The Universal Cynic

This interview took place around 4 pm EDT on the Team 1200. Thoughts are slightly paraphrased -- I tried to stay as verbatim as I could -- but you'll get the gist.

How relieved are you to have the deal done?

It was disappointing that of his stature didn’t want to be here. We spent a lot time trying to accommodate him; we talked to a lot of people before anda fter the process. Gad to have it out of the way.


Why did Heatley want out?

Basically he was unhappy. I Heard the rumours, they were all wrong. It came down to Dany wanting to be the guy. The team played well but didn’t do as well as he wanted. He didn't think we could go on another serious run. Cory wanted everyone to buy in as a team player. It was a variety of things, but it was all hockey-related. There were some personal things he suggested. Somethings that’s the case when someone's not always happy. Dany got to that stage.


Was there a hard deadline for a trade?

I wanted to sit down and talk to Dany. I had talked to his agents about issues, but I wanted to talk to see if he was still so strong and adamant, or was there something to talk about -- a different option, perhaps. The meeting made no sense, and it was not fair to our players, and Dany was adamant. On the other side, Michalek was not available for most part. When he was, that was when things changed.


Talk about Michalek.

Milan is going to be a talent in this league. I remember when I was in Anaheim, and I jokingly said to my guys, "Why don't we draft players like that?" I talked to Doug Wilson about him during the rookie tournament in Kitchener. His name came up Wednesday afternoon, but he was adamant that Milan's name not be made public. And of course, I still wanted to talk to Dany.


Thoughts on Cheechoo?

I think he'll bring chemistry. He’s not a 56 goal scorer; he played on a big line at the time. I suspect the injuries set him back, but he thinks he's healthier than he's been in a while. I've talked to him; it's going take some time for him to get going. If can get 20-25 goals from him, I'd be happy, but can still do some of the little things like checking, and getting out of the zone.


Based on his style, do you think Michalek might be a better fit than Heatley?

Dany was unhappy about a lot of things. Clouston was trying to bring a uptempo game into the system. Michalek fits better into that scheme. He can get on the forecheck and he's got some speed. We cant get a return on goals, can get but we can get a return on value. Milan's a puck pressure guy, and he can get up and down ice with speed. The regular fan likely doesn’t stay up to watch San Jose play. When they get to know these guys and see their involvement and overall play, I think they'll like them.

Going back to the addition of Alexei Kovalev, are you pleased now with the depth of the team?

I am. I'm pleased with the makeup right now. I said to some of our scouts that I'm so happy to have a couple of young of players who are showing well, but disappointed I can’t include them. The scoring can be more spread out, and come playoff time it'll be good to have more than one guy scoring.


Anything left on your wish list?

I want to look at D. We lost some grit and leadership with the departure of Jason Smith. We do have mobility, but I'll let it play itself out during first part of the season.

...because you'll get it when I say you'll get it. If that isn't good enough for you, go worship at the Church of the Lankster. (Ed. Note: Three people will get that reference.)
















* I was glad to see the news of the NHL's (and other leagues') transborder travel conflict being taken with a semblance of seriousness late last week. AC Jetz is an extremely important entity amongst Air Canada, and it's one of the bright spots within a company that has experienced financial turmoil on a semi-regular basis. There are several options as of right now that both parties (the airline and teams) can look at: They could allow initial transborder travel to occur with AC Jetz, then have the teams use alternate U.S. charters within America, before returning home on their initial flight. Air Canada could potentially also look at the idea of returning the aircraft to Canada during trips, thereby creating all flights with a Canadian start point. However, the practicality of regularly ferrying an aircraft combined with fuel and maintenance costs would make this choice a long shot.

People underestimate how important a regular charter becomes to a team. Firstly, there's a physical comfort level. The players are well-fed and AC Jetz planes are configured with only first-class seats. (Aside: This creates an additional difficulty for the airline, because the plane can't simply be placed back into regular service during the season, although it will happen in extreme circumstances, such as weather issues.) Secondly, there's an emotional comfort that comes with it as well. The plane is made to feel like it belongs to the team. Players sit in the same spots, they're served by the same in-flights, and deal with the same staff on the ground. Everyone who works these flights also signs a confidentiality agreement, so sensitive issues needn't be exposed. It's not something the typical fan ever thinks about, but there's a lot of planning and care that goes into making sure these clubs arrive and depart without a hitch.

Hopefully this problem will be resolved soon, as I know how important this issue is to both sides. If you want to read more about life on the charter flights, check this link out. Google Toolbar will translate it for you into English with relative ease -- it isn't a perfect swap, but you'll get the gist.

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* It's kind of interesting to watch/read the reaction of the Binghamton fans as the younger names pop up in the headlines (always typical during this time of year as camp draws nigh). You almost get a sense of them rolling at their eyes at the "big city bumpkins" (and yes, I get the irony) who don't have a clue as to what's going on at the farm level. Over the past few years, there has been a major disconnect between Bingo and Ottawa for a few reasons. The annual B-Sens game in Ottawa was stopped, and many prospects simply weren't ready for the NHL. Without regular viewing and updates on the AHL players, a great number of fans simply lost track. Thankfully with the return of the Bingo game (November 8th at SBP) and what seems like a resurgence in activity between Binghamton and Ottawa (particularly last year), hopefully the O-Sens fans will get a better idea of how their prospects are doing, beyond October.

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And finally, did anyone else notice a difference with John Rodenburg back on the Team 1200 on Tuesday? Yeah, neither did I. His talent is going to waste on that morning program. Give him a proper timeslot, with or without a knowledgeable co-host, do some interviews, give some opinions...you know, like an actual sports radio show? What a concept.

More later.

And whom, pray tell, is this directed towards?

P.S. Don't misunderstand me -- that swipe wasn't meant for the author.

I always know my blood pressure is destined for new heights when The Driver text-messages me with the following ominous request:

"Turn on Team 1200 NOW."

I received this message most recently on Sunday night, just after 9 pm. I was perplexed, because I didn't think any local programming aired at that time. Naturally I assumed something outrageous was taking place on Fox Sports Radio.

But I was wrong. It was local. And I wasn't prepared for the brutality that my ears would soon be subjected to.

The show is called FourPlay. It's a quartet (naturally) of women -- aged 36 to 44 -- talking about sex and relationships for two seizure-inducing hours. Here's the show's description from the Team 1200's website:

Host: Roxy, Ginger, Charlie and NJ

Get Ready Ottawa….for your Sunday night oral stimulation! FourPlay on The Team 1200 is launching Sunday July 8th from 9-11pm.

Meet Roxy, Ginger, Charlie and NJ… Think, “Sex in the City” meets “The View”. We have exciting stories and topics that will curl your toes and raise (more) than a few eyebrows! FourPlay is not suitable for all ages, puts your kids to bed and tune in to the show on the Team 1200 AM!!!

Ooh, naughty...triple exclamation point. (Actually, I was referring to the grammar. Sheesh.)


First of all, I'll tell you that I saw this after I listened to the show, and had correctly guessed half of the description. I personally pegged it as The View crossed with National Public Radio.

Here's an example: The topic of the night was fantasies. One of them piped up that she had a fantasy to share. The other three apparently are all ears. What was the secret wish?

To not have her basement flood every spring.

Ten to one says all four own some breed of malicious yapping dog under the 6 lb. mark, and several Christmas sweaters apiece.

(That's hot! And likely itchy!)

I wish I could properly explain this buggered up experiment, but I'm completely baffled. There was no sports talk whatsoever -- just four women talking about sex and relationships. Worse still, none of them claimed to have any professional experience in the field (i.e. sex therapy, relationship therapy or psychology) -- it was just four hens, a bottle of red wine, and a bunch of clips from a March '96 Cosmopolitan. The "kinkiest" discussion involved the mention of handcuffs and a blindfold (how original), and all were confused by a man's confession that he wanted to uh...orally pleasure a woman's stiletto heel. It's called a foot fetish, Mensas. Does no one watch Dr. Sue anymore? (By the way, how killer is that photo of her with her hand in the bag?)

Combine this with the inclusion of a Russian psychic (Miss Babushka) and callers named "Manolo" (a ringer moniker if we've ever heard one), and you can understand why The Driver texted the following:

"Is this what a stroke feels like?"

What was the point of this blatant stupidity? The last time I checked, the station referred to itself as "Sports Radio: The Team 1200". I would have a better comprehension of these events if the participants were 20-something girls with a twinge of sports knowledge, who dabbled in innuendo and pointed out which athletes they found attractive. We've made our stance on such behaviour quite clear, but at least there would be a sliver of a sports tie-in -- we would vehemently rally against it, but we'd get it. There's nothing of the sort in this show.

The Team's morning show has regressed over the years to a three-hour slog of so-called humour and sex cracks that my own 16-year-old nephew deems highly pedestrian. But there must be a definitive market for it, otherwise how else are we to explain a female-hosted sex program on a sports radio station? You can never go broke appealing to the lowest common denominator -- it's a mantra that the Team 1200 seems to be subscribing to on a regular basis these days.

The Team 1200's Garry Galley shakes his ass on Ellen. While Galley's face isn't visible, you can catch him getting into it from the :33 to the :25 second mark (on the right, grey sweater with white t-shirt peeking out).




If you can't view the clip, go here. I don't know what's more amusing -- the clip, or someone claiming to be Liam Maguire who's running smack on the commentary thread.

Also, here's a synopsis of Stephen Colbert engaging Oshawa's mayor into an OHL rivalry. I've PVRed this ep and haven't watched it in its entirety, but I did see a portion of the interview with Spirit head coach Bob Mancini -- Colbert was inquiring about forechecking and the trap. Pretty funny. Tom Pyatt also got a mention, which is probably the closest we're going to get to a Staalapalooza reference on Comedy Central.

(These girls look like they know their way around the steam settings. For an explanation, keep reading.)

Okay, sorry...we've caught up with stuff and it's been kind of quiet around here. But we'll be back with a fresh Deglaze on...Tuesday. Yeah, Tuesday sounds decent. We'll engage in media torching, Mike Fisher sightings and the likelihood that Phil Simms has turned into Yogi Berra (probability: extremely high).

Before we split, we need to pass this on -- one of our friends attended the Team 1200's Super Bowl Getaway Party on Sunday. He declared it to be highly snooze-worthy, but he did text us this little gem: Apparently blonde women (we're assuming they were Bud Girls) were handing out iron-on patches, and he actually roped one of them into searching the party for a usable iron. Pulchritude and pant ironing? What more could you want from a Super Bowl bash?

See you Tuesday.