The Universal Cynic

Scrape, heat and repeat...

· By the dying minutes of the 2nd quarter in the AFC Championship Game, Steelers LB Joey Porter had Jake Plummer in a supine position, giggling maniacally while shaving satanic symbols and/or Steelers logos into the QB's beard. It kinda went downhill from there. Enjoy your newfound free time, Jake. I want to see that cart bursting with beard products.

Oh, and there was another game too. Sea...hawks? Never heard of them. Welcome to the Janice Soprano of Super Bowl matchups. Offense and defense abound, but you're still going to need four Keith's to get it up for this one. See you in two weeks.





· Daniel Alfredsson claims that winning the Cup without facing the Leafs in the playoffs wouldn't tarnish a championship. Au contraire, mon captaine. I have to believe that no one would completely give this team their due if they hadn't been subjected to the zenith of physical and mental battles. We need to see if the Leafs are still the beasts of old in the post-season. And of course, we need to see if the Leafs can even make it into the post-season.

(I've heard that Alfredsson is quite the ping-pong player and was hoping to go with an ass-paddling pun. This was the closest photo I could find. I imagine to get paddled with a racquet would cost extra. And hurt more. Hmmm.)

· Matt in Denver on the show today, regarding Kobe's 81 points during the Toronto-Lakers game on Sunday: "I thought he was going to catch Wilt -- he was 19 points short in the game, and oh...about 19,000 short in the bedroom." Nice one, goober.