The Universal Cynic

- Pity sports media and their mounds of lost luggage -- Sportsnet

- You want that William "Refrigerator" Perry autograph? You're going to need to buy 600 cans of soup first -- CBS2Chicago

- The NBA All-Star Game in Vegas wants your money...just as long as you're a somebody -- Las Vegas Review-Journal

- What the hell is this? A puffer fish? -- Lake Erie Monsters official website

- If it were up to Damien Cox, Lips Crosby would not be puckering up to the Hart Trophy in June -- The Spin (Toronto Star)

- Sabres fans coming off as a-holes in the Western Conference -- German Village Media

- "You're with me, Democrat." (We could've said, "You're with me, donkey", but that's just going overboard for a Monday) -- The Big Lead