The Universal Cynic

As reported by Brent Wallace and Chris Stevenson, Dany Heatley will not be showing up to Jason Spezza's wedding in Ottawa this weekend. How much fear and dread can the softball Ottawa media put into one player? They may be disappointed that they won't get a crack at Heatley right now, but it wouldn't surprise me if they're secretly thrilled to have "scared him off."

That being said, I just thought I'd throw out this conspiracy theory for you, courtesy of The Driver: What if this was a red herring to throw the media off, and Heatley does manage to pull off a stealth appearance? It may piss off the media something fierce, but who cares? If he does end up staying here through some weird turn of events, it would go a long way in repairing the relationship with his teammates.

Chew on that. More later.