The Universal Cynic

With all the timing of drunken virgin teenagers experimenting with the rhythm method, Mario Lemieux decided to draw the curtains on his 17-year career, and announced his retirement today.

Unfortunately for the NHL, the city of Pittsburgh currently finds itself in the grips of Steeler Mania, with their beloved football team heading to the Super Bowl XL. My Pittsburgh source gave me the lowdown on the local reaction:

"Mario's retirement is being overshadowed by the Steelers. The afternoon drive out I listened to the talk radio. They all had open lines for discussion, but the majority of today's debate was dominated by whether or not the Steelers should wear white or black shirts in Superbowl extra large.

That's right. Jersey color seems more important to the local media.

WTAE-TV (the local ABC affiliate) didn't even broadcast Mario's press conference in its entirety. They broke away after the question portion, but stressed the conference was already being shown streaming video on their website.

Fox Sports Pittsburgh carried the whole conference and aired several highlight shows to Mario after 7."

Being mired in all of this mess is the question of how Sidney Crosby will adjust to becoming the heir apparent, with "his" team in turmoil and a significant game versus Alexander Ovechkin tomorrow.

We know Canada will be watching. Pittsburgh? That's anyone's guess. They could be too busy playing with the inanimate Al Jolson lookalike sporting the Jennifer Lopez eyelashes.

Thanks for the nightmares, Deadspin.