The Universal Cynic

Mall purchases, check. Spare tire, check. Dude in a hockey bag...um....

We've all done it: You're hanging out with friends, you have one too many rye and gingers, then you come up with the brilliant idea of attempting to stuff your smallest friend into a hockey bag.

And that's fine -- as long as you don't try to smuggle him across the border in such a fashion.

Two sisters from Virginia have been charged with alien smuggling after they attempted to bring a Haitian man into the U.S., via the Alexandria Bay border crossing.

Benjamin Pierre had initially entered the U.S. illegally in 2003. He was ordered deported in 2006, but fled to Canada before the American government had a chance to send him back to Haiti. He had been dating one of the sisters during this period and planned to marry her -- you know, assuming that they were able to get across the border. I don't think we'll be needing to register for that wedding at Pro Hockey Life any time soon.

As for Mr. Pierre, I hope the ladies had the decency to Febreze that thing out before he got in. Montreal to Alex Bay isn't a 15-minute car ride.

_________

Link: Border Police find man in hockey bag -- Watertown Daily Times

An injured girl lies on the side of the road, as she is attended to after an earthquake hit Port-au-Prince, Haiti. (AP Photo/Ricardo Arduengo)

Last night, Montreal Canadiens enforcer Georges Laraque dedicated his first goal as a Hab "to all the Haitians who are looking for (family and friends)."

Your question of the day: Do you think this little girl in the photo -- or any others searching within the mass devastation of Haiti right now -- give a damn?

To backtrack a bit: Laraque is of Haitian descent. His parents were born there, and he still has relatives who reside on the island. One would correctly assume that he would be extremely concerned about the ongoing rescue efforts. And naturally, sports media, who live to tie their trite existence to something with far more gravitas, grabbed ahold of this story with both hands. In short: Georges scored a big goal, and that should make everyone feel a bit better about a monumental disaster that's likely killed thousands of people. Of course, the press ate it up. From Elliotte Friedman's Twitter feed:

"That goal by Laraque was his first as a Canadien -- and his first shot on goal all year. After Haitian earthquake, it's a nice moment."

And from La Presse's Marc Antoine Godin:

"HABS WIN 5-3: George Laraque scores his first goal as a Canadien. 'With all that happens in Haiti, it couldn't happen at a better time.'"

(Stevenson's tie-in story in its entirety can be found at the first link above.)

Hey boys, you know what was a nice moment that couldn't have happened at a better time? The NHL's decision to donate $100,000 to UNICEF for Haitian relief.

I don't want to crack on Laraque too much, because I don't know if he's planning any additional efforts or fundraising on his own. But last night's post-game events -- particularly the media's fawning and their aggravating attempts at a tie-in -- really rubbed me the wrong way. Scoring a goal may have lifted Laraque's heart, but it did nothing for the emotions or the massive burden of the Haitian people. I know it's a stupid thing to ask of sports, but please -- try and keep it in perspective.

More later.