The Universal Cynic

The Driver informed me that a caller mentioned this week's column on The Team's Over The Edge (Kulka and Versage), but also had some high praise for yours truly. I have no idea who the caller was -- but the compliments, once relayed, were pleasing to hear.

I know some readers of the column (and TUC) have emailed my editor, pressing the notion that I should have additional work appear in the Sun. For the record, my editor jokingly suggested during our last meeting that these praise-filled missives are coming from my mother -- which would be an amazing feat, since as she's been deceased for over a decade. I had to chuckle about that afterward.

Anyway, thanks as always to those who enjoy what is being done here and in the column -- your insistence to reference what you deem to be quality work to anyone who will listen (and even those who won't) is always awesome. Golf claps and metal horns for all of you.

Now bring on the cult following (and the rapid increase of quality punk rock being played at games)!

(Ed. Note: I'm adding on to a post that originally appeared in May -- points 8 and 9. Enjoy. And hey look, it's Mr. Chi Pig! Do yourself a favour and download Cancer Sticks and Hockey Sticks by SNFU. It'll make your Monday.)

If you've been reading this blog for awhile (or even if you haven't), you probably are aware that I receive mail from readers of the column.

I never expect people to agree with what I have to say each week -- in fact, I'm surprised that some of them do -- but often I will write something that will get under a reader's skin. So much so, that they feel the need to take some time out of their Sunday (or Monday...or Tuesday) to fire me off an email.

Ha.

I make a legitimate effort to answer every piece of mail I receive. Sometimes it turns into quite the task. I do this for several reasons: 1) They took the time to write and I feel I at least owe them some type of a response; 2) They're usually surprised to death to discover that I actually respond (their surprise is directly proportionate to the amount of insults they hurl) and 3) I'm a woman. I like to get the last word in.

Anyway, I thought I would offer up some tips to those who get pissed and fire off a snarky email, only to discover that they're in a battle of wits without a weapon. Here you go.

1) Use quotes. I hate to cut and paste, but it's the only way to be sure of what the other person is saying. So often I receive emails, and they've paraphrased what they think I've said. Quote, and then make your point.

2) Be succinct. For God's sakes, this is so important. I don't have the patience to sort through blathering missives beginning with an argument about the Argos that somehow morphs into insulting the Senators. (Not kidding -- I received one like this yesterday.) Which leads us to No. 3...

3) Stay on topic. If your beef with John Muckler is really eating at you, or if you hate the city in general, save it until I write about it. If I write about the Lynx, may I suggest that you bite your tongue for the meantime.

4) Don't read between the lines. I always write what I feel. Don't go looking for something that isn't there.

5) Check for grammatical and spelling errors before you send. My opinion of a reader drops about ten stories as soon as I see a blatant misspelling. Seriously, it's just asking to be mocked.

6) Don't insult a writer, even if you want to. Firstly, they'll likely make a fool out of you and you may not even realize it. In short, you'll end up looking like a dumbass.

7) Relax. What sportswriters produce is extremely insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It really doesn't need to be taken so seriously.

8) Check the byline before venting. My name isn't Don Brennan, Bruce Garrioch or similar. I don't expect for them to be held accountable for my work, and I can't comprehend being made responsible for theirs.

9) Understand the irony of slagging Sun Media, only to quote various pieces chapter and verse (sometimes from months ago) in an email. Some message board posters are guilty of this as well. To proclaim all Sun writers to be ignorant, low-brow and incompetent, only to have the reader prove that they ingest every last bit of the Sun's publication is highly amusing to me. If I hated Desperate Housewives (and I do), would I sit down to watch it every week? What kind of masochist does this?

Hopefully this helps. And for the record, and although they don't realize it, I'm always complimented when readers assume I'm a guy. (Although hopefully, not due to the column photo. Ack. I hate that bloody thing.)

Regarding today's mention of the blog in The Globe and Mail (if you missed it, here's the clip):

We reported two weeks ago on the perceived obsequious behaviour of Team 1200 toward the Ottawa Senators, who were struggling at the time. The station, which is the club's rights-holder, confirmed it had cut back on postgame phone-ins, but denied there had been pressure from the Senators to get rid of the angry fan rants.

Still, the Senators media have a reputation for being soft. Occasionally a player or even the coach will get rapped. But the front office, which is to say president Roy Mlakar and general manager John Muckler, is out of bounds.

The sensitivity to upper management was illustrated during owner Eugene Melnyk's media conference call of Nov. 16 during which he affirmed his support for Muckler and coach Bryan Murray. In a whiny tone, he complained about media rumour and speculation on the status of Muckler and Murray. Club owners in big-league cities wouldn't have bothered.

In an e-mail, an Ottawa fan wrote, "[Sens] have a reputation around town of being a nice, fan-friendly organization, but behind the scenes Roy Mlakar has been known for some heavy-handed tactics."

Writer Erin Nicks freelances to the sports section of the Ottawa Sun. On her blog, she wrote a while ago, "There are two incidents that stand out in my mind. The first occurred when I did some guest hosting for [Team 1200] several years ago. The program director at the time made it very clear to me that I was not to speak negatively about the Senators, in any way, shape or form. . . .

"The second incident occurred not long after I secured the [Sun] column. I criticized [Sens forward] Mike Fisher — honest to God, I can't remember what I said exactly. . . . Anyway, the next day I received a terse email from a well-known member of the Sens' front office who took issue with what I wrote. Being the neophyte that I was, I apologized for offending him [and possibly Fisher]."

I've noticed that a synopsis regarding this subject has turned up in a multitude of places, including Senators message boards. The perception by most seems to be that I have been "silenced" by various factions of the Senators and the outlets that they use (i.e. The Team).

Let me assure everyone that my radio guest hosting experience happened several years ago -- the current program director that is in place was not the one I dealt with. I don't know if I would have been given the same instructions today. Futhermore, I had little concern regarding what I had been told, because I was able to speak freely via The Jim Rome Show, and at the time, was doing so on a regular basis. Rome's show, although broadcast from Los Angeles, possessed a much larger audience, and therefore my opinions on his program could have been perceived as far more detrimental to the Senators.

If The Team's program director had a problem with what I had said previously, I doubt he would have let me guest host.

It should also be noted that at the time, I was working in an entirely different field from the one I am currently employed in. At no time did anyone from the Senators approach me, or my former employer, with a demand to cease my complaints.

As for the email I received -- I doubt I am the first writer to receive a missive like that, and I'm sure I won't be the last. I was never told to retract my comments, nor was I reprimanded by Sun Media for the column. The front office person in question didn't like what I wrote. A lot of people don't, and I regularly hear about it. It doesn't faze me.

To summarize: There has been one person that asked me to refrain from speaking negatively about the Senators -- a former program director for The Team. It happened several years ago, long before I was writing the column. The Senators, at the time, were not in a state of turmoil (i.e. trade demands and request for front office changes), so I went along with it -- if I wanted to complain, I would do so on Rome's show, and no one ever attempted to stop me. In addition, no one has ever threatened to terminate me, or have my column ceased, based on something that I have written thus far.

Anyone who attempts to claim, or twist my statements to suggest that something else has occurred involving myself, is telling a falsehood.

End of story.

I've just been informed that due to Grey Cup coverage in the Sun tomorrow, the column will be appearing in an abbreviated form, and not in its regular spot (usually page 5). It will be at the back, where Steve Simmons' piece usually resides.

I will post the column in its entirety as it was originally written -- and the way it should be read -- around midnight.

Update: I've just been told that the edit is 50-75 words, but I don't which ones (or graphs) it affects.

Here's an excerpt from some reader mail that I received in response to the November 5 column:

I live in Brockville where the teams are split between Ottawa, Toronto, and Montreal. The Leaf fans I know are religious fans, standing beside there team regardless of how they play, and that is exactly how it is with my wife and I. I have a tattoo of the Sens Logo on my forearm and Daniel Alfreddson's (sic) autograph beneath it (tattooed as well), and my wife has Spartycat (sic) tattooed on her calf, and it has also been signed by the big cat himself (herself), and inked in permanently as well. There are over 250 different Sens articles in our house, and 8 different Jerseys hanging. We are "True Fans" as my wife says to anyone that can hear. My van is covered with window clingers, and my licence is a Senator plate from the ministry.



I'm speechless. At least you know a mascot will never be traded.

(Aside -- this is the most amusing magazine cover I've seen in a while.)

This upcoming Sunday will be my 100th column. (Yes I know, a hundred too many.) Anyway, I was thinking of doing something different for it. Maybe a list format, maybe something else? I know I'll definitely try and do a list on the blog of things I've learned/encountered in the past two years.


So what do you guys think?