The Universal Cynic

(As featured on Deadspin ...byark!)

Once again, the lowdown: Each week, we will accessorize our Jake Plummer inaction figure to represent the type of week he had. A bad game? Expect more a feminine look. A good game? Jake will be all man. We'll continue this until a) Plummer is replaced by rookie Jay Cutler or b) someone of significance tells us to stop.


Week 3 Plummer stats: 15 for 30, 256 yards, 2 TDs.

Analysis:



Jake vaults back into our good books by showing up Mr. Bridget Moynahan, and feeding WR Javon Walker for two touchdowns. So how does our hero wind down after a long day at Foxboro? A night spent with a copy of Penthouse Variations (circa January 2003), and a rather vile-looking frozen pork tenderloin ought to do the trick.

Next week: Bye.

For Week 1, click here. For Week 2, click here.