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From the "I Couldn't Make This Up If I Tried" department:

Al Jourgensen, the lead singer from Ministry, is a huge Blackhawks fan and wanted to do something to help build momentum for the team's young stars. His idea: Create a new sports anthem for the franchise. The song is entitled, "Keys To The City" -- it debuted on Wednesday during a home game versus the Ducks. Here's a clip from the Blackhawks site:

Though containing trademark intensity and guitar riffs, "Keys to the City" is less a traditional Ministry song, but more a classic sports anthem in structure. Built around a drum/bass line that recalls Garry (sic) Glitter's "Rock n' Roll Pt 2," the song is a rallying cry for Blackhawk fans. Name checking the past Hawk greats like Hull, Mikita, Esposito and Savard, the song celebrates the resurgence of the Blackhawks and the quest to bring home the Stanley Cup to Chicago. It is already popular among the young Blackhawks players upon which the team is building its future championships.

Alarm bells should be going off in your head over the idea of lifting from Gary Glitter, right? Just wait -- it gets much worse. Here are the lyrics:

Let's Go Blackhawks! (3x)
Want to rock! Want to rock! Want to rock! (3x)

If you're a Blackhawk you skate with pride
So many legends have played for our side
Mikita! Hull! Esposito! Savard!
To name a few, that's why we play so hard

Want to rock! Want to rock! Want to rock! (3x)

We're gonna get the Keys To The City
Gonna give it all in every name
We're gonna get the Keys To The City
I want to hear you scream our name

"Let's Go! Blackhawks!"
"Let's Go! Blackhawks!"

Out players bleed red, white and black
We play for the crest, and not the name on the back
The best fans in the NHL
United Center -- it's time to raise hell!

We're gonna get the Keys To The City
Win the Cup and have a big parade
We're gonna get the Keys To The City
Show them all how real hockey is played...real hockey is played

"Let's Go! Blackhawks!" Fighta Fighta Fighta
"Let's Go! Blackhawks!" Skate-a Skate-a Skate-a

Sweet merciful crap, that's unbelievable. If you want to read more about the song, click here. Heads up: At the top of that page, there's a 30-second preview you can click on from iTunes. I suggest you have something nearby to bite on if you choose to do so.

P.S. I know this was posted on Deadspin yesterday. I'm sick, so it's taking me longer to get to things. Bugger off.