to write about hockey with a sense of humour, not hokeyness. It's okay to not like everything you see or read. It's okay to dislike the media. It's okay to be a media member and pull for a specific team. It's okay to get extremely pissed off at that team, and state so. And most importantly of all, it's okay to be cynical.
...because SoCals have their own way of welcoming David Beckham's wife.
· The travesty...the lunacy...I'm still in disbelief. On a day where the CBC has gained momentum and legitimately positive media for their annual event known as Hockey Day in Canada, they decided to show the Ottawa-Montreal game at 2 pm in standard definition. This wouldn't be as shocking if a) the network hadn't previously been broadcasting the rest of the day in high definition, (which they had) and b) if other games (Toronto-Van and Calgary-Edmonton) had been given equally subpar treatment (which they weren't). All other games and coverage were in high definition.
Let's allow The Driver to take over for a moment here -- he slipped out to the Superstore at around 1:30 pm, and returned with the following reaction just after the Sens' game began:
"Oh, what the (expletive)? I'm forced to view Nelson, BC and Dick Irvin's liver spots in HD, but the game -- the most important part of the day -- isn't given the same treatment?"
Exactly. We don't want to hear about expense, broadcasting trucks or any other pedestrian excuse. CBC has built it up as an important day -- all three games should have been in HD. No excuses.
And as a partially-related final kick in the teeth -- I switched over to NBC to check out the Philly-Pittsburgh tilt. There Sidney Crosby was, in all his pillow-lipped, Angelina Jolie-esque HD glory. I think he's switched lip balms, by the way.
Okay, we're keeping this short -- there's football on. Speaking of which, when did Steve McNair go from a flak jacket or similar, to wrapping his torso in a goose-down duvet? It looked like dude had the bedding department from Bed, Bath and Beyond shoved down his jersey yesterday.
Bring on the clippage...
· Does this girl look like she knows her multiplication tables to you? The Hater Nation names SI.com columnist Jenn "Cowgirl" Sterger (pictured centre) as their Sports Figure of the Year. Maybe now we can find out where she gets those neat sequin appliques -- The Hater Nation
Is Mike Sherman on his way to becoming the new coach of the Arizona Cardinals? Profootballtalk.com says yes. Now I really need for San Diego to win this weekend, because this news is going to kill The Driver.
The NHL has just released their holiday numbers for merchandise sales, and the Rangers took home top prize. The Blueshirts were the favourite of online holiday shoppers during the month of December. However, Buffalo experienced the highest increase of team sales on NHL.com for the third consecutive month compared to last year, with an increase of 214%.
The rest of the league isn't faring badly either. Edmonton's merch sales are up 128% from last year, and Carolina's have increased 117%. Other increases that were notable in December: Atlanta (75%), Washington (61%), Pittsburgh (59%), New York Rangers (54%), Anaheim (54%), Montreal (47%), Minnesota (36%), Florida (35%) and San Jose (35%).
However, don't assume that these were solely jersey purchases. DVDs were in high demand on NHL.com. The two top-selling items were distinctively retro: The Philadelphia Flyers 10 Greatest Games DVD set and NHL's Greatest Moments.
Meanwhile, here are your top-selling player jerseys on shop.nhl.com for December '06:
1. Sidney Crosby 2. Henrik Lundqvist 3. Jaromir Jagr 4. Joe Sakic 5. Alexander Ovechkin 6. Brendan Shanahan 7. Peter Forsberg 8. Mike Modano 9. Martin Brodeur 10. Vincent Lacavalier 11. Ilya Kovalchuk 12. Rick DiPietro 13. Patrice Bergeron 14. Simon Gagne 15. Nicklas Lidstrom 16. Henrik Zetterberg 17. Joe Thornton 18. Mats Sundin 19. Zdeno Chara 20. Markus Naslund 21. Paul Kariya
"I'm doing the Team 1200's Over The Edge show and Dean Brown just told us Senators D Anton Volchenkov left the ice at the Senators morning skate in Manhattan in preparation for tonight's game against the Rangers. Volchenkov was in some difficulty Tuesday night when he was hit by a shot. Christoph Schubert has been taking Volchenkov's reps with Chris Phillips."
Nothing has been updated on the media line post-practice, and Antoine Vermette is still listed as a game-day decision.
It's nice to see a piece written about an All-Star game without reading the name, "Rory Fitzpatrick". Check out this blog entry from Patrick Williams about the 2007 Rbk Hockey AHL All-Star Classic (that's a mouthful).
Honestly, it was way easier to put the Jake Plummer figurine in a martini glass.
A Tony Romo "playoff figure" has been posted on eBay, with the uh..doll..being manipulated to appear as the rookie did during the infamous tackle at the goal line (after the more-infamous missed snap).
The figurine is fully encased in plastic, and the current high bid is 51.00 USD. Try and restrain yourselves.
Adult search engine Booble (warning: NSFW) is claiming that in spite of their willingness to grossly overpay CBS for an opportunity to advertise their site during the Super Bowl broadcast, the American network has turned them down.
Site founder Bob Smart claims that he was willing to pony up $50 million to the broadcaster (regular fees during the Super Bowl run at approximately $2.6 million per spot).
...because Gary Bettman's schedule makers need to shake themselves.
I received a number of text messages over this weekend -- most asking if I was attending the Senators games versus New Jersey and Philly respectively. Pfft...cynics, please. As if I was going to sacrifice NFL wild-card weekend for some run-of-the-mill Eastern Conference matchups. That being said, I succumbed to a comforter-induced coma during two of the four games (KC-Indy and NE-Jets), and woke up 90 seconds before the fourth quarter ended. Lesson learned, I guess. But a side note here -- I was rummaging through the back of my closet and came across a Jeff Garcia San Fran jersey that I picked up years ago in NoCal. I was thinking to myself -- "For years, it would've been lunacy to wear this. 10 to 1 says I see someone sporting one today at the game."
And I did -- they stuck out like sore thumbs, but they were wearing 49ers jerseys, all emblazoned with No. 5. You don't see that happen in the NHL. Like when Alexandre Daigle decided to allow people mention his name again without doing a spit take (during the year before the lockout when he put up 51 points with the Wild), you didn't see Ottawa fans busting out Peace Tower sweaters at the Xcel Energy Center.
(Aside -- Yes, I own football jerseys, but I don't wear them in public...except for when Denver plays in the Super Bowl -- then I break out the special Elway one. But something tells me I'll be won't be wearing that one for a while. Unless I decide to get married in it, of course.)
As for the games themselves, all I have to say is this: I led that Tony Romo backlash bandwagon for a reason, and now the damned thing is longer than the Orient Express. Also, somewhere, possibly above the 49th parallel, there's a hammered kicker who skated off with a 2.5 million dollar signing bonus that's laughing his ass off.
I was going to write a piece about the possibility of Ray Emery going to the All-Star game, but at the time, I thought it might be premature. I'm glad to see that someone did, however. Overall, I have mixed feelings on the matter. I believe that Ray deserves to go, and it would please me immensely to see him selected. On the other hand, I worry about his overall health, and the idea of letting him out of the Sens' sight, even for a weekend worries me. (Remember what happened when we let another goaltender go and play somewhere else at almost the same time, last year?) Obviously the Sens have to play the role of the cool, nonchalant girlfriend if it comes down to it. ("Yeah sweetie, go have fun with the boys!" Meanwhile said chick is praying their guy isn't involved with anything that entails riding hammered on a golf cart, all slutted up with three strippers/humiliating florescent pink cocktails and condom wrappers caught in the wheel wells. Dallas is bad enough -- imagine if it were in Tampa? By the way, how much cash would you pony up to hear John Muckler call Ray, "sweetie"? If I were lit enough, I might break out a red bill. Mucks will be tossing down $2 million and uttering every syrupy moniker in the book to get Emery to stay this summer if he keeps it up. Mark my words.)
In short, the All-Star game (in spite of its lack of seriousness), is like letting Ray attend a three-day bachelor party, and we're the spastic brides-to-be. If he's selected, have to we let him go and hope nothing horrible happens -- although it's tempting to pull an Eva Longoria on our Tony Parker. Remember who the backup goaltender is...and that's right -- Gerber's the backup! The second someone of significance admits it, I swear to God I'm going to cackle with glee -- kind of like Robert Knepper's character on Prison Break.
(And that'll be the first and last time I compare my behaviour to T-Bag's.)
And finally...
Whose country is it? Remind me again, TSN! Bill Simmons has tackled these annoying Chevrolet commercials in his columns (you can find a refresher below -- God help you if you need it), but now there's a Canadian version. Essentially all they did was swap out the photos of Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. for some stock footage of snow, and vintage shots of Bobby Orr. (Honestly, aren't those the only big differences between our two nations?) My favourite part of the Canadian version displays a man holding a sleeping baby, with the tagline, "Our Purpose." I'm so relieved to discover that my objective as a Canadian is now clear. I'm either supposed to be: a) sleeping b) procreating or c) drooling uncontrollably on someone's shoulder. Why are American car companies trying to turn me into Britney Spears?
Here's a decent piece from the The Chronicle-Journal's Emmanuel Moutsatsos, detailing the WJC through the eyes of Thunder Bay participants Tom Pyatt and Marc Staal.
In case you missed it, here's Jonathan Toews giving his uncensored thoughts on Canada's gold medal victory at the WJC during a live TSN broadcast -- love the face afterwards.
(KEEP SCROLLING FOR MORE UPDATES AND CANDICE SANDERS PHOTOS)
TMZ has unearthed more details regarding Jim Lampley's arrest, and the allegations brought forth by Lampley's fiancee, Candice Sanders -- a former Miss USA California (shown above).
Sanders claimed that Lampley became drunk on vodka and whiskey after a New Year's Eve dinner at their shared apartment, and "was also high on pot". Lampley's 14-year-old son Aaron was also in attendance.
Trouble began after Sanders wished to finish viewing a movie, causing Lampley to pull her from the sofa and chase her around the apartment.
Sanders says at that point all hell broke loose. She alleges, "He grabbed me and threw me against a wall. He then threw me against another wall. He then threw me against the door and I collapsed."
Just a hunch, but we're guessing they weren't watching Ocean's Eleven.
"I am innocent of the charge of domestic abuse that has been leveled against me and will vigorously defend myself," Lampley said. "I have tremendous respect for the justice system as a whole and for the San Diego courts and District Attorney's office specifically.
"I'm confident that the process will prove that I'm not guilty of this charge. I thank my friends and family for their support during this difficult time, and ask for the understanding and patience from the media until my legal situation allows me to discuss this in more depth."
Sanders was also in court on Thursday to request a permanent restraining order against Lampley, and the judge granted that request.
Update #3: Candice Sanders had her previous marriage to a Jehovah's Witness named Marlon Muller annulled, because Muller refused to have "marital sexual relations" with her. Apparently Muller's decision hinged on his religious beliefs. You can read more about it here.
P.S. Here's some better photos of Sanders -- credit to West Side Slant for unearthing these.
Boxing commentator, Olympic broadcasting regular and sportscasting veteran Jim Lampley was arrested Wednesday night on felony charges of domestic abuse, according to TMZ.com.
He faces one felony count of domestic abuse / corporal injury, as well as two misdemeanor counts of violating a restraining order and preventing a witness from testifying.
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