The Universal Cynic

I don't know where to begin with this (although they're right about No.4 and No.5).

...because the draft had an overabundance of moustache representation, and to my knowledge, we were nowhere near a gay bar.

By now you've probably heard about the enormous cluster(expletive) which occurred when the NHL hung our Internet access at this year's Entry Draft out to dry. We weren't hooked up again until late into Day 2 -- by that time, the Scott Norwood Section (representing for Kukla's Korner) felt as overhyped and ineffective as a Wade Redden-Andrej Meszaros pairing. Explanations, updates and apologies were very few and far between (it's worth noting that the online access was also down for Day 1 of last year's draft in Columbus). This inconvenience left a fair amount of time for fuming, gossiping and general observation of a bizarre nature. Although it pales in comparison to the scope of the event, one of The Other TSN's favourite moments occurred when a local writer (who's been under the gun lately) went running past while exclaiming, "This is so exciting!" All that was missing was a starched pinafore, balled fists and a Shirley Temple wig. Oh, and in case you were wondering: The real secret behind Detroit's front office success? Pistachios. Lots of them.

Speaking of Detroit, it was entertaining to see which teams were following their line of thinking at the draft. It's part of the new NHL -- "Success According To (current Cup champions)." Now to be fair, the Red Wings are the only team capable of laying any type of claim to the word "dynasty" right now. But for teams playing catch-up, the situation becomes more interesting...particularly when you're talking about the backpedaling that's involved.

Take, for example, James Duthie's interview with Senators GM Bryan Murray, post-No.1 pick. In the first round, Ottawa took Swedish defenceman Erik Karlsson, and traded up in the draft to do so. The blueliner is listed as being 5' 11" and 165 lbs (apparently the scouting reports left out the "soaking wet" part). Karlsson is labeled as a two-way defenceman with great mobility and passing skills, which allegedly makes up for his lack of size.

The Sens' first-round picks in last two years were Jim O'Brien ('07) and Nick Foligno ('06). Both are at least 6 feet, and Foligno, who was present during draft proceedings, has noticeably bulked up during the off-season. Duthie asked Murray point-blank about his sudden about-face. "You sat with me here last year, and said that big, strong players win championships." Pea Soup's response was unremarkable -- something to the effect of going after the best players available -- but you can't help but think Murray was suddenly willing to change his mindset, after witnessing what Detroit accomplished with mobile defencemen that didn't share DNA with a California Redwood.

All teams will try to mimic the moves of a Cup champion to some degree, but the Senators' feeble attempts seem far more blatant. It's like following fashion -- right now, Detroit's haute couture (bank says that's the first time that sentence has been written). Ottawa is like the chick in Des Moines with a scrunchie in her hair, flipping through a March '99 issue of Cosmopolitian. The Sens lack an identity of their own, but they're also behind on the trends and incapable of figuring out what works for them.

Oh, and about that Chris Kelly signing? Sure, it's nice to retain the speed and PK ability, but what's up with paying above the position? Now Ottawa is paying Mike Fisher as if he's a No. 2 centre, and Kelly as if he's a No. 3 -- yet neither puts up the offensive totals required (47 and 30 points respectively last season) to hold those roles on a permanent basis. But that doesn't mean we won't see both of them in said spots next year, right? Good times!

More later.

P.S. Something that definitely wasn't expected -- TUC received a lot of praise from various media (who will remain anonymous) for this controversial post. It was bizarre, but very nice to know that the effort was appreciated.

A semi-interesting day as the media and league pours into Ottawa for the draft...

I spent the early afternoon at the top prospects luncheon -- have you ever seen a 45-year-old print writer attempt to use a cloth napkin? High comedy. Every media member came out to ask their repetitive questions, goober over wide-eyed prospects in golf shirts and gorge on an overabundance of food -- including a Beavertails station (yes, seriously). I should be telling you something about the prospects that really stood out -- honestly, I was distracted for a period by the sight of Pierre McGuire in a plaid shirt that must have been regurgitated upon by an Easter egg (oh, and flip flops). The interviews I did manage to snag (post-media scarf) will be available on KK, so keep an eye on their site throughout the day.

Patrick, my KK/The Other TSN partner made it out to the media reception at the Heart & Crown last night -- I was not in attendance. For the record, I drink about as often as Patrick's country legally elects a president. P did manage to keep me in the loop via text, describing the party as featuring "general oddities and lameness", as well as the surprising news that commissioner Gary Bettman made an appearance. (At this point, I should mention last night's invite specified that beer was free.) How do you think that would've gone?

"Hey...hey Gare...whenareyougonna...let the...the Winnipeg...back in?"

(slumping over Bettman's shoulder) "Now, this is the guy...this guy right here...he's the guy..."

(5 seconds later)

"(Expletive) you!"

Damnit, I really should've gone.

You wanted to know -- now we can tell you...

The charter members of the Scott Norwood Section are proudly covering the 2008 NHL Entry Draft for...

We're unbelievably thrilled about this, and hope to see all of you on Friday.