The Universal Cynic

...because TUC Live is hitting Toronto and NYC this week -- consider yourselves warned.



Wow, I never saw this coming -- apparently some bloggers/Twitterers are getting up-in-arms because I refuse to acknowledge the Senators' early season "successes." Naturally, these fans in rose-coloured glasses are only looking at the record on paper (currently a respectable 5-2-0, which has them sitting atop the Northwestern conference as of tonight). However, the duo of losses are more noticeable than the wins, as they took place against quality teams -- the Rangers and Penguins, specifically.

As for goals, yes, the Senators did score seven times versus Tampa Bay. But that offensive outburst is tempered somewhat when you realize that the Senators are 18-3 against the Lightning in their last 21 matchups, and have outscored the Bolts 91-38 during that period. (Ed. Note: Getting information from traditional outlets seems more legitimate when they were the ones who willingly admitted that they got it from someone else. Much obliged, Sun Media.)

It seems that many fans haven't hopped aboard this false wave of positive sentiment -- after all, the attendance numbers speak for themselves. Over the first four home games, the Senators are averaging 18,045 fans per game (a sellout of seating capacity is 19,153 with a total attendance availability of 20,500, according to the Scotiabank Place website.) By that logic, the Sens had a seat sellout against Atlanta -- a Saturday on a holiday weekend -- but had their lowest attendance thus far against the reigning Stanley Cup champions, the Pittsburgh Penguins (17,014 bothered to show up for that game).

So what have we established in this short period, given this information? Firstly, the Senators have yet to prove that they have taken the next step forward, following their turnaround late last season. They need to strong teams to task when given the opportunity, and they have to do more than win in spite of themselves (and their opponents) when battling the weaker ones (a classic example of that occurred this weekend in Montreal). Secondly, we can confirm that the Senators' gameplay still resembles octogenerian lovemaking (pre-Viagra Era): Slow, boring, predictable...with a fair amount of disgust thrown in. If you want excitement in the NHL, this is not the team to watch. And that's unfortunate, because if the Ottawa Senators want to get back on the horse, both from a competitive and fanbase standpoint, this isn't the way to do it. It might not be an outright failure yet, but it's a definite flounder.

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Speaking of floundering, how many of you enjoyed Guy Carbonneau's stellar outing as part of the three-man booth in Montreal on Saturday? One of Carb's initial statements was so garbled, I swore he was having a stroke. And yes, I understand that Guy is viewed as one of "the good guys" and that I'm supposed to go easy on new media meat. Here's my response to that: Bugger off. Non-NHLers beginning on this path are subjected to intense scrutiny, and people inside the game should be held to the same standard. Carbonneau's timid delivery and complete lack of insight (i.e. "The Senators need to stop turning over the puck") left me utterly cold. That being said, if Guy had been chatty, I would have been equally turned off, but for a different reason. No sport requires the input of three individuals during a game. It all just melts into white noise after a point. Don't do it again, CBC.

More later.

Why does the CBC want to upset us this way?

You may have noticed the glossed-over blogger segment on Hockey Night In Canada, prior to the Leafs-Pens game. Not much new under the sun there, although it should be ironically noted that Elliotte Friedman took part in the piece. Friedman is a moderator on the Sportsjournalists.com message boards -- a gathering place for mainstream sports media that's well-known for viciously denouncing bloggers.

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Keep in mind that the Sens have another PPV coming up this Friday (from Dallas). What adventures will this broadcast bring? God only knows, given the history thus far. Just remember what Jim Steel (the team's VP of broadcasting services) said during the last snafu:

"I'm committed to doing HD (for pay-per-view broadcasts this season,)" he said. "I wish I hadn't (agreed, given what happened.)"

That's the kind of sentiment you want to see expressed, right? We pity your regret over attempting to give your customers what they want, Mr. Steel. Your fans regret that the team implemented pay-per-view in the first place.

...because SoCals have their own way of welcoming David Beckham's wife.

· The travesty...the lunacy...I'm still in disbelief. On a day where the CBC has gained momentum and legitimately positive media for their annual event known as Hockey Day in Canada, they decided to show the Ottawa-Montreal game at 2 pm in standard definition. This wouldn't be as shocking if a) the network hadn't previously been broadcasting the rest of the day in high definition, (which they had) and b) if other games (Toronto-Van and Calgary-Edmonton) had been given equally subpar treatment (which they weren't). All other games and coverage were in high definition.

Let's allow The Driver to take over for a moment here -- he slipped out to the Superstore at around 1:30 pm, and returned with the following reaction just after the Sens' game began:

"Oh, what the (expletive)? I'm forced to view Nelson, BC and Dick Irvin's liver spots in HD, but the game -- the most important part of the day -- isn't given the same treatment?"

Exactly. We don't want to hear about expense, broadcasting trucks or any other pedestrian excuse. CBC has built it up as an important day -- all three games should have been in HD. No excuses.

And as a partially-related final kick in the teeth -- I switched over to NBC to check out the Philly-Pittsburgh tilt. There Sidney Crosby was, in all his pillow-lipped, Angelina Jolie-esque HD glory. I think he's switched lip balms, by the way.

Okay, we're keeping this short -- there's football on. Speaking of which, when did Steve McNair go from a flak jacket or similar, to wrapping his torso in a goose-down duvet? It looked like dude had the bedding department from Bed, Bath and Beyond shoved down his jersey yesterday.

Bring on the clippage...




· Does this girl look like she knows her multiplication tables to you? The Hater Nation names SI.com columnist Jenn "Cowgirl" Sterger (pictured centre) as their Sports Figure of the Year. Maybe now we can find out where she gets those neat sequin appliques -- The Hater Nation


· Buzzsaw Nation says whew...or rather, "Whis". -- TSN




· Spartacat and the Senators offend the Habs organization. I'm sorry, are we allowed to talk about this? -- Ottawa Sun

· The Canucks finally get some attention -- FOX Sports

· An interview with Andrew Marchand of the New York Post. We're all for reading stories about a pissed-off Al Michaels -- The Big Lead

· The Philadelphia Eagles are currently twiddling their thumbs and attempting to look busy -- Philadelphia Eagles official website

More later.