The Universal Cynic

Welcome to your first post for 2009. It almost didn't happen because, frankly, I was a bit burnt out on the whole idea. But then, two things happened:

1) I had to fire the old girl up last night to help someone obtain a bit of information that I knew I had kept on here, and I got a bit sentimental about it;

2) You bloody people wouldn't leave me alone.

"Erin, what's wrong with the blog? Why can't I see the blog? When's the blog coming back? Why don't you love me anymore? Do these pants make my ass look big?"

(Okay, only a couple of you included the last sentence in your missives, but you get my drift.)

I couldn't answer every e-mail, but the point is -- I was on a break. Now I'm back. Breathe...it'll be okay. Thank you for your patience, and as always, your commitment to my sports-related insanity via deciphered binary code.

Let's catch up, shall we? Here's what went down while I was gone:

1) The Driver and I did quite a lot of the World Junior thing -- I thought the Swedes were the mad hotness for most of the tournament, and watching them throw up all over themselves in the final was pretty brutal. (Hurrah for the homeland and all that good stuff. Uh, I guess.) I'm in solid agreement with most that Erik Karlsson definitely is on the right track, and will likely be in a Senators uniform sooner rather than later. His play gets a bit too pretty at times, but that can be remedied with the correct grooming. I think he's further along in his development than Brian Lee was during his stints at the WJC (keep in mind at that time, the U.S. defence was quite deep and Lee's contributions were minimal at best -- the Swedes also brought a detailed blueline core, and many agree that Karlsson was at the forefront of the group).

(Aside: Thanks to JB for all his hook-ups during the tournament. Dude, I owe you a couple of beers or a trip to California. I'll let you pick which one.)

2) US Weekly approached me to dig up dirt on Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwood. Seriously. For the record, I didn't do it. Check it out: This is me being nice in 2009.

3) I've received an offer to go fishing with the Hanson Brothers this summer. Seriously (reprise). I'm still mulling it over because I'm paranoid I'd fall out of the boat. That being said, it would've made for one hell of a column, if Sun Media hadn't allocated my salary towards hot air balloon repairs. Stay tuned on this one.

4) Regarding The Manatee: Sigh. In the end, I put him in the same category as Joe Corvo -- it didn't work out, but let's get real: He never should've been brought here in the first place, and a lot of the expectations could be connected to the fact that he was overpaid. That's not his fault. Gerber was a good teammate who never rocked the boat, and handled so much of the unnecessary drama in Ottawa with an unbelievable amount of class. Swim on, Sea Cow. Best of luck to you.

5) I was in Vegas recently and witnessed the AFC and NFC championships from the MGM Grand's sports book. Good times, bad smoke. To say there was an unbelievable amount of action on the Cardinals would be the understatement of the century. (By the way, I kept looking for a line on how many times Kurt Warner would thank Jesus after the big win. There were none. Lunacy.) Anyway, The Driver is pleased as all hell because The Buzzsaw is his 1a team, after the Chargers. (Just to clear things up: I am not dating Will Leitch. There was another dude who liked the Cardinals before all this happened. I just happen to live with him.)

I know, I know. "What does this have to do with hockey?!?" Calm down, chickadees. I'm getting to that.



Here were the odds to win the Stanley Cup this year for all 30 teams, as of January 12th. Your degenerate gamblers call these "futures bets". And yes, you're reading that correctly: The Senators -- after starting the year at 12/1 -- were an 80/1 bet as of mid-January. The freaking Kings had better odds than that. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Mr. Eugene. (More on him in the next post, by the way.)

Anyway, I wasn't in Vegas to bet on football or scrutinize the hockey odds -- I went down to see Pennywise and the Circle Jerks (then Pennywise again with Pulley the next night) at the House of Blues. Here's a clip from the show, which includes footage of the biggest man I ever interviewed. And don't bitch to me about how this has nothing to do with sports. My blog, my rules. Next you'll be expecting me to turn into some lankster who plays bass guitar on the side. Wait...what?



Yeah hey, says I. It's good to be back. More later.

P.S.: You'll also notice for the first time in years (literally) we're giving the peanut gallery a trial run. Media and professional franchises, govern yourselves accordingly -- anonymous comments are difficult to pull off when the joint is rigged with site meters. Just saying.