The Universal Cynic

Oh my, Ottawa - this is the stuff of your worst nightmares. A well-known hockey name has been broadcasting to others that the Senators GM position is his "dream job", and he's just biding his time until he gets a proper crack at it. But why wouldn't he want to be in the city he's more associated with? That's easy - they hate him there. Now I didn't say he's in the running...just that he wants it something bad. And that's creepy enough to think about, isn't it?

And I hate to be the bearer of more bad news, but one of the names being whispered as a replacement to Cory Clouston won't leave you jumping for joy. That said, if he comes, the Senators will sell him as a winner - they just won't mention how long ago it happened.

More later.

Which high-ranked player has decided that he's worthy of superstar treatment before he reaches the NHL?

Oh, those junior boys. When they show a spark, the grateful masses are willing to kowtow to them, and perhaps even break the law. You'd think said players would show a little low-key gratitude. Think again.

Nothing really new under the sun here. A local bar is looking the other way while this underage shining star (and his teammates) enjoy a few cocktails. After all, when the flashbulbs go off around this kid in June, the joint can say they knew him when. Let's just hope they don't say it to a police officer.

Anyway, our young friend was recently spotted at his watering hole of choice, and apparently he wasn't in the mood for a quiet night. When he asked a busy employee who was not tending the bar for drinks, he was politely instructed to ask the bartender (who was in the immediate vicinity) for help. Well, that reply didn't sit well at all.

"Do you know who I am? I am the biggest mother(expletive) in here. If I want alcohol I will go behind the bar and take it myself," the player said. The employee once again explained the situation. No dice. "Seriously, man, I will knock you out," the player replied. Hmmm -- perhaps he was going to take a page from a recent teammate of his who's been in the news lately?

The employee quickly removed himself from the situation, but our boy wasn't done with him for the night.

Last call at the establishment came and went -- the star decided he needed more booze. He demanded that the employee serve him a beer. He's denied. The place has been emptied out of its alcohol for that night. The employee is reminded by the player of his status and adds that "(he) doesn't even pay for drinks (here)." It's worth mentioning that he felt the need to get in the employee's face to relay this information. Once again, he's turned away.

"I know for a fact there's booze back there," the player shouted -- and he was off. He shoved his way into a staff area where he managed to get his hands on a 26 oz. bottle of vodka. He was determined to flee with it, but was pulled back by his friends and out of the bar...sans liquor. As for the bar, they're likely to keep playing dumb. Why would they stop now?

Like I said -- nothing new under the sun, especially on this side of the border. We've all heard these tales, yet many continue to be swept under the rug. Why? Because the media loves to the sell the image of squeaky-clean, bright-eyed boys entering the NHL, filled with awe, innocence and humility. Don't you believe it. It's just a little something to remember, when you see many cameras focusing in on this kid -- and countless others -- at the 2010 Entry Draft.

More later.

Sorry kids...meant to get to this sooner.

Contrary to popular belief and propaganda, the media are on to something when they question certain teams' dressing room chemistry.

Case in point: A veteran threw a get-together for his franchise at the end of the regular season -- all players were invited. Two didn't show -- neither are fan favourites (likely because they didn't perform up to expectation). Word has it this duo never turns up whenever the team informally gathers, preferring instead to keep to themselves. One likely isolated himself based on his behaviour this year...as for the other...who knows what his damage is?

Guesses?

P.S. Heads up -- look for a mini-deglaze sometime today...maybe this aft.

(If the following rubs you the wrong way, take it up with these kids. They're my sources.)

While there have been suggestions in the past that NHL pugilists should be tested for steroids, there are other substances that may be of interest to bloodhounds like Dick Pound. Last season, one scrapper was rumoured to be dabbling in something resembling powdered sugar before his morning practices -- and he wasn't putting it on his french toast.

And some local juice...

Which gimpy-footed Swede might require more than a phone call from Ottawa's team captain to convince him to play in the capital? He has claimed privately in the past that of all NHL cities, he hates playing in Ottawa the most.

All those rumours claiming that former Habs and Devils head coach Claude Julien was in the running for the Ottawa job held no weight. Sources tell TUC that Julien was never contacted by the Senators.

However, Julien was contacted by two bottom-feeding teams (one in each conference) -- both with coaches currently in place.

Guesses?

Which NHL GM is rooting for the Penguins to advance past the Sens in the postseason? Although he won't admit it outright (doing so would suggest failure in his roster selection abilities), he's blatantly hinted at a preference in facing the Penguins and their woeful D, because they present a better matchup against his own team -- which is also sparse on the blueline.

...because...well, just because. You've been around here long enough. Don't show your ignorance.



· One of the biggest stories from late last week/over the weekend involved Jim Balsillie's decision to pull his bid to buy the Pittsburgh Penguins off the table. Here's the most interesting part:

Representatives for both Balsillie and the NHL refused to comment on Balsillie's withdrawal, but sources tell TSN the deal started to fall apart a week ago today, when the $175 million transaction was supposed to officially close.

Sources say the NHL introduced a lengthy list of terms and conditions on the closing day that Balsillie would have to agree to if he were going to be approved as the new owner of the team. The sources added that those conditions included keeping the franchise in Pittsburgh under any circumstances and also provided for a scenario where the league could take control the franchise if it deemed it necessary.

Now, was it just me, or did it seem as if Balsillie had his eye on moving the Penguins franchise right from the get-go? Whether any city in question would be feasible or appropriate is not the issue. How can Gary Bettman not have seen, let alone sensed this? I realize there was only one legitimate bid on the table, but why not wait until gaming licenses are awarded this week before taking any offers seriously? (If there was a reason for this timetable that someone is aware of, please fill us in.)

Can you really blame Balsillie for wanting to move the franchise? During the week of the NHL meetings in early December, the Penguins drew an embarrassing 12,511 for a home game vs. Florida. And on the night where Crosby scored his eye-popping six points against the Flyers, only 14,150 fans bothered to appear.

Keep in mind these numbers are coming from the NHL, so they're liable to be on the generous side.

That's some showing for the so-called best player in the league.

The Penguins possess the building blocks to ice an entertaining and highly capable franchise, and if they continue to draft effectively, it's only a matter of time before they are able to legitimately compete in the playoffs. However, time seems to be running out on the idea of keeping the team in Pittsburgh. Would a new arena permanently solve the attendance issues, when the usual refrain from a dying franchise mainly revolves around a poor team, and not a poor building?

Some so-called members of the Pittsburgh media have reacted to Balsillie's decision with tasteless and juvenile remarks. But unless Bettman is blind, he should have been able to see that Balsillie wasn't interested in losing money in an indifferent city. If Isle of Capri is not awarded a gaming license, then it's time to seriously consider the idea of moving the team elsewhere.

Does relocation look good to those who choose to criticize the NHL? Of course not -- it's fodder for the cynical masses who are waiting for the NHL to falter. But right now, doesn't it look worse to have a plethora of empty seats in a building that houses one of the faces of the NHL?

But fear not, Penguins fans -- Frank D'Angelo will save you. Hopefully they'll enjoy becoming a cheap marketing ploy while viewing commercials featuring Ben Johnson, ad nauseam. It's exactly what the league needs right now.

Update: Mario Lemieux offers his two cents regarding the Balsillie pullout, via violin solo.

Meanwhile, thank goodness for the simulcast of Prime Time Sports on Rogers Sportsnet. Today's show blatantly displayed Bob McCown shaking his head in disbelief as potential Penguins buyer Frank D'Angelo attempted to justify his capability as an NHL owner.

· And finally, here's your blind item of the week: The Coyotes have their eye on a goaltender who's been achieving success as of late, and comes highly recommended by Phoenix goaltending coach, Grant Fuhr. But the Eastern Conference team whom possesses said backstopper, doesn't hold a lot of stock in some of their other 'tenders who are prone to injury. They're not giving him up, in spite of growing interest -- they might need him to bail them out down the stretch.

Which bottom-feeding team has begun a pro-active search for a new goaltender? Said team's GM was recently accosted by a committee of disgruntled players. One, a former New York Ranger, went so far as to recommend a friend and previous teammate. His new GM must have been impressed by the pitch, because they have since contacted the goaltender's agent, and are interested in making a deal.

Hints:

1) It's an Eastern conference team;

2) The goaltender in question has only played in the Western conference;

3) It's not Ottawa...although there are numerous Ottawa connections.