The Universal Cynic

One of the reasons why I wrote this week's column, which basically told the Sens to take their five pay-per-view games and chew them, was because Rogers informed me that they weren't in HD.

Now, I couldn't get into this in the column, because I'd have to discuss Rogers and Bell, and the fact that Centre Ice only shows a number of games in HD -- so I decided to hit on other valid points instead.

But here's the deal: I (heart) HD. I know, most people do. But truthfully, it's changed my actual preference of the way I view games. I used to love seeing games live -- and I still do, for the most part. But, there are a few downsides:

1) It's getting colder. And yes, I only live ten minutes away from the SBP, but throwing my hands under that bitterly frigid water in the restrooms is enough to chase me away, especially post-Christmas;

2) Crowd behaviour isn't what it used to be -- the indifference is contagious, and I've witnessed at least three arrests in my last handful of visits;

3) The last game I attended, the guy sitting beside me got lit on two beers while a) declaring his man-love for Christoph Schubert (which was acceptable from a progressive viewpoint, except I didn't understand why he needed to repeat it at least 80 times) and b) insisting that Sportsnet's Ian Mendes do something lascivious to said fan's genitalia that I won't repeat here. Fans love the media! At least he wasn't talking about me, but it made me wish I was back in Butterknife Row;

4) Butterknife Row (and the fact that the whipped cream and marshmellows have been removed as hot chocolate garnishments) -- The Driver insists they did this because Patricia Boal is on maternity leave, and they were there solely for Boal's and Gord Wilson's prurient tastes.

There's more, but it's late and I can't recall everything. Anyway, on those rare occasions when the game is shown in HD, I'd much rather be at home, on my own couch, furiously text-messaging away with warm hands, and in comfortable attire that I don't have to worry about being business-casual.

I love HD so much that I would pony up serious cash if it meant that I could view all Sens games in high definition, and was no longer subjected to the subpar coverage of the A-Channel, which errily resembles something produced by one of my hometown networks.

And that's why when the Sens decided to make everyone pay an extra $10.95 for these five games, I expected for them to be in high definition. I really don't care if it's realistic or not -- they've already explained that anyone looking for the games is going to need a dish or a digital box -- how realistic is that?

But when I called Rogers, they told me they didn't anticipate for the games to be in high definition. (And honestly, why would they if the Sens are producing them?) The cost is simply too great.

However, here's the kicker: If you're to watch these games outside of the PPV zone, two out of the five games will be shown in HD -- Pittsburgh and Detroit. And for the record, all five will have feeds from the opposing team that could be shown on Centre Ice. It's not like the PPV will be the only feed (and hence the only choice) for everyone.

I absolutely hate this.

The thing is, I could live if the PPV retailers were the only ones pulling this stunt. What about the CBC's afternoon game on Saturday vs. the Rangers? It was broadcast on the HD channel, but shown in a regular format. What the bloody hell is that all about? I was forced to employ the 1080i stretch, which gave Gary Galley an enormous head, and Cassie Campbell the ass of a Barrhaven soccer mom.

Of course I was being sarcastic when I said I wouldn't buy the PPV games -- I'll at least purchase the first one on Tuesday, if only to gain enough material to mock it mercilessly afterwards. If you've seen the PPV feeds from Vancouver on Centre Ice, you know that your expectations shouldn't be very high in respect to quality.

It's enough to make me want to solely watch football. For the record, we're not talking about that Broncos game. We will, however, discuss the Saints-Cowboys tilt ad nauseam. Bugger off, Romo! And is it just me, or does Bill Parcells resemble a pony keg with man-boobs?