The Universal Cynic

Because I perfected my chicken piccata recipe this week...

·I'm loving something that Rogers is doing (for once). They've made all of the Olympic coverage from each day accessible through their On Demand service. That might sound like an American's version of hell, but it's working out perfectly for me thus far. The Driver was on holidays last week (hence the sporadic posts), and we were able to fly through four hours of opening ceremony coverage in just under 90 minutes, thanks to the fast forward feature.



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How? Why? Please don't hurt us. And for the record, why do they have tongues?

I don't know why I religiously watch the Olympic opening ceremonies, but I always have. Multiple hours of interpretative dance, wild costumes, a smattering of the local culture...it's fascinating. I was slightly disappointed with Torino's display (with the exception of the pyrotechnics) -- mostly because I found the majority of it forgettable.

With one exception.



What the bloody hell was this all about?

For clarity's sake, I took that picture with my cell. I'm in disbelief that no one else has photos of this, or for that matter, is discussing it. Apparently I have too much time on my hands. According to the CBC coverage, the "alpine scene" was a tribute to the surrounding mountainous countries that border Italy. Seriously though -- massive bovine being swung around on wheels, complete with mooing special effects in the background? Did Torino forget that they were dealing with a world audience, or has acid come back into vogue in Western Europe? Somebody help me out here. I'm completely perplexed.

More on the Olympics: I was able to go back and watch freestyle moguls champ Jennifer Heil ski her gold medal-garnering run. Afterward, Heil was finally enjoying a semi-private moment with her family, when she was accosted by a CBC reporter and forced into an interview. The reporter then asked the mother to express her feelings -- not to him, but to her daughter -- as the camera rolled. Envision part-hockey interview, part-bad Dr. Phil crisis intervention. It was unintentional high comedy at its finest, but I felt for the family's intrusion. "CBC: Home of the Champions"? Home of Destroying Priceless Family Moments, more like.

·And your Olympic coverage troika: There was a Curt Harnett sighting in Torino last week, which naturally thrilled the hell out of me. After all, we're both from the land of Staalapalooza and grew up as Port Arthur Collegiate Redmen.



Harnett visited the Olympic media village and was handing out scarves. How thoughtful. This is the same man that once showed up to my childhood home in a Sylvester the Cat costume, to go to a Hallowe'en party with my older sister. You know I'm dying to work that into the column somehow.

· This participant of the Strawberry Alarm Clock/Fun With Math II Death Pool was surely thrilled to see former New Jersey Devils coach Pat Burns in seemingly robust health, during an appearance with Off The Record Wednesday evening.


· There are some that still believe the Senators are going to seek out an established centre for the playoff run, so I was inclined to defend the retaining of premium trade bait, Antoine Vermette. Regardless of whether Martin Havlat is available for the playoffs, I don't see how the inclusion of a forward, specifically a centre, will make the ultimate difference. I'm not saying I wouldn't like to take the heat off of Jason Spezza -- however, how does this solve the goaltending issues for the present and future? How does this solve face-off problems (unless he's a specialist, in which case the Sens should have gone after Yanic Perreault, solely for this purpose)? Does this take care of our overpopulation of left-handed defensemen? There are other issues at stake here, and while we've been wringing our hands, the majority of other teams in the NHL have figured the Senators out. Right now -- at this time, in this condition -- I don't see the team making it past the second round. That's not a pessimist's attitude. It's the attitude of a realist.