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Jesus tapdancing Christ. I don't need this (expletive).

Jason Spezza? Seriously? Woman, please. It's pretty much common knowledge that a few years ago, I allegedly went to Bryan Murray and asked him to lock up Jason Spezza and Dany Heatley to deals, because I wanted to be sure that I had someone to play with long-term. We know how the latter part of that bargain turned out. I dealt with Heatley and before that, I dealt with Alexel Yashin. Remind me why I should put up with this stupidity again?

Jason's unhappy that he was booed at home at the end of the post-season? Tell to come here -- I'll give him a shoulder to cry on...then I'll bust him square in his toothsome cakehole.** No one in the league gets booed at home more than I do, and I handle it just fine. Well actually, when it happens, I play like hell, but that's not the point...

Sorry, I lost track of what I was saying. I also just impregnated Bibi again. That guys's going to be a blueliner. God knows the club could use a decent one.

I'd really like to know where Jason thinks he can go with that albatross of a contract. He's signed through 2014-15 at $7-million a pop. Maybe he still thinks he has a chance of morphing into Steve Yzerman, v. 2.0. That crap makes me laugh harder than Don Brennan's wardrobe.

And I really don't know what's worse: The fact that the Senators will get jack for him in return if they did trade him, or that this drama is being played out in the media again. Same nonsense, different player. It's so bush-league. I guess I won't have to wait long for a resolution, because the little jackass's no-movement clause kicks in on July 1.

I'm getting too old for this. I'm turning 38 this year, I'm banged up, I've slowed down considerably, and I have snowball's chance in hell of winning a Cup in this town. I should be the one asking for a trade -- to a contender. I might as well, seeing as I've already begun to tell friends that I'm planning on retiring at the end of next season.

Whoops, did I think that last part out loud?


* Not really, but the post does include some information from my lovely and trusted sources. Deal with it.

** Don't you think he could get away with this phrase? Come on now.