No, that isn't some long-winded euphemism for "the tree". If you saw Sunday's news conference where the suspended Miami Dolphins RB was introduced as a Toronto Argonaut, then you have some idea what I'm talking about.
I swear, this conference was unintentional comedic gold. It began with a blubbering and sweaty Keith Pelley proclaiming that, "I'm not a gambling man, but I'd bet my house that this man is clean."
I'd take that action. What kind of digs do you suppose the president of Toronto's CFL team might possess? Pretty decent, right?
Meanwhile, Ricky blankly stared out at the media with a goofy grin on his face. The NFL supposedly will be testing him ten (10!) times a month, but I'd get down on the likelihood that he had smoked something before he came in. Either that, or he had hit the Brass Rail for their lunch special.
After five or six minutes, head coach Mike "Pinball" Clemons began a Bible study, and proceeded to tell a story involving a Good Samaritan, a hitchhiker, a car driver...bloody hell, I wasn't paying full attention. And neither was TSN. I guess they got so fed up that they cut the feed before Ricky had even spoken a word. I had to switch over to NewsNet to view the conclusion.
Finally, the man of the hour took the mic. And guess what? Storytime, part deux. Seriously. The story Ricky told involved a king, a counselor, a partially amputated thumb, an Indian chief and a human sacrifice. There was no point. But he zoned out a couple of times mid-tale, which made it pretty damned interesting.
And the silence from the media, deafening.
Williams was then presented with his jersey, curiously bearing the number 27. When the media were finally free to ask why he chose it, Williams claimed that he had always wanted to wear it, but that the NFL wouldn't let him switch. He also added that 27 is a "very positive number".
Alrighty then. Mid-way through the second question, NewsNet cut their feed.
Welcome to T.O., Ricky. Don't forget to stroke Damon Allen's ego on your way out.
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Reality Check said:
"I hope Tricky Ricky does well in TO, but that they still finish second to my Als! It would be a shame if his behavior, good or bad, becomes a sideshow to his on field performances. The CFL has this nagging tendancy of having at least one franchise per season become the joke/soap opera of the year. With the Renegades pushing up daisies, the Argo ship will be scrutinized and teased all summer long with Williams sightings and gossip.
On the subject of the 'gades, whatever became of that so called savior from Steelhead Beer. The story seems to have faded back into the oblivion from which it came. There are lots of Riders fans round my end who miss it all terribly. One friend is the son of former kicker "Moe the Toe" Racine. The observation that was always made about the CFL in Ottawa is that the season ticket base will never be strong unless they are Grey Cup champs. I've been told it is a city for game day, walk in sales. It's unfortunate.
Before I sink to deciphering the lyrics to STYX' Renegade, maybe some possitive news on this end will come soon. Whoever is take over this team much first buy back the Riders name from Horn Chen and take the leap of faith from there. Perhaps the first halftime show could be a public lynching of the Gliebermans!
WV: biexoj... Bye Ex O.J. (wierd)"
The Universal Cynic
2:49 p.m.