"I'm a Sens fan, dammit! I'm inexperienced at viewing the middle ground of an opinion I don't understand, and am upset easily! Erin obviously hates Matt Carkner because she thinks he was destined for a career in the AHL! When you question a player's talent, that means you hate them! Well, that was before Bryan Murray paid him 1.4 million over 2 years! Hahaha! Stupid effing bitch, he showed you, didn't he? Bryan Murray has never made a bad signing in his career! He is a genius! Bryan Murray knows how to handle a ton of one-way contract defencemen that wouldn't be considered NHL-worthy on quality teams! He rewards his homeboys! Go Winchester (and Jesse Winchester, 'cause he destroys, too)! There was a rush, you know -- Carkner's family was living in a freaking hotel! These things can't wait! Room service gets really boring and flavourless! Matt's wife hates clean white towels! Bryan Murray knows that other teams were busting down the door to get at Matty, so he had to sign him after seven games...oh yeah, plus the pre-season! It's about the grit! Grit, grit, grit! As long as we have grit, that means the defence is COMPLETE! It's about time the back end got locked up, because the offensive portion has been nails for years and we never have to worry about it! Karlsson is the master of the first-line pass and Kuba is good for 50-60 points! No, really! I am beyond content with the offensive lineup at the blueline! Doesn't it kick ass? That's why we sent Brian Lee back to Bingo! It's an embarrassment of riches! It's really too bad that Matt is not eligible for the Calder Trophy due to his age! He had that thing WRAPPED UP! Hey John Tavares, stop snickering, you effing a-hole! Matt Carkner for Mayor! Matt Carkner for substitute Jesus!"
And...scene.
P.S.: If you thought I was going to leave the comments open to observe the attempts to understand extreme sarcasm, you're high. I've said my piece -- the subject is closed. Goodnight now.
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